What to Get My Geek for Valentine's Day?

A reader writes "Help!!! I've been dating my geek for three months and I'm in a bit of a dilemma. So I thought I'd ask the men of Slashdot what they would want as a Valentine's Day gift. I'm looking for something out of the ordinary that will knock his socks off. Somthing clever, crafty and unique. The budget is $100. My geek's interests are typical geek fare, games, computers, music and gadgetry. So! You, men of Slashdot, tell me what you would want to recieve for Valentine's day and help me make my geek happy."

Blow job

[Anonymous Coward]

give him a blow job

Woohoo!

[Anonymous Coward]

A greased up yoda doll!

Get him/her in the stock market

[armando_wall]

Buy him/her some SCO stocks... not for the profit, but for the historical value.

A threesome with your girlfriend

[Dolphinzilla]

nuff said....

one suggestion

[YoYofella]

stop calling him GEEK every other sentence. That's a start.

Combine his two biggest interests

[PollGuy]

and get yourself some coded underwear [thinkgeek.com].

Just don't get it backwards-- wear the 200 ones when you are gearing to go.

Hmm....

[ZeroConcept]

Dress as:
- Seven of Nine (Star Trek)
- Princess Leah (You know, the mini stuff)

What else? ohh...he might wanna have sex with you but our kind is used to rejection so it should be ok.

Asking a Geek?!

[Anonymous Coward]

I'm sure most men here would just like a girlfriend at all.

Maybe you could get him some soap, a razor or decent clothes.

A room that is NOT in the basement would probably be good, too.

Sunlight is also a good possibility.

To all those who said "BJ"

[Anonymous Coward]

She asked what _her_ geek, who HAS a girl, would like. Not what YOU want so badly.

Re:Blow job

[strictnein]

How is that off-topic? Every (male) geek wants one of those for valentines day.

Who are these mods?

or take him to a strip club...

[Anonymous Coward]

and share some lap dances. If he's in any way normal, he'll enjoy watching you get the dances more than getting them himself.

Re:A threesome with your girlfriend

[I Be Hatin']

Amen... for extra bonus points, dress her up in nothing but a bow, and start off with some hot girl-on-girl action.

Re:Blow job

[TwistedSquare]

Clearly the mods were looking for a "too explicit for a public message board" mod ;-)

Re:Computer Parts

[acidrain69]

Yeah, and for the $100 stated in the article, that is like a 5" LCD. drool!

My suggestion

[Anonymous Coward]

All geeks would love an Windows XP license or subscription to MSDN.

(I'm jealous and trying to break you up)

A poem from the heart.

[Aaron England]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
All of my base
Are belong to you

Re:Blow job

[MisanthropicProggram]

When I got one, I stopped being a geek. It's kind of like Samson's hair - you cut it off, and he loses he strength. With geeks, they have sex and they lose their programming ability.
Since my experince, I have no idea how to use objects or even semi-colons!

March 14

[Gothmolly]

More importantly, what happens on the 'other' holiday [steakandbjday.com]? Don't 'stiff' your geek on that day either! (pun intended)

Re:Hmm....

[Deltan]

If Seven of Nine is too complicated of an outfit, just plain naked works well too.

PS- If he shouts, "That's a lot of polygons" ignore it. S'all good.

Re:Love

[aanand]

Not even an iPod? Dude, they've got 40GB ones now.

Re:There's a link to one place

[he-sk]

OSDN personals powered by match.com?

That's so cruel!

Re:Blow job

[Anonymous Coward]

Sort of related to that . . .

While in a sex store buying stuff for one of my friend's bachelorette party, I saw some instructional tapes. One of them was simply labelled "Fellatio." I had the idea of buying it for my girlfriend on Valentine's Day. I think it might be fun . . . .

And if she doesn't like it, I can just say, " That's alright, I just got it as a gag gift."

Re:Hrm

[GigsVT]

Wait, you are actually suggesting that a non-geek figured out the user interface of Slashdot?? :)

Re:Blow job

[Anonymous Coward]

Since my experince, I have no idea how to use objects or even semi-colons!

If you aren't using objects or colons, you've got to be having some pretty boring sex.

(Sorry, but someone had to say it)

Re:The Best Store

[darkov]

Sheesh, talk about your sycophantic posts, Were you angling for a discount. Here are more a few more realistic things you can get:

- get undressed and possibly into a leather and chains (with whip) outfit. Substitute rubber or lingerie according to (his) taste.
- get out the KY
- get a couple of your/his friends around
- get at it

If he gets presents like these, he's soon be much happier about turning older each year.

