Advice for a Dad-To-Be? 381
chrysrobyn asks: "Huzzah! After a few years of trying, my wife is pregnant (due 5 November). I've read about fellow Slashdot readers who are some new and experienced parents. I've certainly read about lots of people getting engaged and married. I'd like to ask for advice on the matter from people in my demographic. What do you wish you had known before child #1 was born? I'm not asking 'how does a geek raise a child?' or 'how do I overclock the activity sets?', but I don't personally know many two income families who are in this position. We sometimes work long hours, and that will either come to an end or we'll put in lots of effort to work around that. What do I do? What do I expect? Are there any products to stay away from? I'm going to be a dad!" Congratulations, on your new family member, chrysrobyn!
my only advice to all parents. (Score:5, Funny)
2. Diapers go on the stinky end.
3. NEVER EVER get those ends mixed up.
Re:my only advice to all parents. (Score:2, Funny)
Save the PC (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Save the PC (Score:2, Funny)
Wait
Re:Save the PC - HIDE EVERYTHING (Score:3, Insightful)
My 2.5 YO phoned a client's voicemail today. I had locked my phone but he can power it off, then on, then the lock is off. Also, someone in our house regularly changes the OGM on the answerphone - I wonder who?
Baby monitors have been plugged into the wrong transfomers - bzzzt! (One of my kids put the feed from the transformer into their mouth once - they didn't do that again!)
Radio alarm-clocks have been retuned or reset, l
Google (Score:5, Funny)
Seriously though, keep your sense of humor and perspective on the whole experience. If you have the humor of a kid, then you can understand a lot of what makes them tick, and can see things from their point of view. If you work on this, then you can see the world through your kids eyes. This not only helps your personal enjoyment of living, but help you see how to deal with those arguments/fights/frustrations as well. If you can see it in your kids perspective, then you'll be better able to troubleshoot or debug the situation.
For reference, I've got a 5 year old boy and a 4 year old girl (with apraxia [apraxia-kids.org]). Congrats and have fun!
Re:Google for kids (Score:4, Informative)
If I'd tried this 42 days ago I would have discovered the meaning of life....
Another example of Googlewashing
Re:Google (Score:2)
Man y0 must be l33t!
Re:Google (Score:2)
Naturally the questioner was confused.
And for a very good reason; here on Slashdot there have been many references to kids or, rather, full-grown goats.
Congradulations!!!!!! (Score:4, Insightful)
Re:Congradulations!!!!!! (Score:4, Funny)
Also, read [epinions.com] these [epinions.com] books [epinions.com] , NOW!
less sanitised books (Score:3, Informative)
Being a good parent is very difficult. It is much easier to start off with good habits and enforce them, rather than duck them and try to sort them out later.
Sleep is absolutely critical- both yours and theirs.
If you can't get sleep right, you get an over-tired irritable child which develops a whole lot of other problems e.g. behavioural problems. People always say to us "aren't you lucky, your children sleep really well". It's not luck. We worked hard at it, it was difficult, but it was well worth it
Re:Congradulations!!!!!! (Score:3, Informative)
Just remember to always turn the light on when you get up in the night. Lego's really, really hurt when you step on them with bare feet.
Three pieces of advice... (Score:5, Informative)
1) Do not tell anyone you are pregnant until 12-15 weeks. Miscarriages are quite common and you will feel horrible if it doesn't work out.
2) Do not tell your friends/family the sex or the name of the baby until he/she is born. If you tell everyone these details upfront, there is much less suprise and interest when the sepcial day finally comes. I have had 2 sets of friends who were told the wrong sex (it is never exact unless you have genetic testing) and boy were they red faced (and stuck with the wrong clothing and no name).
3) Buy a PVR or a TiVo if you ever want to watch TV again. PVR's are a new parents best friends.
Re:Three pieces of advice... (Score:3, Informative)
Re:Three pieces of advice... (Score:2)
On a related note: just revisiting this gem this week... if you happen to leave your VCR near the floor with a toddler around, make sure you tell them not to stick their fingers inside.
Re:Three pieces of advice... (Score:2)
Mike
Re:Three pieces of advice... (Score:2, Informative)
Also, make sure your wife breast feeds for a year.
