Funny Things You've Seen on Resumes?

noackjr asks: "Everyone wants a great job, but writing a quality resume requires creativity and a fair bit of work (we won't go into actually having the proper skills, qualifications, or experiences -- let's not cloud the issue). Alternatively, sprucing up your resume with a few choice pieces of quasi-truth might set you apart from other 'qualified' candidates (the HR person will never figure it out, right?). A friend from college included knowledge of 'C, C+, and C++' on his resume. He had worked in C and C++ and just figured there had to be a C+ as well (too bad he didn't list C+-). He ended up getting a $50,000+/yr job with a major US tech firm using that resume. Anyone else come across funny/pathetic attempts to improve a resume?"

Re:Self Appraisal Goal List

[fm6]

That's reminiscent of something Alan Turing did during WW II. He wanted to learn to shoot a rifle, so he joined one of those voluntary rearguard units. Once he'd learned to shoot, he quit. Not usually allowed, but when they came to arrest him, he just pointed to the form he'd signed. Where it said, "Do you agree to server for the duration of the war?" he'd written, "No." Of course you were supposed to write "yes," but nobody ever checked.

How is that world domination thing going?

Pathetic in the "I'm such a geek" kinda way...

[ChaseTec]

Usually in the extra skills/info section I like to add a little blurb about how I like to play around with writing Operating Systems. It's one of the few things in todays world that instantly lets people know that I'm really a computer geek and not just a normal person working in IT. It was probably what got me the interview for my current job.

Nonexistant institutions

[Lionel Hutts]

In my field, the canonical example is the degree from Princeton Law School. A Google search turns up several references that are not obviously jokes or fictional -- like this [jeanmonnetprogram.org] or this [cs.com] (though those are not resumes).

Re:Programming languages

[Anonymous Coward]

Someone I know very well listed the specialized language used by the tech company they applied to on their CV even though they only had passing knowledge of it. Upon being granted an offer they immediately asked for a start date months/weeks in the future (can't remember exact time span). They spent this entire time building credible expertise in the language.

I wonder how often this happens. I was surprised to learn the company didn't ask specific questions to test knowledge of the language, but I guess your average HR person omits this test.

On C, C+, C++

[cybermace5]

The funny thing about that, is that it possibly did help him get the job. In a big corporation like Motorola, the resumes are scanned and then HR searches for keywords. Your friend managed to get in one extra hit for "C" in the programming section, and quite possibly came out on top of the search.

Re:Programming languages

[Anonymous Coward]

Umm, you're 100% wrong.

HyperText Markup Language is indeed a programming language. Just because it's child's play compared to C doesn't make it not a programming language.

You bolded "language" - but the OP wasn't saying HTML isn't a language, he's saying it's not a programming language - and he's exactly right.

HTML has an element, attribute, property structure instead of functions, if statements, etc. If this is your basis behind calling it not a programming language, throw out xml and all its variants while you're at it.

Exactly - XML isn't a programming language either. It's still just markup. Things start getting a little murkier with XSL, since XSL does have very programmatic structures like loops, (immutable) variable, and templates that can be vaguely analogous to functions.

HTML is interpreted, not compiled. If that's your basis behind calling it not a programming language, then throw out php and other serversides while you're at it.

No one is claiming PHP isn't a programming language because it's not compiled. Perl isn't compiled either (well, not the way you think), but you'd have to be smoking some powerful weed to think it's not a programming language.

A programming language needs data structures. It needs instructions and control flow. HTML has none of that.

Embelished resumes are a fact of life.

Spoken like a true HTML "programmer"...

I know it hurts to hear that all the HTML coding you do doesn't make you a programmer - but get over it. Actually now that I think about it, you probably do some javascript too in your job duties and that DOES count as a programming language, so you can call yourself a programmer after all! Hurray for Kethinov the programmer!!

Re:On a related note...

[dbirchall]

A few jobs back, I was the longest-employed member of a development group, and as such had to be on all the interviews. Our standard question was "What do you think of VI?" (pronounced "vee eye"). Needless to say, any answers involving Visual InterDev resulted in immediate disqualification...

