Weird Presents Anyone? 1406
g8way writes "Now that Christmas is about, it's time for presents. A joyous occasion with much drinking, fruitcake, and butt-ugly sweaters. What's the weirdest gift you've gotten so far? Personally, I got toothpaste, tic-tacs, deodorant, and a McDonalds coupon book in the same package. What's your story of Christmas present mayhem?"
I got (Score:5, Funny)
FP (Score:5, Funny)
Blow-up doll (Score:5, Funny)
I've never felt so pathetic in my life.
My iPod (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Blow-up doll (Score:5, Funny)
So did you try it out yet?
Screw weird, this is the *COOL* present thread! (Score:5, Funny)
My mother in law excitedly handed me my gift this year with a big grin on her face. I opened the box and what was there?
A seagate Barricuda 7200rpm 120gig hard drive!
"Now you can download more movies and burn them to dvd (vcd)" she says.
Large capacity hard drives, the gift that keeps on giving all year long
Re:I got (Score:1, Funny)
Yikes! I hope it wasn't used!!
A Self-Help Book (Score:2, Funny)
Hint... (Score:3, Funny)
Think they are trying to tell you something?
I got a dating sim (Score:1, Funny)
I have big plans for this game. I'm going to use it to learn how to interact with women and to learn what to say to get them to have sex with me.
Once I've perfected the technique in the sim, I'm going to go out and try it for real!
I'll be doing the hokey pokey in no time.
Dude... (Score:1, Funny)
From the looks of it... (Score:2, Funny)
your gift givers think you are fat and smelly
hello, Brittain? (Score:0, Funny)
Anything from "The Shack" is bad (Score:5, Funny)
Oh well, maybe I'll get her back by giving some Metallica CDs.
SCOX (Score:2, Funny)
I would have preferred a roll of Charmin.
You really "cleaned-up" for Christmas! (Score:5, Funny)
Toothpaste, breath-freshening mints, deoderant, and cheap out-of-the house food.
No pattern there.
Hmm. Unless.... Is your family trying to tell you you're spending too much time playing Everquest, and too little time playing "shower"?
Ha. (Score:5, Funny)
6 pairs of black socks
1 can of mixed nuts (i hate most nuts)
A bottle of leather conditioner (presumably for my car)
A pair of cheap $20 headphones (left side doesn't work)
15 losing $1-2 lottery tickets
$10 in gift certificates to Krispy Kreme (love them, but the closest one is an HOUR away. All Dunkin' Donuts around here.)
Speaker stands for the surround sound system I don't have.
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I gave...
My sister a nice Capresso CoffeeTEC coffee maker because her current coffee maker broke, and this does lattes and hot cocoa to boot, which she loves. Also got her an assortment of coffee from Gevalia.
My parents to share, got them 5 classic movie DVDs (Ben-Hur, Citizen Kane, On the Waterfront, Bridge on the River Kwai, Casablanca). My mom a backyard birdwatching and project book, a pair of nice binoculars. My father I got a 10GB iPod (bring his MP3s in his car without him constantly burning CDs), and a new copy of MS Trips and Streets (to replace his 1994 Rand McNally software which he still uses regularly).
-----
I know its not what you get, but the thought that counts, but I think I put in a lot more thought than they did.
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If you think getting clothes is bad... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Screw weird, this is the *COOL* present thread! (Score:5, Funny)
I found it funny that she was advocating downloading and achiving pr0n.
Those were the types of movies she was talking about, right?
It wasn't a present (Score:4, Funny)
It was a message. Your breath stinks, you have BO, and you're too skinny.
Flasher Gear (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Blow-up doll (Score:5, Funny)
Real friends would've bought you the kind with three holes.
Re:My brothers present (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Blow-up doll (Score:5, Funny)
I bet you'll feel even worse when you have to ask for a patch kit next year
In the stocking. . . (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Hint... (Score:3, Funny)
And a pretty fancy one at that.
Re:SCOX (Score:3, Funny)
Shurikens (Score:5, Funny)
Santa's dictionary is F'd (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Hint... (Score:5, Funny)
A gig of RAM (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Screw weird, this is the *COOL* present thread! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Bernhard Langer (Score:5, Funny)
Aww mod parent up (Score:5, Funny)
Weirdest gift I ever received... (Score:5, Funny)
Worse part was, I didn't know when the hell to stop unwrapping.
Re:Weirdest... (Score:4, Funny)
The shirt I got is a little slow, but it means well.
