Unreasonable Searches When Going to Work?

Chico Science asks: "I'm a scientist, not a lawyer, so I'm a little beleaguered by the fact that since 2001-Sep-11, I have been forced to submit to searches on my campus as I enter buildings. I work at the National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, MD, and have been shouldering the burden of increasingly draconian security measures. Most recently, they've instituted a policy of 100% bag/package searches on entering buildings. Initially it didn't bother me, but after having my bag searched on my way to my car (which was also thoroughly inspected) after work, I decided I'm not comfortable subjecting myself to searches of my personal belongings at every turn. I want to know if I have a right to refuse searches? And why should it be considered acceptable for me to relinquish my Fourth Ammendment rights so I can go work on in my lab?" In this climate of increasing security consciousness, how far can vigilance go before it becomes an invasion of our rights?

Have Fun With It!

[Greyfox]

Start carrying increasingly bizarre/disgusting items in your bag. Start with an industrial sized box of trojans and K-Y Jelly. Throw some issues of goat porn monthly into the mix. A dead fish might be a good one day gag. If they ever question what the hell you're doing with, say, a tupperware container of dog poo, make up surreal non-sequetor answers designed to confuse. Make it a competition to make the searcher go eww! It could be fun!

In this day of .com bankruptcies

[xeeno]

Sometimes the only way that you can get
severance is through liberated equipment. :)

Re:Have Fun With It!

[ferd_farkle]

Friend of mine at Gigantic Manufacturing got tired of the "Plant Protection" personel's attitude about searches. One night he caught this enormous Luna moth and put it in his lunch box. Upon leaving, he fussed about the box being opened, but the (lady) guard prevailed, and when this bat-sized thing came flapping out into her face, she shrieked like a banshee, ran back into the guardhouse and slammed the door. He hasn't been searched since.

Discourage searches....

[Alsee]

You could always sprinkle mysterious white powder inside your bag,

I would put it more strongly...

[dsfox]

Wake up! You should be *happy* they are doing these searches. They are protecting you.

Re:Have Fun With It!

[MrResistor]

That's actually not a bad idea. As long as you aren't bringing in anything that you aren't allowed to have with you, or that you could get fired for bringing in (like the goat pr0n, though there's no reason you couldn't have it in your car if they're searching that too), why not have fun with it? You'll lessen the stress it puts on you (after all, you're carrying stuff you WANT them to find) and at the same time demonstrating the absurdity of what you're being subjected to.

Odd advice, but oddly applicable

[BenEnglishAtHome]

During one stage of my life, I sported a shaved head, a weird beard, a gruff attitude, and clothes fit for a biker-zombie movie. (It passed, thank goodness.) I was also traveling in my job a great deal and apparently fit some sort of profile. I was singled out for by-hand searches of my carry-on baggage with some frequency. It was happening on 2 out of 3 flights and I just got sick of it. So I fought back. I only carried one bag, so right on top of my packed clothes, right where it would seem to jump out at you when you opened the bag, I started carrying the biggest, most realistic dildo I could find. The thing was more than a foot long.

I still got searched. But the searches became a slightly different experience. I'll never forget one poor little old lady of a bag checker in Cincinnati who opened the bag, looked in, slammed the lid, and literally ran straight to a little service area behind the checkpoint and started frantically washing her hands in full view of everyone. I actually pitied her. Even those searches that were completed seemed to be much briefer than before. They were into and out of my bags in mere seconds. :-)

Re:What's wrong with you?

[the_quark]

On the Fry's door nazis - I got fed up with them a long time ago. At some point, I decided Fry's had wasted enough of my time, and just walked around the six-person line of folks getting searched. The receipt-checker said, "Sir, can I check your receipt?" And I replied, "No, that's alright, I don't need that, today," and kept walking. When he didn't follow me out in into the parking lot, I made this my Fry's SOP. Most times they don't even ask, anymore - if they do, I politely decline without slowing down.

Now, the Best Buy Nazis are a lot more serious about it. They tend to be big, bouncer-types and take their job very seriously. I walked right past one of them the other month, and he said: "Sir, can I see your receipt?" I replied with my standard, "No, that's OK, I don't need that today," while continuing to walk. He followed me out into the parking lot (!): "Sir, I NEED to see your receipt." I kept walking. "No, I believe you're mistaken: You don't need to see my receipt." (A little Jedi-mind-trick action there). He stopped following, realizing the basic impotence of his position, and yelled at my back: "Well, you're NOT WELCOME here as a customer, anymore!"

I was so surprised I unfortunately did not put my purchase in my trunk and go back to speak to the manager, but I did call the manager when I got home. He wouldn't come out and say that I didn't need to get my receipt checked, but when I pressed and said, "I spend about $250 a month with you guys, would you rather have me walk through without showing my receipt, or would you rather have my money go somewhere else?" He replied, "Oh, we absolutely want your business!"

Anyway, bottom line, the Fry's receipt checkers are imminently ignorable. They don't have the right to detain you or search you. They could detain you until the police arrive if they suspect you're shoplifting, but they don't want to engage in that hassle (and a possible lawsuit) for the average customer.

Here was my solution

[CyberGarp]

I used to fly around the country on business non-stop for months at a time. I got sick of the "heightened" security searches after TWA800. Fat lot of good those did, look where we are today.

So anyway, in New York I stopped in a store that sold plastic crap made in Taiwan. I bought a ton of it (you know, plastic apples, plastic toys, plastic nick-nacks) and even bought some expanding foam fruit and bunnies. Then I packed my brief case till it was completely overloaded and had to sit on it close it.

Then when the airport search came. They ask to see my carry on bag. I said "you don't want to see my carry on bag." They said, "Sir, if you don't hand me that bag, you're not getting on your plane." So I did. When opened it and plastic toys exploded out in all directions. I said, "Happy now, look at the mess you made." While the security guard was still in shock. I closed my briefcase and walked on through. The other guards just started laughing.

Re:Have Fun With It!

[Dread_ed]

Of course, the one sure fire way to eliminate those pesky searches is to walk to work wearing only your lab coat. When you get to work, remove the lab coat!

Follow up with comments like: "Hey PAL! Search THIS!" while grabbing various portions of your anatomy, etc etc...

Of course, this behavior could get you fired, which, in turn, would eliminate those pesky searches.

Re:Have Fun With It!

[FFFish]

Tell 'em you keep KY jelly with your lunch just in case they decide that lunchbox checks are no longer adequate, and start going for body cavity searches...

Re:What's wrong with you?

[pi_rules]

It's easier to embarass them by stopping. I love it when the little beeper-detection deals go off on me. I just drop my package, or set it down, walk over to the wall, hands on the wall, feet spread and ask the guy loudly, "You're not doing the rubber glove thing again, are you?".

You get some weird looks...