Telemarketers and Cell Phones?

jjshoe asks: "I have received one bumbling voice mail from a woman who seemed very confused as to why I wasn't there, like her auto dialer transfered her call to my cellphone in time for my voice mail, one missed call, and one in which I actually talked to the woman. My concern is that this all costs me minutes, which of course equals money. What laws are out there for me? What bills are out there waiting to head their way towards becoming laws? What can I do to be compensated for time? After I screamed at the tele-marketer lady she said she would mark me as a wrong number, but I still don't believe this is enough." Considering most tele-marketers use auto-dialers, would it be so hard to grab the definitive list of area-code/extensions that are exclusively used for cellular phones and just apply that to their dial-out lists?

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette's website was the only site I could find that had any information on cellphones and solicitation.

Note the first question from 'JOHN PUHATCH':

Q: Regarding the sole use of wireless phones as an alternative to a land line connection, as I have done for nearly two years: You stated that tele-marketers do not call wireless phones. If only that were the case. Tele-marketing agencies have regularly contacted me on my cell phone concerning everything from vacation homes to long-distance service. My assumption is that these agencies secure my cell phone number by buying information from the plethora of forms and applications that require home telephone numbers but leave no place for a cell phone.

And the answer basically amounts to, although we do have some protections, we can still be screwed:

'A: [...]In short, John, you lost your chance at a telemarketing-free life when you filled out those forms with your phone number. May others learn from your mistake.'

Does anyone have any advice on things I can do to get these tele-marketers to stop calling on my cellphone?"

Most land-based phone companies allow anonymous-call blocks these days. Are there cellular phone companies doing anything similar?

telemarketers are good

[squarefish]

just ask this guy. [slashdot.org]

Could Be Worse

[peterdaly]

A guy I work with gets calls a few times a week (usually at odd hours, so he gets voicemail.) The calls usually are along the lines of "Hey this is -firstname- from -companyname-, the state says it is ok to dig. Thanks, seeya." When he does answer, the people don't seem to want to talk and tell him who they were expecting to get.

We to this day don't know who the callers are trying to get, but there sure are a lot of callers, and whoever is supposed to get the calls sure digs a lot of big holes.

Someone probably has a document in their customers hands with the wrong cellphone number on it. Makes for a good laugh every now and then.

-Pete

Best telemarketing call

[Anonymous Coward]

Me: Hello, Hello?
Telemarketer:Hello sir, I'm calling from [some bank name]. I'm offering credit cards at special low rate.
Me:Yeah, what cards are you offering?
Telemarketer:We offer AmEx, Visa, Mastercard, and Diners Club.
Me: Cool, put me down for all 4!
Telemarketer: Pause... Umm, we only give you the one with the best rate.
Me:Oh, Ok, put me down for all 4.
Telemarketer:Pause. Ok, sir, I just need you to answer a few questions... Is your household income over $1000.00 per month?
Me: Nope.
Telemarketer:Ok, um household is EVERYONE in the home. Is it less that $1000.00?
Me: Yep, we make around $750.00 per month.
Telemarketer: Is this Mr. Mike Douglas?
Me: Nope.
Telemarketer: Who is this?
Me: Who is this?
Telemarketer: My name is Mike Pringle.
Me: What are you selling?
Telemarketer: I'm offering credit cards. Who is this?
Me: This is Mike Pringles. I'm Offering you a low low rate credit card, would you be intrested?
Telemarketer hangs up.

Solid Gold!

Re:Could Be Worse

[zulux]

A friend of mine had a phone number that was a two digit tranposition of a local Pizza Hut. When one of their stupider customers would call, he'd politly take their order, but would tell them that they coulden't deliver to their area as IT WAS FULL OF MAN EATING PIZZA MONSTERS. He'd then hang up.

Re:It's a solved problem - USA just needs to catch

[Anonymous Coward]

So THAT is what the TPS reports are for...

Hmmm

Re:Best telemarketing call

[l33t j03]

Usually I just say something like "Hang on, lemme take these clothespins off my balls" if its a guy.

If its a chick I say "What color panties are you wearing?". If they don't hang up they'll either keep talking, or make a smart ass comment. Thats when I bust out with "It doesn't matter, I strangle 'em with whatver color they have on anyway."

That does the trick, normally.

Just say No... or lie :)

[Static242]

I recently switched to cell phone only, giving up my dependence on a land line. When people ask for my phone number I go through the following routine (which assumes I don't want to give them my data):

Question to whoever: Why do I have to give you my number?
Salesperson Bob's Answer: Oh, uh, we just need it to, uh...
I tell Bob: No.

