Work Unhappy or Move On? 85
dunnowhat2type asks: "I grew up around a big city (suburbs of NY) and went to college in a relatively different area (upstate NY). After graduating last May, I took a job in the area where I went to college. I started in July, and was given a relocation package contingent on me staying for a year. Since August, I haven't been happy with the area I have been living in and have actively been pursuing employment back in the city. What am I better off doing: Is it better to be miserable with money, work experience, and health insurance; or going home and being happy, but unemployed?"
In January, the program I was working on got cancelled and my manager didn't want to commit me to something long-term, with the knowledge that I didn't plan on staying more than six months. He made me a time-based offer (probably expiring soon) that he'd take every effort to get the relocation payback waived if I were to resign, find an internal transfer, or another job. I had a couple of interviews a month ago, but nothing else has happened, and this uncertainty (with the pressure of having to make this decision) has made the last two weeks really hellish."
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I'll give you a hint: it's really fuckin big.
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Everyone who lives in the NY metropolitan area calls it "the city".
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What is the matter with you people? He told you in the first sentence:
If he had said LA would you have presumed that he was calling the state of Louisiana a city?
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Let's do a little contextual reading:
When he mentions 'a big city' in this opening clause of the first sentence, he clarifies which city he's referring to in '()' (which was New York). He didn't clarify which suburb because he never mentions wanting to come back to a suburb. Otherwise he shouldn't have said:
but, instead, said:
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Are you also confused that "a big city" and 'NY' might refer to Tokyo? If not, what else do you think this would mean:
Are you thinking that he was saying that he grew up in the suburbs of the state of New York?
Please go look up the meaning of suburb [m-w.com] (here's a hint: I just gave you the link to it. While your at it, find the word 'state' on that page.)
Contextually: you fail. Someone should send a note home to your mother.
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Something's not right here.
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Generally speaking, though, you are much more likely to score a new job if you're already in one. If you're unemployed, you go to the back of the queue, since people think you're probably desperate. Maybe try talking to a recruiting agency.
Work Unhappy (Score:1, Interesting)
The people that tell you to "do what you love" and that you must be happy in your work are full of shit. Never depend on work for happiness. What makes you happy in life must be at home or outdoors and on your own time. Not work. Depending on work for happiness is just looking for trouble. (Trust me I know). It took me a long time to learn this lesson, I can save you the trouble.
Work is a way to get money
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choose life (Score:2, Insightful)
Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars,
compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good
health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed
interest mortage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your
friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a
three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics.
Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning.
Choose sitting on
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Choose to shut the fuck up. Choose to be modded down. Please choose to kill yourself.
At least stick it out to the year mark... (Score:2)
Re:At least stick it out to the year mark... (Score:4, Interesting)
If you're unhappy, it's causing you undue stress. You don't need that. IF you stick it out you'll become bitter and that will show up at other interviews. If the job is so bad and it causes you too much stress you might even wind up sick. You don't want that either. Get out and find something more enjoyable. Work shouldn't have to be a chore. If it's not fun you're in the wrong job.
shouldn't have to be a chore (Score:2)
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You wouldn't happen to have a trust fund would you? Because if you're seriously considering bailing because of being unhappy for 12 months, you're strenth is weak. But, if you'll just hang in there, and remember what makes you unhappy about this job... or its location, you're less likely to make a later choice that puts you in the same position
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I have even had my five years experience in driving a truck over the road for the same employer play an important factor in getting hired to repiar computers at one job. Work experience is more then what have you done. It is proving you have the ability to stick though it when times are tuff as well as e
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Spot on.
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I wasted years believing that philosophy. There's always more "future" to sacrifice for. Work on making now happy, and the future will fall into place.
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"Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes unhappiness a whole lot easier"
stick it out for the year (Score:1, Interesting)
The trick to dealing with a job that sucks is to put in just enough effort that, when you leave, you'll be happy with the reference that you get from them. If you need something to do i
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my take (Score:5, Insightful)
Also, you will have to figure out how to fit work into your life from this point on. You're a long way from retirement. I don't recommend voluntarily leaving employment for non-employment. Have your next thing lined up -- go back to school, travel and do some soul-searching, take on a new job, do something other than just 'moving back home'.
