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Subversive Gifts for New College Students?
Posted by
Cliff
on Wed May 29, 2002 02:38 PM
from the tools-for-use-outside-of-the-box dept.
from the tools-for-use-outside-of-the-box dept.
openyourmind asks: "A friend's daughter is going to college, and I want to send her a package to help her in school. What kinds of things did you wish you had, but couldn't get, in college? I have already included a lockpick set, a UVmarking pen, and an LED flashlight in her care package. What else? Legal items only, please."
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Subversive Gifts for New College Students?
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Camera (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Camera (Score:5, Funny)
Yeah.. It'd go real nice with the lockpick set.
Not that I want to be nitpicky, or anything, but aren't burglery tools considered illegal in most jurisdictions? Perhaps they're only to help her 'make backups of her dorm room contents'?
Re:Camera (Score:4, Informative)
Condoms (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Condoms (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Condoms (Score:5, Funny)
Didn't you read the article heading? It says "from the tools-for-use-outside-of-the-box dept."
Alex
Re:Not All Condoms are Alike: (Score:5, Funny)
I once walked out of a grocery store with a box of milk-bones, a dog leash and collar, a container of cool-whip, a box of condoms, and a bottle of champagne.
My girlfriend and I had just adopted a puppy. The champagne and cool-whip were for a dinner party with her parents. The condoms were for after dinner.
When the clerk looked at my g/f and said "So, the champagne makes it easier to wear the collar and leash, right?", I thought she was going to die, on the spot.
I, of course, laughed so hard I cried.
Re:Condoms (Score:5, Funny)
Laid?
Re:Condoms (Score:4, Funny)
And it tastes like fucking soap.
Keg tapper (Score:3, Funny)
How about... (Score:3, Insightful)
Lockpick? That's not legal everywhere (Score:3, Informative)
Re:lockpick set? (Score:5, Informative)
I make a butt load of money at the beach. Paid for a merchant's license, posted my cell phone number and I get 4 calls a day from morons who lock thier keys in the car at the beach...and since the beach is a barrier island that it 40 minutes from the nearest locksmith, I can charge half of thier price and I get them on thier way in 20 minutes or less.
Hell, go to lockpicks.com and you can get whatever you need.
It's legal, but they usually add to the crime if you commit a crime with those devices.
Re:lockpick set? (Score:4, Informative)
see these links:
http://www4.law.cornell.edu/uscode/39/3002a.html [cornell.edu]
http://www4.law.cornell.edu/uscode/18/1716A.html [cornell.edu]
for more info
The real question is...what can she get for you? (Score:3, Funny)
Legal Items only? (Score:4, Insightful)
Seriously, if you are looking to get her something that she can't afford on her own, may I suggest a pda? I sure wish I had one, esp to remind me of my projects and homework due.
wrist bands (Score:4, Funny)
well... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:well... (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Lockpicks (Score:4, Funny)
For subversives:
-FF
Re:Lockpicks (Score:4, Funny)
Subversive Gifts? (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:Good stuff (Score:5, Funny)
Would that be in lieu of condoms?
Food (Score:3, Insightful)
- my $0.02
Demotivators, baby. (Score:3, Funny)
You can't go wrong with Demotivators [despair.com] in calendar or poster form. Heck, every one even lists 'disaffected students' as an ideal target audience!
Okay, so they're not illegal, but they'll give your bright-eyed student a glimpse at the future of things to come after they start actively using your other gifts...
The main thing I would wish ... (Score:4, Funny)
From the horses mouth... (Score:3, Funny)
MONEY!!!!
well now... (Score:3, Insightful)
Things I Couldn't Get in College (Score:4, Funny)
What I wish I had taken (Score:4, Insightful)
subversive items? (Score:4, Funny)
To help her socially, I suggest a bong, the barware neccessary for mixing drinks a bit better than most college kids do, and a decent stereo.
To help her medically, I suggest condoms and umm... more condoms.
Thinking back... (Score:5, Insightful)
-A decent pocket knife
-Duct Tape
-A decent baby-sized tool box -- with a good hammer, screwdrivers (flat & philips head), pliers, and all the other little goodies.
-Earplugs
-A beer..err...soda cozy
-Quarters, quarters, and more quarters
Re:Thinking back... (Score:5, Insightful)
That... and you can sell shrinkwraping service.
Lockpicks and an LED flashlight? (Score:3, Funny)
What would you need lockpicks at college for?
Now an iPod, she could get free software from the computer center at least.
Heck, get her a tape recorder so she can tape lectures or a small video camera.
