Silly Product Instructions? 215
canfirman asks: "Not exactly a serious question, but maybe good for a laugh: Our company is bringing in new printers into the office, and I noticed that the on-screen instructions state, 'Do not pull pages until after the printer has finished its job'. I thought this would be a redundant instruction (kinda like, 'Don't run with scissors'), but it got me thinking - what are some of the dumbest instructions you have ever seen on a piece of software, hardware, or appliance?"
Plastic bags... (Score:2, Funny)
*grabs plastic bag*
Look this is fun!
hrmm... what does this say?
Not a toy!
*falls over due to lack of oxygen*
Cheez Whiz (Score:5, Funny)
"For best results, please remove cap."
Really? I was just going to bang it on the table until it exploded, then lick all the 'cheese' up!
Re:Plastic bags... (Score:2)
One of my favorites being this one [engrish.com] which reads
"!DANGER! A dangerous toy. This toy is being made for the extreme priority the good looks. The little part which suffocates when the sharp part which gets hurt is swallowed is contained generously. Only the person who can take responsibility by itself is to play."
I'm not sure what toy that is, but I want one!
Comment removed (Score:5, Funny)
People's Republic of California: power cords (Score:5, Funny)
I always read that as:
# Offtopic, Inflammatory, Inappropriate, Illegal, or Offensive comments might be moderated +5
Dumbest warnings I ever saw were on a laptop's power supply:
And no, I'm not making this up [ibm.com].Of course, there's no word on whether the lead in the power cord is transmuted to gold when I cross the border into Nevada, or whether or not residents of other states need to wash their hands after plugging things in or not.
(The background is that a bunch of twits fell for the junk science [junkscience.com] on PVC softened with lead phthalates. Consider that if studies on intravenous bags with the stuff are questionable, it's Not Bloody Likely that failing to wash your hands after you plug in your laptop is going to kill you. But since when did science matter to the granola-crunchin' hypesters of the People's Republic of California? It's to protect the chilllllldren and the enviiiiiiirunmennnnnt!
Re:People's Republic of California: power cords (Score:5, Funny)
He replied "I did!!" and his face turned three shades of red and he wagged his finger at me for 15 minutes while angrily attempting to explain why he thought Prop 65 was wise legislation.
Moral: You never know who you're talking to.
Re:People's Republic of California: power cords (Score:2)
Moral: You never know who you're talking to.
That was me you asshole!
Moral: You never know who is reading your
The unreleased CD-ROM Warning (Score:4, Funny)
Re:The unreleased CD-ROM Warning (Score:3, Funny)
Confusion is understandable... (Score:2)
Not redundant (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:Not redundant (Score:3, Insightful)
I see it all the time. Not only from students (read: people who aren't expected to learn better) but from teachers (read: people who are supposed to impart said knowledge). The fact that the printer emits a mechanical grinding
Re:Not redundant (Score:2)
Redundancy? (Score:5, Funny)
"Don't run with scissors while running", on the other hand, is.
Re:Redundancy? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Redundancy? (Score:2)
Re:Redundancy? (Score:2)
Someone once suggested that taking all the warning labels off products would help, but not enough to really matter. It was a jest, but many a true word is spoken in jest.
End-User License Agreements (Score:3, Interesting)
Seriously, does anyone read the full text of EULAs? They're a complete joke. I've heard there's a website that has a whole bunch of strange EULAs on display..
Re:End-User License Agreements (Score:2)
So you couldn't read what you were agreeing to until you had opened the envelope and thus already agreed... *Head explodes*
Bet they paid a lawyer way too much to think that up.
Re:End-User License Agreements (Score:2, Interesting)
Re:End-User License Agreements (Score:3, Interesting)
Re:End-User License Agreements (Score:2, Interesting)
Re:End-User License Agreements (Score:2)
Re:End-User License Agreements (Score:2)
iPod (Score:4, Funny)
Re:iPod (Score:3, Funny)
Re:iPod (Score:4, Interesting)
Copying != stealing.
If copying = stealing, you won't need copyright law - there are plenty of theft and property laws to deal with it. Shoplifting comes under Theft law. Copying comes under Copyright law.
Don't let the Corporates brainwash you and your friends into believing that copying is stealing.
Sure copying is illegal in some cases. But if the Corporates succeed in brainwashing enough people, then copying would then be illegal in most cases.
Re:iPod (Score:2)
Re:iPod (Score:3, Funny)
But if you send it in two pieces, that's fair use!