Re:A poem from the heart.

[tangent3]

You mean:

Roses are #FF0000
Violets are #0000FF

Re:My suggestion

[Anonymous Coward]

(I'm jealous and trying to break you up)

Big mouth.

Re:Love

[MiSTa' CHRiSTiE!]

So what you're saying is, do your best to keep him off his computer. You probably won't succeed, but ripping the master breaker out of the panel and hiding ALL extension cords could be a good start!

Re:Asking a Geek?!

[Oopsz]

Good lord! Are you saying that the rumours of the daystar are true?!?

Re:The Best Store

[PhotoBoy]

Geeks also appreciate it when you dress up as Princess Leia in her slave outfit from Return of the Jedi.

Heres what you do.

[The Creator]

Prepere by lubing two fingers of one hand. Have him stand up an kneal in from of him, start giving him a regular blow job, the towards the end of it slip the two finger up his bum.

Known as the "Two finger monty".

He will absolutely love it!

Re:Blow job

[wittyesotericmoniker]

Yay, we found one job that will definitely cost more if outsourced.

Re:The Best Store

[jeffehobbs]

I would also suggest a Leatherman

I don't know if that's such a great idea [google.com].

~jeff

Re:Really consider sex

[Anonymous Coward]

Hot, wild monkey sex

Monkey sex? Pff, I'd rather just have an army of monkeys. With that I could take over the world and get sex whenever I wanted.

Re:Actually...

[Anonymous Coward]

he is probably the guy that said blowjob

Re:The Best Store

[Deltan]

Heh the HTTP Panties Valenties Box is pretty funny. http://www.thinkgeek.com/interests/valentines/6796 / [thinkgeek.com]

Although they forgot some errors that would be equally amusing

402 "Payment Required"
405 "Method not Allowed"
411 "Length Required"
500 "Internal Server Error" (you know, for that time of the month)
503 "Service Unavailable"

If you've read this far I'm sure you can tell I'll be on my own for Valentine's Day. Fuck.

Re:One Sugestion

[Anonymous Coward]

...and of course, give him whatever is left of that hundred bucks in ca$h.

Re:The Best Store

[Cruciform]

Now there's a thought... Slashdotting someone's girlfriend...

Re:Dinner

[krich]

My wife burns cereal..., and is scared of touching my feet because I had foot surgery and am missing a thing or two.

I decided to give up my chance to moderate this story because I couldn't find a -1 "Too Informative" mod for this.

Re:Really consider sex

[Anonymous Coward]

Thats it, if we all work together, maybe one of us can get lucky.

Re:One thing that doesn't cost anything

[DrLZRDMN]

Is it bad that I thought he was going to say linux?

Re:Hmm....

[identity0]

PS- If he shouts, "That's a lot of polygons" ignore it. S'all good.

Newbie. Everyone knows bezier curves and bump mapping are the best ways to turn a guy on. Just as important, of corse, is the "bounce algorithm" - don't forget to debug yours!

Geek with a girlfriend?

[rs79]

If your geek has a girlfriend he doesn't need a present too. Buy chocolate for yourself.

Re:Blow job

[Anonymous Coward]

Funny, but wrong. Girlfriends are expensive and you'd be surprised how far a dollar goes in India.

Open Source Thong!!!!!

[paladin_tom]

Right here. [cafeshops.com]

My ex said this looked cool AFTER we broke up. Grrrrr.....

Seiously, though, I think this'd be every geek's dream come true.

Re:Blow job

[Anonymous Coward]

better yet, why not give him a blow job under the desk while he is installing the linx kernel! :)

give him some bits

[harlows_monkeys]

OK, let's think about this. A Valentine's gift should be something that is unique to you, and somehow shows your love or symbolizes your relationship.

My suggestion for a three-month relationship: give him the high order 32 bits of the prime factors of the modulus of your RSA private key.

Give 96 mores bits at your 1 year anniversery. 64 more bits at your engagement, and 192 bits at your wedding.

Re:The Best Store

[Rob Riggs]

You missed:

307 "Temporary Redirect"

This is a much more user friendly response than a 50x error when monthly maintenance is underway.

Re:Blow job

[Anonymous Coward]

Yeah and the budget allows for a diner at Taco Bell, a couple of bears and a (dirty) DVD.

