Getting Introverts to Unwind at Work X-Mas Party?

pongo asks: "My department has a large population of introverts, as confirmed by Meyers-Briggs testing. Somehow I was suckered into planning a holiday party with another department that suffers similiar symptoms. Any suggestions on ways (themes, decorations, food choices, games, etc) to encourage light banter and to get people meeting each other, which would make this party a big success? The party will be during business hours and alcohol is allowed." The key here is making a comfortable atmosphere where everyone can unwind and feel comfortable with meeting each other. What ways do you know of to encourage this kind of atmosphere?

Why is it that "extroverts" feel they must force..

[sphealey]

Why is it that "extroverts" (assuming that any of these personality models have any validity, which I think is quite open to question) feel that it is their duty to force others to be like them? And that doing so will make the lives of others better?

If the "introverts" among you decided to force the "extroverts" to sit facing the wall reading Slashdot for 12 hours "for their own good", would the "extroverts" find that acceptable? If not, then why do they think it is acceptable to force others to behave the way they think best in the name of "fun" or "loosening up"?

sPh

Leave us alone!

[Chilly Willy]

We're introverts! Get over it. We don't *want* to be artificial extroverts. Have your party and enjoy yourselves. We'll go home and have our own lives, thank you very much.
And besides that, you are co-workers, *not* friends. I don't want to be your friend. I don't want to know about your relationship problems or your bad back or how many miles you ran over the weekend. Just back the hell up and let me do my job, okay?

Re:Leave us alone! EXACTLY!

[renehollan]

You want me to quit? Force me to attend such a party.

Don't get me wrong. I will kill myself trying to help any coworker overcome a technical problem where I have expertise. I don't even have to like them, and might even loathe them because of philosophical differences (I am an NRA-supporting libertarian and defend the ideals in the American Bill of Rights and Constitution) -- but I am paid to get a job done and I do it.

But, to relax, the last thing I want to do is hang out with the guy who took off for a vacation while I cleaned up his code.

I want to hang around with people who, if they weren't coding for a living, would do it for fun anyway. Like many geeks, I eat, sleep, and dream code. For fun, I design architectures to let me stream digital audio/video from a central server in the home to various media terminal set-top boxes (silent, of course). I networked my home myself (nothing like straddling ceiling joists in the attic above the family room with the cathedral ceiling). I freak out the telco people when they see my headend ("Really, it's done, I hooked the DSL pair to the demarc last night when I got the call it was live. Don't touch that -- it's the RJ-31x that lets the alarm system seize the POTS pair: you'll set the siren off if you break the connection.").

In short, what we geeks consider fun is the very thing non-geeks want to avoid.

I suppose you could try to arrange a LAN party, if a lot of your geeks are gamers, but don't try to get geeks to mix socially with non-geeks.

A *bad* idea. Here's why:

[Anonymous Coward]

So-called "introverts" are usually suffering from any number of serious psychologically recognized conditions. They could be schizoid (no motivation for social contact), avoidant, schizophrenic or chronically depressed.
Brow-breating such borderline personalities to consume alcohol and "just be more social" is a bad idea from the start.
Now, before you mod me a flamer, bear in mind there *are* simply "shy" people that can be (and want to be) coaxed out of their shells. A party atmosphere (preferably w/o alcohol) is a good way to go there, but, again, I'm afraid it's hard to tell if someone's a bit shy or seriously depressed. Would you want to give someone alcohol in that condition?

Don't do it

[Tet]

encourage light banter and to get people meeting each other, which would make this party a big success?

A big success in whose eyes? The people you're supposedly throwing the party for, or those in upper and middle management who want to see everyone "bonding" like they do. If you company is really full of introverts, then if they're anything like me, they won't enjoy the sort of party you're trying to set up. As others have pointed out, introverts have no desire to have others force them to be artificially extrovert. Let them be, and accept that the party won't be what you'd traditionally expect it to be. That doesn't mean the participants won't be enjoying themselves. Just that their idea of fun is probably different to yours.

Just don't disturb them, you don't understand.

[billcopc]

This reminds me of a dumb old sketch by Chris Rock about 'reverse racism', where he complained that he was tired of being specially treated because he was black. If you want the introverts to enjoy themselves, just let them be.

I'm one such introvert and I totally hate parties because I either sit alone and vedge out until its over, or spend all evening bitching about the stupid games and annoying idiots that try to chat me up out of pity.

If you want to cater to the geeks, give them the flexibility to organise their own party according to *their* likes and tastes. For my friends and I, we like individual-centric entertainment. Think paintball, go-kart racing, bowling, LAN parties; anything that doesn't involve teams (well ok, Quake CTF is the sole exception). Many of us were the kind of folks who were always picked last on teams, and as such we just learned to hate the concept altogether.

Food is anyone's guess. Again in my own group of friends, we like to keep it simple. Pizza, poutine or good old cold cuts. And good beer! Labatt Blue for the feeble, Guinness and Heineken for the connaisseurs :) Don't forget vodka or wine-based coolers for the sissies.

