CV Tips for Software Developers?

drylight asks: "When writing a CV, what do people find to be an effective format that gets possible employer's attention and/or the desired job? Is Keeping things short, preferable or will two or more pages be acceptable? Is a complete work history desired, or would a list of applications and projects that you've been involved in a better idea? Any links to online examples of good CVs would be greatly appreciated. What are some other tips on how to get someone's attention when applying for a job?"

My tips- only one of which is a joke

[Marxist Hacker 42]

First of all, my qualifications- between October 2001 and December 2003, I spent 26 months out of work. I got a LOT of experience writing resumes, CVs, and filling out job applications in that time. Here are my statistics:

2600 total job applications filed.
1475- 2 page resumes tuned to the job description in the advert, with cover letter.
200 1-page resumes tuned to the job description in the advert, with cover letter.
845 general purpose 6-page resumes with all experience and skills on them (3 pages worth of skillsets + 10 years of experience)
80 applications for fast food jobs.

Out of that, I recieved 15 interviews and one job offer- all on either the applications for fast food jobs, or on the 2 page resumes.

And now for the joke- decide now, do you want an exciting career or stability? And a hint if you decide on stability- student loans within the last 20 years in your credit report mean that you are no longer qualified to be a fry cook.

Be creative

[RealityMogul]

1.) Popup books - everybody loves them

The first page can be a little cutout of you in a suit and tie with a smile on your face. Then another with you hunched over a keyboard with the moon in the background. Make a little tab that causes your arms to pound on a keyboard.

2.) Lifelike puppet - CEOs love these.

Fully posable so they can imagine how well you'll dance at their command.

3.) Lie like a dog

Going for an entry level coder position? Make sure you meet the requirement in the job ad. Like having an MBA, 10 years risk analysis experience, and another decade of experience in all the latest programming languages/frameworks. Say you have all that and you'll surely land that $20,000/yr job tweaking the color scheme on their website!

Re:My tips- only one of which is a joke

[Glog]

It would seem that your misfortunes stem from the fact that you are a "Marxist Hacker 42" and a supporter of free software. I have personally made sure that you cannot find any job not only in the US but also in India, Sweden, Afghanistan, and Bahrain as well.

Sincerely,
Billy Gates

Re:one advice

[nosferatu-man]

"one advice"? In a post about grammar? Genius.

Optimize, optimize, optimize!

[Chemisor]

What programmer can resist overoptimization? Here it goes:

> Is Keeping things short preferable, or will two or more pages be acceptable?

The most obvious error is the extra capitalization of Keeping. After fixing that simple bug:

> Is keeping things short preferable, or will two or more pages be acceptable?

Know your API. The english language has a wonderful word for "two or more" that ensures you don't have too many "or"s. This also removes the need for a comma:

> Is keeping things short preferable or will several pages be acceptable?

Making it obvious that the advice is for "you" saves the reader a few brain cycles:

> Should I keep things short or in several pages?

If the first part is true, then the second part is necessarily false. This useful fact allows further contraction and removes a syntax ambiguity between "things" and "pages" that helps brain compiler writers keep their parser simple:

> Should I keep things short?

If you keep "things" short, some people may want to reuse the question for other "things":

> Should things be short?

There. Only 23 characters instead of the original 76. This 70% reduction in size will save brain space and processing power that could be used to write another resume.

Let them know what kind of guy you are right away.

[crazyphilman]

First of all, I always use high-quality paper, like for example parchment made from dried human skin. I find that if you dry it with some violets, it has a nice fragrance, which H.R. droids really seem to appreciate.

Next up, when writing your resume, do NOT let the blood coagulate. One time, I only got halfway through the experience section when I found my pen gumming up! So, it's a good idea to wet your pen by jamming it in your NEXT victim while he's still alive. This also tends to lighten the mood a little; resumes are pretty stressful to write.

Once you're writing, it helps to throw in some playful alternative spellings like "CompUUTre" and "Jaaahhhva". It'll throw the recruiting H.R. person off balance slightly, and make them wonder about your state of mind. Excellent motivator! Remember, you want to put your best foot forward. Sometimes I put in a chart with a jagged line rising up and to the right; the y axis is marked "My foot" and the x axis is marked "your ass", after a charming video on the Red Vs. Blue site. That Sarge is such a card! I think he would agree that this is a good motivator for H.R.

Finally, make sure to include as much mayhem in your experience section as possible. If you've got entries involving going postal in a large organization, include them! High body counts are a plus, particularly if you started in the H.R. office.

Ah, I remember when I was young, and interviewing... I visited five companies, two of which still existed afterwards! Sigh. Oh, to be young again...