Funny Things You've Seen on Resumes?

noackjr asks: "Everyone wants a great job, but writing a quality resume requires creativity and a fair bit of work (we won't go into actually having the proper skills, qualifications, or experiences -- let's not cloud the issue). Alternatively, sprucing up your resume with a few choice pieces of quasi-truth might set you apart from other 'qualified' candidates (the HR person will never figure it out, right?). A friend from college included knowledge of 'C, C+, and C++' on his resume. He had worked in C and C++ and just figured there had to be a C+ as well (too bad he didn't list C+-). He ended up getting a $50,000+/yr job with a major US tech firm using that resume. Anyone else come across funny/pathetic attempts to improve a resume?"

Programming languages

[GuyMannDude]

I grow weary of seeing lots of young 20-something applicants fresh out of school who claim they have excellent coding skills and then proceed to list about ten different languages including HTML. First, HTML is not a programming language. Secondly, it takes years to learn how to program WELL in a complex language like C++. You may know the basic syntax for ten different languages, but that doesn't mean you're an expert programmer in all. And I'd argue that if you think listing tons of languages makes you look impressive, I would argue you're not much of a programmer at all (unless you've been working for decades).

Another applicant wrote in his cover letter than his goal was to get a Nobel prize. We are a defense contractor. They don't give out Nobel prizes for "Most Novel New Method to Kill People". Besides, this guy had a GPA of less than 3.5. Better get cracking if you want that Nobel prize, pal.

GMD

Well...

[Violet Null]

We all know that the HR people put the impossible into their resumes (5 years of Java back in '96, anyone)?

And we also all know that HR does keyword searches on resumes, throwing out any that don't have the keyword.

So why would't turnabout be fair play?

Re:Time travel...

[Gudlyf]

What's dumber than having that on your resume is having a job posting asking for that! Too many times I've seen it happen.

Hmmm, then again maybe they're onto something in weeding out those who would lie on their resume to get the job.

Not as dumb as you think...

[lynx_user_abroad]

The tactic of including something which obviously isn't right just to get attention is a well proven strategy.

Here's one to watch for: watch for television advertisements where a product is pictured as reflected in a mirror, but the product name isn't mirror imaged. The eye will be drawn to the product name instinctively as the mind is saying "shouldn't that be backwards?"

Some people consider a Resume to be a sales tool; an advertisement for themselves; and in keeping with our long-standing tradition of skirting the truth when advertising, consider it more important to get noticed than to be truthful.

After all, the truthful ones who don't get noticed stand less of a chance at getting the job (or making the sale) than the untruthful ones which make it to the interview.

Re:Programming languages

[rot26]

First, HTML is not a programming language

No, but it's a meta-language, and they usually don't include a space to include the meta-languages you are proficient in. It's easier (arguably safer) to just throw "HTML" in with C, C++, etc, and take a chance on having a nit-picker down you for it, rather than take the chance of it being a keyword some HR drone is looking for and not finding.

Re:Programming languages

[meta-monkey]

I know a few languages really, really well. I'd say C, C++, PHP, perl I know backwards and forwards. However, I'm also familiar with many, many more, like Java, Objective C, SQL, python, JavaScript, several assemly languages, etc. I list them all on my resume, but the best ones first. Now, do I know Java anywhere near as well as I know C++? No! But if I got hired for a job where I needed to do extensive Java programming, I'm pretty sure I could ramp up awfully fast. So why not list Java programming as one of my credentials? I agree with you on the HTML thing, though :)

The Nobel Prize? Eh, if I ran the committee, you guys would have a chance. You make big guns, and the fact that we have those big guns makes our enemies too afraid to attack us, making the world a safer place. I hereby nominate you, GuyMannDude, for a Nobel Peace Prize! (or should that be "Nobel Piece Prize?")

Re:Programming languages

[Johnny Mnemonic]

Free hint: they list all the languages that they have heard about, because recruiters search keywords on the web-based job boards. The goal of a resume is not to prove your skills--the goal of a resume is to get to talk to a recruiter. The interview (or three) is the place to demonstrate your skills.

Anybody who keeps to a strictly modest resume simply hasn''t looked for work in the last three years--getting the recruiter to recognize that you're actually an ideal candidate for a position that they know nothing about is more than half the battle.

Re:Programming languages

[Anonymous Coward]

You are doing a disservice your orginization by automatically writing off all 20-somethings as lacking excelent coding skills. Just because you were out playing football and drinking beer in your late teens and weren't working on commercial software products to pay your way through college doesn't mean all 20-somethings don't have years of experience and the ability to write and even design highly complex projects with high quality levels. In fact, some of the best software engineers I know are in their mid 20s, and some of the worst I know are over 30. Oh, and guess which of them are more expensive salary wise. If I may, let me use myself as an example. I was working for Lotus writing code for Notes/Domino when I was 19, and they were't treating me special just because I was young. They gave me hard problems too. Now, at 25 I have 6 years of good real-world experience... There are plenty of 31 year-olds out there who can't say the same. I'm not saying this is the general rule, but there enough people out there in the same situation that it's worth looking instead of putting resumes of under-30s in the circular file. Interview the candidates and judge them on their skills instead of basing your hiring decision on your age prejudices.

Re:Programming languages

[Tom7]

You may know the basic syntax for ten different languages, but that doesn't mean you're an expert programmer in all.

On the other hand, if you have a good general education in programming with a lot of hacking experience in a few languages, then you sure won't find it very difficult to pick up C#, even if you only have passing familiarity with its syntax.