... or .. umm ...
something.
You're probably one of the brainwashed. (Score:4, Insightful)
And copying entire songs is only illegal if the applicable laws say so.
I'm not sure how things are in the Land of the Free and the Home of the DMCA, but in my country it's not illegal if you copy it for private or domestic use. In NZ they're thinking of making it legal if you're copying it for your own use, amidst protests by the corporates.
"It's taking away people's rights to earn a living, and that's horrendous," Sony NZ managing director Michael Glading is quoted as saying.
Let's cut the BS: If I make a copy the owners of the original copy still have FULL ACCESS to the original. So it's unlike stealing which deprives the owners of access.
In contrast: The corporates have lobbyed (successfully in many countries) to remove and reduce the public's access to copyrighted material AND copyrighted material that would have entered PUBLIC DOMAIN.
Now you tell me who are the real thieves? Who are the real thieves?
Don't be deceived by the lies - the brainwashing and bullshit terms like "Intellectual Property" and "Piracy".
HP Lasers w/Duplexers (Score:5, Informative)
We have one of these types of printers (HP LJ 4600DN) in my classroom, and when the kids pull pages of duplex jobs early (before they actually get spit into the finished tray), then Bad Things Happen(tm).
From Jay Leno's Headlines: (Score:5, Funny)
Inhale 1 tablet vaginally at bedtime" [nbc.com]
And an interesting warning on a kids toy:
It can be happy and gay not good hearing if product is with mark" [nbc.com]
neighbor's house (Score:3, Funny)
"He actually wrote diddly!"
Re:neighbor's house (Score:4, Informative)
The Simpsons
Some good ones... (Score:5, Funny)
(On a package of nuts) "May contain nuts."
(Butcher knife)"Keep out of children."
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
Re:Some good ones... (Score:3, Funny)
Well obviously it does not work well in external doorways. Duh.
Re:Some good ones... (Score:2)
Q.
Re:Some good ones... (Score:2)
It's reached a point now where I don't take any warning labels seriously, because I'd never get anything done. Someday I'm going to ignore one and hurt myself, and I'm going to sue every product liability lawyer in the country for dilluting the meaning of the word "warning".
Hitachi electric drill... (Score:5, Funny)
(in troubleshooting section)
Problem: Sparks fly from commutator
Cause: Groceries in commutator.
Solution: Remove groceries from commutator.
Re:Hitachi electric drill... (Score:3, Informative)
Re:Hitachi electric drill... (Score:3, Funny)
I had a mini Char-G car, but a pirate version from China. It had some fantastic comedy instructions, but sadly it's at work.
Some from engrish.com [engrish.com]...
On a Yo-Yo...
And from
quick scan through the kitchen gives me... (Score:4, Funny)
Spray paint can: "Do not spray in eyes."
Cotton Balls: "Do not insert in rectum"
Aluminum foil box: "Do not microwave"
Re:quick scan through the kitchen gives me... (Score:3, Funny)
It actually gives (4: Funny [not just 3]). The fourth is, why do you have cotton balls in your kitchen?
Re:quick scan through the kitchen gives me... (Score:2)
But mostly I use them for rectum-stuffing. Screw the warning.
Re:quick scan through the kitchen gives me... (Score:2, Interesting)
Re:quick scan through the kitchen gives me... (Score:3, Interesting)
Re:aluminium foil (Score:2)
Also cautioned to make sure that there's adequate clearance between the pan and the micorwave sides.
It's the same with microwaving a floppy disk - put it on a glass so that the metal part isn't near anything conductive, and you can nuke it fine :-)
Re:quick scan through the kitchen gives me... (Score:2)
Fire extinguisher (Score:5, Funny)
FIRE EXTINGUISHER
On the back, oddly enough, were the following words:
Do not use near heat or open flame
Re:Fire extinguisher (Score:2)
You're supposed to use a fire extinguisher from something like 6' away
Re:Fire extinguisher (Score:2)
Trace ammounts of nuts i understand... (Score:2)
packaging [slashdot.org]
Re:Trace ammounts of nuts i understand... (Score:2)
What i don't get, as the journal entry points out, is the instructions on the same piece of chocolate...
It made me feel like I was reading a page from 'So Long and Thanks Fo
Do Not Eat (Score:3, Funny)
"I thought it was candy"
Re:Do Not Eat (Score:2)
Re:Do Not Eat (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Do Not Eat (Score:2)
There are plenty of threads laughing at cross-cultural faux pas where oriental instructions get mistranslated into English, but IIRC, Silica Gel is behind a mistake of our own.