Or if she has trouble paying tuition, get her a web cam and a guide to "Whoring yourself on the internet".
Depends on her major and college (Score:4, Informative)
A few suggestions (Score:5, Insightful)
1) Quarters
Think laundry. You always need quarters. Just send a couple rolls and it should last a while. Make sure you tell her what it is for so she doesn't just go spend it
2) Tools
Such as a hammer, screw drivers, etc. If you live in the dorms, no one has these types of things and they are hard to come by. Anyone who has tools is instantly popular.
3) Network Card?
If this person has used dialup all their life and never had/needed a network card, they will need one now to get online while at campus.
There is a lot more, you will find many more suggestions from other posters.
Re:A few suggestions (Score:4, Insightful)
A dirt devil stick vacuum is also an item that will make you popular in the dorms.
Another good thing to have is DoS tools to use on the asshole next door when he plays his lame-ass MP3s on his "look at me I'm so fucking hip" subwoofer system.
Re:A few suggestions (Score:4, Funny)
Yeah, because it's so annoying to be behind a college student who is buying $50 in groceries with quarters.
-ted
Well, duh! (Score:5, Funny)
a webcam!
At least, that's what I think they all need...
Zinn's People's History, Anonymizer, Notebook (Score:3, Offtopic)
And how 'bout an anonymizer account, encryption software, and a *nix based notebook for listening to listening to Democracy Now [democracynow.org] and staying in touch with friends and family without prying government eyes...
Things I wish I had. (Score:3)
Caller ID cell phone.
Get out of Jail Free Card. Serious, call and I come and get you no questions asked kind of thing. Giving them the card from a Monopoly game would be nice touch if it had a promise behind it.
Phone Mic for recording conversations.
Snort for the college network.
For god sakes a wireless switch to be the love of everyone in your dorm.
Paintball gun, so much fun just right at your fingertips.
Noise reduction headphones.
Eye Drops.
Espresso Machine.
Eclipse Light.
Butane Torch.
Web Cam, for almost anything.
Condoms.
Duct Tape(not to be confused with condoms).
MP3 player.
Sony Playstation2/xbox/gamecube.
Blinder.
Shot Glass.
Mixer.
A really nice tool kit.
If there is any room left pack it with Tampons, toliet paper, paper towels, and paper plates. You have no idea what kind of money you can get for these in a dorm on a weekend at around 1am.
Most subversive tool ever (Score:5, Funny)
A few Good Things (Score:5, Informative)
CD-ROM burner - backups, projects, mp3...
Blank CDs
Digital-Audio recorder (w/ at least 90 min of record time)
Small digital camera
Nice headphones (compact yet good quality)
A PDA
Rechargeable batteries
Leatherman tool
An Almanac, Dictionary & Thesaurus
Needed Things... (Score:3, Informative)
How about nothing. Here's why... (Score:3, Insightful)
BUT... if you really want to help her, get her some food. Good food. I lived on Ramen noodles, Little Debbie snack cakes, frozen pizzas, and Keystone Light. When you are living on the cheap, that is all you can afford. Give her a good, healthy, care-package of solid nutritious food-stuff. Don't give her food money, cause kids will spend it on crap they don't need and skimp on the food.
Honestly, don't be such a hard ass (Score:4, Insightful)
And in case you're wondering, I don't scrounge off my parents. I paid for my £2000 computer myself, with money I earned working 9-5, and the same goes for most of the rest of the stuff that I own.
Re:How about nothing. Here's why... (Score:4, Insightful)
I too paid for my own college. I could not afford a computer of any kind. I graduated in 1989, paid for entirely on my own dime. I too resented the frat rats who were handed everything while I worked two, and at one point, three jobs.
Now, you need to understand, that sometimes the world can change. Brace yourself, get a stiff drink, and try to cope with the fact that while lower-end wages have fallen, tuitions have multiplied.
After taking a few more courses in 1995, I realized that there is no way in hell I would have my degree if I had tried to go to school just six years after I graduated. Tuition had doubled, and for the tech-related courses, tripled. In economic terms, you had it easy.
Looking back, the kids who truly got the most out of school were the ones who didn't have to spend 50 hours a week working like I did. My kids will go to college with all the trimmings, fully funded, and I will be proud that I could give them something I didn't have.
You aren't "helping your kids grow." What you're really doing is taking your bitterness out on them.
A Clear Mind for Class. (Score:3)
Not Subversive, But Life-Saving (Score:4, Informative)
Plus Extended Towing up to 100 Miles: When your vehicle cannot be started or driven safely, free towing is provided up to 100 miles from the point where your vehicle is disabled to the destination of your choice. This extended benefit includes one tow per disablement using appropriate equipment to safely transport your vehicle.
