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The Absolute Worst Working Environment? 1716

Posted by timothy
from the no-feet-we-were-too-poor dept.
goodEvans writes "As I write this, there is a window open behind me with a small jet engine outside. This is supplying vast amounts of compressed air to the aircraft undergoing heavy maintenance in the hangar right outside my door. There is a 6-inch diameter air hose going through the office and out the door. All this requires that I sit at my desk wearing a body warmer to keep out the cold, and both ear defenders AND ear plugs to keep out the noise! And this will go on for half a day once a week! What are the worst conditions you have ever had to work under?" Can you top that? (If top is the word ...)
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The Absolute Worst Working Environment?

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  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:52PM (#8044748)
    I had to get up in the morning, at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill and pay mill-owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our dad would kill us and dance about on our graves, singing Hallelujah!

    Oh, ay. And you try and tell the young people of today that, and they won't believe you.
  • by grub (11606) <slashdot@grub.net> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:52PM (#8044749) Homepage Journal

    Back in early/mid 80's we had to power the computers with coal-fired generators. The geeks would take turns going into the mine to dig out a few buckets of the stuff. We'd lose two or three people a month in "the pit", but dammit, the data had to flow! Pink slips would fly if a single 110/300 baud modem lost power. We were dedicated!

    Now all these young punks with their Just-Plug-Into-the-AC-Outlet-and-Let-the-Power-Com pany-Do-All-The-Work Computers.. spoiled brats.. they wouldn't know a day of work if it hit them in the head.

    Harummmmph...

    Remind me to tell you how we put the hole in doughnuts back in the day...
  • Whatever (Score:5, Funny)

    by shystershep (643874) * <[bdshepherd] [at] [gmail.com]> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:52PM (#8044757) Homepage Journal
    Yeah, well, I'm sitting here in my Aeron chair, in my private office, working on a computer with a 400mz Pentium II processor and a 5-year-old CRT monitor which is running Windows 98. I think I've got it worse.

    (Not that I'm offering to trade, mind you . . .)
  • Easy one (Score:5, Funny)

    by WinDoze (52234) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:53PM (#8044766)
    I had this job once where they expected actual output! And they wouldn't pay me unless I "produced" something!

    Thank goodness that nightmare ended and now I can suff /. at work.
  • Women (Score:5, Funny)

    by Poppageorgio (461121) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:53PM (#8044771)
    I once had my office on a sales floor with about 20 women. You think a jet engine is annoying, try that out for size!
  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:53PM (#8044772)
    Well, this is not in the realm of a Slashdotter's job but before I became an engineer I worked at an airport and part of my job was to perform lavatory service on the aircraft. This job entailed placing a hose onto a two latched system coupled with a lever to finally release the contents. .

    The concept was simple enough. I opened latch one and placed the hose onto the opening. This was provided that the second hatch had not failed and excrement flew everywhere. If things worked correctly, I placed a hose onto the opening and released latch two. Everything would go down via a simple gravitational setup. Often, however, the second hatch failed and would get stuck. This required removing the hose and opening the second hatch by hand and hoping that the excrement had not already released while in transit, and therefore reside behind hatch two. The lever would often fail and there would be a race to reapply the hose before the shit hit the fan, so to speak.

    I could give a better description but I don't feel like reliving this. Back to work...

  • my employer (Score:5, Funny)

    by Disoriented (202908) * on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:54PM (#8044792)

    At my company they make me sit in a small gray box with a computer. The walls are only about 6 feet high!

    And it doesn't end there. My small gray box is just one in a sea of boxes, it's like some cruel farming experiment. Every so often, yet another manager comes by and asks about some memo or putting a stupid cover page on some report. And they expect me to just sit here all day and type stuff into this PC.


    Think outside the box? How?

  • Re:Whatever (Score:5, Funny)

    by EnVisiCrypt (178985) <groovetheorist AT hotmail DOT com> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:55PM (#8044803)
    You have a monitor that runs Windows 98? Cool.
  • windows 98 (Score:5, Funny)

    by gyratedotorg (545872) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:55PM (#8044805) Homepage
    i work in an environment which consists mainly of windows 98 machines.
  • by Short Circuit (52384) <mikemol@gmail.com> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:55PM (#8044809) Homepage Journal
    Being the only tech support rep, and having no authority. For four years. No holidays or weekends.

    Beat that. I was every customer's verbal-abuse toy.
  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:55PM (#8044810)
    So are you actually admitting that you work there? And you didn't post anonymously?
  • by corebreech (469871) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:55PM (#8044816) Journal
    I shit you not, every time somebody would call on this line, a fucking klaxon goes off.

    This company was extremely strange in other ways. The guy who founded it made tents for the Israeli army. He comes into my office one day and sees me debugging code. Mind you, this was a Mac shop, and the debugger on the Mac (Macsbug) does have an unusual appearance. He takes one look at it, and tells me I have a bug. Well, no shit, that's why I'm using the debugger! He says no, that the debugger is a bug, and that he can tell because of the way it makes my screen appear, and to please remove it immediately.

    And how did he get his funding? A really big investment firm whose name shall remain, um, nameless. Turns out that one day they decide they're curious about what this guy is doing, so they send one of their drones over to take a look around. We sit him down in front of the lead programmer's computer, and show him the software that was being worked on. Mind you, this was a fairly involved piece of software, and though I didn't like the framework being used (THINK Class Library) it was nevertheless rather impressive. The drone followed the presentation carefully, or so it appeared, intently staring at the screen during each step of the presentation. Finally, about half an hour later, the presentation ends, and the drone is asked if he has any questions.

    So he asks one.

    "What's that little box in the lower right-hand corner for?"

    He was talking about the grow box. You know, the thing that makes the window grow bigger and smaller.

    So we demonstrate how you can change the size of the window. This, it turns out, was the most amazing thing he had ever seen! He starts nodding appreciatively, as if he's sure their investment in this company is a good thing after all. Then he leaves.

    I think this is when I started smoking pot.
  • by JudgeFurious (455868) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:57PM (#8044842)
    You had coal?

    Wimp.
  • by Capt'n Hector (650760) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:57PM (#8044843)
    As I write this, there is a window open behind me with a small jet engine outside.

    hit command-w, and you'll be fine.

  • Well... (Score:1, Funny)

    by w3weasel (656289) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:57PM (#8044849) Homepage
    Im sitting here trying to get work done in a Windows only network!

    OH THE HORROR!

  • Worst job (Score:5, Funny)

    by loserbert (697119) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:57PM (#8044854) Homepage
    I wouldn't want to be the alien that has to do all the anal probing. I mean c'mon! Have you seen the people that get abducted?
  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:57PM (#8044867)
    He actually quit this job...

    He worked for a high class strip club. As a bouncer. So not only did the girls cuddle up to him all night long, but they were usually nekkid when doing so...

    I've had trouble accepting that they actually PAY him to do this... But to find out that he left that job, because he didn't like the working conditions...