Oh, and you can never go home. You won't be happy if you go back home ( especially if you're not working ). Everything has changed -- including you. You're not a child anymore, and you have to start learning how to take care of yourself. It's tough, but the more you tough it out, the quicker you will find your niche.
Re:my take (Score:5, Interesting)
Firstly, living in Upstate, half your problem at the moment may be simply that it's dark and cold this time of year. You need, seriously, to make an effort to get out and meet people, or at least be somewhere where people are having lives and demonstrating some kind of energy. If you're near where you went to college, and it's full of people from the City, then spending some time on the local coffee-house/gallery/bar scene isn't all bad, as long as you don't spend too much time with depressing and defeated locals. Don't be afraid of seeing a doctor, and checking into antidepressants either, if you're having motivational problems. Don't make your situation worse by letting a depressing gig depress you to the point you can't function, making the whole scene worse. There's a lot to be said for Upstate, including that while you can get to the City fairly easily, housing is cheap, and if you start a business, there are tax-favored zones and lots of available facilities at reasonable rates. Drag a couple more City-dwellers in on it, and you may get something rolling.
OTOH, it's time to start planning your next move. Moving is hard, staying put it easy, but some times it's time to go. Look for a new gig, plan your own business, become a contractor for a year (a former boss of mine, high in the University IT world, did that once for a couple years between director-level jobs at a pair of major private U's.) Whatever you do, unemployment is not cool, unless you really have a goal of becoming a downwardly-mobile slacker, ending up in a Van Down by the River. (and if you went to school where I suspect you did, the whole blasted county is going to flood when this snow melts anyway) Moving back in with your parents isn't either. I know people do it, but the only way to do it now is if you have a job, and you need a temporary crash spot that's within commuting distance of your job. The job had better be worth it, too. Partly you want to keep the habit of working, and partly you need to keep up public appearances that you're not a useless drain on society. Sharks are right; keep moving or else.
Finally, if you really can't make yourself find the good side of where you live, and you really need to live in the City, then go. I had a job for years that was a decent job in theory, but my coworkers and the commute were ruining my physical and mental health. Now I'm freezing in the dark of Upstate, but haven't been this contented in a decade. I'm an obligate East-coaster, and therefore can drive anywhere that I care about (City, Philly, Jersey Shore), in 3-5 hours, and still have access to the museums of Rochester/Syracuse, the Great Lakes, and the mountains. I spent too many years hating where I lived, and trying to convince myself that the job compensated. If you have this problem, then give it a real try, but admit that you may be, at least at this stage of your life, too acclimated to your own small piece of turf to be happy elsewhere. Make sure it's that, and not just post-graduation, "oh my god I've got to act like an adult now", but if it is, don't deny it.
Good luck.
Life is short. (Score:5, Insightful)
I've met too many damned people (and I mean that in the Dante's Inferno sense) who are trapped in a horrific cycle of misery due to their job, living arrangements, or debt. Too many are either unable to change their lives, or are too scared to take the leap and make a change. Ultimately, I think it comes down to what's more important to you: security and stability that may be stifling and unfulfilling, or the uncertain pursuit of happiness and self-actualisation. Oddly enough, I think the entire nation is struggling with that same decision right now! Of course, the two aren't mutually exclusive, but I'd advise you to choose happiness over stability any day of the week.
Dude... (Score:2)
Paul B.
P.S. Upstate NY is not too bad though, if you were posting from some middle of nowhere I might've given a less cynical advice!
Listen to your manager (Score:2, Informative)
Your manager doesn't want you to commit you to anything because he knows you are not staying longer than 6 months. He also offered to waive your penalty if you would just quit. It sounds like you have been shown the door. If you are unhappy your work performance is probably slipping as well. Take the hint before your manager becomes more forceful.
Unemployment sucks a lot though. Find a job so you can land softly rather than in a cardboard box.
Go Home (Score:1, Troll)
Women love a man who is happy and can't provide and there's nothing like paying your expenses with happiness. Why, just the other day I paid my $150 electricity bill with three smiles and traded a hearty handshake for a four star dinner and a pepsi.