Plus Lock & Key Services: This service provides up to $100 in parts and labor coverage for lock and key service needed to gain access to your vehicle and make it operable.
Plus Free Fuel Delivery: A sufficient amount of fuel will be delivered free of charge to enable you to reach the nearest open service station.
Plus Alternative Service Reimbursement: Extends your benefits to include full reimbursement for covered services based on the prevailing commercial rate for the region where the vehicle was disabled, if AAA services was requested by unavailable. Lock and key services will be reimbursed up to $100. To apply for reimbursement, submit an itemized receipt for service to the Member Relations Dept., 2040 Market Street, Philadelphia, PA 19103 within 30 days.
Plus Legal Defense Reimbursement: If you are charged with a motor vehicle violation which you believe is unjust and require an attorney, AAA Plus will reimburse you for your attorney's fees in accordance with the following schedule:
Manslaughter by Automobile
Representation in Primary Court $800
Representation in any Higher Court (an additional) $1,200
Maximum Benefit $2,000
Assault & Battery by Automobile
Representation in Primary Court $200
Representation in any Higher Court (an additional) $300
Maximum Benefit $500
Moving Traffic Violation
Representation in Primary Court $100
Representation in any Higher Court (an additional) $150
Maximum Benefit $250
Plus Free International Guides: AAA Plus Members can obtain our renowned international guidebooks and maps absolutely free. Certain restrictions may apply.
Plus Crime Prevention Reward Plus Free International Guides: AAA Plus offers a reward up to $2,000 for information leading to the arrest and conviction of anyone who steals your vehicle.
Plus Auto Travel Accident Reimbursement Service: If the vehicle you are driving is disabled in a traffic accident 100 or more miles from home, you will receive up to $700 for car rental, commercial transportation, meals and lodging expense occurring within 72 hours of your accident or within the time it takes for you to return home or to arrive at your final destination, whichever is less.
Plus Extended Extrication Service: This services extends Basic benefits to include a second truck and operator for one hour at the scene of disablement.
---
I believe AAA also sells an emergency cellphone which can contact police/911/AAA.
ummm (Score:3, Redundant)
Actually, if you've already included a lockpick set, that may not be legal. In most states, it's illegal to own a lockpick set unless you have a locksmith license. In minnesota, this is definitely the case.
Marketing Troll? (Score:5, Insightful)
items (Score:3, Interesting)
Lock box that can screw into a desk drawer. good for keeping the roomie out of your...stuff
Resolve carpet cleaner. Clean up that barf or bongwater before the RA finds out
Spray Bottle and rubbing alcohol. gets any nature of odor out of the air...quickly
"Do Not Disturb" sign. use your imagination
microcassette recorder. good for lectures, bugging and recording any nature of other thing
Laser pointer (Score:3, Funny)
However, USE SPARINGLY and only when you cannot be spotted. A little subliminal flash across the board when he/she is writing, and he or she will not know whether to get angry or dismis it as an acid flashback.
KeyGhost (Score:3, Interesting)
two books (Score:4, Interesting)
A good toolset... (Score:3, Funny)
Oh, and those tools are good for... erm... "borrowing" all sorts of other things, too. Truly,the gift that keeps on giving. =)
The Fun Essentials (Score:4, Informative)
2. digicam - Maybe she can post pics of her friends in the showers, naked and passed out. And sell them. To get more quarters.
3. Long cables for network/USB.
4. EXTENSION CORDS!!!!!
5. Storage boxes
Forget condoms. They are all over the campus. With your luck, the one you give her would break.
Stash Box/Safe? (Score:3, Insightful)
here's a cheapie stash example:
http://www.pentagondefense.com/booksafe
~trust no one, always roll your own tin foil hats
What I wish I'd had in college from the start... (Score:3, Informative)
Don't give her gadgets... (Score:3, Informative)
Probably the best thing that you can give her is a good pillow and a foam eggcrate for the mattress. Dorm beds are killer (more plastic than bed) and it can be very hard to fall asleep with them. This is something that will help her *every* single night, as opposed to a lock-pick set which might help once a year, if that. (once she has it, will she even figure out how to use it?)
Also, if you must give her a gadget or something, give her something like a lava lamp -- another cool thing that she can appreciate on a regular basis.
What fun (Score:5, Informative)
Mostly they got used as water balloons and sold at usurious prices to dorm-mates with an unexpected opportunity.
