Friendships in the IT Workplace?

Greg Cantori asks: "We've seen stuff like this on TV and in movies. Policemen, Firemen, Astonauts, Army guys, etc, all gathered round a BBQ on a sunny weekend, chugging a few cold ones and maybe talking shop, wives and girlfriends preparing salads, kids running round the garden. Middle class bonding and fun, eh? Now, picture your IT workplace. Look around at your workmates. Do *you* get together on weekends? Do your spouses know any personal details of your workmates' spouses, beyond what may have slipped out during a long forgotten company Chistmas ball? Do you go bowling, play poker, or help your colleagues pave the driveway of their new home? Do you even have drinks with them after work? Is it just the professions who share some element of physical danger where this stereotypical bonding occurs, or can it occur with nerdy programmers? What are your experiences with friendships in the code-cutting office?"

A necessity!

[Markvs]

My site only has 5 techs, another engineer, and a program manager. (All of which, barring one tech, came in after me).

When I arrived, I started a "Thursday night out" where we go to a different pub every week. About half the crew participates.

During this time steam gets blown off, information gets passed, and these members of the team are a lot closer than the others. Sure, we don't hang out on the weekends or anything, but the night out makes the job a lot more enjoyable.

That, and drinking with the boss has its advantages. I've learned all *kinds* of useful information vis-a-vis social engineering. Relatively easy after 3 or 4 pints of Guiness.

My experiences--

[DarkEdgeX]

At my first IT-type job with a dot-com I had quite a lot of after-hours interactions with co-workers; this was mostly due to the fact that we were all roommates in the same house, but before we even moved in together we'd hang out, Quake III with eachother and whatnot (I'm not sure if playing Quake III counts, but it gave us a chance to interact). My wife knew stuff about the others and vice versa, that kind of thing, as well. But I suppose this is almost a given when people are shacked up together.

My second job, on the other hand, was quite different. I wasn't exactly outgoing, but it was my general impression that any relationship I had with my co-workers terminated at the end of the day-- don't get me wrong, they were great people and wonderful co-workers, but there wasn't much in the way of personal interaction or after work activities (in fact, in this latter category, I can recall NO after-work activities whatsoever). I mostly attribute this to my closed-off nature at the second job though, I think under different circumstances (eg: the prior dot-com not screwing me over) I'd have probably been friendlier.

To get to the juice of your question though; yes it does happen, it's perfectly normal and okay, and while it doesn't happen with ALL people (see my two examples above), it can. Some people may just not like that kind of thing (if you're questioning yourself and why it is you haven't had these kinds of 'bonding' relationships), I know that I enjoy my privacy after work, and the time it allots me to work on my hobbies (which are pretty much an addiction). If you have a similar all-consuming hobby, it's likely you don't interact with co-workers on this bonding-level you speak of, and it's likely normal given the situation. Now if you find yourself sitting around the house/apartment on the sofa watching more TV than is normal (or simply bored beyond words), I'd suggest speaking up or arranging something with your co-workers that might be fun for all of them. (EG: Bar/club, maybe just out to eat at a restaraunt, perhaps a movie, or just about any fun-to-do-in-groups activity.)

Re:technicians

[Unknown Bovine Group]

care to give details on these lan parties?

What part of LAN [lanparty.com] party [onepc.net] don't [tristatelanparty.com] you [lanpartyonline.com] understand? [vinster.com]

(OK, stupid slash domain display screwed up the flow, but you get the idea....)

socializing with coworkers

[argStyopa]

Having worked previously in a police department, and after reading the comments on this list, I can say it probably IS the life-threatening danger, or the charactistically different nature of physical labor-intensive jobs. In terms of the life-threatening occupations, it's clear that the bonds of dependence are much, much tighter by necessity. Sure, there are coworkers you hate in every job, cops are no different. But the fact that in the end maybe your life will depend on this guy/gal means that otherwise common decency is boosted with a little self-interest. In that same vein, I've never seen more character assassination, sniping, and backstabbing as in my more recent IT job. Maybe if geeks carried guns they'd be nicer to each other? In terms of the physical jobs, the simple fact there is that you don't necessarily use your brain for much while doing the work. Your mind, and thoughts, are your own. After a hard day of back breaking labor laying sod, I'm happy to suck down a beer or eight with buddies sitting watching football. After a hard day of debugging thousands of lines of badly-commented code, I just want to stick my head in a bucket of ice and be left alone. Probably the nature of the beast.

Definitely...

[Cpyder]

I have worked at one of Belgiums biggest ISPs. They frequently organise all sorts of events.
Some things I remember out of my head:

- every monday Company Breakfast
- every friday "Happy Hour" after work
Every floor has got his own kitchen, with names like "Bunny Heaven" or "The 7th Heaven" (the 7nd floor).
There are two company mailinglists, one for announcements like birthdays, out-of-offices and the likes, and one for jokes. Also, each department has got his mailinglist for department-wide communication. This helps to get to know other people from other floors, which is not so obvious when you're helldesking all day long.

Then there are company parties... And when I say party I don't mean "everybody takes off his tie and chats in his suit", but "the party was so good we weren't allowed to hire that building ever again."

There is karting, paintball, city-by-night, ...
When I left there was an action "The sales people challenge the Support people to help sell DSL accounts. If the helldesk sells X accounts by X, there will be a party. If they sell XX accounts, there will be a huge party, if they sell XXX accounts, there will be a giant party..." You get the picture...

Anyway, it was a nice place to work, and you definitely got to know other people. But indeed you didn't know much actual personal details of one another, but I think that's mostly because of the type of job. (or the lack of private life of the other employees)

Re:geeks have superiority complexes...

[Alomex]

... why would i want to hang out with people that aren't as smart as me?

This is a bad translation of what actually goes in a geek's head. Geeks like intellectual stimuli as they easily get bored.

Intellectual stimuli comes often from another smart person, but can also be obtained from somebody who is funny, witty, well travelled, or artistically inclined.

Most people do not interact this way, which means that most geeks find the average joe dull. Why would I want to hang out with a dull person?

Re:Funny and insighfull

[N3MCB]

Since I'm both an engineer and a cop I may have a bit of insight here:

1. Don't believe everything you see on TV.

I have a group of friends I hang out with from work or the radio club. I also have a number of friends from the PD that I hang out with. It is different with police officers - I can sit with my back to the door in a restaurant when I'm with other cops but it drives me nuts to do so when I'm not as one example. With the officers I work with we can be in a car for 10-16 hrs at a time ... you spend that much time crammed in a car with someone you will get to know them. We also tend to make jokes or say things to break the stress - we don't want to offend people but its a common way of dealing with a bad situation. I can say those things to another officer without fear that it will get me in trouble because the victim or suspect hears my private thoughts.

I find that its harder to get to know a non-law enforcement person now. There are a lot of reasons including safety - my phone number is unlisted, my land records are sealed, all my licenses etc use the police dept address. I deal with some not too nice people on a frequent basis and I don't want them showing up at my house.

Do we have weekly BBQ's? no, but we do have dinner a few nights a week, go hunting or fishing every few months and we don't talk about work all that much (well except for the realy good car wrecks*).

* A Ford explorer vs a Fire truck a few weeks ago - that was cool.... parts all over the place....I'll leave out the gory details....