Re:Three pieces of advice... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Three pieces of advice... (Score:3, Informative)
Your most frequented resturant in the near future will be McDonald's. Forget anything where
Re:Three pieces of advice... (Score:2)
Re:Three pieces of advice... (Score:2)
Some of us just skip the kid and go right for the toys...
--trb
Re:Three pieces of advice... (Score:5, Interesting)
We stopped eating 'ready meals' and almost all our food is now home prepared - if you give your child what you eat you don't have to prepare 'kiddy meals'. When we eat out he either has some of ours or we order a proper starter for him (usually both). Only in France have we ever bothered with meals aimed at children because in that restaurant it was a small adult portion. He still likes (and gets) chocolate and crisps but most of his diet is real food.
I agree about the TV except - teletubbies (I hate it, he loved it but has now grown out of it) and Bear In The Big Blue House. If you can get them Thomas The Tank Engine and Bob The Builder are good - Bob The Builder is an excellent role model for small kids.
When your child is newborn to about 1 year remember to watch TV with teletext subtitles (closed caption?) to keep you sane with the crying.
My final tip - spent time with your child s/he will soon grow and you shouldn't miss any more than you can help. Cut out the late nights - fulfill your work obligations but be at home as much as you can. You should have a better relationship with both your wife and child. They may change as they get older but children would rather have your time than the toys you work overtime to buy.
Oh and a final tip - listen with your eyes when your child talks, don't watch TV or read when being told something which is important to her/him.
Re:Three pieces of advice... (Score:2)
ooops, I ranted.
Re:Three pieces of advice... (Score:2)
As a follow to number 1, grok the fullness of the fact that you've a 33 percent chance, simply by being pregnant, of miscarrying, and a miscarriage is generally a *good thing,* as there was a wrongness. You can always try again in a month or two.
Not a month or two (Score:2)
Re:Three pieces of advice... (Score:2)
Seriously -
1) You will not get much sleep the first few weeks/months - this too will pass...but it takes awhile.
2) Every kid is different!
3) Babies are sacks of potatos till maybe 4 months old.
4) The first time they actually smile or chuckle will absolutely melt your heart(even a geek)
5) Once you bring the baby home - the first likely problem is feeding them. Mom may not have her milk come in for upto 5 days after t
things to consider... (Score:5, Informative)
My partner and I had our first child 7 months ago, and it has been wonderful, we, like you are yours, both worked long hours and made a choice, luckily, my employer has allowed me a flexible schedule (nights and weekendss for a couple of years) so that I can stay home with our child. If the possibilty of one of you staying home does not exist, and you do not have a trusted friend or family member to look after your child, and thereby witness a ton of firsts, you need to start looking now for a day care provider. Pimp friends and family for recommendations, check with the local child and family services organization regarding the recommendations, and then do two visits, on announced, and then one not announced, so you get a feel of the places.
Secondly, baby monitors can wreck havoc upon wifi systems, even if they aren't in the same frequency range. Don't ask me how, I have stopped trying to figure it out. We only use the monitor when it is necessary.
If you are working while watching your child, be prepared to work in 15 minute spurts, and choose tasks that you can leave undone and go back to. Your child may be wonderful in this regard, mine is happily playing away in his exer-saucer while I am doing this, however, some children need constant attention and interaction.
Learn to take time for yourself, and learn to give your wife time as well. Your little bundle of joy will be just that, but he/she will also be exhausting, physically and mentally. In a good way, not in an up-all night because someone forgot to process a batch job corectly way...
Buy a car seat that is set up to be "staged" meaning that it has settings for newborns, babies and toddlers, it will cost more in the short run, but in the long run, it will save you having to buy three car seats. Same with the travel system.
Also, buy a wipes warmer. It sounds odd, but your child will be much happier having himself cleaned with a nice warm towelette as opposed to a cold one.
Most importantly, enjoy. This is a wonderful time, an excellent time, and so full of amazing activies.
It is a great excuse to get new hardware, digital cameras, photo printers and such.
Good luck and congratulations.
Re:wipe warmer and car seats (Score:3, Insightful)
We regard it as one of the signs of an "uber-mom." Right up there with Eddie Bauer stroller, the $75 patagonia fleece jumper that will be outgrown in 2 months, and yoga for infants. (Don't get me wrong, we put our kids in play groups, but not $20/hour ones.)
