9 Weeks to Pump Out New Orleans?

Cr0w T. Trollbot asks: "It looks like New Orleans is going through something very close to the worst case scenario right now. This somewhat prescient study, written well before the hurricane, describes some of the challenges (engineering and otherwise) facing New Orleans. 'In this hypothetical storm scenario, it is estimated that it would take nine weeks to pump the water out of the city, and only then could assessments begin to determine what buildings were habitable or salvageable. Sewer, water, and the extensive forced drainage pumping systems would be damaged. National authorities would be scrambling to build tent cities to house the hundreds of thousands of refugees unable to return to their homes and without other relocation options.' The hypothetical is looking awful close to reality right now. What can be done about draining and rebuilding New Orleans in light of the massive flooding, and what can be done to prevent and/or lessen such disasters in the future?"

Misread...

[Psychor]

Did anyone else misread that headline and think the networks had started a "Pimp my City" show?

Sinking

[AutopsyReport]

My memory is muddy, what's this river that I'm in, New Orleans is sinking man and I don't wanna swim!

cities on floodplains?

[myowntrueself]

"what can be done to prevent and/or lessen such disasters in the future?"

Well what I do in Civ3 is to disallow building cities on floodplains and swamps. Helps heaps.

one word:

[Tumbleweed]

SPONGES.

Really, just a massive airdrop of sponges over the city, et voila, your problem, she is solved!

I LIVE in New Orleans

[Anonymous Coward]

I Live in New Orleans and I was just planning on staying at Taco's house. This membership is good for something, right?

Re:What can be done about it?

[grub]

We all know why this is happening to us.

Yep, because terrorists hate our freedom.

Re:Water City

[apoc.famine]

If they don't want to rebuild *above* sea level, they can just rename it Atlantis and sell tours.

Re:Water City

[Oculus Habent]

That's sub-section 1 of the larger plan: Throw Money At It.

Re:Water City

[DiveX]

Why not rebuild over the water? Well, it has been tried before.

"When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that's what you're going to get."

King of Swamp Castle

Send your AOL CD's to New Orleans...

[Dr. Zowie]

... together with back-issues of National Geographic. That should avoid the problem in the future by raising the grade level by 5-7 meters.

There is a house

[grunby]

in New Orl...well I guess not any more.

Re:one word:

[NeuroManson]

Or just one gigantic genetically engineered Spongebob Squarepants.

I for one welcome our eventual goofy gargantuan yellow overlords.

Re:Water City

[Bi()hazard]

The only way to deal with this problem on a long term basis, other than giving up the city, is to create a system that can't be knocked out by hurricanes. Barriers and pumps can always fall because the forces of nature are against them. We, the people of New Orleans, need to harness nature to protect ourselves. Work with it. Make it our bitch, if you will.

I propose digging a vast reservoir somewhere away from the city, in one of those barren rural areas nobody cares about. This is the US, we have plenty of those. Dig the largest reservoir the world has ever seen, larger than the second largest by an order of magnitude, thereby enlarging our national "infrastructure" by a similar degree. Think of all the new jobs! Connect this reservoir to n'orleans via underground aqueducts. Flood water will drain through the aqueducts and out of the city. This underground system, powered by the laws of physics, would be immune to hurricane and flood damage as long as the reservoir functions.

Now, the obvious problem is reservoir capacity. Luckily, the reservoir is out in the middle of nowhere, allowing us to build huge water holding tanks, pumps, and so forth to empty it out. This system will be outside the hurricane/flood zones, and since it isn't within a populated area it can be much more robust than a city pump system. Furthermore, an array of voodoo priests and druids from n'orleans will periodically bless the reservoir with charms and wards to protect it. The natural power of hundreds of voodoo rituals will guarantee the system's smooth function during crises. In addition, some of these voodoo rituals require large amounts of energy to complete, so we'll have to have massive orgies on the site to reinforce the system. Who could argue with that?

Entrance fees to the ritual orgy will cover a large portion of the costs of the project, and the remaining funding can be gathered by using it as a Sea World. It would be the largest man-made aquarium in the world! Think of the tourism potential. (cue the slashdot trolls with that dolphin link)

It's a brilliant plan. Protection from floods, protection from droughts, new tourism revenue, jobs, hot sex, awesome voodoo powers, and enlargement of the national "infrastructure." What more could you ask for? That's pure New Orleans, baby.

Re:I wonder...

[Anonymous Coward]

Plenty... China, India, Bank of Japan. They're all contributing millions daily to prop up the US twin deficits.

Re:Water City

[Anonymous Coward]

This wouldn't have happened if they were running Linux.

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:The future....

[Anonymous Coward]

That's not hard to fix: just set up a few empty trailer parks a few miles outside of town as decoys.

Re:I wonder...

[MillionthMonkey]

...how many foreign countries are sending aid to the US now?