Then comes the tricky part : music. As it just happens, I'm a music freak. I am very picky and discerning about my aural sensations. You don't need to hire a stupid DJ (since all the good ones have regular gigs and don't do house calls), but just don't put on those anal-retentive DJ MC Gino Bling-Bling Mega-Hit-Mix-XP compilations and let it repeat all night (the 'shuffle' function doesn't help, either). Have someone throw together a decent playlist for good variety and let the mp3's stream all night, but most importantly hide the stereo so people don't start nagging you to play their favorite Yoko Ono records.

So basically, keep it smallish, keep it simple, and most importantly : listen to what the people want in a party. It isn't *your* party, it's *everyone's* party.

Make it Optional

[hether]

That will save you a lot of trouble and cut down on your planning. Let the true introverts go home and do their own thing.

If that's not an option, I strongly second the idea below that social games that are intended to force people to cooperate or interact should be avoided at all costs - especially ones where you are forced to make animal sounds. I liked that when I was about 10, but am not comfortable with that now and doubt many others are either.

Actually, forced participation in anything, even a gift exchange, is wrong. That should be optional too. Just let people do their own thing.

Re:Yeach! Thats an awful idea.

[Tackhead]

> As a self professed introvert, I have to say that [the animal / sticky label on your back game] is the worst idea ever.

What he said.

I loathe making small talk. I suspect I'd amuse myself at an animal-game party by saying "Senator?", "Marketing Guy?", "Spammer?", "The goat in goatse.cx?" or other some such quasi-geek humor until the annoying person talking to me went away.

I agree with the ones who say that if you wanna get the introverted techies talking, you gotta talk their language.

Read Slashdot for three days before the party. Pick the top five stories by number of comments. Ask the geeks about the subject matter. (Even if they don't read /., they're probably interested.)

As a non-sportswatching-geek, I'd much rather talk shop than talk about the latest reality TV series or sporting event. (My lust for tribalism is satisfied by watching matchups like Microsoft vs. Linux, or RIAA/MPAA vs. Everyone. YMMV.)

Of course, if you do this, don't expect to understand the conversation that follows. Don't try and bluff -- we'll spot that from a mile away. Just find two people interested in these things and get them in a conversation with each other, and then quietly go away. The rest of the geeks will gravitate towards that cluster and geek out amongst ourselves, leaving you alone to go do whatever sorts of things it is that extroverts like to do.

Re:Things to remember with introverts

[Tackhead]

> I saw one suggestion in the posts that was cool, 4-player party video games.

A Marble Madness, Joust, or Gauntlet machine rented from an old-school "classic game" operator will run you a few hundred bucks for an evening (Sounds expensive, but consider the weight of the thing and that the operator has to travel to your place to plug it in. Time and hassle is money.) and be a great way to either bring out the introverted geeks amongst each other.

Even if there's only one introvert, it'll give him something to do while waiting for the party to end ;-)

comfort zones

[HighTeckRedNeck]

I for one have never understood the concept of drugging yourself into stupidly as a form of having fun. Nor am I of the type to endlessly discuss inanities of the latest instantiation of "the circus". The "bread and circus" appreciators (extraverts) need to recognize that others have things they would rather do with their life than waste it discussing wasting it. Those that don't get into this behavior mode get labeled as introverts and social misfits when the reality is that they have much broader horizons of interest that turn the extraverts off. Get a group with common interests together in a non-threatening atmosphere (e.g. no extraverts sneering at them for not knowing the ins and outs of the latest fad) and they can have enjoyable times. The problem can be that there are many different subjects to discuss and this lowers the probability of encountering common cause. Over time introverts tend to give up on "parties" as boring and sneer filled.

Go with the basics- Good food -variety here. Remember that there are people with food allergies and they don't want to get uncomfortable having to explain why they aren't "appreciative" of the generosity. Nore do they want to go hungry when others are eating.

Good drinks- again variety - there are people that don't drink alcohol for religious, medical, addiction or other reasons and they don't want to get uncomfortable having to explain that either. Many introverts don't appreciate dealing with drunks either. Your company may not appreciate the liability.

You can make the food and drinks a topic of conversation and exploration by having various countries represented. Introverts tend to explore more than extraverts. (After one unenjoyable party why waste time at the next)

Music- you might try several areas each with a different type and not so loud that it disturbs conversation.

Don't forget the eye candy, but forget about smell and touch, too many strong emotions/liabilities there.

Do not try to force conversation but encourage it by creating a variety of situations where any given individual can find a comfort zone. Also try encouraging conversations in topics that people are comfortable with and can find others with similar interests. Give each person a nametag and urge them to put two or more topics they are comfortable with on it. This cuts down on both the bother of name remembrance and topic discovery protocol. These can be killers for introverts.

Remember that there is more to life than football and gossip. Finding other topics quickly and easily is a problem.