What kind of freaky shit are you into?!

Re:Asking a Geek?!

[AllUsernamesAreGone]

No, but someone does tend to leave a very bright light on sometimes.

The perfect gift for a geek:

[DF5JT]

A discussion on slashdot devoted to him.

Re:The Best Store

[Belgand]

Well there are only a limited number of ports to begin with and the administrator may very well have closed off at least one of them. After that you've got simple load-bearing issues as to how many users can be served simultaneously. The system doesn't scale particularly well on its own and you're likely to get a great number of dropped packets from clients even if the host is set to promiscuous.

A mirror or two can help, but not nearly enough to distribute the load. You'll need to get a whole server farm going just to be able to handle a moderate number of requests.

Re:The Best Store

[Duhavid]

Shouldnt it be 503 "Cervix Unavailable"?

Re:Rez + Trance Vibe (Re:Not really a geek )

[FuzzyBad-Mofo]

It's the 21st Century, you never know.

Re:Blow job

[grondu]

With geeks, they have sex and they lose their programming ability.

I can see the ad now: At Microsoft, we need the best programmers. Only virgins need apply. We attribute the numerous security flaws in Windows to programmers who have gotten laid. Our studies show that one blow job is responsible for an average of seventeen buffer overflows. Be pure and join our team.

Re:The Best Store

[FsG]

LOL.. never has ThinkGeek's "see this item in action" feature seemed so useful.

Re:Blow job

[krs-one]

(OT) Reminds me of the time on Seinfeld when George stops having sex and becomes smart. Geeks start having sex and loose programming ability. :)

SEX!

[MadBurner]

All geeks love sex. Its fun, free, and a good cardiovascular workout.

Re:Blow job

[Slime-dogg]

I have to disagree. :-P

When I started getting blowjobs, I figured out how to widen the space under my desk so she could fit under there. This led to me trying to minimize the form factors on my machines, which led to issues like heat transfer, noise, etc.

Now, during the blow job, ability decreases remarkably, but afterwards... you won't be so distracted by pr0n. It evens out in the end.

Re:I think you're

[Evil-G]

Today is the day I realised that I'm a dork :-(

SCO License

[qrash]

Shell out an extra $599 and get him a SCO license

Re:A poem from the heart.

[Bitmanhome]

"red" and "blue" are defined in rgb.txt, so the first poster was correct.

Re:Blow job

[wittyesotericmoniker]

At first blush I would agree but let's try a fuller accounting. Say you spend $200 per week solely on your girlfriend and do the following during the week:

4 hrs sharing meals in which your tables manners are constructively critiqued to the point of not embarrassing potential in-laws.

18 hrs of lively intellectual debate on such varied topics as post urinate toilet seat positioning and household refuse processing scheduling.

36 hrs snuggling in front of TV while living vicariously through the antics of the cast of Friends.

8 hrs of phone calls to discuss how your day has gone since the last call 10 minutes ago.

1/4 hrs of oral

resulting in 66 1/4 hrs total relationship interaction
which at $200 yields $3/hr

1/4 hrs at $3/hr = $0.75 for a BJ - that's pretty cheap even in India (depending on caste of course)

Now some may place a slightly higher value on the 1/4 hr of oral than the 66 hrs of relationship time, but they are not as highly evolved as myself.

Re:Really consider sex

[rixstep]

the most reserved females out there become total sluts

Which only goes to prove there's good in the meanest of us.

Re:one suggestion

[Afrosheen]

Man all I can say is when people call me a geek, it's almost enough to make me quit the circus. Bitin' the heads offa chickens ain't no joke.

Re:The Best Store

[Ziviyr]

Some people get of on seeing a girl with lots of dropped packets.

Re:Love

[pocketfuzz]

His girlfriend must read /.

Re:Blow job

[rixstep]

There is only Zuul.

Are you the Gatekeeper? Where the fuck you been?

Re:A poem from the heart.

[KillerHamster]

And, to complete the poem:

Roses are #FF0000
Violets are #0000FF
chown -R you ~/base

Re:The Best Store

[Guppy06]

Couldn't we just mirror her?

Re:Blow job

[zurmikopa]

I guess Microsoft isn't just their name, but a reminder of their duty to the company.

if you are his girlfriend...

[holzp]

he has the thing most geeks want but cant get already.