    WTF?
  • by Short Circuit (52384) <mikemol@gmail.com> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:57PM (#8044871) Homepage Journal
    Oh, and I've gone on to being a tutor in a community college. All the students know me by name by the second week of every semester. They ask for me to ask simple questions. They ask for me for appointments. And at the moment, I'm the only one working the floor.

    On top of it all, I haven't taken my antipsychotic in three days, so every little thing irritates me.
  • by iacyclone (180583) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:58PM (#8044875)
    Those TPS reports done yet?
  • by PotPieMan (54815) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:58PM (#8044885)
    I don't think I'll be buying colo service from you...
  • Re:Whatever (Score:5, Funny)

    by twiddlingbits (707452) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:59PM (#8044892)
    How about an old house trailer in Huntsville, Alabama that had no heat or A/C, and was 300 yards from a Rocket Engine Test Stand? We had to leave everytime they tested an engine for "safety reasons" (100dB+ noise too). It was so cold in the winter we wore gloves and so hot in the summer we had to shut down the Macs before they overheated. We brought in heaters but only 1 or 2 folks could have them on a time w/o tripping the breakers. And how about varmits like GroundHogs and Skunks who lived under/around the trailers? We thought about getting some pink flamingos, rusty cars and a hound or two to make the joint classier! But we got the design work for the Space Station done anyway, we were Dedicated Space Groupies!
  • by grub (11606) <slashdot@grub.net> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:59PM (#8044893) Homepage Journal

    Try saying that to the poor geeks that were laying in hospital beds dying of black lung. Some of them never got past their first pocket protector.
  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:59PM (#8044896)
    Well, I'm working for a group that's on the other side of the country, and the company doesn't have any office space within 20 miles of my home.
    I'm working from my living room, and my primary task is training folks on what I did at my last company. I got paid over $100 (I'm hourly, with a very decent rate) to sit on my couch with a headset phone and wax philosophical for a while yesterday.

    Oh, you said worst? Sorry, my bad.
  • Re:Whatever (Score:5, Funny)

    by operagost (62405) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @01:59PM (#8044899) Homepage Journal
    Sounds like your dot-com went under in 1999 and someone forgot to tell you.
  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:00PM (#8044918)
    I Work for SCO... top that!
  • by bigattichouse (527527) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:00PM (#8044927) Homepage

    A poem:

    In the bowels of a military hospital,
    working 11 hour shifts
    on death march.

    Some Asshole in the next room
    where-in lies the thermostat,
    Decided that they should
    turn the temp down
    and lock the door
    over the holidays
    To save energy.

    Not realizing,
    in the bowels of the hospital,
    in a room once marked O.R.
    That turning a thermostat to 45,
    will
    in fact
    make the room 45...
    and not just settle
    on ambient temp.

    11 hour shifts, trying to
    type with a coat, and hat
    and gloves on.

    I brought a space heater.
    It helped a little.

    I was very unhappy.
  • by Geccoman (18319) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:01PM (#8044943) Homepage Journal
    I worked for a guy that was an outspoken racist (with me). I quit my job after dealing with his crap for a couple months (he was also starting to say some awful things about my bro-in-law) and he tried to convince the higher-ups that I was trying to defraud the company.

    He claimed that I was not doing my job while I was there (despite telling me and my co-workers that I was great and he would like me to fill his shoes if he got his promotion -- he didn't get it)

    When asked by HR what my problems were with the company, I told them the whole thing. Within a day or two, they were taking his side.

    They threatened to sue me multiple times (for taking a paycheck but not working. ??? They never did a thing) During the whole ordeal, my wife got so stressed out that she miscarried.

    It sucked.
  • Luxury! (Score:2, Funny)

    by podom (139468) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:02PM (#8044962) Homepage
    When I was a kid, our family lived in a hole in a highway median. For breakfast, all we had to eat was sand, and at night when we got home we had to have a bowl of cold poison and go straight to bed.

    We didn't have enough money to go school, and I had two jobs. In the mornings I worked in a coal mine. They beat us before we went down the shaft just for the fun of it, and we were forced to toil ceaslessly in the mine wearing only loin cloths while standing in freezing water up to our waists.

    After working in the mine, I went to my second job in a Chicago meat packing plant. Fortunately, I only had to haul buckets of entrails and excrement; I still have most of my fingers!
  • by tds67 (670584) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:03PM (#8044978)
    I had to get up in the morning, at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison...

    Luxury! I have to take my wireless laptop into the bathroom with me and multitask to increase productivity!

  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:03PM (#8044982)
    race to reapply the hose before the shit hit the fan

    You were actually a fan of this method?!?

  • by Effugas (2378) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:03PM (#8044987) Homepage
    Gaze! Gaze upon the horrifying work conditions [doxpara.com] my roommate is forced to tolerate.

    Man. What people will do for a paycheck. Poor guy, in a cube all day...

    --Dan
  • by addaon (41825) <addaon+slashdot.gmail@com> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:03PM (#8044993)
    Me too!
  • by bobej1977 (580278) <rejamison&yahoo,com> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:03PM (#8044994) Homepage Journal
    I did a stint in high school with the local parks and recreation service (community service) and all I have to say is, you would be surprised at how often people will crap in a urinal...
  • by wizrd_nml (661928) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:05PM (#8045021) Homepage
    What????????????

    You mean the shit doesn't fly out of the plane right away when I flush the toilet in mid-flight?

    Damn... That really sucks. All that time holding it in until we flew over an interesting target.... For nothing!

  • Flock You! (Score:2, Funny)

    by rah1420 (234198) <rah1420@gmail.com> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:06PM (#8045034)
    Ever hear of "flock?" It's the crap that makes those fuzzy red Christmas ribbons fuzzy. It's the stuff that makes fake velour. And it's made almost by hand. A chopper chops dyed nylon fibers into one hundredth of an inch high pieces. Then the flock fibers are loaded into a hopper. The ribbon or whatever fabric you're using gets a layer of glue put on it. The flock is electrostatically charged and shaken onto the substrate which has an opposite charge. It's then baked in a 400 degree F oven and rolled onto huge rolls, and sent to ribbon or fabric manufacturers.

    The server room was directly above the "flock lines." The little pieces of flock get everywhere. Vent filters don't even keep it out. All the keyboards and monitors are covered with a fine layer of this crap. You vacuumed your server twice or three times a day. Best of all, my office was right next to a flock line oven, in an overhead mezzanine. And when do you run Christmas ribbon (red flock?) YES!!!! IN JULY!! A four hundred degree oven. Bad airconditioning. The smell of the glue getting you high -- okay, so it's not all bad. :) -- The people walking around covered in red flock like they were dressed up for a costume party but forgot the pitchforks.

    And don't even remind me of the cretin who decided to wire the whole place with silver satin cable terminated, God help me, with wire nuts. And he always vetoed the Cat-5 upgrades because they were "too expensive" but never thought about throwing people all day at the obvious data integrity problems.