Also, as far as the point about car seats, I would NOT recommend getting one that fits 3 stages. The goal is not to but the least amount of gear, the goal is to protect yo
Re:things to consider... (Score:2)
> aren't in the same frequency range. Don't ask me how...
Noisy harmonics. This stuff qualifies for the low bar at
the FCC because it's low power.
> I have stopped trying to figure it out. We only use the monitor
> when it is necessary.
That's good, because otherwise you'll end up with a baby like
an insane Rhesus monkey from some 1980's psychology experiment,
or one of those North Korean triplets.
Sacrifice (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:Sacrifice (Score:2)
I know a lot of people can't afford to do this, but most of us in the geek community are making a decent enough salary to raise a family on. We've had to make some sacrifices for her to stay home (Like living in an apartment instead of buying a home, tight budget, etc...), but we still have enough money to enjoy life, and most importantly, our s
Sleep when they sleep! (Score:5, Insightful)
Trust me, Sleep is priority one for the first few weeks.
Cuchullain
Childproof now! (Score:3, Informative)
My wife and I did a lot of things to get the baby's room ready but we didn't figure we needed to do the childproofing stuff till the baby was learning to crawl. That's around 4 months at the earliest, but you will spend that first 4 months actively caring for the baby or sleeping. If you aren't feeding the baby, you are changing the baby, if not that you are changing your close because of one of the prior two. If the baby is asleep then you are asleep. Even when you are at work, you are probably sleeping. Next thing you know the new baby is crawling and then it is all you can do to play catch up with all the things the magazines say you should have done by now.
Next piece of advice, ignore the magazines, you will get enough of the "good parents do this" when your new baby is a teenager.
Re:Childproof now! (Score:3, Funny)
Why don't I just leave my loaded pistols out in plain sight while I am at it, instead of carefully hiding it underneath my pillow. Oh wait
Re:Childproof now! - rent a child! (Score:3, Informative)
"Rent them for a Day"
You will never think of the stuff in your house that is unsafe -- until you watch one of these kids - take it a part.
A book case with large books at the bottom and the "kid" books at the top. Either bottom boooks are stairs or a chair/box/toys are used.
A flower pot is turned over. You ask how a child that is 20 pounds can turn over a large 50 pound flower pot. EASY.
First eighteen years... (Score:2)
-psy
Thoughts from the dad of a 9month old (Score:5, Informative)
Re:Thoughts from the dad of a 9month old (Score:2)
Amen. With our first child we arrived at the hospital at 10 PM and the baby was not born until 4 PM the following day. At one point, the nurse ordered me to go the cafeteria and get something to eat. She was worried that I would faint during the actual delivery due to lack of food.
When our second child was born, I brought my own g
Re:Thoughts from the dad of a 9month old (Score:2)
Re:Thoughts from the dad of a 9month old (Score:4, Insightful)
I'm assuming that it's become more and more common to be in a relationship where the woman makes more money, has better insurance, and has a stronger work identity than the man does. In those cases, daddy might put the carreer on hold, cutting back to a few hours a week, while mommy continues to work 60 hour weeks.
Good luck.
Re:Thoughts from the dad of a 9month old (Score:2)
Re:Thoughts from the dad of a 9month old (Score:4, Insightful)
The doctor is not always right! If you don't feel comfortable with the diagnosis, tell the doctor and if he doesn't acknowledge your worries and help you through them, find a new doctor.
A pediatrician is not neccessarily better than a family practice for all of you.
Don't panic when something odd happens. There are a lot of new things you will experience that will scare the shit out of you. If you have friends with children call them, they've probably had the same thing happen. Don't be afraid to call your parents for advice.
Don't take any crap from daycare providers. They work for you. It is your child, if you think it is dangerous, TELL THEM!
Be flexible with daycare providers. They have seen many children just like yours. They may have recomendations on when to kick the bottle, pacifier or baby food.
Obligatory 'You will not sleep' (Score:2)
Even after the baby's grown a bit, don't assume that you can watch her and work at the same time. It won't work very well.