Why would you CHOOSE to be miserable? (Score:3, Insightful)
One recommendation is to drop any limiting beliefs. It's never either/or. You can be happy, AND have money, AND gain experience. You can even be unemployed at the same time (or well, self-employed). Once you start to truly believe this, opportunities will appear like magic. If you don't believe me, then stop reading.
Don't think of your situation as "hellish". Think of it as the most amazing opportunity to move forward you've ever had in your life up this point. Don't just do a "couple" interviews, do one as often as you can. Interview to be a burger flipper at McDonalds, whatever, just get on your feet and talk to people.
Another recommendation above was to just "do something". That's generally good advice as well. Don't just "go home".
One thing the world doesn't need is more of those boring, depressing people who have no lives outside of work, yet WHINE about their jobs and bosses so that that don't feel all alone in their little dark hole they CHOSE to bury themselves in. So don't be one of those guys. They don't die happy.
You can earn money in many ways. You can buy your own health insurance. You can gain experience on your own. The only thing you can't do "on your own" is learn about office politics, ass-kissing, backstabbing, being on the wrong end of sexual harrassment lawsuit, having your ideas "owned" by your company, and all the fun stuff that having a "normal" job gets you.
Of course you are free to disagree, but it worked for me.
A merkin booty (Score:1, Troll)
New York City without a job? (Score:4, Funny)
That doesn't sound so bad. After all, how much can it cost to live there?
Find a $50 / month apartment (probably have to settle for a single bedroom at that price) across the street from Central Park and have a great time.
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Not long ago, after watching too many movies that take place in New York City over the years, I got curious what housing expenses in New York would be like and so I looked up some realtos on the Internet and looked through their listings.
After seeing that, it would take an enormous pay increase to induce me to move to New York City.
I don't know that I could take the crowds there, anyway.
If I was going to move to the East Coast, I think I'd rather head for Main
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Think Bigger (Score:4, Insightful)
Don't think about "this job" or "this city", think about your life: where do you want to be in 10 years? If you don't know, what about 5 years? If you still don't know, just figure out what you want *next* year. Then determine which of the options before you will get you one step closer to that plan.
Sometimes the job itself, though sucky, will get you closer. Sometimes the job is useless, but the *money* gets you closer.
As for the relocation thing, you might see if your company has an ombudsman to help you iron that out.
From experience... (Score:3, Interesting)
I've worked a few jobs, and there was one where I ended up being given the option of resigning or them letting me go (this was a fairly complicated situation involving an ineffective direct manager and an unresponsive director over him). I spent 18 months at that company, was hired by the VP, and then the director and manager jobs were backfilled. I even recommended the boss be hired as a technician when he interviewed because he had very good technical skills.
He was then promoted to manager, and the team, in my estimation (and that of several of my teammates, all of whom I understand have left since then) everything went to hell. The boss would take credit for our work, but was quick to mete out blame when things went wrong. It was the most miserable job I have ever had - working on a team with *no* morale is no fun. The boss even showed up to a going-away party *uninvited* and the departee and the boss (who were friends before the departee was hired) got into it in the resturaunt. It was not pretty.
This is not to say the people I worked with (other than my immediate boss) were terrible people to work with; I liked them rather a lot, and that's part of the reason I stuck my neck out and said there was a serious problem that needed to be fixed.
In the end, I opted for 3 months of unemployment as opposed to staying with the company. I was only asked to leave because I made waves about there being a problem - they were always happy with my work (I got good job performance reviews). Mr. Director said basically that he could lose one person or he could lose two people - and he assumed that when I told him I wasn't sure if I'd stay if he got rid of Mr. Boss that I was really saying that I'd leave. I would actually have stayed if Mr. Boss had left - but when it came down to it, it was a huge weight off my shoulders when I walked out of there for the last time, and I've never ever looked back.
Three months later, I landed a job through a contracting company with a Fortune 50 company. The F50 company bought out the contract before my first day on the job, and I spent 6 years there as a full-time employee. Got almost twice the money of the previous job (a very nice surprise in the offer letter). It was a good job until an opportunity at my current employer came up that I couldn't refuse.
From my own experience, dreading to get up and go into work is even worse than getting up and realizing that you're not collecting a paycheck. Even with mortgage payments being missed and the mortgage company threatening foreclosure, I'd take that over going back to the hell-hole of a job I worked in any day of the week.