    Ah, thanks for bringing back THOSE memories.
  • by dr_dank (472072) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:06PM (#8045040) Homepage Journal
    This was provided that the second hatch had not failed and excrement flew everywhere.

    Whoda thought that there would be real number two behind door number two.

    or for the old school fans of "Lets Make a Deal"

    Monty Hall: You can keep the dinette set or trade it for what's behind door number two...
  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:07PM (#8045052)
    with a laptop next to me which I had to type using one hand

    Wow, and I thought *I* was dedicated to IRC.
  • by daeley (126313) * on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:07PM (#8045057) Homepage
    That's because all the good-looking people are aliens.
  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:08PM (#8045062)
    How about elephant dung [ixtreme.com] santitation worker??
  • VB (Score:2, Funny)

    by billnapier (33763) <napier.pobox@com> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:08PM (#8045074) Homepage
    Top this:

    I program in VB. Help me please!
  • Data mining (Score:2, Funny)

    by k4_pacific (736911) <k4_pacific@y a h oo.com> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:09PM (#8045093) Homepage Journal
    Used to work in a data mining. It was dark and dusty, and several of my coworkers have since succumbed to hexidecimosis or more commonly, bitlung.

    But it could be worse, I know I guy who works on an offshore programming rig in the Gulf of Mexico.
  • by Steelwings (549043) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:09PM (#8045099)
    I work for a small town maintance dept. One of the task was to monitor a sewage lift station. Once a month or so the trash pump would get bound up with rubbers and tampon strings. The only way to free the pump was to reach in up to the shoulder and pull it free. I told my supervisor where he could purchase shoulder length gloves.
  • by Alomex (148003) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:10PM (#8045109) Homepage

    They didn't tell you that the floor tiles can come off?

  • by Mysticalfruit (533341) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:10PM (#8045116) Journal
    <muttering> Um, Um, excuse me, that's my stapler...</muttering>
  • warehouse (Score:3, Funny)

    by CrazyTalk (662055) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:12PM (#8045140)
    I once had to work (programming) in a warehouse for a dot com company that sold framed posters on the internet. The office space was full, so the consultants were banished to the unairconditioned metal building, where it was about 120 degrees in the summer. Worse, the air stunk of glue fumes all the time from the framing work going on, which tended to make me dizzy. The last straw came when they ran out of desks and made us sit in a folding chair hunched over a tower desktop on the floor with the monitor propped up on top
  • by microcars (708223) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:13PM (#8045161) Homepage
    I have to work outside in the cold supplying compressed air to jet engines while we work on them.

    Normally we can get one engine done in half a day, then we pack up and move on to the next jet engine in the next hangar.

    It goes on like this all day, every day, 5 days a week.

    I look at the other people sitting inside the buildings and think how lucky they are to only have to put up with this for 1/2 a day once a week.

  • by petabyte (238821) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:14PM (#8045184)
    I worked at the university doing tech support for students in the dorms. The section I worked in was filled with the sororities. As such you can imagine the computer problems (they varied from computer is physically destroyed to bonzi buddy won't go away). Of course the challenge was fixing the computer in a room with 6 19-year-old, very attractive women while they were changing (literally). My highlight was attempting to defrag a drive (so this is basically watching the bar go across the screen) while 3 girls where dancing and singing around the room. They were in towels just out of the shower and waiting for me to leave.

    Sure, the conditions weren't that bad, but you try fixing computer equipment under those conditions; it's not easy!!!

    Yes, and the phrase you're looking for is: "I hate you."
  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:15PM (#8045196)
    I recently hired on as a programmer in a small office (about 10 other programmers). They are mostly overweight, so the A/C runs all day long (can you say 62-degrees?). The top of my desk is so cold that I no longer put my lunch in the fridge anymore.

    The part that I'm having trouble with is the amazing and total lack of professionalism here. If I step away from my terminal for more than 10 seconds, I must lock it. The programmers here sit and wait for unattended terminals -- when they find one, they'll send out an e-mail announcing "I can no longer hide my perversion" with a graphically detailed message describing some sexual perversion .

    Then there's the language. I feel like I'm living in a Tarantino script. I thought purpose of profanity was to indicate strong emotions when something really bad happens. These guys use "fuck" like it was a helping verb. Yesterday the tech support guy was talking to a customer and the head programmer was having a problem compiling (compiling! it's not that big a deal). "Fuck me!" he screams, "Just fucking fuck me you fucking dickwad compiler! Kiss my ass!" I'm wondering if the customer will upgrade.

    Then there's the guy who, when he's annoyed sneezes as LOUD as he can. "AAAWWWWWWWW -SHIIIIIIIT-chew! To which everyone else screams "Shut the fuck up!".

    This is just a sampling. It goes on 8 hours a day. It probably goes on longer, but I'm not willing to stay here and listen to it more than that.

    Maybe I should submit an "Ask Slashdot" ... Does it make me a prude to think that some micro-amount of civility should be present in the workplace?

  • Looxury! (Score:3, Funny)

    by Thangodin (177516) <elentar@sympa[ ]o.ca ['tic' in gap]> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:16PM (#8045199) Homepage
    All ya pansy coders out there with your ooh-so-bloody-fancy optimized compilers and step through debuggers...when I started codin', there were only 1's and 0's...and we couldn't afford the 1's!
  • by eln (21727) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:16PM (#8045200) Homepage
    If tech supports bugs you that much (and I don't blame you), maybe it's time to think about a career switch into something less stressful, like the bomb squad.
  • by taniwha (70410) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:17PM (#8045222) Homepage Journal
    really? so do I, maybe we're in the same sea of boxes .... put your hands in the air and yell "here I am" really loud
  • by Alexis Brooke (662281) <alexisbrooke AT adelphia POINT net> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:17PM (#8045225) Homepage
    Yeah, well, atleast you didn't have to run Windows Me.
  • by studly (743942) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:17PM (#8045228)
    I once worked for 3 straight weeks, 6 days a week, 12 hours a day in a hot trailer, no window and no air conditioning, 98 degrees, 96% humidity with a rescue inhaler on my hip and a hard hat with a little stick-on indicator dot. If this dot turned black, I had exactly 7 seconds to put on the inhaler, after which point, there was no point. The area used a poisonous gas called phosgene, used as a weapon during World War 1. All the while I'm loading apps on Win NT workstations. Oh, and did I mention the alligators sighted earlier that week on the grounds? I did mention this was in Louisiana, right? For lunch, they provided po'boys (big sub sandwiches) and mudbugs (crawfish or prawns). FUUUUUuuuuuUUUUUUUNNN!!!
  • Tough shit. (Score:4, Funny)

    by IainMH (176964) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:17PM (#8045231)
    No, I mean at -20, that must be pretty tough shit.
  • by ccage (742617) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:18PM (#8045244)
    ...a raincoat and trash can. :(
  • Re:Whatever (Score:2, Funny)

    by starm_ (573321) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:18PM (#8045261)
    Doing Java devellopment with a old laptop 300 MHz 96MB RAM and no mouse. (just the little red thingy in the middle of the keyboard)

    Beat that!
  • by bjtuna (70129) <brian@intercarv e . net> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:19PM (#8045262) Homepage
    I work in Newark, New Jersey. Top that.
  • by blair1q (305137) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:19PM (#8045269) Journal
    "work twenty-nine hours a day down mill and pay mill-owner for permission to come to work"

    Ah. So you've seen the Bush plan for the feudal future of America.
  • by Qrlx (258924) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:21PM (#8045322) Homepage Journal
    That only sucks if you actually worked for the data center.