When a friend had to move away from her boyfriend to start Pharmacy school, I got her a small assortment of vibrators (waterproof, gel, plug-in), some "Astro Glide" and a pre-paid phone card. I've been thanked profusely by both parties for that one.
Web Camera. I had one when I was at school. Once I actually got an SO, it suddenly had a million household uses.
Telescope. For the voyeur in all of us.
Subscription to dirty magazine. OK, even if you aren't into that sort of thing, this stuff makes good barter material (nothing like a fratboy too embarassed to buy his own) and, if you're willing to share your bounty, will probably make you a few friends.
Lamination machine. Million household uses for an enterprising college student. Patricularly when paired with an Alaskan or Puerto Rican drivers license.
Anything that makes people think you have a bizarre lifestyle. Nothing like being able to pull on a pair of skintight latex chaps, a 24" dildo and exclaiming to your annoying roommate that you're ready for a quiet evening at home. Note that holy books from weirdo relgions probably work just as well, if you can keep up the right sort of patter.
Damn. I'll probably think of more goodies later.
Geez. Guess I'm some kind of pervert. Oh well. At least I'm not an anonymous coward.
Re:What fun (Score:5, Funny)
Shotgun-style microphone. See telescope, above. This one is actually probably more fun, since fewer people know what the hell they are.
Stethyscope I use one in my apartment to this day to decide if my neighbors are fighting/beating their kids or if it's just a TV that's turned up really loud.
Potato gun. We used to pack one full of undies and shoot it out the dormitory window.
Tools! Particularly a decent drill or cordless screwdriver. I once stole the door from a couple of guys in my dorm who were annoying me. Of course, the utility of a $7 toolset from Walgreens merits its inclusion anyway.
Stereo from hell. I listen to classical music. So did everyone else on my floor and the floors around mine, thanks to me. I used to turn the volume up on my stereo to about halfway so I didn't have to interrupt my favorite symphony just to go to the bathroom (70 feet and probably 40 cinderblock walls away). Think about the opening of "The Big U" for a hint of what I mean. Once I beat anyone else who thought their music should be inflicted on everyone else into submission, I turned mine down too.
Vacuum pump. Another great trick. Make a slight negative pressure inside someone's closed room and watch them get knocked off their feet opening their door. Or break a window, if you aren't careful (I went to an engineering school. Can you tell?)
Quarter-on-a-string or four. To keep from having to actually pay for laundry machines. Laundromats might care. Dorms don't.
Powerful magnet. Wow are these fun.
Overhead projector. Your very own Batsignal.
Racketballs or other suitably bouncy objects. Great fun in the hall.
Block-and-tackle/pulley system. Great for getting contraband into dorms. Where I went to school, the guys on the highest floor of my dorm used one to hoist up alcohol (which was banned in dorms). Also great for moving day.
Button-maker/Tshirt printer. Sounds lame, but actually a decent source of income and not without spurious subversive uses, either.
Instant or digital camera. Roommate in a compromising position? Immortalize him forever!
No sense of shame. This makes dealing with drunks and morons particularly amusing.
George Foreman Grill (Score:5, Insightful)
Knocks out the fat!
As a recent college grad... (Score:4, Interesting)
First year recomendations. (Score:3, Informative)
First, make sure you have maintenance tools, like a hammer, screwdriver, nails, good scissors, and maybe a utility knife.
You will need stuff to get the bills done with: envelopes and stamps and a little hanging file thing to keep track of stuff you get. Trust me, you should save at least 3 months of crap, like reciepts and contracts so that you can return something if you never use it or get out of something that you don't need [like a water-cooler rental agreement].
Laundry supplies: quarters, soap, and most importantly a good hiding spot for your quarters to prevent your quarters from wandering off on your roommate's wash day.
You need cleaning supplies, an extra shower curtrain or two, a mop, sponges for the dishes, some of those 1000 flushes things and that 'clean shower' spray-- basically anything that makes it easier on you when you need to clean up.
Then, get a good book shelf and desk. Maybe you don't study at a desk at home, but when you get to college you're gunna have a lot more papers to deal with, a lot more stuff to file and organize and it really helps to have a central place rather than under the bed to put everything. Also, you will amass a nice collection of books, because the bookstore never seems to want to give you more than $10 for that intro to psych. book and it would be a shame to sell it back and it will be useful someday right?
Not a material item, but something very important to consider: If you are picking a roommate from your home town, you should ask yourself "what does their room look like"? Does it look about as clean as yours? Do they do any chores at their house? Because more often than not, if their room is a shitpile at their parent's house, it will be twice a shitpile at their new dorm/apartment, so you should be prepared --unless you also like to live in less than sparkling conditions.
