Star Trek: Enterprise Reactions?

So, what did you think of it? The theme song has to go. Commander Tucker ("Kumanduh Tuckah") needs to get a personality other than "he'll be just like McCoy, only clumsy and stupid". Is it really necessary to rehash "cold emotionless Vulcans vs. thoughtless, reckless humans"? That plot device was old thirty years ago and it's physically painful to watch now. How can armor plating go "offline"? Electromagnetic shields maybe, but one of the virtues of a hunk of steel is that it doesn't go "offline". And what's with the soft porn? I was waiting for the bow-chicka-bow-wow music to kick in. CT: I didn't get to see it! I don't get UPN! Curses!

Re:Just a tad early...

[jiheison]

Mr. Eastern Standard Time

Damn him!

First he rigs the election, and now this!

Re:Comandah Tuckah

[caffeinated_bunsen]

Anything that results in fewer of 'em down here is a plus in my book! And send the the damn telephone sanitizers and hairdressers with them!

Re:Comandah Tuckah

[the eric conspiracy]

So it's going to be the Confederation now??

Re:What a piece of crap

[shed]

In general I agree. But this literally is the same team that brought us umpteen seasons of voyager drivel. Bad science, bad acting, bad plots, good tits (7 of 9). I like tits, sure, but I hoped for much more. Although it was a daring episode - space porn in prime time.

And what's with the soft porn?

[e-gold]

Apparently, the Borg aren't the only alien species with implants...
JMR

Speaking only for myself, as always.

Re:Spoiler-tastic

[Bonker]

And Picard told us that the war with the Klingons was sparked by a botched first contact with them. But that contact didn't seem to be botched.

You don't call being shot in the chest by a xenophobic Okie corn farmer a botched first contact? The only thing they coulda done to make a worst first impression was to put on white hoods and burn a cross in front of his spaceship.

Re:What have we learned so far?

[illaqueate]

enterprise:
wooden cock, almost bulging out of underwear

Tucker? Sounded like Taco..

[CaptainSuperBoy]

I swear, when that woman was on the radio it really really sounded like she said CmdrTaco.. /. reference?

Re:And what's with the soft porn?

[Anonymous Coward]

It appears that Vulcan nipples are as pointy as their ears...

Remeber how bad the first season of TNG was?

[Karl Cocknozzle]

Enterprise might get better...As for that theme song, shit, Rodenberry must be rolling over in his grave.

It sounded like Michael Bolton mated with John Denver.
Also, I like the sexy characters on Star Trek to be subtle. T'pel almost got drilled in the decontamination chamber. And those nipples...I mean, how long before they just get it over and have her spread her legs on TV?

I mean, I thought it was supposed to be Star Trek, not Forbidden Alien Poon-tang Quest.

Re:What a piece of crap

[Boulder Geek]

good tits (7 of 9). I like tits, sure, but I hoped for much more.

More tits, or more plot?

Re:Bad Chemistry

[Obsequious]

Well, you never know. Maybe the front plating is an advanced form of the explosive armor they use on some tanks and armored vehicles these days; by actually exploding outward, it further reduces the force of an incoming round or warhead directed inward. Maybe going "offline" means it needs to be recharged or reloaded.

Or, maybe this really IS a deflector shield, but not yet advanced enough to be projected out, so it's sort of a surface-effect thing still. Going offline means the same thing as losing shields.

Or, maybe I need to quit doing the work of the writers and expect them to explain their own gaping plot holes.

Finally a reason to watch Star Trek

[mrpull]

Soft Porn? I finally have a reason to watch this schlock.

BTW,
Trekies was on Showtime yesterday. I laughed my ass off.

mr.

Re:The Vulcan Chick - Link

[Loligo]

Yeah, like a bunch of geeks need something ELSE to beat off to.

Now they can get their Trek fix AND spank-o-matic. One stop shopping.

