Downsides to Intrafamily IM? 514
Frisky070802 writes "The NY Times has run a column on how many families now use instant messaging within a household, for instance to ask what someone wants for dinner. This is especially popular as whole houses get wired (or wireless) and computers are scattered throughout the house. This is the case at my house but I tend to be the only one who stays on AIM reliably. Can Slashdotters offer some personal experience, pro/con, with being instantly and constantly accessible to one's spouse and children? Does this tend to break down your 'personal time'?"
Back to back! (Score:5, Interesting)
Also, I spent the summer working at a contract a couple hours away from home, and would frequently use AIM on my cellphone while at dinner to let her know that I was still at dinner and would be calling a little late that night. My little contribution to be one less person yelling into their cellphone in restaurants.
Re:this is stupid (Score:4, Interesting)
Personal time between spouses (Score:5, Interesting)
It hasn't really damaged our relationship at all, which is nice to know, but it does says something for instant communication while apart.
How big is your house? (Score:4, Interesting)
Big Deal (Score:3, Interesting)
I often get calls on my cell phone from my wife at the other end of the house. At least people are communicating. When I was a kid, my mother would do anything just to get a few words out of me. She would have loved all of these new communication devices.
Maybe for those living in a trailer or shoebox, this concept is hard to understand! :)
anything to end yelling up the stairs... (Score:5, Interesting)
I use it work to talk to people in the next cube over... because it cuts down on voice-noise at work, it allows me to be at my PC and doing other things while someone else's brain churns to come up with thoughts... It also offers some privacy against cube-snoopers who sit and listen to other people's conversations... of course IM is clear text so it's usually just idle jabber... anything more classified requires a trip to Chotchkie's for coffee
Jabber (Score:3, Interesting)
My wife and I use this because we have a basement that's separate from the upstairs of the house (you have to walk outside and back in). Her office is down there, mine is up here, so it's a bit of a pain to talk back and forth.
We also had AIM reliability issues (and I dislike the unencrypted chatter going out and back in) so I set up Jabber on our server here. Works great -- even when the cable modem goes out it's still there. No one else snooping in on the conversations, etc. Also Gaim works with Jabber now (if somewhat buggily) so you don't need to switch clients or anything to add it.
Re:Okay, this is going to far. (Score:3, Interesting)
Away Messages and Profiles (Score:3, Interesting)
IM me u2 (Score:5, Interesting)
IM in the house ? (Score:3, Interesting)
Well, I like IM, I use it every day with. But when I'm a few meters away from the person I'm chatting with, I discovered that opening my mouth to talk was much better. You should do the same, and you'll see that real-life communication with people (especially family) is a nice thing.
Communications (Score:5, Interesting)
It will lead to a break-down in communication.
For example, growing up, I had 4 flights of stairs to travel to get to my main family's floor. I occupied the basement. I got tired of going up and down the stairs and decided to install an intercom. Even less reason to interact with my family I soon became the "hermit".
Kids need to go outdoors, interact with PEOPLE not just for their own good, but for the good of the human race's future communicative skillz!
Yes I know I put a z.
Re:this is stupid (Score:2, Interesting)
[dad]@sbcglobal.net: The deal on laptop batteries and my shaver's but not yours http://www.batteryuniversity.com/parttwo-34.htm
[dad]@sbcglobal.net: Not your shaver that is Yahoo! Messenger:
[kid]@sbcglobal.net has signed back in
[dad]@sbcglobal.net: Do you think this really goes on? http://ask.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=04/01/03/18 28205&mode=thread&tid=126&tid=95
[dad]@sbcglobal.net: I think it is BS. Check your e-mail.
[kid]@sbcglobal.net: ok
[dad]@sbcglobal.net: this can't be happening
[dad]@sbcglobal.net: Hey, how do you set default browsers and other internet applications in Panther?
[kid]@sbcglobal.net: mmmm nope
[dad]@sbcglobal.net: Ah ha! You do it in Safari. And you can set default mail client in Mail.