I keep my phone and they don't get any info on me. I am probally there to get a item, not give them anything.

Question to whoever: Why do I have to give you my number?
Salesperson Bob's Answer: We have to have it for corporate.
I tell Bob: No
Bob Replies: I need the phone number or I can't complete your order.
I tell Bob: Let me speak to a manager.

I again keep my phone number giving them nothing. If I have to give a number or I can not purchase the item, then I go somewhere else. Yet again, I am there for an item not to pander to their database whims.

If you give them your phone, then you might as well give them your address. After all, they are probally going to ask for that too. So now you have spam on two fronts (phone and smail).

Sometimes they ask for my email. So...

Salesperson Bob: I need your email address.
Answer: Sure thing. It is G... double E... T... B... double E... N... T... @hotmail.com

Somehow telling them double E just bypasses some section of the brain and they fail to realise I am telling them to get bent!

How is this illegal?

[ringbarer]

Imagine the scene. A young woman living in her apartment by herself. The phone rings. She picks it up and it goes silent.

Again, several times a night. The phone rings. She picks it up. No-one on the other end.

How the HELL is this method of 'advertising' different from the actions of a depraved stalker?

Re:Junkbusters Telemarketing Tips

[Jordy]

Sure, you *could* go that route... or you could have a conversation akin to:

Telemarketer: Hi, I'm Joe from Work Hard Industries, I'd like to talk to you about our Wang Big Supermower!

You: Sure Joe, I'd be happy to hear about your Wang Big Supermower if I can first talk to you about Jesus.

Unfortunately there are instances where that doesn't work. Some people apparently like to talk about Jesus... go figure.

Witty banter w/ telemarketers

[Bistronaut]

A buddy of mine comes up with some good anti-telemarketer lines. A couple of weeks ago he was called up by someone hocking the local paper.

Telemarketer: Hello, would you like to recieve the [local paper]?
Guy: I... can't read.
[pause]
Telemarketer: At all?

Re:"Put me on your do not call list."

[guttentag]

I typically do this, but one day I got a call from someone trying to sell me AT&T long distance. As usual, I said, "put me on your do not call list."

"All right," she said, "I just need your name."

"You don't need my name. You just need to put the phone number you just called on your do not call list, as required by law."

"I can't put you on the do not call list unless you give me your name, address, phone number, email address and answer a few questions about why you don't want to save money with us."

So I told her my name was John, I live at 123 Main Street, and my email address is [e-mail]. At that point she hung up on me. Someone else called from AT&T the next day, looking to sell long distance. I told him about the ordeal I went through the day before, and he promptly hung up.

Ever since then I just put them on hold whenever they call. "Yeah, I'm really thinking about switching my long distance, because I make so many calls and my bill is so huge. Can you hold on for a minute?" Five minutes later: "Hi, you still there? So what was it you said you were offering? Uh huh. Oh, hold on a sec, it's my call waiting." And then I leave them on hold for about an hour before hanging up.

My roommate prefers to waste his time driving them crazy. He'll wait for his turn to speak, pick some abstract word, like "Cheese" and stick with it.

"So how are you doing today, sir?"

"Cheese."

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that."

"Cheese."

"Um... OK. I'm calling from AT&T and we thought you might like to take advantage of the opportunity to save some money on your long distance bill."

"Cheese."

Re:It's a solved problem - USA just needs to catch

[PaxTech]

If they ring you when you are on the TPS, you get medium large amounts of cash from them.

Ah, so that's why we're putting new cover sheets on our TPS reports [imdb.com]!

Re:Impediments to telemarketing reform

[Anonymous Coward]

and I quote
"Telemarketers are people too. Although many telemarketers are colored,..."
fuck you negro, I *am* colored, but I aint no god damned telemarketer.

An Even Better Telemarketing Call

[CmdrTaco (editor)]

Taken from Harper's Magazine, July 2002

From a telephone conversation between Bob, a telemarker for a cemetary outside Louisville, Kentucky, and comedian Tom Mabe:

Tom Mabe: Hello?
Bob : Is Mr. or Mrs. Mabe in please?
Mabe : This is Mr. Mabe [sounds of Mabe crying]
Bob: Hi, Mr. Mabe. This is Bob, and I'm calling you from Evergreen Cemetary. How are you today?
Mabe: Not that good.
Bob: Oh, I'm sorry. The reason I'm calling you today is to offer you some peace of mind through pre-arranged burial plots. You can rest assured that all of the details can be taken care of for you. [Sounds of Mabe sobbing.] Sir?
Mabe: Bob, you're not going to believe this. I lost my job on Thursday. Company closed shop. My-my wife left me.
Bob: Oh, I'm sorry.
Mabe: And I'm sitting- But this- this is so bizarre. I was sitting here contemplating suicide, and I was praying, asking God for a sign.
Bob: Yeah, but I'm just calling you because your name is on the list.
Mabe: But no, you don't understand, just five minutes ago I was- I was just praying and asking God for a sign, and you called.
Bob: Yeah, but I'm just doing my job.
Mabe: I know, I know, but- something's in control, I don't know what it is. You're the Angel of Death, man!
Bob: Listen, is there anybody that I can call for you?
Mabe: I've been working for this company for about six years now, and we just got a bigger house. We have a two bedroom house. And I lost my job. The company, they just shut down. My wife, she's just frustrated, she's back in Vermont. And- things aren't working.
Bob: Do you have any kids we can call, we can contact?
Mabe: He's six years old. He's at his grandmother's house. I mean- just five minutes ago I was praying, saying, God, help me through this, give me a sign of some sort- And you called.
Bob: No, no. I'm not that sign.
Mabe: You're the Angel of Death.
Bob: Look, I can call someone and have somebody come right over there for you.
Mabe: No, I'm glad that you called. I could use your services here. I mean, how much is this stuff?
Bob: Well, you know, we have different price ranges for different sorts of plots.
Mabe: Is it, is it- So it is kind of expensive, though, some of it?
Bob: No, it's very affordable. And this way you could take care of all of it.
Mabe: Do you do financing down there?
Bob: Mr. Mabe, you know, you just got done saying that you're thinking of taking your life. Do you have, I don't know, a credit card? Or a checking account?
Mabe: Hold on. [sounds of Mabe crying.]
Bob: Let me ask you this: if I got the paperwork out to you, say, this afternoon, do you think maybe you could hold off until tomorrow?

The Python Way

[SomeGuyFromCA]

Last time someone telemarketed me, I went into the Monty Python & The Holy Grail French Taunter bit.

"YOU TINY MINDED WIPER OF OTHER PEOPLES' BOTTOMS! NOW GO AWAY OR I SHALL TAUNT YOU A SECOND TIME."

Silence. Then this tiny little female voice with a wry slant said, "Next you're going to tell me you're already got one, right?" Made my day (and probably hers) and we ended up chatting. Too bad she lived 6 states away. ^_~

Re:Don't answer

[ralphbecket]

There is a simple, effective answer. Make sure you supply the phone number of a telemarketing firm on the forms instead.

Re:"Put me on your do not call list."

[dghcasp]

Heh.

When I was a young, pimply faced pre-adult (as opposed to now, when I'm a middle aged pimply faced childish-adult,) the only jobs I could get were with telephone soliciting companies.

Now this was in the days before (a) do-not-call lists, (b) war-dialers and (c) calling-line ID. We worked from pages torn from the local phone book, holding our heavy 2500 set [csus.edu] phones uncomfortably to our ears as we vainly tried to sell whatever warez we were pushing for minimum wage.

People didn't scream at us that much in those days, but you always got a few who did. When it happened, you made a "stress relief" call, to one of your carefully collected list of numbers of people who were either (a) always drunk, or (b) never home and had answering machines.

My favourite was leaving messages that their moose was sick and they'd better get down to the vet's office soon before it died. The next day, you'd leave another message, saying the moose was dead and "confirming" their name & address to send the large bill for the funeral to... and leaving as a phone number that of a pizza store.

Ah, fourteen...

Re:"Put me on your do not call list."

[Steve G Swine]

One of my finest moments was getting a call from Sprint offering to change my long distance service.

"I'm sorry, I don't have a phone."

(pause, pause, pause) "Then how am I talking to you?"

"I'm... not really sure."

(pause, pause, pause) "Thank you." {click}

Adventures in Telemarketing

[Keev]

On two separate occasions, I've gotten calls from telemarketers... while riding in an elevator! This wasn't on a cell phone. It was the little elevator emergency phone.

Me: (after some looking to see where the ringing was coming from, opening the little door, and picking up) Um... Hello?

Telemarketer: Good afternoon. This is the Seattle Times we have a very special...

Me: Do you realize you've reached an elevator?

Telemarketer: (puzzled pause) Uh...Sir, let me check if we have your correct address...

Me: It's the 17th floor.. no wait.. the 18th.. no, wait.. now it's the 19th...

(And so on)

Apparently some office building are rigged so that even the elevator extensions have direct-dial...