Contrary to all the jokes, in-laws are a godsend. If your mother-in-law wants to come over to help, and she's not
Get rid of ribbon speakers! (Score:4, Insightful)
I suppose I should have expected this, but the speakers were safe around his less-curious sister (7 years his elder).
Once they get mobile, they can and most likely will destroy anything they can out of sheer curiosity.
While you're locking up valuable/fragile stuff that you don't want broken (the $100 VCR is prolly worth taking a chance with), don't forget general baby/child proofing of the home. There's plenty of sites on advice about this. You won't let the kid out of your sight, of course, but it is better to be safe than (very, very) sorry.
Child Care Takes A Lot Of Time (Score:3, Informative)
When my first child was born, the biggest shock to my system was how much time my wife and I had to spend doing child care. Babies are helpless, so you gotta do everything for them. Maybe if I had younger siblings (or wasn't such an idiot) I was have known what to expect, but I was completely caught off guard.
Forget working on any type of hobby or non-essential home project for at least three months (probably more).
congrats (Score:5, Informative)
apros pos of parenthood in general:
Score +5 for PICTURES! (Score:2)
first impulse? (Score:2)
Priorities (Score:5, Informative)
Re:Priorities (Score:2, Insightful)
Re:Priorities (Score:2)
One other thing about both parents (I'll say Mom for short) working. Sometimes the "Mom" has a career of her own, and wants to work so not to loose that. It's a BIG decision. I'll disagree that good child care costs 700-1000/month - I WISH it cost that, try $1600-$2000/month/child! It really doesn't pay, but it can save your sanity
My wife took the first 3-4 months off, and after that went back to work, but not for the cash, but because she is the ty
Re:Priorities (Score:3, Insightful)
10 Month Old at home (Score:2)
** You will not sleep. Not like you're used to. You might get one good night after 8 months. Eventually this will go away.
** Music works wonders. For my daughter, it was the Doors. Keep experimenting.
** Consider the Ocean Wonders Aquarium (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0 0 005YVRN/qid=1049477770/sr=10-1/ref=sr_10_/002-6279 546-3886455?v=glance&s=baby&st=toys), you'll be glad you did.
** Get on your hands and knees and crawl around and look at your ho
Re:10 Month Old at home (Score:3, Insightful)
Realize you'll never look at life the same way again
As my ex boss (who is a
You rapidly understand about the "Lioness defending her cubs" - Oh yeah, you'll feel that way too, and if you have a girl, you will REALLY understand those jokes about "rules for dating my daughter"
Re:10 Month Old at home (Score:2)
Any boy coming to the house will see my shotgun and shovel by the door under a sign that says, "I know how to use both. Have fun."
Having said that, I think my girl is going to learn how to take care of herself.
Re:10 Month Old at home (Score:2)
Or, quit your job. After the first few years, breasts cease to play any meaningful role for child rearing.
Colic: PLEASE READ (Score:2)
All the medical sites say there's no cure except to wait it out. Our pediatrician concurred, though we tried all sorts of things.
Finally, I found a suggestion on the Net that worked.
REMEMBER IT. TELL YOUR FRIENDS:
Baby Zantac (or any equivalent medication). Our baby had acid reflux and it was burning him, causing terrible pain. Few doctors seem to consider this, but at the
Don't try so hard next time... (Score:2)
Pregnancy. (Score:3, Informative)
The hormonal changes during pregnancy are 7 times the hormonal changes that cause PMS, so even if you win you will loose.
Step One: Lighten Up (Score:5, Funny)
While naked kids running around are kinda funny in a Lord of the Flies way, they will piss on things even more indiscriminantly than a vile cat. You have been warned.
Read my journal, and look at my friends list. I've written plenty on the subject. Go to www.marotti.com and look for my 'geek dad' writings. Honestly, I've already covered most of the basics on the subject.
What else... Learn to work the repeat function on your DVD player. The kid's favorite Disney flick plus A->B repeat equals hours of peace and quiet.
Newborns and infants don't do much. Oh, it'll be interesting as hell for you, but they really don't do anything. Eat, crap, sleep, repeat. If you're lucky (there's two types of luck;) you'll get a screamer. That would be my sister and her husband as infants.
Cut back on the work. My father is a physician. Did and does work 60+ hour weeks. Mother used to run his office, and did the same. I had more toys and other shit growing up than probably 99% of the people out there. Didn't make me any happier than spending time with the folks.
