Most Fun Way to Leave a Bad Job? 371
medscaper asks: "I have an awesome opportunity this morning. Since the market is opening up, I was offered a great new tech job over the weekend, and have been stuck in a miserable one for the past several years. I spend more time stressing out and anxious about keeping my job than getting any quality work done. I'm SO looking forward to walking into my boss's office this morning to let him know that I'll be leaving. I'm tempted to do it with style, especially because I got a (completely unwarranted) PHB-style threatening lecture last week about my work habits. I really don't need the recommendation or a reference, so it doesn't matter much how I leave. Should I politely give the standard 2-weeks? Or should I have a little fun with it and burn some bridges? Anyone have any stories to relate?"
Leave the Fight Club way (Score:4, Funny)
Good god man.. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Vacation! (Score:5, Funny)
It works better than expected. By the second sick day they work out the deal and you get the next week off fully paid.
Have some fun... (Score:2, Funny)
Name that quote (Score:3, Funny)
I've been tempted to do that one at work, since I'm about to leave a fast food job for a much better paying software development job.
Comment removed (Score:5, Funny)
Burn the bridges (Score:5, Funny)
I once left a dismal job a few years back. I tore up my office, made it a total mess. There were dead-man switches galore, and I 'accidentally' broke every build. I clogged several toilets, on multiple floors, in both mens and womens restrooms. I brought in a bunch of rotten food, and left it in various locations. I installed a ton of spyware and uninstalled all virus checking software, after filling the network shares with several gigabytes of the most nasty pornography I could find. I filled my desktop machine with quick-dry cement. On the way out, I even scraped my boss's dinky little car with my truck.
That was one of the most satisfying experiences in my life. I can't wait to get into a crappy job again!
Re:Dog Shit Warpaint (Score:1, Funny)
My stint at walmart (Score:5, Funny)
The worst thing I did... I worked in the shoe department (the worst department there is, even the janitors pitty you), this *HOT* girl is standing back towards me, looking at some shoes. As I walk by the says without looking at me, "What do you think of these ones?" to which I reply, "I'm sorry mam, for what occassion?" then it dawns on me she's probably flirting, and she says, "oh I thought you were my father, I'm sorry!" to which I reply, "Well, you never know ;-)" ... just as these words leave my lips a grumpy 50 year old man in overalls and a half shaved beard walks up behind me and says "I DON'T THINK SO SON!" Then it occurs to me the girl is more like 17 instead of 21. but oh well.
Oh, topic ... um, so how I quit was, well nevermind it wasn't nearly as funny as that story.
Re:Na dun burn bridges (Score:5, Funny)
How the hell should I know?
Re:Movie "Office Space" (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Na dun burn bridges (Score:5, Funny)
"Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. You're cool. And fuck you. I'm out."
http://www.moviewavs.com/cgi-bin/mp3s.cgi?
Re:Na dun burn bridges (Score:2, Funny)
So, are there any other fringe benefits of being the nephew of Satan?
Re:Na dun burn bridges (Score:5, Funny)
Too bad it doesn't appear to be hereditary.
No Fucking Shit -- Re:Movie "Office Space" (Score:1, Funny)
Stanley Cup Style (Score:2, Funny)
Don't ask me what his point was...... It was just funny to watch because PHB got even more pissed but had no idea what to do........
Re:Piss on servers (Score:5, Funny)
Ah, nothing like a stream of highly conductive liquid between your genitals and something containing thousands of volts...
Re:Bad Move (Score:5, Funny)
" All I have to say is, sure, go ahead, ask for a promotion. Ask for Money. Ask for Power. Ask them to offer you everything you ask for. The point isn't that you want all of that. The point is: "I want my father back, you sonofabitch!"
Best resignation letter (Score:5, Funny)
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Following is a supposed letter of resignation from an employee at a computer company, to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards! It's Funny, but a bit harsh
Dear Mr. Smith,
As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!
Re:my favorite job reference (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Leave the Fight Club way (Score:2, Funny)
Re:OT Re:Just leave (Score:5, Funny)
I was going to say this sounds really pathetic, but only because I'm jealous that you thought of it first.
Re:Just stop going in (Score:3, Funny)
No, they're not, but imagining them to be so does make it easier to pour gasoline on them and shoot them with a flare gun.
Re:one of the funniest tv ad for the french loto (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Burn the bridges (Score:3, Funny)
Why on earth would Neo be calling an Agent regarding an employee hire?
I say don't *directly* burn them... (Score:4, Funny)
I hated my last job. The bosses were always jerks to everyone, they engaged in shady business practices and I never saw a raise even though I busted my butt to keep the place afloat when we were understaffed and turning over employees like flapjacks. I left on pretty amicable terms...
That is, right up until I went down to the US Bankruptcy courts and the IRS to report that the owner was skimming cash to avoid paying back his creditors. And also dropped a few notes to the FBI about their sex tourism business bussing guys down to Mexico and finding them hookers. And dropping a few lines to the FTC about unsolicited junk faxing. And letting their largest clients know just how much mark-up they were paying. And...
They probably don't know it was me, as they left a long string of disgruntled employees. Whenever I think about it, I just smile smugly, wondering how much jail time they'll end up with.
Re:Burn the bridges (Score:3, Funny)
Dogbert, evil HR director (paraphrased, as I'm sure someone will point out)
Milk and Chicken Bomb (Score:1, Funny)
Take an empty screw-top jar, fill with chicken (I hear boneless, skin on works best) and top off with milk. Cap jar and hide in a warmish place. In 3 to 4 weeks, the jar will burst from some sort of horrifying chemical/organic/death reaction and it will smell like someone died.
No s**t it works, and it's relatively untraceable
Your badge.... (Score:2, Funny)
Burn the building down... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:I say don't *directly* burn them... (Score:1, Funny)