Other than that I got some toothpaste, a toothbrush, and deodorant. I wonder if my mom is trying to tell me something about my hygiene.
Re:A Self-Help Book (Score:5, Funny)
Re:A sweatshirt (Score:2, Funny)
Let's trade. I am a big human but got a medium.
Shocking Roulette (Score:5, Funny)
Re:/. subscriptions? (Score:3, Funny)
A Gift from Nigeria (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Interesting (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Blow-up doll (Score:5, Funny)
Pez Coated Popcorn (Score:1, Funny)
My wife gave me cock burns (Score:5, Funny)
Re:/. subscriptions? (Score:5, Funny)
Weird presaent (Score:1, Funny)
Today I unwrap a present to find a mechanical replica of a Venus Flytrap plant, complete with some sort of sticky insert to trap bugs of all sorts. The box proudly exclaims that "it burps when it's caught a bug"...
<sigh>
Re:Flasher Gear (Score:5, Funny)
Be sure to cut off a pair of trouser legs at about knee height and tie the cut off pieces in place with string on your lower legs just above the calves. That way it looks like you're wearing pants as long as the coat is closed.
Re:Hint... (Score:2, Funny)
Anorexic... with bad breath?
Oddity Under the Tree (Score:2, Funny)
Cologne From Junior High English Teacher (Score:2, Funny)
Re:SCOX (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Bernhard Langer (Score:5, Funny)
How about getting them a Mac? My creationist cousin has one and I get a kick out of him using Darwin.
aedan
Air Horn off of a Big Truck (Score:5, Funny)
Loud? Oh my! The 100 PSI shop air will make it sing. Now, where can I install it?
Re:/. subscriptions? (Score:3, Funny)
Anyone?
Re:Screw weird, this is the *COOL* present thread! (Score:2, Funny)
I found it sick that you even considered that thought.
It's CHRISTmas, not TROLLmas you ignorant jack off.
Best Gift Ever! (Score:4, Funny)
Re:I got a dating sim (Score:2, Funny)
Home Depot Gift Card (Score:5, Funny)
1) The nearest Home Depot is 50 miles away and I don't have a car.
2) You can't use them online.
3) There's hardly anything there you can buy for $25 that isn't sold by the pound anyway.
I'm selling it back to my dad for cash and thanking my brother politely for the thoughtful gift.
Microsoft Games Goddamnit!! (Score:4, Funny)
-"Mom, I don't use Windows".
+"So how do you use Word?"
-"I don't".
+"Oh, Hmm, how do you use MSN?"
-"I Don't!!!!"
+"But I know you get email".
-"Yes"
+"Well that's certainly strange".
-"No, it isn't. MSN is not the Internet"
+"Oh, well here's you're Chrismas present, a copy of Freelancer". (Which is some MS game I never heard of)
Nevermind the fact that I'm 34 and don't even play computer games.
Anyone want an unopened copy of Freelancer?
My Special Gift (Score:5, Funny)
this year (Score:2, Funny)
1) i don't smoke
2) i don't ride a motorcycle
3) i don't collect model
and...
4) they let all the gas out because they are paranoid about the house getting burnt down.
oh, and
5) ???
6) profit
Whiskey Flavored Condoms. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Air Horn off of a Big Truck (Score:1, Funny)
The next time I got cut off I laid into the air horns for about 10 seconds. The old lady just about drove her station wagon off the road trying to get out of the way of the "semi truck" that was about to run her over.
I kept it that way until I sold the motorcycle.
The one I gave to my Mom las year (Score:5, Funny)
When my mother realized it was a joke her first words to me were "Thank Lord was a joke! I was already thinking a way to get rid o it without offend you!" Them I gave her the real present
Re:Blow-up doll (Score:5, Funny)
Boxcutters (Score:3, Funny)
A Twofer (Score:1, Funny)
And I got a sweatshirt with the name of the local pro hockey team on it. Officially licensed NHL gear, purchased from a national department store chain. The team name is misspelled.
Out of date Daytimer....$5. Sweatshirt that slipped past the QC inspector....$7.50. A Christmas tale we'll laugh about for years....priceless.
what I did (Score:5, Funny)
I got them each a Core Set deck. The one more fitting for the geeky b-in-l (Sky Slam/blue) I wrapped simply - just put it in a small box slightly larger than the deck - I also put a $5 bill in. The other one (Burn/red), I put in a large box with heavy objects (several rocks wrapped in paper). I didn't put any names on the packages.