Enjoy the sex while you can. It IS going to change. But I'm sure you can get plenty of advice on masturbation from almost anyone on
bring some mood lighting to the hospital (Score:2)
We brought a string of soft pastel-y x-mas lights to the hospital room. We strung them up and kept them on pretty much 24-7. (I was able to stay in the room in a convertible couch while my wife recovered.)
This had a number of benefits. First of all, the room had only 2 states: 8 flourescent lights on, or pitch darkness. The
Basically (Score:2)
Of course you'll have to deal witht the Evil Cloth Diaper Keiretsu, but that just makes things interesting.
Extended family & time (Score:2)
A lot of personality is laid down very early (first few years,) be it nature or nurture. This is what kind of person your child is, and how your child relates to other people. If you're actually bright creative geeks, raise your own kids if you can.
We won't be a 2 income family. Childcare is so expensive that the second salary means a lot less, especially compared to actually knowing and raising our ow
Congratulations! (Score:5, Informative)
This should get you started
I wonder if there's a Geek Fathers club...
--
Mando
Baby emotions (Score:5, Interesting)
When he was about 6 months old, he was trying to do something. His attempts were pretty silly, because of his inexperience with the world, and I laughed at him. Not a big laugh, just a chuckle.
When I did, he suddenly got a look on his face that was absolutely clear. He was obviously very offended. Then it quickly changed to embarrassment and he stopped trying to do what he had been working on and refused to try again.
I was really shocked. I had no idea that a 6-month-old baby could understand that he was being laughed at (not with), nor that he was capable of having his pride hurt.
I assumed babies were simpler, with very simple emotional responses to physical needs and wants. I never imagined that I could hurt a baby's pride.
I guarantee it never happened again. Since then, I've been very careful to treat him with a lot more respect.
I should also say that he resembles me a lot and I can pick up his emotions easily because I recognize my own reactions. I never realized how difficult it is to be a baby or small child. They have LOTS of fears and frustrations. The worst for him appears to be a frustration at the lack of control he has over his own life. If I want something, I can just take it, and he knows that. If he wants something, he has to ask, and more often than not the answer is a "No" for which he has little appeal. (It's often something dangerous that I can't compromise on.) That lack of control is very stressful to him, which is something I hadn't anticipated.
Take their emotions seriously. Imagine yourself in their position and have some empathy for how tough it would be. It seems to be approximately as tough for them as it would be for you in the same situation, which would be pretty tough if you think about it, so try not to automatically say "no" just for your own convenience. Think about how you would like to be treated if you were trapped in their situation, and treat them accordingly.
Re:Baby emotions (Score:2)
Jason
Re:Baby emotions (Score:5, Insightful)
Find a birth center (Score:2)
When she first got preganant, she didn't want to go to an OB/GYN, but instead go to a birth center and be with midwives. I thought it a bit granola at first, but went to the open house to see what they had.
The place was across the street from the hospital, and they commented on how they can get a mother from the birth center to the delivery room/OR of the hospital in 3 minutes in case there's a problem (like an emergency C-sec
Re: 3 minutes is still too far away for a surgeon (Score:2)
Try holding your breath for 3 minutes.
Try it, then see how long it takes your psuedo-medical team has to get the doctor up to speed as to what's happening, what's been done, and to figure out what to do next.
60 seconds without oxygen is enough to cause brain damage in a newborn. An accomplished OB/GYN can do a c-section in 10 seconds if necessary.
Don't
Sign Language (Score:3, Interesting)
My son is 15 months old and knows eat, shoes, on, and "more" as in more food in sign language. We started him at 12 months. He can only say momma, dadda, hot, look, shoes with his voice, the sign language helps other things. Using sign language and voice he vocally says "shoes" while signing "on". My sister in law is trying to teach him "shiznit" and I'm trying to teach him to say "drunken flirt". In sign we are working on bath, dog, drink, mom, dad, thank you, and milk.
I recommend the book Sign with Your Baby by Joseph Garcia.
ISBN Number: 0963622927 for searching
Amazon.com link [amazon.com] Hopefully this one works.
For all of our shower gifts to our friends and family we get this book. It is so worth it.