The single most important thing is earplugs. Enough for you and your roomate. Some people don't fall asleep too easily, and this really helps.
Adam
!!! you have to ask !!! (Score:5, Funny)
SEX
I'm available... (Score:5, Funny)
Our Bodies, Ourselves (Score:3, Insightful)
If you want subversive, this is it, by the way. Women get the short end of the stick in both sex ed and medical attention. This book fills in the gaps. Think of it as an owners manual for womanhood.
Don't Give a Girl "Guy" Presents (Score:5, Insightful)
While we dudes appreciate a fine tool, it's not Chick stuff. The clothes washer and the waffle iron come with the implication, "MAKE USE OF THAT FINE APPLIANCE FOR ME RIGHT NOW YOU LAZY WOMAN. I HAVE A GAME TO WATCH. ONLY SUMMON ME IF THERE IS A FIRE OR SEX."
The lock pick set will be forgotten in the back of a drawer. The fine flashlight will be stolen at the first Rave.
Give the girl cash. Best gift. Accepted in 200+ countries and on 7 continents. No ID needed. Don't leave home without it.
Being Female and in college I suggest ... (Score:3, Informative)
1) LUBE
2) Purple Hair Dye - I live by it.
3) Piercing supplies - Daddy will love it that new ring!
4) A pack of twenty lighters, and a couple of ash trays.
5) A bunch of gift cards and phone cards. Cash just gets deposited; gift cards hang around until they are needed.
6) If it is possible find a way to pre-pay for her to go on a trip with a friend. Nothing makes Dad and Mom happier than to find out that you took off to the other coast for a weekend.
7) Hang over pills.
8) Find a way to pay for birth control pills.
9) The ACLU makes these little cards that explain what your rights are under different situations (e.g. you have a party, cops knock on your door, minior in possesion, etc).
10) Mace (I know this has been said)
11) Be her saftey net... call before her parent's supprise visit.
-Kat
In addition the to marking pen... (Score:3, Informative)
Leatherman (Score:3, Insightful)
PS. You don't need a lock pick set for B&A, That leatherman worked just fine for breaking into that fire station (long, very kinky story).
Items for cheap fun: (Score:3, Funny)
2) frisbee -- sometimes by accident (wink, wink) they get thrown toward cute guys.
3) ukulele -- easy to play, and making your own music is so much better than listening to the same-old same-old on the radio.
What you really need when going to college (Score:4, Insightful)
As oft-mentioned in other replies, condoms. GOOD ones. And then, bone up on emergency anti-pregnancy procedures for that 3am call asking, "ohmigod Uncle Bob -- the condom broke, what do I do?"
An open account with a local taxi service so that she never, ever, ever has to worry about getting a ride home. The means to limit abuses of this are up to you.
Alcohol. The best place to learn about drinking is in the private, protected confines of your own dorm room. (Note, there are serious legality issues here which vary from state to state. Don't do something stupid and blame it on me.)
Anti-hangover remedies. My favorite is Berocca [berocca.co.uk]. Send a case. Ibuprofen. Send lots.
HIV home test kits (which are really home-sampling kits which you then send to a central lab for analysis). Not cheap, but she should have any guy she's thinking of having sex with tested.
*Assuming* she knows how to use basic handtools, a small toolbox with decent quality hammer, screwdrivers, and pliers is great. If she doesn't know how to use these tools, it is still a good idea, but not nearly as important. From your suggestion of lockpicks and flashlight, one might surmise she is perhaps mechanically inclined. If so, add small pocket knife, magnifying loupe, a pocket-sized set of jewlers tools. At the other end of the physical scale, a crowbar and a 3-lb sledge. A good digital multimeter (eg, Fluke 77-III or equivalent).
The person who recommended flip-flops and a shower basket was right on the money. Add some decent (and decent-sized) soap and a couple of small travel-sized bottles of her favorite shampoo and conditioner (or other toiletries).
Now, to be really *subversive*, send a set of infrared goggles, available at surplus houses everywhere. Add in works by Kant, Ionesco, Wittgenstein, Chekov and Orwell. A couple of remote listening devices. Books on how to swear in a dozen languages. Assuming she's going to college in the US, plane tickets to Europe (put those gazillion FF miles to work!). Safety pins (the most universally useful items, after knives). Fake wedding rings. Falsies (see the posting about breast implants and their universal utility). Wigs of different color or style from her normal hair. A get-out-of-jail-free card (see the phone card with your number on it, above).
But the most subversive thing you could possibly give is: encouragement.
Easy! (Score:3, Funny)
I wish I had one of those...