I then let the older/less geeky b-in-l pick the present that he wanted. Being selfish, he picked the larger one. The result: a lesson hopefully learned - and if not, hopeful progress made on that lesson.
I love playing mind games with influential youngsters.
Re:Weirdest Yet.. (Score:2, Funny)
Payments. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Air Horn off of a Big Truck (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Blow-up doll (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Weirdest gift I ever received... (Score:5, Funny)
The high-capacity so-dimm inside didn't appreciate it.
Re:A Gift from Nigeria (Score:3, Funny)
Yay! You can join the class action lawsuit! (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Aww mod parent up (Score:2, Funny)
Hello? michael [mailto]? Listenning?
I must NOT have been nice (Score:2, Funny)
Re:/. subscriptions? (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Blow-up doll (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Blow-up doll (Score:3, Funny)
Does that beat the blow-up sheep we gave my buddy last year? It was called the "Love Ewe"!
Re:I got (Score:5, Funny)
brown dildos? (Score:2, Funny)
stay away from those..
and yellow snow..
and...
Re:You really "cleaned-up" for Christmas! (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Blow-up doll (Score:5, Funny)
Nor do a lot of men... hence the invention of the Real Doll.
Badum-pu-chi!
Thanks folks, try the veal...
Re:My iPod (Score:5, Funny)
YELLOW BRUCE LEE JUMPSUIT!!! (Score:2, Funny)
Re:/. subscriptions? (Score:2, Funny)
Just askin'.
It's mostly men that drink wisk(e)y, isn't it? (Score:2, Funny)
Your wife gave 'm to ya?
Re:Whiskey Flavored Condoms. (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Hint... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Bernhard Langer (Score:3, Funny)
If you really want to prove the point, get them an English translation of The Koran.
I got your crappy present (Score:5, Funny)
Although the end result seems ok
Re:Microsoft Games Goddamnit!! (Score:5, Funny)
Yo Freud, merry christmas!
I'll tell you what I got today (Score:5, Funny)
But at least it wasn't a hot cocoa sampler.
Re:Cologne From Junior High English Teacher (Score:1, Funny)
Is that what they call it these days? In my day, it was just called "jerking off" or "wanking"...
My gift... (Score:5, Funny)
Dad's gift for mom (Score:3, Funny)
Turns out mom left a frying pan there, and the oil caught fire. Mom yells "Cover it with something!". I run and bring a big towel. Mom: "Not that one!". Anyway, we fixed that pretty quick, and other than a lot of smoke nothing happened.
A few days later a strange package for mom from dad appeared under the tree. We all wondered what was it (pretty big, very heavy...) and finally she opened it.
A fire extinguisher.
Re:Whiskey Flavored Condoms. (Score:3, Funny)
Re:what I did (Score:1, Funny)
OK, that is the worst christmas gift - ever.
Re:Screw weird, this is the *COOL* present thread! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:But is it really debt? (Score:2, Funny)
Oh, wait, never mind.
When worlds collide... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Home Depot Gift Card (Score:5, Funny)
Re:The one I gave to my Mom las year (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Blow-up doll (Score:5, Funny)
Re:I got (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Shurikens (Score:1, Funny)
This is the third year in a row that someone has given me ammo. Last year my mother gave me 2000 rounds (actually 1980 rounds, or something like that) of Radway Green 7.62 in battle packs. The year before that my uncle gave me a shipping box of 174 grain Federal Match
I all seriousness, it is deer season, and
Re:what I did (Score:5, Funny)
Damn, you win. That's the weirdest present I've ever heard of.
Regards,
--
*Art
Re:what I did (Score:5, Funny)
Yeah me too. Remind me to tell you the story about the night I met the Bush sisters at a party....
Re:Anything from "The Shack" is bad (Score:5, Funny)
Anyone answering C deserves all the strange presents listed here.
Regards,
--
*Art
Re:Ha. (Score:1, Funny)
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,
Thanx for nothing.
You shouldn't have, Oh- you didn't.
You're so generous. Thanks for nothing.
Never mind all the stuff I bought for you
It was my pleasure, getting nothing back.
Come next year I'm getting you what you got me
Fucking Nothing. See how you like it
I don't have much money but I got you something nice.
I maxed out my cards, didn't care about the price...
To show I care this time of year-
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,
Thanx for nothing.
So I'm a sap, under the Christmas tree.
Trying to find the gifts I thought you got for me.