    Turn that around and it would be uber-elite if you were hacking into the datacenter, and you had gained physical access through the false floor.

    "VPS Colo: Hosting your web server from our secure location, beneath the false floor at Global Crossing. Rock bottom prices!"
  • by Mr. Darl McBride (704524) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:22PM (#8045324)
    I work for a Utah software company. It's technically unofficial, but we're only allowed to hire mormons, none of whom know how to have a good time. The place is dead unfun.

    Worse, we're pretty much controlled by MS (by pocketbook) and our legal department (by policy), which means nothing -- NOTHING -- gets done without six sign-offs and a bunch of awkward "would it maybe be okay if" calls to MS where we ask if it's okay to do things in roundabout ways while ensuring we don't force them into a position where they've technically told us to do something.

    About the only benefit from my job is that the stock's been on a steady rise over the last year, and I have a bunch of really, really cheap stock options, but since our company's in the spotlight right now, I can't even exercise them without a bunch of negative publicity and even risk of legal action. I'm afraid by the time I can cash out, we'll be down to 10% or less of current value!

  • by smz420 (308094) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:22PM (#8045341)
    Back in 1996, I worked for a Cyber-cafe type operation. With a few days til launch, the "bricks" side of the operation wasn't complete. (To be fair, neither was the "clicks" side)

    They were still doing construction, so there was sawdust and paint particles in the air. My partner and I had to wear respirators and goggles for two days while we wrote code.

    The worst part was that we had to do some motherboard surgery one night. We didn't finish, so we left the PC cases open and put up a big sign that said "DO NOT PAINT IN THIS ROOM".

    Of course, we came in the next day to find the room freshly painted, along with the motherboards. They used a power sprayer which coated everything in the room.

    Yeah, that sucked.
  • Re:Women (Score:5, Funny)

    by Ilex (261136) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:23PM (#8045353)
    I'm not sure if that should be moded funny or insightful.

    Either way at least you can get a good blow job from a jet engine for a lot less whining noise.
  • by TheLinuxWarrior (240496) <aaron.carr@aaroncar[ ]om ['r.c' in gap]> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:23PM (#8045360)
    When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this. On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson.

    Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and lie down on your bed.

    Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken.

    Take out the literature and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement, "Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested". Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times: "I am so glad I do not work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson."

    BTW...I do work for Johnson & Johnson, but thankfully, not in QA. :)

  • by hoggoth (414195) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:24PM (#8045372) Journal
    > lying flat on my back for 12 hours ... type using one hand

    "Alright where the fsck is Rus NOW?
    The router is choking on PORN and the IP is Rus's laptop.
    Why are you all smirking?! Where the HELL is he?"

    "um... you are standing on him, sir. He's crawled under the floor again."

  • by AuraSeer (409950) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:25PM (#8045388)
    Bah, kids these days are so spoiled. At least you've got wireless. And a laptop. ...and a bathroom.
  • Re:Women (Score:3, Funny)

    by e2d2 (115622) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:26PM (#8045410)
    You know people in some countries would kill to be with 20 women. Literally.

    Oh wait, that was raisins... never mind.

  • by hrieke (126185) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:28PM (#8045447) Homepage
    Owner wanted to be seen as a player in the dot com age.
    • Had a lead programmer who lied about everything.
    • Had a side business which most likely wasn't on the up and up.
    • Went though 3 mid-range managers cause he felt he knew better than they how to get the job done.
    • Big roaches everywhere.
    • A block down the street from the women's state prison.
    • Refused to listen to his employees.
    • Spent his father's fortune to promote his business, not having a clue how to do it.
    • Ruined relationships with his brother, father, and friends over his vision and management style.
    • Rented high end hardware without any reason (I guess he wanted to know if the Java program 'Hello World' would run on an AS/400
    • The product was to place the warehouse DB on the internet without any safeguards or protection.
    • He'd ask about how long something would take, I'd say "4 weeks", he'd say "tomorrow" and mean it.
    • Computer illiterate
    • Found out I was part of the 4th team working on this project- 4 complete re-writes!
    • Our company web site was voted 'Worst of the Web' twice in one week. That was one of our 'award winning designs' promoted in our products.
    • Everything else that everyone else can think of.

    In the end, I lasted 9 months, which was way too long for me. On the plus side, I got to know a few good people (nothing like friendship forged under fire), and have a war story that is hard to beat.
    Last I heard about the owner is he is now a spammer.

    Maybe I've said too much....
  • Re:Looxury! (Score:3, Funny)

    by AJWM (19027) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:29PM (#8045457) Homepage
    You had zeros? In my day we had to make do wi' letter 'O', and were t'ankful for it.
  • by richie2000 (159732) <rickard.olsson@gmail.com> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:30PM (#8045488) Homepage Journal
    Yeah, well, atleast you didn't have to run Windows Me.

    No, I... We... Damn. You win. :-(

  • by tbob419 (629290) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:31PM (#8045508)
    I work in a Visual FoxPro Shop!!!
  • by freuddot (162409) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:31PM (#8045509)
    How would you know ?

    I mean, if you were schizophren, wouldn't you be writing exaclty this ? ;-)

    J.
  • Re:Shit- (Score:3, Funny)

    by lxdbxr (655786) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:31PM (#8045511) Homepage
    Since we are in toilet mode...

    I used to work in an office in a hospital which happened to be next to a cleanup room, where various sorts of waste used to get dumped, between pickups from the cleaners who would take it off to the incinerator.

    One morning I come in and open up my office door when I realize I am standing in a pool of liquid of some sort, smelling a little funny. I trace it back to a split waste bag (with biohazard trefoils - danger clinical waste). I'm a little worried so track around the department trying to find out what moron failed to double-bag their rubbish correctly and what was in it.

    Eventually I got somebody to admit it might be theirs and offer to clean it up, so I asked them what I now had all over my shoes...

    "Oh, you're OK, I autoclaved it"

    "Yeah, but what was it?"

    "Well... infected human urine and blood samples, but I autoclaved it..."

    Of course I had to assume that he had probably autoclaved it equally as well as he had bagged up. i.e. wrong. At this point I went a bit verbal at him and got called up before the head of department - who shut up pretty quick once I threatened to get the local safety rep involved.

  • Re:Shit- (Score:1, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:32PM (#8045522)

    Public housing projects where aborted fetuses are hidden under stair cases

    Hey, at least you got a free lunch out of it.