[kid]@sbcglobal.net: ooo
[kid]@sbcglobal.net: cool
[dad]@sbcglobal.net: you fed the dog, right?
[kid]@sbcglobal.net: ya
[dad]@sbcglobal.net: do you mind if I copy this stuff for a /. post? I'll munge our IDs.
[kid]@sbcglobal.net: sure thang
The times, they are a changin' (Score:3, Interesting)
It does seem strange though especially to visitors. My mother-in-law spent Christmas with us for the first time and seemd to have a bit of difficulty accepting the "impersonalness" of paging your kids. I felt funny about it too until I realized that I actaully communicate with them MORE than if I had to get my lazy ass up, walk all the way across the house, down the stairs and to their bedrooms to ask them a quick question. Besides, I'm generally calling them to come to me (for dinner or to talk face-to-face) so by paging them it actually see them sooner.
I think it is the sign of the times. When new technologies come out there are the early adopters who try to use it in every way imaginable - they "work out the bugs". If the use is truly usefull it will survive. If not it will decline, eventually settling into an equilibrium between "coolness" and effectiveness. for my personal situation IM is NOT effective so it was replaced with slightly older (paging) technology.
We recently got the last of my extended family off windows (and on to OS X) which gave us all the ability to use iChatAV. At first it was cool and new, but then it became a pain. Just because my "buddy list" claimed my sister was on didn't mean she was - it usually was one of her kids or she was outside and she'd see a stack of connections when she'd get back in. Thinking it was important she'd try to IM me only to find me not at my computer so she'd call me long distance only to find out I didn't really have much to say except "Hi".
Half the time I had my iChat activated I was actually "in-and-out" of the room and when I got a call I had to stay by the computer to talk and I was unproductive. So I started setting my iChat to offline or busy and eventually just turned it off when I didn't want to be interrupted. Pretty soon everyone started doing that. I have iChat on right now and NO ONE ELSE IS THERE - not even my kids - and I know they are online because my cablemodem's blinkenlights are going nuts and I'm just typing this.
I think every generation will use new technology in such a way that will dismay the older generation. Heck, I recall reading that blackboards were hailed as the worst thing possible for schools (because students would be looking at it instead of the teacher) when they first came out. Technology changes much and society will change with it. I have to admit that with my wife working nights the kids and I, more often than not, have dinner together around the "magic-expando" coffe table in front of the TV than around our dining room table. My mother would have a fit! All our meals were around a formal table when I was a kid.
Change is the only constant in the universe. And when things change too far in one direction the pendulum always swings back. I NEVER write snail mail any more - but I communicate with my parents (they live in southern Mexico, I live in Alaska) way more now via email than I ever did by snail mail. At first, my mother missed the "hand-written" letters, but now much prefers the quick reliability of email.
There may come a day when students sit at home in front of a "hollow-teacher" instead of in a classroom and people will lament the loss of social interaction. But I know one thing: If physical contact is truly important to human developement we will get it one way or another. If not, our society will evolve into one where socialization will occure "virtuall
Occasionally (Score:3, Interesting)
What happens more often is that someone'll call me on my cell phone from the cordless phone in the kitchen to let me know it's dinner, since there isn't a computer it in the kitchen. Yet. (We're due for a cell phone upgrade, really. Maybe it's time for phones with AIM.)
I never realized until now how pathetic I am... I should e-mail a memo to my family suggesting that we occasionally talk to each other in person.
Re:this is stupid (Score:2, Interesting)
So, it is an opportunity to expose him to proper grammar and business form (hoo boy, I'd better preview this post).
I must admit, when messaging him, I often lapse into im form using all lower case and using the usual short cuts my kid's generation uses (that learning by example thing works both ways).
I don't think my im use has been detrimental to my communication at work, yet--except for that time I blurted out to the senior applications manager "and you'll get mad props from the help desk for finally getting rid of the last printer on IPX."