-l

Re:What a piece of crap

[Anonymous Coward]

...of course I didn't think it was too bad, but I'm easy to please.

tits wise or plot wise?

Re:Revealing my Trekkiehood

[wadetemp]

You are right and wrong. Her name is T'Pol, but originally it was to be T'Pau. I remember noticing that in the casting call. Perhaps T'Pau was coincidence, and perhaps it was intentional, but at some point they changed it to T'Pol, and there we are.

But perhaps T'Pol and T'Pau "know" each other... surely Vulcan females suffer from the same affliction that Spock did in the original series... and perhaps there's slime involved. :)

/. reference?

[PD]

Could be. I know definitely I heard a lot of people trying to get "first contact".

Re:Theme music?

[Anonymous Coward]

William Shatner?

Re:What have we learned so far?

[PD]

What if we're both right??? His hand on a big hardon? I've got to check my TiVo again...

Re:Spoiler-tastic

[Happy Monkey]

Corn doesn't need to fight back. It survives being eaten just fine.

Okay, sorry. Potty humor. Couldn't resist...

Re:What a piece of crap

[Black Parrot]

> Bad science, bad acting, bad plots, good tits (7 of 9).

It would be more customary to rate them as 7.777 out of 10.

Is there _any_ movie/tv show /. likes??

[Anonymous Coward]

Seriously, other than Kevin Smith films, slashdot movie/tv reviews could be replace by a simple fill in the blank.

"This (movie/show) is one of the worst we have ever seen, in fact, its even wose than the last (movie/show) we reviewed. The acting was (bad/flat/overdone/mediocre). The script was (bad/flat/overdone/mediocre). The only high point was (female leads name)'s (shirt/shorts/skirt/shower scene) but what is something like that doing in this movie. (Not that we minded ;) but really) Whoever (wrote/directed/acted/produced) this (movie/show) should be banned from (writing/directing/acting/producing) forever.

Come on guys, get a new script for your reviews, the current one is getting old.

HaveFun!
WhiteRabbit

The Tech Job Market Is Bad When...

[denzo]

you start seeing the Intel Blue Guys(TM) in a new Star Trek episode, cleverly disguised as a primitive morphing race.

Re:Blatant Fanservice... Not that I mind

[BasharTeg]

Listen, I am a male nerd. You are a male nerd. We are all male nerds. We were all just bought out by the grease up the Vulcan girl. Is there something wrong with that ? HELLS NO. I was to see MUCH MORE disinfection. Maybe next time the Asian girl and the Vulcan are the only ones to get infected.

All I know is...

[errxn]

"Osmotic Eel" is a band name waiting to happen.

Warp Core at Disneyland

[Jayson]

The warp core looks primitive

The warp core, and engine room in general, looked like Space Mountain at Disneyland.

Continuity wasn't in the budget

[Wokan]

They really screwed up with the Klingons. Now they're going to have to say the human-like appearance was the first thing to go wrong, and then a second one changed them back. (Why am I making excuses for such a blatant f-ck up?)

I guess since Vulcans aren't emotional, they must always have hard nipples. That, or the shower was pretty cold.

Re:Blatant Fanservice... Not that I mind

[jayhawk88]

Heh. I can just see Episode 340, Season 14:

Lt. Mandrake: Damn, myself and the 4 female crew members I took over to examine that alien ship somehow managed to become infected with a clothes eating virus!

Hottie Doctor: It's worse than that, sir; my readings indicate that this virus may trigger dangerous amounts of sexual hormone production in the body!

Lt. Mandrake: I see....recommendations Hottie Vulcan Science Chick?

Hottie Vulcan Science Chick: Sir, these scented oils, candles, and sensously-shaped plastic devices might help. Allow me to demonstrate on Ensign Youngbuck here.

Ensign Youngbuck: Whoa! They didn't teach us anything like this at the academy!

*Cue the Beastie Boys - Sabrosa*

GalaxyQuest?