  • Re:try this (Score:5, Funny)

    by Greedo (304385) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:32PM (#8045530) Homepage Journal
    Farming out the shit, eh?

    Are you my manager?

  • by eschasi (252157) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:33PM (#8045534)
    Piker! You didn't even work with computers. Here's what ComputerWorld [computerworld.com] columnist Frank Hayes has to say [smacdonald.com] about it:
    When I Was A Boy
    --words and music by Frank Hayes

    When I was a boy our Nintendo
    Was carved from an old Apple tree
    And we used garden hose to connect it
    To our steam-powered color tv.

    But it still beat that ancient Atari
    'Cuz I almost went blind, don'tcha know,
    Playing Breakout and Pong on a video game
    Hooked up to the radio.

    And we walked twenty miles to the schoolhouse
    Barefoot, uphill both ways,
    Through blizzards in summer and winter
    Back in the good old days.
    Back when Fortran was not even Three-tran
    And the PC was only a toy
    And we did our computing by gaslight
    When I was a boy.

    When I was a boy all our networks
    Were for hauling in fish from the sea--
    Our bawd rate was eight bits an hour (and she was worth it!),
    And our IP address was just 3.

    And you kids who complain that the World Wide Web
    Is too slow oughtta cut out your bitchin',
    'Cuz when I was a boy every packet
    Was delivered by carrier pigeon

    And we walked twenty miles to the schoolhouse
    Barefoot, uphill both ways,
    Through blizzards in summer and winter
    Back in the good old days.
    Back when Fortran was not even Two-tran
    And the mainframe was only a toy
    And we did our computing by torchlight
    When I was a boy.

    When I was a boy our IS shop
    Built relational tables from wood,
    And we wrappered our data in oilcloth
    To preserve it the best that we could.

    And we carried our bits in a bucket,
    And our mainframe weighed 900 tons,
    And we programmed in ones and in zeros
    And sometimes we ran out of ones.

    And we walked twenty miles to the schoolhouse
    Barefoot, uphill both ways,
    Through blizzards in summer and winter
    Back in the good old days.
    Back when Fortran was not even One-tran
    And the abacus? Only a toy!
    And we did our computing in primordial darkness
    When I was a boy.

    And frankly, I'm older than Frank. At least he had ones and zeros. We had to pick slivers of flesh from our arms to make ones.

  • Re:Shit- (Score:2, Funny)

    by savagedome (742194) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:33PM (#8045538)
    I've seen shit that will melt your eyes
    Vow. That must've been awesome. Sorry about the melted eyes though ;)
  • by Alexis Brooke (662281) <alexisbrooke AT adelphia POINT net> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:34PM (#8045544) Homepage
    I was a ride attendant at an amusment park and one day a group of people decided to set themselves on fire while in line for the ride I was running. (this was during a religous event that was happening in the park that week, and is the busiest week in the park)

    Religious nuts setting themselves on fire? I thought this was supposed to be the worst working environments?
  • by Kirth (183) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:36PM (#8045582) Homepage
    You've got a serious speech impediement. Can't you write what you mean anymore? I suppose you are talking about SHIT?
    --
  • by Aumaden (598628) <[moc.liamg] [ta] [relliM.C.noveD]> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:36PM (#8045584) Journal
    You can't ride two horses with one ass

    Doesn't that depend on how big your ass is?

  • Re:Women (Score:5, Funny)

    by anna_jakobs (442602) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:38PM (#8045620) Homepage
    What are you talking about? I worked in an office with 5 men, I was the only woman. Talk about testosterone poisoning. Mind you, they weren't the right 5 men.
  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:39PM (#8045629)
    Did you take your red stapler?
  • by smack_attack (171144) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:40PM (#8045635) Homepage
    What do you think environmental groups would have to say about it?

    Rain? That's odd.
  • by MajorDick (735308) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:40PM (#8045637)
    I used to be a plumber and pipefitter, BEFORE I was in the plumbers/pipefitters union.

    Well we had this one job, we used it to initiate newbies, imagine a charged stack (a 6 inch sewer pipe full 6 stories up) and being in the basment and having to remove a cover that would release all the contents, VERY quickly I might add,

    The trick was leaning WAY over and hiding under nearby shelving and giving this bragg plug a whack with a 5lb hammer. The newbies of course didnt know this and would always ask why all the other guys were wearing raincoats.

    Tampons, Diapers, Condoms, You name it all stuck to the ceiling afterwards (and it was a 10ft ceiling)
  • Re:Women (Score:5, Funny)

    by JonTurner (178845) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:40PM (#8045638) Journal
    >>I once had my office on a sales floor with about 20 women. You think a jet engine is annoying...

    It's funnier when you hear them tell it.
    "Twenty of us women once worked on a sales floor with this IT guy..."
  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:41PM (#8045648)
    Lara Croft Land [goatse.cx]

    Goatse is offline, you insensitive clod!
  • by ERJ (600451) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:42PM (#8045664)
    "We've been coming here for 50 years, abducting humans, probing them anally, and all we've seemed to discover is that 1 in 10 don't really seem to mind."

    --Kids in the Hall
  • by RealityMogul (663835) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:45PM (#8045709)
    Funny? I think that's sound advice. When you make a mistake in the bomb squad at least you don't have to worry that your boss is going to keep bringing it up over and over again.
  • by grasshoppa (657393) * <skennedy@nOSpam.tpno-co.org> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:46PM (#8045738) Homepage
    I was a ride attendant at an amusment park and one day a group of people decided to set themselves on fire while in line for the ride I was running. (this was during a religous event that was happening in the park that week, and is the busiest week in the park)

    And..what? What's so bad about this? Didn't have hot dogs or something to roast?

    There is nothing like a little self-inflicted human suffering to make my day brighter.
  • Re:Whatever (Score:3, Funny)

    by metlin (258108) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:48PM (#8045766) Journal
    Must be blue in color :-P
  • by chimpo13 (471212) <slashdot@nokilli.com> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:49PM (#8045786) Homepage Journal
    I'm working 2 jobs right now (paying off credit cards/student loans). One as a half-assed programmer, the other cleaning monkey shit at a primate lab. 40 hour week at the monkey lab, standing in a puddle of monkey poo, while shooting hot water through the empty cages.

    Hosing poo, trying not to be splashed, while wondering "Is this one of the cages with the SIV poo?" SIV is Simian HIV. Or maybe it'll be a Hepatitis C monkey cage. It won't kill monkeys, but it'll kill humans.

    But hey, it's winter so the poo isn't as stinky and there's no flies & mosquitos. I'd much rather freeze my ass off then wonder if I'm getting bitten by an mosquito that's been dining off an infected research monkey.

    Last month they did some work on bubonic plague monkeys. I can't wait for the R.A.G.E. monkeys. Then I'll have an excuse for my upcoming killing spree.
  • by theMerovingian (722983) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:50PM (#8045805) Journal
    Ah. So you've seen the Bush plan for the feudal future of America.