Re:Mechatronics Engineering

[umofomia]

Would you hire someone who stated they were studying 'Mechatronics Engineering' on their resume? The reason im asking this is because I want to know if it sounds like a fake word/profession.

Mechatronics is an actual field. [mit.edu] A mechatronic system combines electrical, mechanical, and/or thermal subsystems under the coordination of an embedded microcontroller to achieve precise mechanical or thermo-mechanical control of a process.

It's a pretty cool field. I took some classes on it while in college. It's a good field for CS people who have some interest in electronics but don't particularly enjoy all the nitty-gritty details of EE.

Re:Programming languages

[ConceptJunkie]

Absolutely true.

A resume isn't a resume any more, it's a list of keywords for some recruiter to search on. He doesn't know what the words means, he's just looking for matches. ...and I say this as a foolishly steadfast person who refuses to put anything on his resume that he can't back up 100%. If I say I can do, then, dammit, I can do it.

It's not your father's job market out there. Employees are commodities, on about the same level as office furniture, except the office furniture gets to stick around longer. You are not a person with a unique set of skills, but rather a list of keywords that may or may not have any bearing on your skill set, or even worse, the intangible benefits of a well-rounded education.

What employers seem to want today is an idiot savant. Someone with superior skill in whatever particular item they are interested in (or think they are interested in), and they don't give a damn about anything else.

I know from experience that "thinking out of the box" may be an overused and supposedly virtuous cliche term, but most managers wouldn't know how to do it and would be frightened or angry if their employees actually did.

I just survived 5 months at a place where, based on my resume and interview (I'm a Windows C++ programmer with 16 years professional programming experience), they couldn't hire me fast enough, but insisted I work like an entry-level person. If an entry-level programmer couldn't walk in on what I was doing at any time and immediately understand it, they didn't want to see it. I probably pee'd a few people off when I suggested that the 4-programmer team I was on could easily be replaced by one programmer and a couple of QA people at about half the cost, and then explained how. But of course, this is government work, you aren't paid the most for getting the job done quickly, you are paid the most for billing the most hours before the deadline.

Sorry, but I'm just a bit cynical about it all these days.

Re:Programming languages

[Molina the Bofh]

Nonono... Trust me. You don't know perl backwards... Simply because perl doesn't allow such thing. In Perl, instructions are run sequentially, going forward only.

If you really want to impress, you must say you know Befunge [mines.edu] backwards. In case you don't know, Befunge is a languge that allows the program counter to move not only forwards and backwards but also sideways. You can see some sample programs here [mtv3.fi].

The interview was a doozy

[baldmenRsexy]

A mall clothing store I interviewed at gave a written test to measure morality & ethics. One of the questions was something like, "when you take drugs, do you prefer: (a) marijuana, (b)cocaine, or (c) I only drink alcohol." Waitaminute! There wasn't a choice for "I don't do drugs."! I wrote my answers in on the Scantron form. Got the job, though I never did understand what they were testing for.

Re:Programming languages

[Zarf]

It takes years to learn how to program well.

I would also say that it takes time to learn a technology or tool used in programming. It takes time to learn the tools/programming techniques associated with Unix, Databases, and Networking. I think employers should look for people with a basic toolset that fills most of their needs and not worry if the person doesn't know their programming language of choice... or the precise toolset they have... but the problem is in the measure of skill.

How do you prove yourself? How do you prove to an employer that your aren't lying or fudging your skill level? So many people do fudge their skill level (and I know for a fact that some people learn more in 2 years than others in 5 at the same job) that many employers inflate the number of years experience a job really needs.

The same inflation is true for college degrees and certifications.

I work in a place where I can assess that my 6 years programming experience makes me inferior on a resume to my coworker with 14 years but a review of our code will show that I really am the better programmer. It would be the same resume bullet, 6 years at X versus 14 years at X... admittedly this guy knows an older version of the language I have experience with only through reviewing artifacts left behind by older programmers...

How should I capture 6 years experience but better than some people's 14? How do you know I'm being honest and not just bragging? How do you know I'm not right?