Re:Programming languages

[foonf]

They don't give out Nobel prizes for "Most Novel New Method to Kill People"

You do know how Alfred Nobel [lucidcafe.com] made his fortune, right?

Re:Additional Accomplishments

[queen of everything]

And of course you have to include your slashdot karma rating. Nothing impresses a potential employer more!

Plus, if its a guage of how much you want to work for the company if they actually get it.

Re:Programming languages

[Kethinov]

First, HTML is not a programming language.

HyperText Markup Language is indeed a programming language. Just because it's child's play compared to C doesn't make it not a programming language. There are only two fundamental differences between coding HTML and coding C:

HTML has an element, attribute, property structure instead of functions, if statements, etc. If this is your basis behind calling it not a programming language, throw out xml and all its variants while you're at it.

HTML is interpreted, not compiled. If that's your basis behind calling it not a programming language, then throw out php and other serversides while you're at it.

Secondly, it takes years to learn how to program WELL in a complex language like C++. You may know the basic syntax for ten different languages, but that doesn't mean you're an expert programmer in all.

Yes, it takes years to get good. Where the hell do most people get their years of programming experience? At a job. You don't get a nice progrmaming job by putting on your resume that you have nothing but an understanding of syntax. You say you know the languages then when you get hired, you look up information you don't know so you can get the job done.

Half the reason the job market is so bad right is because people like you don't give new guys a chance. If they don't have 10 years of experience they're instant crap in your eyes. Well unless someone gives'm a chance, all they're going to get is 10 years of experience in being unemployed.

Learn by doing. Do by working. Embelished resumes are a fact of life.

Not exactly funny when it is on the resume

[MerlynEmrys67]

So you get a resume for a candidate - listing about 30-40 buzzwords that they used to get through the HR screening - I really want to get an assessment of what they actually know - so I will ask them to describe 10 or so of the buzzwords that I am familiar with, Buzzword Bingo, any score less than 8 is an automatic disqualification. And if you score a 9, you had better score very well on the true technical questions.

Then there was the guy who listed an expert network programmer, with skills in Ethernet, TCP/IP etc.

My first classic question is "How does Ethernet work ?"
I drew a blank stare, with a "I don't know" - Time to end this interview and quit wasting my time... Oh well

Re:Programming languages

[Tumbleweed]

I hate to bring this up, but it takes years to be good at HTML, as well, and most of you absolutely SUCK at it even with that amount of experience. *sigh*

If you program in C, you probably suck at HTML. (Yes, I know, the truth hurts, but so will the Troll or Flamebait mod this post will get, despite being Insightful *shrug*).

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:Programming languages

[cperciva]

Secondly, it takes years to learn how to program WELL in a complex language like C++.

No. It takes years to learn how to program well. Once you know how to program well, picking up a new language shouldn't take more than a few weeks, except in the most baroque cases (INTERCAL, BrainF***, etc).

Re:Programming languages

[c]

"HyperText Markup Language is indeed a programming language. Just because it's child's play compared to C doesn't make it not a programming language."

What makes it "not a programming language" is that it's not Turing complete. It's a markup language, not a programming language. A complicated markup language full of browser-specific pitfalls and more standards documents than you can shake a stick at, but without flow control there's a real limit to how much trouble someone could get themselves into.

It may seem like a small distinction, but if I saw a resume with HTML listed as a programming language, I'd assume that the applicant has a weak grasp of language theory. It would certainly make me suspect how well they understood the concepts behind the other 8 or 9 languages they feel obligated to list.

c.

Re:Programming languages

[Anonymous Coward]

But C++ is definitely one of the most baroque languages out there, and as a whole a lot more complicated than small toys like INTERCAL. Even for very smart people, it takes years to get to the level of knowing 99% of C++ features and being able to judge how to best combine them to solve a particular design problem. A below average programmer may never get to that level.

Not the language, the system.

[nemeosis]

People often forget that, it's not the language you know, but the system that you program for that's important.

Learning the syntax of any programming language is incredibly easy, and once you understand the fundamental concepts of programming, you can apply it to any new language that comes out. Whether you're a C++ genius, a Java guru, a Perl hacker, a VB monkey, a Python hippie, or a Microsoft .NET evangelist. All of the concepts are the same.

What's much more harder, and what takes much more time, is to learn the intricacies of the system that you're programming for.

Writing solid C++ code for Linux, is incredibly different than writing solid C++ MFC code for Windows. The syntax might look alike, but the system calls and whatever else you need is different. The same goes for Java, except with that language, you are more abstracted from the hardware layer, and you program for the Java platform. But still.. you gotta know the "Java system of programming."

How about this question?

[Hoi Polloi]

"What's in my pocket?" That is about as fair as your question. How many people have the fields that come up for commands for every argument combo memorized? That is why we have reference manuals and man pages.

Re:How about this question?

[Fastolfe]

You don't need to know the fields. Anyone and everyone that can honestly claim proficiency with both Solaris and BSD architectures has needed to obtain a "full" list of all processes running on the system. This means they've done a "ps -ef" and, given that they're proficient in BSD also, know the difference between this command and the BSD equivalent.

For those people, it's quite clear which platform gives you more data with that command.

I'd give half credit for someone that responded saying they'd need to read the man page, because that shows me that they know where to look up information they don't know off-hand, but I agree with the original poster: anyone claiming that level of proficiency should be able to make this comparison without one.