    Actually, the Bush plan is to allow illegal immigrants to do this...
  • Re:Women (Score:5, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:54PM (#8045863)
    If you got testosterone poisoning, maybe you should quit swallowing.
  • by DarkSarin (651985) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:54PM (#8045864) Homepage Journal
    Of course, but only after we ran out of witches and vampires (but we hadn't really started burning those until after we tried some prophets, but they don't seem to burn as well as witches for some reason).

    That said, my worst working environment wasn't too bad. You see, I can deal with poor environment, it's the PEOPLE that get to me. I had a supervisor who was just plain impossible (I almost said crazy, but I was working in a mental health facility for schizophrenics, and she wasn't even qualified for that level of intelligence...).

    So, what's your worst supervisor?
  • Re:Shit- (Score:3, Funny)

    by Fnkmaster (89084) * on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:54PM (#8045874)
    Frat houses can be truly awful. My friend's fraternity at MIT (which will not be named here since they are currently in some disciplinary trouble) has been condemned at least once, and is famous for the absolutely disgusting condition it's often in.


    I remember once after a long midsummer night's party back in 1999, a couple of the brothers and myself drank ourselves silly on their terrace. I proceeded to puke all over the place. I somehow ended up home later that night. A couple days later I ran into my friend and apologized for not cleaning it up. He told me not to worry - nobody else was going to clean that up. It was still waiting for me over a week later.


    I'll try not to remember the time somebody made a large boil of boiled shrimp (probably 100 shrimp in all) and left the entire thing sitting in kitchen. For two weeks. After a while it became a control issue - nobody wanted to be the one to give in and clean it up. Meanwhile, the entire building had an overpowering odor of dead rotting seafood all about it. Eventually somehow it got cleaned up but it took at least a month for the stench to go away.

  • by drinkypoo (153816) <martin.espinoza@gmail.com> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:56PM (#8045896) Homepage Journal

    Remind me to tell you how we put the hole in doughnuts back in the day...

    Just as long as you don't tell me how you made cream-filled...

  • by HarveyBirdman (627248) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:56PM (#8045904) Journal
    One time they put plain M&M's in the candy bowl in my office bay instead of the peanut butter kind.

    Oh, heads rolled that day, I tell you.

  • by utlemming (654269) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:57PM (#8045915) Homepage
    Christmas. Toys 'R Us. And I worked in "Boy's Toys"
  • Damn You!! (Score:1, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @02:59PM (#8045946)
    You stole my post! I will be filing suite against you in federal court over your callous disregaurd for my intellectual property. I bought that post and all of its assosiated copyrights years ago. You may, however, licience it from me as an end user or in source form. The end user license is $699 per post, but only for a limited time.
  • by smartin (942) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @03:01PM (#8045974)
    At least your window opens.
  • Re:Looxury! (Score:3, Funny)

    by Ricdude (4163) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @03:01PM (#8045975) Homepage
    I remember typewriters (yes, typewriters, not word processors) before they had keys for the numbers "1" and "0". You'd use a lower case L for the 1 and an capital o for the zero, and if you messed it up, you had a bottle of white goo to dab on the mistake, before backspacing and retyping...

    Those were the days...
  • by wildwood (153376) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @03:04PM (#8046002)
    Stop and pause for a second during the awesome beacon-lighting sequence.


    Some poor schmucks had been up in those mountain peaks for years, with nothing to do but watch a horizon that doesn't change. Oh, and try just about anything to keep from freezing their asses off. And no one to talk to but the other poor schmuck, who probably did something terrible to get assigned to this duty.


    Now, that's a sucky work environment, even if you are just a motion-capture CG effect.

  • Re:Women (Score:3, Funny)

    by zapp (201236) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @03:04PM (#8046003)
    Wait, you worked close to 20 women, and all you could think to do about it was complain?

    Ah right, this is slashdot afterall.
  • by FattMattP (86246) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @03:08PM (#8046068) Homepage
    Back in early/mid 80's we had to power the computers with coal-fired generators.
    You had coal!? Do you know how hard it is to pedal and type on this thing at the same time?
  • by Reziac (43301) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @03:16PM (#8046177) Homepage Journal
    Ha! that's bloody *warm* winter weather for the area -- January nighttime lows are more typically -65F, with daytime highs around -45F (not counting wind chill, which can easily hit three digits). I used to live up the road at Belgrade (Bozeman) MT, and what did I get to do every morning and every night? Go outside and chip frozen dog shit out of the kennel. Then go to town and fetch water at the laundrymat, cuz the wellhead (6 or 7 feet underground) was frozen solid.

    Quick-minded folk may observe that I no longer live in Montana (tho I still play pick-up-shits for 30 dogs, first thing every morning).

    And yeah, I had to walk a mile or more to school in this kind of weather, for my entire educational career. When I was a kid, we thought this was normal! Of course, to this day there's frost on my brain...

  • by Sycraft-fu (314770) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @03:21PM (#8046235)
    But a cluless user story that parallels that one. One of my family members was totally computer clueless when she got a computer. I mean totally. Worse, she was scared of the thing so had a tendency to not actually read and comprehend instructions and errors. So one day she calls me up for computer support and asks me how to right click. I question her for a bit, not believeing that she could really be asking me what she was asking me. Yes, turns out, she really didn't know what it meant.

    Funnier still is all the things she DID try, like clicking and dragging the mouse right, moving the cursor to the right side of the screen and clicking. It really was amazing all the things she tried, other than the really obvious one of clicking the button on the right side of the mouse.

    It was then that I realised that Apple was NOT underestimating users by using only single button mice.
  • Existential (Score:5, Funny)

    by siskbc (598067) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @03:22PM (#8046244) Homepage
    so at the end of the corridor was a door with a sign on it that read "NO EXIT". Demoralising isn't in it.

    You are a character from a Jean Paul Sartre book, aren't you?

  • Re:Looxury! (Score:3, Funny)

    by bugnuts (94678) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @03:26PM (#8046287) Journal
    Hell, I still use that goo on my monitor.
  • Question: (Score:5, Funny)

    by wiredog (43288) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @03:30PM (#8046340) Journal
    Which pays better, programming or spraying shit?
  • by dgatwood (11270) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @03:31PM (#8046358) Journal
    I can top all of you. I once taught "Writing for Computer Engineers". 'Nuff said.

    Teh w0rst jhob I 3v3r h@d woz...

    But seriously....

  • Ironic... (Score:2, Funny)

    by solarrhino (581267) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @03:34PM (#8046416) Homepage Journal
    Man, that is ironic. After all, if census workers don't count, who does?...
  • Diet Cock (Score:1, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @03:38PM (#8046480)
    I had a job at an adult web site. We created all of our own content using professional adult models, actors, and performers. Every day there would be a new shoot (excuse the pun). I was constantly surrounded by naked women walking up and down the halls.