Re:The Best Store

[csnydermvpsoft]

No. I'm making a juvenile expansion on the parent comment along the lines of grep|finger|mount|fsck

Heh, that reminds me of a time when I was doing some work on my computer in the terminal, and accidentally typed "mount /booty" instead of "mount /boot." Needless to say, a couple of non-tech-savvy friends (who happened to be looking over my shoulder at the time) were very curious as to what kind of relationship I had with my computer.

Re:A poem from the heart.

[miyako]

...also from bash.org
Roses are red
Violets are blue
In Soviet Russia
Poems Write You

Re:Blow job

[Anonymous Coward]

Your assumption is that the time spent together are a BENEFIT, rather than part of the payment. If we redo the accounting, and count time spent as an expense, then we get:
$200 + 66 hrs x ($5.50 minimum wage) = $563 for a 15 minut blowjob is a whopping $2,252 per hour!

Re:Blow job

[wittyesotericmoniker]

Yikes! I can't afford not to be celibate. I hope, at least, I can afford celibacy. After that there's not much left but prison bitch.

Re:Blow job

[dagnabit]

<i>"That's alright, I just got it as a gag gift."</i>

*Gag* gift? Braggart.

<rim shot />

Either that or, if gagging is a problem, you need to get her the *Advanced* Fellatio tape.

Re:Blow job

[dagnabit]

You should just hope she doesn't get you one of those tapes instead...

Re:The Best Store

[ryanjensen]

And, some people drop their packet upon seeing a girl ...

Re:The Best Store

[tannhaus]

Yeah...but it's been done. I broke up with my last girlfriend after I found out she served more requests than Apache.

Re:Blow job

[kevcol]

rim shot

Ewwww, the visual of that. Blech! I know it wasn't your intention, but since this is a porny thread!

A bagpipe chanter

[JThaddeus]

For the geek who likes music, here is guaranteed geeky music. Yeah, sure, lots of guys play guitars, drums, etc. Some may even scratch on a violin. But how many play the bagpipes! Hard to learn? Sure, but so was programming. It's a challenge. But when he learns, think how sexy he'll look in a kilt!

WARNING: If you own a dog, the duets may be less than melodious.

Re:Blow job

[Anonymous Coward]

"Our studies show that one blow job is responsible for an average of seventeen buffer overflows."

Wow, the employees at RealNetworks must be getting blow jobs 24/7!

Roses are red, violets are blue....

[ioscan]

all my base are belong to you.

Re:Geeks are NOT sad losers

[alex_ant]

Looks like somebody touched one of the renaissance man's nerves.

Re:Blow job

[Mononoke]

This is 2004, not 1904. If they've been dating for three months, he's already getting blowjobs, or better. A Valentines gift should be something special.

Then she should swallow. That always makes it special.

Valentine's day gift for a geek.

[managerialslime]

If you really care and your significant other is really a Geek,
a great gift is to let him know what you want him to get YOU on the holiday as well as where to eat.

How can YOU prevent the following conversation?

"Honey," (he begins ever so sweetly), "Where would you like dine?"
"Oh, I don't know dear, surprise me."
"But dear, my love of food means that there isn't a restaurant on planet earth that I don't like and you were so unhappy the fourth time Christmas week I took you to MickeyDee's, there was no lovin' for weeks after."
"Just pick a romantic place, OK?"
"Bunchkins, just name one or two or three you like, and I'll be more than happy to pick one."
(Tone at this point turns icy.) "That is NOT romantic. I want you to surprise me with a romantic choice."
"My love, when I surprised you on your birthday with a McFlurry and a hot McPie with a candle on top, I thought you would appreciate the originality. Instead, I obviously did something wrong when you threw it at me. Please just tell me what you would like."
"What I would like is for you to have a romantic thought. And since you want advice, make sure your gift is romantic, but not too flashy or ostentatious."
"Dearest, I am just too Geeky to translate the word 'romantic' into the most appropriate gift and dinner. I know you love me despite my geekiness. Couldn't you just give me a note with the details of what to get you and where to take you?"
"If you ever want affection even once in you life after the holiday, I suggest you drop this conversation now and do what you need to do."
Geek mutters under breath, "I should have slit my wrists a long time ago."

Techs & sex

[westendgirl]

Brings to mind this billboard. [livejournal.com]

Re:Speaking from experience.

