Implementing the Bureaucratic Black Arts? 376
bildungsroman_yorick asks: "Many unlucky workers in their careers have encountered the bureaucracy, the careerism, the project death march and the office politics that hold people back from performing to high standards of work. In some office environments that I've encountered half a supervisors workload involves giving your workers room to operate and protecting them from the bureaucracy and politics. I have come to realise that it's the natural way of business culture to behave this way and the only way I can let my workers be productive is to be one step ahead of the politics, even if that means breaking the rules. So what I'd like to ask some of the more savvier Slashdot denizen: What are some of the bureaucratic black arts that you've performed in your workplace to work around the office politics and get your work done on time and to a high standard?"
That's Simple (Score:5, Funny)
(Totally kidding!!)
Wow... (Score:2, Funny)
Never thought this day would come.
This reads like "Quincey" or something! (Score:4, Funny)
Cool! They should base a TV show around you. "... a project manager who gets results - even if that means breaking the rules". Cut a scene of you being breated by beauracratic boss, you giving back snide comments and slamming something on the desk.
Maybe you could solve crime in your spare time?
Turn bureaucracy against itself (Score:4, Funny)
How to survive in the bureaucracy. (Score:1, Funny)
2) Your company outsourced its network to a giant "consulting" company. Remember that that "consulting" company has a lot of highly trained professional sales staff to take YOUR boss golfing, and so your boss will always believe what their consultants say rather than what you say.
3) Because your boss is hidden away in an office listening to lies from the consultants, you know far more about your job and what needs to get done than your boss, but NEVER let the boss know this! They will hold it against you and make your life a living hell.
4) The company is a monkey tree. To understand this metaphor, imagine a tree covered with monkeys, all hanging on and looking up. The senior monkeys on top look down and all they see is smiling faces. The junior monkeys on the bottom look up and all they see is...
(posted anonymously for obvious reasons...)
For inspiration (Score:3, Funny)
Revenge (Score:5, Funny)
They say that revenge is a dish best served cold.
Yours in jest
Ed
For the Attention of the Accounts Department
As an aid to workflow the following procedure will become effective as of Monday morning (20th March 2001).
From now on all requests for I.T. work in the accounts department have to be in submitted in triplicate on a new form, RFW1 (Request For Work V1) and signed by:
1) The person requiring the work
2) The Head of Accounts
3) The I.T. Director
4) The Financial or Managing Director
Work CANNOT take place until paperwork has been received in the I.T. department with all signatures in place.
One copy of the job sheet will be retained by the accounts department, one by the I.T. department and the third copy will be held in storage, just in case we need it. All applications for work done should be written clearly in copperplate handwriting (NOT typed) using a quill pen and black ink. Job sheets submitted in any other style of handwriting will not be accepted.
Requests for work should include the reason for the work, the cost centre(s) involved, serial numbers of all equipment requiring attention, colour of equipment, the exact location of the equipment in latitude and longtitude, any unusual smells that may be present and include a full estimate of time (rounded off to the nearest tenth of a second) and materials (estimates to the nearest penny will be acceptable). Where a desktop PC requires attention a full list of all files held on the hard disk should be printed out before the machine is touched.
If any parts are required then the accounts department are responsible for ordering them once I.T. give a specification. Any incorrect parts ordered or received will result in the job going to the back of the queue until other work has been dealt with.
Jobs will be dealt with on a strictly 'first come first served' basis between the hours of 0900 to 1200 & 1300 to 1700. Members of staff who require repair work should be present at all times whilst work is carried out.
Protective Personal Equipment (PPE) should be provided by the accounts department before work is carried out including overalls, hard hat and goggles. A clear working area of six feet six inches (two metres) should be available around any equipment requiring attention.
If any further materials are required to return the equipment to operation then work will cease until the entire paperwork has been submitted again, this time with the correct figures. If time other than that authorised is required then a TAA1 (Time Authorisation Authority V1) form should be filled out (using the usual copperplate handwriting but this time in green ink). Both items of paperwork MUST be signed by the members of Roberts Group management above.
On completion of the work the I.T. department will require the equipment to be soak tested for a minimum of 48 (forty eight) hours. As this represents a security risk the person requesting the work should be present throughout. Costs of sleeping bags and flasks of hot tea should be claimed on expenses through the usual channels.
The equipment will then be flash tested to four hundred volts to ensure safety.
Once soak testing has been completed to the satisfaction of I.T. department staff a Certificate of Conformity (in triplicate) will be issued. This should be signed by the following people before the equipment is brought back into service:
1) The person requiring the work
2) The Head of Accounts
3) The I.T. Director
4) The Financial or Managing Director
5) The member of I.T. staff carrying out the work
The users copy of the certificate should be displayed in a prominent position on the desk of the person using the equipment, with one copy returned to file (just in case) and the third copy collated with the original order requiring the work. If we are unable to collate a certificate of conformity with a properly formatted work order then the equipment that has been worke
Re:There is no spoon (er gold watch) (Score:3, Funny)
Wally posts on Slashdot?
Norman. Coordinate.
I'd advise not to use the black arts (Score:3, Funny)
I'd advise not to use the black arts. Using black magic will affect negatively on your karma. I mean do you really want this to be the answer to the question:
What did I do in my pervious life to deserve this?
Re:Revenge (Score:3, Funny)
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