    One day, I was particularly aroused when I went out of my office to get a soda from the machine. On the way down the hall I bumped into this gorgeous 5'11 blonde. She had a 52" bust. Her pussy was shaved "landing strip" style. Her hair was a mess. She smelled like she was freshly fucked.

    She obviously had no pockets to carry change for the soda machine so I offered to buy her a soda. Diet Coke was here preference. When she opened the can, diet coke sprayed all over my shirt. She apologized. I said not to worry about it. I had a spare shirt in my office and I could change there.

    She followed me to my office as we discussed "business". Along the way she said her name was Kandy (with a "K"). In my office, I removed my shirt to reveal bare chest. The Diet Coke had soaked all the way through to my chest. Kandy offered to lick the diet coke off my "6-pack". How could I refuse?

    The Diet Coke dripped down my chest and into my pants. Kandy politely unbuckled my belt and opened my pants to reveal the stream if Diet Coke that was making its way to my fully erect cock.

    Unfortunately, Kandy was not fast enough lapping up the sweet soda that now moistend my dick. Fulfilling her promise to lick every drop of Diet Coke from my body she deftly inserted my dick into her mouth and began sucking back and forth, in and out. The pressure was exquisite. Not a drop of Diet Coke could escape the seal of her lips around my tool.

    I moaned with pleasure. Kandy took this as a sign of approval and began to massage my balls with her left hand. I warned here I was about to cum with my dick in her mouth. She started to suck harder.

    I couldn't hold back any longer and I exploded my full wad into her hot, wet mouth. She immediately removed my cock from her mouth while licking the tip to assure not a single drop of my cum was left. She swallowed with a loud gulp that I'm sure could be heard down the hall.

    She pulled my pants back up and buckled my belt. She picked up the can of Diet Coke and drank what was left in one chug. Kandy kissed me on the cheek and said "Best Diet Cock" I've ever had.

    Kandy has never worked for use since. I don't even know her real name. To this day I can't walk past the soda machine without thinking about Kandy. But I know I can never get another soda with sporting a 10 inch erection.

    Oh shit, this is Slashdot. I thought it was Penthouse Forums. Fuck!!!
  • Re:Women (Score:5, Funny)

    by NecrosisLabs (125672) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @03:38PM (#8046498)
    I feel your pain, brother: I was in an identical situation. Someone once asked me if I though it odd, being the only guy in a department with fifteen women.
    My response was "Naw, I don't have any problems. Mind you, I was a bit concerned when my period started to synchronize."
  • by TCaptain (115352) <slashdot.20.tcap ... Mspamgourmet.com> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @03:50PM (#8046705)
    Luxury! I have to take my wireless laptop into the bathroom with me and multitask to increase productivity!

    Wow! You get to go to the bathroom?
  • by anantherous coward (695798) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @03:55PM (#8046795)
    One as a half-assed programmer, the other cleaning monkey shit

    You mean you work for SCO both as a programmer and as a lawyer?

  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @04:15PM (#8047081)
    Imagine being the guy who has to mop the floors of Adult Bookstores. (imagine video booths.) ugh. THAT is the worst job ever.
  • by kpharmer (452893) * on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @04:22PM (#8047194)
    oh yeah?

    How about working inside an 8x20 trailer in during the summer with a 450-lb ex-wrestler with almost zero sphincter control?

    The guy farted so often it just became background noise, and there's no way the ventilation allowed by the trailer door could keep up with his CFM. When contronted - he's say "hey, in all those years of wrestling I tore a lot of muscles - it isn't my fault".

    Another problem in the trailer is that it was so small he'd have to squeeze by me to get past my desk and out the door. Invariably this lead to another outburst. At least when that happened I knew it was coming and could lean a little out of the way.

    Just as I was starting to look for another job I got lucky - the place hired other new guy, and so I only spent two weeks in that trailer.
  • Re:Looxury! (Score:2, Funny)

    by damien_kane (519267) <damienNO@SPAMstrat.net> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @04:28PM (#8047259) Homepage
    You actually had a cartridge? We had to put our finger behind the paper and hit the typewriter key hard enough to puncture our skin and draw blood...
    At least after a few lines your finger went numb... thank god...
  • by CastrTroy (595695) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @04:33PM (#8047334) Homepage
    Dumb Americans, You're supposed to use snowmobiles in the winter.
  • Re:Easy one (Score:2, Funny)

    by Sideshow Coward (732864) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @04:35PM (#8047378)
    *getting ready to duck*

    Yeah, but is donating sperm really a job?
  • by lobsterGun (415085) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @04:36PM (#8047382)
    Do you call him Maurice because you think you know him, or because he speaks of the pompatus of love???
  • by op00to (219949) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @04:46PM (#8047512)
    How about not having sex with monkeys for starters?
  • Re:Whatever (Score:1, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @04:48PM (#8047549)
    Well the jerk store called, they're running out of you!
  • by Just Some Guy (3352) <kirk+slashdot@strauser.com> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @04:54PM (#8047622) Homepage Journal
    a cutrate hotel that was also a brothel

    Think that sucked? I worked as a motel night auditor during my freshman year at college.

    Guess what, buddy: we've met.

  • by hesiod (111176) <{moc.liamg} {ta} {reierhcskoon}> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @04:55PM (#8047634)
    > Nothing relaxes my bowels more than reading Slashdot.

    Considering all the shit I read here, I figured the relaxing part would be posting.
  • by marklee (61893) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @04:57PM (#8047652) Homepage
    still, the pellets are delicious.
  • by hesiod (111176) <{moc.liamg} {ta} {reierhcskoon}> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @05:03PM (#8047721)
    > How about not having sex with monkeys for starters?

    Quit joking around, we want serious solutions: not your unrealistic expectations.
  • by hesiod (111176) <{moc.liamg} {ta} {reierhcskoon}> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @05:13PM (#8047871)
    > > One as a half-assed programmer, the other cleaning monkey shit
    > You mean you work for SCO both as a programmer and as a lawyer?

    Come on, SCO is a software company... They don't hire programmers.
  • by Talinom (243100) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @05:28PM (#8048114) Homepage Journal
    I shit you not, every time somebody would call on this line, a fucking klaxon goes off.