Re:this is stupid (Score:2, Interesting)
At work, I've IM'd the person *sitting next to me* (Score:4, Interesting)
When we're both concentrating on whatever project that we're cooperating on, being able to send messages asynchronously to each other is fantastic as we can send replies to each other when we've finished a section of work.
Think of it as computer-assisted cooperative multitasking.
My kids are grown, but... (Score:3, Interesting)
I work at home and am online most of the time, but I use my IM particularly to stay in touch with a group of people who belong to the same Yahoo Group and who share a mutual interest in writing. It's the perfect gathering spot; when you fire up your YM, people in the group know you're "at home" as the old-fashioned term once ran, and ready to receive visitors. We use it to hold a weekly hour-long conference, too--sometimes inviting "guest speakers." Works quite well.
My spouse, kids, and Aged Parent can get me in a million different ways--there's the phone, e-mail, or a simple HEY, MA yelled upstairs. I prefer to keep the messaging to a civilized minimum and to have it on my own terms.
Re:IM me u2 (Score:2, Interesting)
At times... the room would be dead quiet and we were all having a conversation. I don't think I'd call it sad. My parents liked it! It's not that often you can have 7 teenagers in a room like that and still have it quiet enough to sleep at 4:00am.
It is funny IMing someone in the same room though.
Re:At work, I've IM'd the person *sitting next to (Score:3, Interesting)
a) Email, because there's no reason for me to try to verbally explain a problem when I can just send the original report, with all the details, over for his review
Or...
b) IM because there are just some things that shouldn't be shouted in a corporate environment, even though I'm already known by my coworkers for loud strings of four-letter expletives, especially when dealing with the marketing, revenue, or legal departments. Also good for sending backchannel thoughts while sitting on giant conference calls (and my phone doesn't have a mute button)
4 years and still going (Score:3, Interesting)
Anxious kids with no social skills? (Score:2, Interesting)
We don't use it in the house (Score:3, Interesting)
Anyway, it's pretty cool in that my kids know they can reach me before the early evening hours. I also know they are home
IM in the house seems really silly to me, but maybe some folks like the quiet...
Re:Get off the keyboard and walk into Junior's roo (Score:2, Interesting)
Enter one good parent, with the intent of installing good morals in their teenager. Beats the Hell out of using software to spy on your kids all day long.
You never saw a teenager clean up their act faster than when they saw a replay of an IM conversation through a sniffer after they complained about slow network access.
And watch how fast the trust breaks between teenager and parent. Keeping a constant eye on your kids will probably deter them from doing anything you wouldn't approve of, however, in doing so, you not only break the trust, but also risk having your kids despise you.
Also, the conversations your teenager has with his/her friends are private, and, for the most part, none of your business. One day your kids will have to face the world on their own, and you won't be there to hold their hand and watch over them.
If you think that's bad, you should see the response a kid has when he discovers that technology means you can be watching even when you're not standing right there.
The immediate response is that they fall in line pretty fast. However, you are also telling them how little you trust them to do the right thing without your immediate supervision.
I have recently moved off to college, but I guess I was fortunate in my home; I held all the keys when it came to the network and the Internet connection. However, I do remember back in the early days of instant messaging when I left a computer sitting wide open with ICQ running. My mom took the opportunity to poke through my logs, and, of course, she was rather displeased with some of the language I had used. She had every right to be angry about what she found, but the fact that she poked around caused an irreversable change. She had proved to me that she did not trust me to handle myself accordingly, and it forced me to lock down every electronic device I owned. It also caused me to withdraw from my family. I used to keep my computer(s) downstairs, in plain view of my parents. However, I moved up to my room after hearing one too many "What are you typing over there?" comments. It caused me to withdraw from my family, but it was the only way I could escape constant harassment and have a little privacy.
And the language 'problem'? Well, it wasn't solved by my mom chewing me out. As I became older, I realized when certain language could be taken as crude and inappropriate.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, instill good morals in your children, show them that you trust them, and it will probably lead to a better relationship.