I might take this opportunity to point out that all our troubles are the fault of the French. Yes, the FRENCH.
If those French colonists hadn't chosen such a poor location to found a city in 1718, we wouldn't be flooded right now!

Re:I wonder...

[Colonel Panic]

Much to Mullah Robertson's dismay, the infidel Hugo Chavez has pledged aid in the form of food and fuel.

Robertson says: "Communism! You can't just go around giving away food and fuel like that! Another reason to get rid of Chavez!"

Re:Leave it alone

[Geoffreyerffoeg]

New Orleans would have done just fine with a CAT 2 or CAT 3 Getting hit by a CAT 4+ is a very rare event for anyone location.

Dude. Hurricanes. Not network cable. No need to uppercase CAT.

Re:The future....

[Anonymous Coward]

In the long run, it probably would be best to abandon the city entirely, but that won't happen

Abandon New Orleans? But that would kill the "Girls gone wild" video industry! What would we do?

Re:Water City

[Anonymous Coward]

Eventually we'll hit the Earth's molten core, and then all the water will just turn into steam and float away!

Re:I LIVE in New Orleans

[Anonymous Coward]

You know, with some strategic placement of ellipsis and exclamation signs around each of your NOs we have a far more interesting post:

Speaking of living in New Orleans, there are millions of people who do. A lot of posts here suggest abandoning... NO! While that's a great long-term solution, what do you do now? Many of my friends live and go to school in... NO! Even if they get back to their homes, and somehow they're undamaged, they may not have a school to go back to.

New Orleans will - must - be rebuilt, immediately, to as close a shadow of its former self as possible, so that life can continue. Condemning half the city by, say, 2015 is a great start. But condemning it now is to make life impossible for... NO residents!

Oh, and don't forget that tourism is... NO! - nay, Louisiana's - major industry. People have to get used to the new Mardi Gras location before traffic picks up there, if you abandon... NO!

There... NO!

Re:Water City

[Demerara]

Mosquitoes suck.

Forgive me, but isn't this sort of stating the obvious?

Re:Water City

[ScrewMaster]

Yeah ... but too bad they don't have a ZPM-powered shield generator to take care of the next Category 5 that comes along.

Re:Water City

[sessamoid]

Even more importantly, they let Galveston become a cute little tourist town

Having lived there, I've heard Galveston called a lot of things. I've never heard it called "cute". The prevailing nickname for many of us was "Galvetraz".

Re:Let's blame Congress

[Anonymous Coward]

I doubt the residents of Connecticut or New Jersey would want their states full of nuclear missle silos.

Re:Water City

[Overzeetop]

Please don't give him any more ideas. He's only got 3 years left, but he can still do so much more damage if he really puts his back into it.

Re:Send your AOL CD's to New Orleans...

[CheeseTroll]

Why was the parent modded as a Troll? Being married to a librarian, I found this funny. Librarians contend with people donating their 50-year collections of National Geographic all the time, as if they are some kind of rare collectible. Clean out everyone's attics, ship 'em south, and bulk up the whole city.

Re:Let's blame Congress

[aminorex]

The blue states giveth, the red states taketh away.

Re:How about blaming Louisiana?

[Washizu]

"I stayed in their hotels, ate their food and patronized their stores."

You forgot "looked at their boobies"

Holiday Inn!

[Agarax]

Or did you just spend the night at a Holiday Inn?

cool!

[ecalkin]

we can blame this on the french?

I've seen that...

[Bifurcati]

I've seen that show, and it's just not as good as the original...

Re:I wonder...

[aminorex]

Personally, I'm one of those Americans who thinks that all Americans are rich. Some are just richer than others; but, they are all (modulo a few mental patients and bohemians) way, way too rich, and should be eaten.

I think ive got enough karma....

[Jeff Benjamin]

Your forgetting, this is the U.S. We dont need to CONVINCE libya of anything, we just need to liberate them.

Re:Water City

[digidave]

They could have chrooted the city to Colorado for a few weeks or taken hurricane off the ACL.

Re:I LIVE in New Orleans

[Geoffreyerffoeg]

Hehe.

What's even funnier is the roadsign leading to the airport:

"NO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - THIS EXIT"

No kidding.

Re:Water City

[lgw]

You say that like it's a *bad* thing. You sound like one of them liberals. Don't worry, once we're fininshed with the *external* enemies of America, your kind is next! I've seen the camps under contstruction - ohhh, what surprises await you!

panamanian liberation

[dj_virto]

Our government liberated Panama from Columbia so we could dig a big ditch.

Links are not credible

[kbogert]

A much better one would be fuckthesouth.com [fuckthesouth.com]

If he paid money for the website, he must know what he's talking about, right?

Re:What can be done about it?

[Anonymous Coward]

We all know why this is happening to us.

Yep, because terrorists hate our freedom.

apparently, so do hurricanes.

Re:Water City

[topham]

Uh-oh, sounds like they have a new movie set and can start filming Waterworld 2

Let's hope they don't.