[misuba]

I can't be the only one to notice the similarities here - the boyish black guy on navigation, the transporter that everyone's afraid will turn them inside out...

Re:I Loved It

[Anonymous Coward]

"I do wonder why the exposed crew didn't have to decon their "private areas,""

Sure looked to me that the vulcan decon'd her upper "private areas".

Re:Wasn't that... (SPOILER!)

[isaac_akira]

Yeah, after he rescued the Klingon, and was wondering around the base I kept expecting this scene:

"Al, why haven't I leaped yet? Ziggy said I was here to save that Klingon guy, right?"

"Hmm... Ziggy says there's now a 73% chance that you need to set up a nemesis for future episodes first.... Or maybe you're supposed to do that Vulcan chick. It's a little hazy. (Do you see the set on her? Yowza!)"

Soft Porn

[Phroggy]

I was watching at a friend's house, and her parents came home at exactly the same moment they walked into the bar with the pole dancers. Bleh.

Possible new opening music

[Ed Avis]

If you're feeling aargh
Or you're kind of mwhahahahahaha
Could be you've met up with BAKULA.
If your crew goes moan, moan
And your guns go pssewp pssewp
Maybe you've bumped into BAKULA.

He flies through the night
In a costume that's too tight
But there's always a moral insight
BAKULA

Can't resist...

[GeoNerd]

#!/bin/perl

s/Star Trek: Enterprise/Star Wars Episode 1/g;
s/Theme Music/Jar Jar Binks/g;

if ($comments ne $starwarscomments) { $idbesurprised = 1; }

But

[wiredog]

Bakula, doesn't have, the proper spacing between words, or emphasis to be JTK!

Re:Spoiler-tastic

[Muad'Dave]

...give them a ghoti...

Am I the only one that read this as "...give them a fish..."

Bakula.

[Count Spatula]

Count Bakula, if you're nasty.

Shatner

[mikosullivan]

No ST series has ever had a real all-encompassing central character

Shatner would probably disagree. Nichelle Nichols and Jimmy Doohan would probably agree that he would disagree.

Re:Bleah!

[Enigma2175]

Thinking about that, why did the ship have two nacelles?

Redundancy

*Sigh* Now I'll probably get modded down as "redundant"

Re:Star Trek is the Windows of TV shows

[Junks Jerzey]

I find it personally and professionally offensive that you would mention Star Trek and Windows in the same sentence.

This sentence pretty much defines the term "geek."

Re:The recent broadcast

[Anonymous Coward]

I didn't like how they made the Force a biological, rather than a mystical, power. Oh, wait. Wrong prequel.

The Vulcan channel meld is called for

[snStarter]

I kept imagining that, perhaps, I'd get the great channel meld and somehow "The West Wing" and "Wolf Lake" would be morphed with "Enterprise".

Command Deck of ENTERPRISE

Captain: Has anyone seen Ruby?

Vulcan (eyes glowing): No. (wiggles ears) I think she was written out in an earlier episode.

Engineer: Polls are in. Mammet-speak required.

Teenager runs in

Teeniebooper: I'm SOOOO fed up with you Daddy. (pushes up glasses) you won't let me do ANYTHING. The drug dealer down at the Transporter just wants me So BAD!

Captain, morphs into Donner:

Donner: Go take orders in the crews mess - and stop piddling on the floor while you're at it.

Vulcan morphs into Ruby whose eyes glow as the view of the bridge does funny colored transitions.

RUBY: I'm glad you mentioned that!

RUBY transforms into wolf, piddles on DONNERS feet and flees the room in herky-jerk motions of hyper-color.

ENGINEER: Offers wise Native American saying.

Secret Service appears: Mr President you're standing in dog piddle.

POTIS: Why yes, it was forseen in Revelations (cites chapter/verse in Greek). Now get me some Klingons, I'm gonna do something....

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"The past isn't dead. It's not even past!"
Quentin Compson