Examine your finances carefully (Score:2)
I remember watching a show where they had a couple where both parents worked - I think one even had two jobs. They got on that treadmill and didn't think they could stop and still cover their expenses.
When an expert reviewed the situation they found that she could quit. The IRS was taking a huge chunk of t
A few more tips to add. (Score:3, Interesting)
2 - Kids like a routine. Think about it. Everything that a young child experiences is new. Their little minds are searching for patterns. Sometime a little routine can go a long way.
3 - Get sleep when you can. I made the mistake of taking on an extra programming project thinking it would be good since I could do it from home. As a result I worked when our baby slept. I never slept. Sleep deprivation can ruin the great experience of having a baby. Some sleep deprivation is unavoidable but don't let your gaming, programming, surfing habits get in the way of some quality sleep. Oh yea, don't be fooled into thinking you can get much of anything done while your baby is awake. It doesn't work. Focus on the baby or focus on work. You will be much happier and effective that way.
4 - Exercise. I can't tell you how much it helps to get out and clear your head. Having kids requires a lot of energy. Exercise goes a long way towards cultivating this energy.
5 - Know that your life will change. Your priorities will change. Some of this will be difficult if you aren't ready for it. If you are a busy person already then you will give something up - maybe a lot. Accept it and move on. It's so worth it but you may not always feel that way.
6 - Someone before me mentioned the importance of maintaining your marriage. I can't stress this enough. You and your wife have to make time for each other and work hard at appreciating each other. It's all too easy to get totally focused on the baby and forget everything else. You need each other. The baby especially needs you both. Find out what makes your spouse feel happy, loved, romantic, etc. and do it often. You have to work at it - both of you. I have seen way too many friends split up lately because the stress of kids made them loose focus of what is truly important.
Don't Boil the Baby (Score:3, Informative)
Check out The Story About the Baby [ironycentral.com]. The first year of a child's life, as seen by her dysfunctional geek of a father. Not only is it a great introduction for what to expect, it's hilarious as well. Should be at the top of any geek parent's reading list.
I have a 4 month old, 1st one.. (Score:2)
2. Pampers are a waste of money.. go with luvs
3. Walmart has a very nice baby section much
cheaper then babiesrus.
4. Do those last minute extreme things you always
wanted to do.. Like skydive. After the baby is
born your SO will freak if you do them.
5. Dont bother starting any big household
projects.. once the baby is born you wont have
time to finish any of them. I stripped wall
paper off my stairs about a month before the
baby came.. 4 months later I am just
Advice (Score:2)
Buy your wife a gliding rocker (Score:4, Informative)
If you make a comment to Huggies on their website (Good or bad comment), they will send you a coupon for a free pack of diapers. Also, you will start getting tons of crap in your mail. Look through it, there ar some good coupons in there. We were getting a free coupon each month for Carnation formula from a magazine we had gotten signed up for.
Finally, formula smells bad. For the first several months of their life, your baby's formula will smell worse than their crap. Trust me on this one. The faintest whiff of formula just turns my stomache now.
Most of all, just have fun! Enjoy your baby the first few days when all he does is sleep (It won't last long!). Make sure your wife gets plenty of rest, she'll need it the first several months.
Enjoy your baby!
Chris - Father of a 9 month old boy
w/ regards to Baby Formula (Score:2)
Read about the benefits of breastfeeding [health.org]. Print it out and give it to your wife and have a serious talk about it. It's hard for us guys to believe, but those breasts weren't put there for us.
There are many non-trivial benefits to breastfeeding. Unless the mother is physically unable to nurse, the ONLY benefit to formula feeding is convenience.
Take time for/with your family (Score:2)
This sounds pretty basic, but it is more important than you think. Take time to be with your wife. She is going to go through an emotional roller-coaster ride and she needs you around to support her. If you can, go to the doctor visits with you and try to be as familiar with what she is going through as you can.
Also, after the baby is born, you have to com
Flexible work hours (Score:2)
My wife and I went the other way, she goes in "later" (she gets to work at 9:00), and I go in early, and leave early - I'm in at work before 7:30am, so I get home first. We did it this way because I'm the cook in the family
BTW Congrats - it's a trip
Everything you know is wrong (Score:2)
Take every bit of advice about raising children you ever read in books and completely forget it.