Another reason this won't work

[commodoresloat]

If you were dealing with just building over water, you might be fine, but this is New Orleans we're talking about. The alcohol content of the water there makes this entirely impractical.

Re:WTF?

[Anonymous Coward]

Nerds can spell. Cya later!

Re:Water City

[johnny cashed]

Until someone finally puts a dam across the strait of Gibraltar, and drys up your precious Mediterranean Sea for development. Until terrorists blow the dam, wiping out said future development. Hey, I think I have a business plan...

Re:Water City

[kmhebert]

In fact, this problem isn't unique to Louisiana, it's affecting most of Southern Louisiana.

OH! So... it's unique to Louisiana?

Re:How about blaming Louisiana?

[DrugCheese]

Yea the real people pissed off about the tax dollars live in North Dakota where nothing happens. ever

Re:Water City

[ThaFooz]

Sure, but when the basis of comparison is Houston, what isn't cute?

Re:Water City

[Deekin_Scalesinger]

Your ideas intrigue me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

Re:Let's blame Congress

[Scuff]

you want more funny statistics?

average IQ by state [chrisevans3d.com]

Re:This is a massively sad event, and we get jokes

[Anonymous Coward]

> No legitimate contingincy plan in case of asteroid colision.

Plan in case of Asteroid Collision:

1. dress in all black, except for white sneakers
2. castration
3. cloth over your head
4. take heroic dose of something
5. lay down, wait for the comet
6. !?!?
7. Prophet!

Re:Water City

[damsa]

Futurama solution. New New Orleans. I like that.

Re:Water City - Faulty Fingering?

[Guru2Newbie]

There was a catastrophic failure of the dykes back in the early 1900's, IIRC.

What happened? Did the dykes all pull their fingers out of the real dikes at the same time and cause flooding?

Re:Water City

[kahanamoku]

throwing money at a flood is a nice way to liquidate!

Re:I wonder...

[Anonymous Coward]

I might take this opportunity to point out that all our troubles are the fault of the French. Yes, the FRENCH.
If those French colonists hadn't chosen such a poor location to found a city in 1718, we wouldn't be flooded right now!

You naive yankee, it was part of the plan...

Re:Water City

[Jah-Wren Ryel]

here was a catastrophic failure during the 1950's which lead to a major redesign and fortification of the who dyke system.

At which point the Dutch, recognizing the importance of dykes to their society, becoming the first nation to legalize gay marriage, giving dykes all the same legal rights and privileges as straits.

Calling Captain Obvious, come in please.

[Qbertino]

... and what can be done to prevent and/or lessen such disasters in the future?

Well, let's start with number one:

Have that Airhead that is in charge over there at your place finally sign the Kyoto protocol and reduce greenhouse reason nummero uno, which is CO2. I'd like to add that the US has the highest per capita output of CO2. Y'know, global warming, change of climate, stronger storms and all that ... rings a bell?

On goes it with

Don't build below sea level. Maybe? No?

Then:
Don't build with egg-carton but with real bricks.

I could go on, but those are the most pressing.

what can be done?

[Anonymous Coward]

what can be done to prevent and/or lessen such disasters in the future?

Listen to the Earth and respect it?

Stop spewing climate changing gasses into the atmosphere?

What can be done?

[Captain_Chaos]

... what can be done to prevent and/or lessen such disasters in the future?

The US ratifying the Kyoto protocol would be a good start. Hopefully this disaster will provide incentive (as if that should be needed) for the US to finally join the rest of the world in really trying to combat this problem.

Re:Salon: The Battle of New Orleans

[Kuscheltier]

War on Nature!

See it all on Fox News!

Things that make you go Hmmmmm....

[DarthVain]

"what can be done to prevent and/or lessen such disasters in the future?"

1) First the whole shebang is below sea level.
2) It has this thing called a bayou, which for all intents is another word for swamp.
3) It exists in a flood plain
4) It is close to the Gulf of Mexico where there seem to be an awful lot of bad weather..
5) Is in an area coined 'Hurricane Alley'

How about this for an answer? Don't freakin' live there! Granted this is an over the top event, but I can hardly believe that people didn't see this eventally happening.

Its a lot like those idiots living in trailers in 'Tornado Alley' that 'can't beleve' its happend to them, who would have though that a tornado might blow away a trailer in that area, its like absurd.

That also goes for all your people living on the coast or even a major river. These things flood. That is what flood is. Add a storm, and you get big flood. Florida you know who you are. Like when I see on TV some guy were his house has been washed away, for like the THIRD time in a single year. Take a hint... (don't build there anymore). Certainly don't bitch about your insurance either.

Anyways thats the end of my little rant.

Re:Water City

[Anonymous Coward]

It is God punishing the red states.

Re:How about blaming Louisiana?

[SteveX]

Not all of New Orleans is under water. Not every home is destroyed. But hey if millions makes you happy, millions it is.