I can't find the source, but I remember hearing that when we dropped MRE's [marrich.com] on Afghanistan, they included salt and pepper packets, and another packet that many locals s
Pepto Bismol (Score:2)
Thing is, though, while this seems strange to not be able to take an antacid on account of an aspirin allergy, it's not so strange. Note the last four syllables in that chemical I mentioned - salycilate - and remember that aspirin is the acetate of 'salysilic acid'.
On my computer's power supply (Score:2)
It also happened to mention that I should never mismatch the voltages for fear of letting the blue smoke out of the PS.
I would think that this sort of thing would be astoundingly obvious.
Re:On my computer's power supply (Score:2)
"Right so when the computer wouldnt come on you switched the little red 110|220 switch at the back to get it working?"
Re:On my computer's power supply (Score:2)
Re:On my computer's power supply (Score:2)
Ghetto Wear washing instructions (Score:5, Funny)
1) Pile dirty clothes on floor
2) When you run out of clean clothes, gather them up and ask your Mom how to use the washer
3) When she says she'll do it so you don't break her washer and ruin your clothes, come back in an hour and they'll be done.
I also had a FUCT jacket that's washing instructions were:
Washing Instructions: Steal this garment.
I like that kind of thing, making the blatently obvious and unnessary become fun.
FUCT (Score:4, Funny)
Re:FUCT (Score:2)
Re:FUCT (Score:3, Funny)
Re:FUCT (Score:2)
may have seen this one... (Score:2)
quite the warning label.
Comment removed (Score:4, Funny)
My Best (Score:2)
I'm not kidding.
Don't forget the Engrish! (Score:2)
Some quotes (Score:3, Funny)
Do not drive with sunshade in place (Score:2)
not really hardware, but.... (Score:3, Funny)
its on every condom....
Lather, Rinse, Repeat (Score:3, Funny)
However a personal favourite of mine is on an old can of chocolate drink powder, the recipe for making it up includes the follwing instruction:
Add 2 heaped tablesppons of milk.
Apple Laserwriter (Score:3, Funny)
=Brian
Silly instructions (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Silly instructions (Score:2)
no duh! (Score:2)
Really Pointless Instruction (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Really Pointless Instruction (Score:3, Funny)
"If you can read this your pizza is upside down"
Do Not Use While Sleeping (Score:3, Interesting)
I say warnings like this should be omitted on purpose so that people without this common sense are weeded out of the gene pool.
Jetliners (Score:2)
Nobody has ever survived an attempted jetliner ditching using a flotation device, or otherwise. If you did, hypothermia would likely get to you before the Coast Gurd.
Place the oxygen mask over your nose and mouth and breathe normally.
And while you are doing this, the pilot is in a power dive towards 10,000 feet where there is enough air pressure to breathe. But he didn't tell you this: you think the plane is crashing instead of performing an intent
do not use if seal is broken (Score:2)
Right, i'll just chew a hole in the bottom of the packet to get my migraine medicine out.
On a baby walker toy (Score:2)
On a large software box from Lighthouse Design... (Score:2)
Among other things i can't remember.
An all time classic: (Score:4, Funny)
Words to live by, kids.
engrish.com (Score:2)
Press "NO" to start (Score:2)
Made in China.
Product warnings (Score:2)
Two of my Favs... (Score:2)
Instructions for the care and feeding of a Chinese SKS rifle: "Do not let your SKS get tainted with defilement or sunburnt."
Embossed on the front of anti-personnel mines: "This side toward enemy."
Re:Heres a few good ones (Score:2)
Re:On a 50cc ATV (Score:2)
Tim
Re:On a 50cc ATV (Score:2)
Re:Silica Gel Edibility (Score:2)
Re:Silica Gel Edibility (Score:2)
I wanted to see what it tasted like. I ate some. 41 years later, no cancer yet.
Re:Keyboard Problem (Score:2)
Re:SO LONG, AND THANKS (Score:2, Funny)
2) Tooth space? Sounds like someone's girlfriend needs braces.
3) ???
4) Profit!
(Sorry, couldn't resist.)
--
vi ~/.emacs
Re:Microsoft advert at tip of page (Score:2)
I just find it amusing that the "Windows has a lower TCO than Linux" always seems to pop up on top of articles saying the opposite.
Either someone at OSDN has a sense of humour, or the ran
Re:VERY funny instructions (Score:2)
-calyxa