God forbid you neglect and abuse them, but the "parent method" books don't seem to work for a lot of parents (scheduling feedings around the mom?!) because kids aren't necessarily wired the way shrinks want them to be raised.
Don't ever let somebody convinc
Random thoughts (Score:2)
Firstly, you and your wife must decide in advance the following: 1) Natural birth or with pain killers (drugs, epidural, etc.); 2) To snip or not snip if it's a boy (we opted to not circumsize, as it's not required) and don't let your doctor give you shit either way; 3) To snip her or not (the episiotomy). Getting these medical questions settled beforehand will ease the stress during the thick of things.
Go out and buy yourself a copy of The Complete Tightwad Gazette.
Humans require parents (Score:2)
or too engaged with work to parent effectively, you should
hire a full-time nanny. The nanny should be a long-term
position, lasting at least through first grade, not a revolving
door job. The nanny will be your child's actual parent.
You will be a roommate.
Baby proof your computer! (Score:2)
You won't need to do this before they are crawling, but you should so you don't have to worry about it later.
Make sure all of the cables behind/under your desk are out of baby's reach or secured. Little boys in particular are fascinated by cables, and they will pull on them and chew on them. You don't want our infant pulling the power cable out of the back of your computer and then chewing on it.
If your computer is somewhere that your baby can g
Teach your children sign. (Score:2)
Then, sign while you speak to the child. The child's primary block to communication is learning how to make the sounds.
The child won't be able to do the signs precisely, but you'll have communication earlier and it won't slow down the vocalization.
(My uncle had success with this method.)
You're not alone (Score:2)
She's going to cut back, and I'm going to telecommute the days she works, and we'll figure out the rest from there.
some thoughts from a misanthrope (Score:2)
Some little brat pissed on my shoe yesterday in Borders... and his brood mar... mother (carrying an infant and pregnant - showing, again) stood right next to me PRAISING HIM FOR PULLING DOWN HIS PANTS IN PUBLIC. Bitch didn't even apologize. To anyone.
Not that I'm bitter.
OK, now I'm going to make a more rational statement: Stay involved i
RUN! (Score:2)
See this article [theonion.com] for more info.
One word: breastfeed (Score:5, Informative)
Here's a few reasons why:
My daughter turned 2 weeks old yesterday (Score:4, Insightful)
Since I'm new at this "father thing" as well, I am only qualified to give advice on pregnancy and the 1st couple weeks of life...
PREGNANCY:
1) Backrubs are good. Backrubs are VERY good. For valentines day, I got my wife a one-hour "pregnancy massage" at a local spa (focusing on all the typical sore spots a pregnant woman has). Get her one of these. Cost is no object. Schedule it for approximately a month before the baby is due. She'll need it by then.
2) Understanding and patience is good. your wife's body will be undergoing massive changes - physical, chemical, and emotional. These changes will NOT be understood (by either of you) and can be frightening and even embarrassing. Go with the flow. Be there for her. She needs you more than ever before.
3) Get her things. "How about a glass of ice water, honey?" Be proactive - anticipate her needs. It will be appreciated.
4) Have everything ready in advance. Get the room painted. They have "starter kits" with all sorts of things in them that you wouldn't have thought of. Buy a couple packs of diapers. Make sure the room has a good nightlight - you'll be stumbling into there at 3am on a daily basis.
5) There is an online magazine (with accompanying deadtree mag) called ePregnancy. http://www.epregnancy.com/ -- Sign up for the weekly email. It's very good at explaining exactly what is happening week to week. The weekly emails are tailored to the correct week of pregnancy. My wife really looked forward to reading about what is happening to her each week.
6) Get the carseat a few weeks in advance. Take a carseat class BEFORE buying the seat. Once you buy it, PUT IT IN THE CAR and make sure you understand how it works. Do NOT wait until your child is born. oh, and SEND IN THE REGISTRATION CARD for the carseat. I cannot stress that enough. I know, it gets you put on another junkmail list. But it also gets you put on the carseat recall list. You do NOT want to be using an unsafe seat. TAKE THE CARSEAT CLASS. Over 80% of people using carseats are using them incorrectly.