[SuperDuG]

They're called "performers" and those watching are called the "audience". Why are you arguing the technicalities on Girl on Girl on Guy threesomes, if all you have to worry about is correct terminology then you're 10 steps ahead of the game man ....

Re:Techs & sex

[Tackhead]

> Brings to mind this billboard [livejournal.com].

I'd give my left nut for some mod points right now. Except that CmdrTaco probably has even less use for my left nut than I do.

Linux License

[emtilt]

Buy him a license from SCO. I'm sure he'll love it.

Obl. Family Guy quote

[nautical9]

Peter: I say Quagmire, it seems to me we've each made another $500 million dollars.

Quagmire: Good thing we swore off women so we wouldn't be distracted and unable to accumulate this vast amount of wealth.

Peter: Yes. You watch the ticker. I'm gunna go microwave a bagel and have sex with it.

Quagmire: Butter's in the fridge!

Threesome

[Anonymous Coward]

Give him something *really* special!

Double-team him with one of your girl friends!

Re:Recipe for a perfect Valentine's Day

[VaBeachGirl]

Uhhh..... I meant to say that I dated a GEEK. Can y'all feel me blushing?

Re:Valentine's day gift for a geek.

[Tackhead]

> (I should have added to the above: Of course sex and Legos are great geeks gifts. Bundle up a bunch o' Legos in a box and tell him, "These are for the office.")

And you can choose whether to give him the Lego before the sex or after the sex.

If you give a real geek a big pile of Lego, (Mindstorms, or maybe the 3-foot-long Imperial Star Destroyer), you won't be getting sex for a week.

If that's a bug, give him the sex first. If that's a feature, give him the Lego first.

Do not attempt to give both things at once. For instance, you could dress yourself up in a bikini made of Lego hinges, flats, and two radar dishes, but it'd be pretty damn unconfortable for you. And sure, he'd want to take that bikini apart as soon as he laid eyes on you in it... but only because it's got the parts he needs for the movable laser turrets on Page 23 of the assembly booklet. And he's been looking for the missing parts all freakin' morning!

Re:Blow job

[Anonymous Coward]

that's funny, she ate my paste every day when she "came to work".

+5 Informative/Interesting

[Anonymous Coward]

MOD PARENT UP!

My g/f rented a street walker for us one night. It was the greatest 45 seconds of my life.

men are all alike

[aphrodite_aditi]

hey babes, i have gone thro some trouble to get thro u so u better listen to this, men are the same everywhere, so blow jobs are great for them, lazy bums cant do it on their own, maybe 2 on that day wuid do the trick , but the best wud be if u wud give him his choice of food and an oil massage with a scrub bath, think about it , they all are lazy. but make sure u dont over do it so he knwos this was a gift not something he shud expect every day.

Re:Recipe for a perfect Valentine's Day

[NevermindPhreak]

"When I treated him to BJs..."

you just posted on slashdot, and you posted about oral sex. i dont think its possible to count the number of slashdot guys who want to be your valentines day date right now.

Re:Blow job

[fishexe]

Don't agree. A good BJ is not a distraction;

Yeah, anyone who's seen Swordfish knows that it enables a good cracker to break 128-bit encryption in under a minute.

Re:Valentine's day gift for a geek.

[Anonymous Coward]

It's Valentine's Day; to avoid this conversation, SUPERSIZE the fries.

Re:Geeks are NOT sad losers

[webtoe]

Aside from programming (and computers in general), I enjoy other forms of art including photography and sketching. I've been married for 15 years, and I'm a father. I enjoy riding my Triumph Trophy 1200 motorcycle, and training my dog to do agility. But even when I'm doing all of those things, my mind is still racing with hundreds of ideas for the

project d'jeur.

You may want to turn a little bit of your attention to learning some basic French while you're at it...

Re:Tools!

[YrWrstNtmr]

just don't forget to store a nice picture of you on it! (Will make a nice surprise the first time he uses the drive)...

...at work.
"OOPS!!. You guys weren't supposed to see that!"

Re:Geeks are NOT sad losers

[thparker]

I enjoy other forms of art including photography and sketching.... I enjoy riding my Triumph Trophy 1200 motorcycle, and training my dog to do agility. But even when I'm doing all of those things, my mind is still racing with hundreds of ideas for the project d'jeur.

I'm a motorcycle safety instructor, and we definitely advise against riding your bike while engaging in any kind of dog training. Throw in taking pictures and sketching while thinking in mangled french and you're definitely angling for a crash. tp