But there was nothing there- what a shock.
just the torn up wrappings from all the gifts I bought.
Thanx for all the effort to brighten up my Christmas
Thank you for the knife that you stabbed me in the back with.
What a blessing. You're really something.
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,
Thanx for nothing.
I've been so selfless, choosing gifts so thoughtfully
Sweating in a crowed mall and you don't get shit for me.
You selfish asshole. I hope you die.
Choking on your putrid pile of presents 6 feet high
Thanx for making Christmas such a disappointment
Thanx for making sharing seem so fucking pointless
What a pal. I'll tell you one thing-
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,
Thanx for nothing.
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,
Thanx for nothing.
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,
FUCK YOU!
According to Google (Score:3, Funny)
*I* didn't, but ... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Bernhard Langer (Score:3, Funny)
Must be hard, being the only christian in a buddhist-only sport like golf...
Waitaminute
Re:The art of gift giving (Score:3, Funny)
Dude, that's some serious drug problem...you should see a doctor!
Re:Shurikens (Score:2, Funny)
Osama, I am so happy for you! Its nice to know there is still personal love and caring to be found in those dark hiding places. Treat her well.
Re:I got (Score:1, Funny)
Re:This is not funny (Score:1, Funny)
Re:For the anatomically challenged (Score:1, Funny)
A gift from myself (Score:3, Funny)
When they came in the mail, my wife intercepted them and wrapped them and put the box under the tree as a gift to me. She warned me it was a joke.
Imagine my surprise when I opened it and saw what it was!
Did you ever deliver papers to him? (Score:5, Funny)
Practical Gifts... (Score:3, Funny)
Kind of the adult equivilent of socks and underwear for Xmas.
Strangest (and best) present (Score:2, Funny)
Re:I got a legolas poster (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Blow-up doll (Score:3, Funny)
Would you call a bank a dignified place? I for myself don't think banks are a decent place for inflatable dolls.
Re:Blow-up doll (Score:3, Funny)
Re:This is not funny (Score:3, Funny)
No, he wouldn't be complaining.
Umm.. (Score:2, Funny)
Tires and socks (Score:3, Funny)
Although, they could have told me before I got an oil change and tire rotation last week.
Re:I'll tell you what I got today (Score:2, Funny)
Re:I got (Score:4, Funny)
(*) I am 19 and I think it is time to start wondering if they are hiding some terrible truth from me
Re:Blow-up doll (Score:2, Funny)
Um, I don't really know who originaly said that...
Re:Aww mod parent up (Score:4, Funny)
My Grandma got (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Blow-up doll (Score:3, Funny)
For even more fun, coat it with the same stuff the Hindenberg was painted with. That way when they eventually try to shoot it down, it rains down fiery death from both nipples upon the unsuspecting victims.
Re:Air Horn off of a Big Truck (Score:4, Funny)
I Got A Really K3WL Flat Panel Display (Score:2, Funny)
In the same package I got a remake of the old 1950's breakfast cereal surprise toy Rising And Diving Submarine, baking powder (NOT soda!) powered.
My 19 year old daughter understands me quite well.
Re:A gig of RAM (Score:3, Funny)
However, if it is a 1GB stick (~$500 last time I checked), you truly have a kickass family.
Re:I got (Score:2, Funny)
No you idiot, itsa narrow case mod.
Re:I got (Score:2, Funny)
reindeer poop (Score:1, Funny)
Bubble wrap (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Blow-up doll (Score:3, Funny)
What's scary is the link image in the bottom left hand corner for "Real Doll Porn." The last thing I want to see is some guy getting his rocks off into a heap of plastic and rubber.
Re:Christians using Darwin (Score:4, Funny)
For example, the title he gave a certain book was "The Origin of Species", not "Origin of the Species".
Socks (Score:3, Funny)
Re:coal (Score:1, Funny)
Shoudln't that be GNU/Titanic, Inc.?
Subscription (Score:2, Funny)
bizarre gift for daughter.. (Score:2, Funny)
For the weather (Score:3, Funny)
I like in Florida.
But I love my parents, all the same.
Re:My Special Gift (Score:2, Funny)
When I was about 12 my sister (who was 5) gave me a chewed up pencil. When everyone laughed my mom got mad and told us not to laugh as this was one of her treasures. My sister's reply to this was, "No it isn't"
Re:coal (Score:2, Funny)
Whoa...I thought that was the end of your post. I was thinking "wow, that's a pretty open relationship."