DELIVERY
1) Take a prenatal class. Make sure they do a tour of the delivery unit. Make sure you know where to go IN ADVANCE - the Big Day arrives and you'll be too panicked to have to search for the right entrance to the hospital.
1) Be there for her. Be patient and understanding with her. She's SCARED AS HELL at this point. She's heard all sorts of horror stories about pain. Comfort her. Do what she asks
2) Epidurals are a godsend. We live in the 21st century. Modern medicine is a GOOD thing. Don't be afraid to take advantage of it.
3) Bring a sandwich. You'll be in the delivery room for a while. Your wife will need you there. Make sure it's not a stinky sandwich (I threatened to bring tunafish...)
4) Bring CDs of soft, soothing music (ie Enya). It helps during the contractions. We found a nice CD of Dolphin music at walmart for $4 or so - it's got ocean sounds, soft piano music, etc. Worked great.
5) If your wife is planning on natural delivery (ie no drugs), make sure to have a "focal point" she can concentrate on during the contractions. Also, take your wedding ring off -- she'll break your fingers squeezing your hand against your ring!
6) Help in the delivery. I held one of my wife's legs and counted while she pushed. Watch during the birth. IT'S AMAZING!! It WILL change your outlook on life.
7) Don't be surprised by anything that occurs. There is no modesty left during delivery. Just enjoy it. it's a TRUE miracle.
AFTER YOUR CHILD IS BORN
1) no visitors while you're in the hospital. Use the time to recover and enjoy your new child. Also use the time in the hospital for education. Those nurses know a LOT. Rely on them.
2)
Re:Here's what we did (Score:2)
Re:Lets see... (Score:4, Informative)
Re:Lets see... (Score:2)
Ovol is the One True Substance.
When you make a bottle, put in some ovol. shake it slightly. Let it get rid of the bubbles. All the tiny little bubbles. Your ears will thank you.
Music-aware screensavers and visualizers are your friend. More accurately, they are your baby's friend. Subwoofers are good, too, for floorbound babies.
If possible, have a friend bring over a two year old kid for a few hours. You will find most of what needs to be babyproofed during that time.
Get rid of pets. This is
Re:Lets see... (Score:3, Insightful)
Oh yeah.
Never EVER tiptoe around a sleeping baby. Make normal noise. It will LEARN to sleep THROUGH it. If, however, it is used to having it's sleeping environs quiet as a tomb, it will require it.
Never EVER use 'baby talk.' Do not allow anybody else to babble at your baby like idiots. Your baby will learn what it hears; if you want it to speak, speak to it. If you want it to babble, babble to it. Similarly, read to it.
Reader Rabbit will be your friend. Starts, if I recall, one step below Toddl
Re:Lets see... (Score:2)
Re:Lets see... (Score:2)
Oh, aye, sleep in the same room; the sounds of your breathing will often help them sleep longer, anyway. But not in the same bed. That way lies madness.
Re:Lets see... (Score:2)
One night my wife shook and poked me for 10 minutes without waking me, and a friend (father of 4) fell asleep in the dentists chair having a filling...
Re:Lets see... (Score:2)
With the newborn diapers, we were having to push the diaper all the way into the opening to get it to catch on the little "arms" inside so that we could twist and seal the diaper. It was nasty. You don't want to get stuck doing that. It was also just a real hassle to use.
My recommendation is to skip the Diaper Genie, and go with something else. After we threw ours away,
Re:Stop buying laptops (Score:2)
(Assumed male pronoun for my convenience. And this is more targetted at the Ask Slashdot poster then a direct reply to RobTerrell.)
I wouldn't worry much about that. I don't expect LOAD "*", 8, 1 to do anything anymore (C=64 BASIC, for those that don't know), and I seem to have adapted to all the non-disc based controllers around now-a-days (Intellivision controls).
The thing to watch for is to try to use this time to get the ki
Lucky rich kids... (Score:2)
Dang. You were the guy I used to envy. At my house it was LOAD "*", 1, 1 and then go off to make myself a drink while it loaded.
-:-
Be as open, eager, and fast to recognizing your child's successes as you are to noticing, catching, and punishing his failures / wrongdoings. When the report card comes home with five A's and a B, think before you ask 'Why did you get a B?'