    What's the phone number?
  • Evolution (Score:3, Funny)

    by NanoGator (522640) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @05:32PM (#8048170) Homepage Journal
    A few years ago I was an ensign on the flag ship. Some git caught a cold due to a defective T-cell, and the dimwit doctor cured it by creating a virus that flipped one of his genetic switches. Well that virus got out and mutated us all. I heard the XO was mutated into a caveman or something. We were turning into all kinds of animals. I had the misfortune of turning into an African Sparrow down in engineering. Everybody thought they were funny by quoting Monty Python at me. Assholes.
  • by olivercromwell (654085) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @05:34PM (#8048201)
    Well, I admit, that I would not want to have to put up with that myself. But it is only half a day. For three years I endured much worse. Try moving by foot, 100lbs of kit strapped to your back, at night, leading 80 pers cross country, temp 1 degree celcious, have to cross a river in flood, then dig in to a defensive position. Yep, had to actually dig my own office, and hold said defensive position for four days, conduct night patrols every night, then withdraw to another position, by foot, some 3 kilometers away, and hold that for another two days. Or spend 2 weeks in the North West Territories in February, living in a tent where icicles hang down from INSIDE the tent, piss literally freezes before it hits the ground, and by the time you bring your coffee to your lips, there is a film of ice across the top. Or spend 3 weeks in the middle of high summer in the Maritime Provinces of Canada conducting endless hours of advance to contact all day long, attack after attack, day after day for a week at a time, then having to go out on patrol all night long, and start again the next day. When you have done all that, you may feel free to complain about your half day a week of mild discomfort. Huah!
  • by FurryFeet (562847) <joudanx.yahoo@com> on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @05:46PM (#8048374)
    I still play pick-up-shits for 30 dogs, first thing every morning

    And yeah, I had to walk a mile or more to school in this kind of weather, for my entire educational career.

    <troll>

    Which, since you pick dog shit for a living, I assume was not very long?

    </troll>

  • by kruczkowski (160872) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @06:12PM (#8048669) Homepage
    What does the Army call a helecopter? A Chopper
    What does the Navy call a helecopter? A Helo
    What does the AF call a helecopter? A Helecopter
    What does a Marine call a helecopter?

    Ohh! Ahh! OHH! AHH! LOOK!
  • Re:Women (Score:1, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @06:42PM (#8049100)
    Did you notice that this was Anna's [slashdot.org]first post?

    Welcome to Slashdot, where you can always remember that your first post was responded to with a suggestion that you injest semen. We're such a friendly bunch here once you get to know us. Really!

  • by CBravo (35450) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @07:07PM (#8049403)
    are you part of a BOFH story?
  • by DrCode (95839) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @07:46PM (#8049819)
    A long time ago, I was assigned to share an office with a young, female programmer who I thought was quite attractive. The desks were arranged such that if I looked slightly past my monitor, I would be staring at her.

    But then, I didn't want to stare at her because I didn't want to make her feel unconfortable. But then, well, you can see that the conflicting impulses could be terrible!
  • by Hobophile (602318) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @07:49PM (#8049858) Homepage
    So basically you're saying the worst part of your job was being in the same room as 75+ girls in their underwear?

    Wow, how awful that must have been for you. I bet the guy cleaning diseased monkey cages is glad he doesn't need to put up with that kind of crap.

  • by Richard Jones (28382) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @08:26PM (#8050253) Homepage
    The office I sometimes have to work at (mostly I work from home) is situated on the waterfront looking over Port Phillip Bay (in Melbourne, Au). It has these huge bay windows.

    Now, you're asking, how could this possibly be bad?

    Imagine it gets warmer (as it does occasionally here). The beach becomes quite attractive to those who don't have to sit in an office (and some who do). The lovely bay windows fill up with people flocking to and frolicking on the beach.

    It's bloody distracting!
  • by stevobi (600234) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @08:44PM (#8050449)
    I know exactly what you mean. I have 5 sorority neighbors (which is just fine), but they found out I knew computers. One day they told me that their new wireless NIC card they put in wasn't working, and could I take a look... the OS didnt seem to know anything about any new card, so I opened the case... and there was the card, sitting (not attached in any way whatsoever) inside the case. I I told them something about a flux capacitor problem, so that they wouldnt feel stupid.
  • by cr@ckwhore (165454) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @10:53PM (#8051474) Homepage
    I left a job this past October after 5 years... literally was on the brink of going insane. You'd go insane in this environment too.

    The building was a non-descript structure without any external signage. Just a bland brick building like every other in this section of Portland, ME.

    Inside, the office, was... well, entirely comprised of gray. The office floor was wall-to-wall carpet... a bluish shade of gray. Moving up, the walls were gray... about shade #DDDDDD. Moving up to the top, the ceiling was the same shade of gray as the walls.

    So, lets say you're an office furniture outfitter... what's the first thing you do when you walk into an empty office with completely gray floors, walls and ceilings? You guessed it... you fill it full of gray office furniture. Gray cubicles, gray filing cabinets, gray desks and gray computers.

    Then, the old *gray* haired guy that ran the company, who really should not have been authorized to operate a software company in the first place, hired a couple of talented programmers to maintain some old school crappy over-priced DOS app written in Qbasic. Sweeeeeeeet!

    On my first day, they ordered my standard issue business cards... can you guess what color?? Blue? No. Red? No. Fluorescent orange? No. Fucking gray!

    I really thought about slitting my wrists to put some color on the walls.
  • by volve (592475) on Wednesday January 21, 2004 @11:22PM (#8051670) Homepage
    So... how do I mod something as "+5, Worrying" ?

    Anyone... ?

    -VolVE
  • by judicar (726669) on Thursday January 22, 2004 @12:18AM (#8052026)
    I had to dig out the sewer line of a small medical building, I was up to my knees in half frozen feces, urine, and assorted medical waste 12 hours a day digging...and digging. And the other guy working with me was out on bail after killing his girlfriend.

    But it wasn't nearly as bad as working at Dell.
  • by edunbar93 (141167) on Thursday January 22, 2004 @03:19AM (#8052523)
    You go ahead and laugh. It's not all fun and games you know. "Oh, you get paid to fuck around" you say.

    It was gay porn.

    And I was the bottom.

    You might think that your boss is fucking you now but you know nothing.
  • by quinkin (601839) on Thursday January 22, 2004 @04:34AM (#8052818)
    Yeah it's hard to react when things just seem so bizarre.... and a scoob before work doesn't help . :)

    I had the reverse problem with a Director of Development who liked to punch at peoples faces (to within an inch or so) as part of the daily office interaction.

    We had very little to do with each other and all was well. Until one day I took in an ADO interface I had been working on which was not how he had requested (would have helped if he actually understood SQL...) and the bastard punched at my face.

    Now I am 6'2" and come from a family of 6 boys - the largest of which is 6'6" and weighs around 120-130Kg. If someone tries to punch you in the face, you try and stop it - ie. block the punch and punch straight back.

    So here I am, scooping his arm into an elbow lock and hauling back to smear his nose across his face when I manage to get control over my reactions again and stop my fist... fucking ridiculous...

    Mind you, he didn't do that again...

    Q.

  • by localhost00 (742440) on Thursday January 22, 2004 @05:05AM (#8052915) Journal
    If this is your boss's name, you have the worst job in the world.
  • Re:oh aye? (Score:3, Funny)

    by h4rm0ny (722443) * on Thursday January 22, 2004 @07:50AM (#8053418) Journal
    'Cause they paid us to.

    Oh hang on, I see what you mean... I have no idea. Makes it even better doesn't it?
  • Re:Women (Score:1, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Thursday January 22, 2004 @01:46PM (#8056777)
    This has got to be one of the best all time laughs i've had. slashdot better be archiving this shit.

"Laugh while you can, monkey-boy." -- Dr. Emilio Lizardo

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