About the only good thing to come out of the experience was that - as a technical instructor (something I regularly did for a couple years), I had plenty of good examples about how *not* to motivate people and how *not* to approach troubleshooting. There were some *really* bad techniques in use there.
Just remember this: Experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted. You will walk away with something useful.
leave (Score:1)
That said, you've kind of screwed yourself by telling people that you're looking to leave. You should have stayed a year. It looks a bit odd when you leave in less than a year, but whatever.
I just got fired (Score:1, Interesting)
Now I'm unemployed, broke, and excited. I figure I have about 1.5 months before I have to tell my parents that I'm broke and unemployed. If the job market i
Unemployed != happy (Score:2)
Good luck.
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Move (Score:2)
I'm just about done with my degree and I'm heading home as soon as school gets out. My situation is like yours although I'm leaving the "big city" (Dayton, OH) to go back to my country roots (Willard, OH -- pop. 7000).
No handouts (Score:1, Troll)
But if you need the parents then it's a no-no, even if they want you back. You are now an adult, look the word up.
Also, if you leave a job you usually aren't eligible for unemployment only welfare. I wouldn't give you welfare if you left a reasonable gig.
In short, stop whining and suck it up. You ain't happy, big deal.
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I'm not able to quit work full time but I could last three years easy with no income. Being independent of next months pay check means I can choose whether I stay or go at work. Also my company has zero leverage over me. They can fire me and that's about it. It also means when my boss wants me to work late he has to
Priority (Score:4, Insightful)
1 Eat. (and other necessities)
2 Be happy.
3 lots of money.
Once I can take care of the basics I worry about being happy.
Next priority is to make sure I'm happy with my general situation.
After that I go for more experience and money and stuff.
Long term unhappiness is a drag on your health, and is very expensive. When I'm bummed out I spend lots more on stuff, when I'm happy I can get by on less.
I have a similar background (Score:2)
You don't say why specifically you are unhappy being upstate- Is it because you miss your friends/family? You find the area too small and boring? You find everyone around you to be too close minded and conservative? etc... The reason why I mention this, is because you may be surprised that NYC is no cakewalk either. Y
Stay (for now) while you look. (Score:2)
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So yes, it is better to be miserable with money than to be unemployed(IMHO). Besides, the posters parents already turned his bedroom into an office (LOL).
One question I've always gotten in an interview is, "what have you been doing recenetly?" Being unemployeed, because you just
Complete the mandatory year (Score:1)
Get fired or promoted for doing the right thing (Score:2)
Don't stop pushing and fixing until you're either fired or promoted. Don't do this in-between grind that wears you down. You're going to go
Don't leave your job without another one waiting (Score:2)
CLAWS: Creating Livable Alternatives to Wage Slave (Score:1)
http://www.whywork.org/ [whywork.org]
"We actively promote alternatives to the wage slavery mindset and what we call "The Cult of the Job" which automatically equates having a job with making a living."
And from an essay there by Bob Black:
http://www.whywork.org/rethinking/whywork/abolitio n.html [whywork.org]
"Liberals say we should end employment discrimination. I say we should end employment. Conservatives support right-to-work laws. Following Karl Marx's wayward son-in-law
Why not... (Score:2)
Why not work toward happiness?
If you aren't happy with where you're at, at least figure out where you'd be most happy working. Talk to people - new people. Give yourself a year to figure out where you want to be in 10 or 20 years from now, and work out a plan to get there.
But just dropping employment probably won't be a good idea. It may very well limit your employment options later on. Besides, not having money will depress you anyway. And even if you aren't happy with your current job, it might
Get all your checkups now (Score:1, Informative)
You already know the answer (Score:1)
There is _NO_ amount of compensation that makes it worth doing a job you don't like doing.
Find something you like and want to do first and foremost. If you do like doing it, then it's pretty likely that you'll end up progressing rapidly and easily - as an enthusiast, you'll learn and grow quickly into the scope of role you're looking for.
Yes, it's true that some areas aren't as well paid as others, but at the end of the
Only a year? (Score:2)
IMO you don't have enough experience in any workplace to know what a miserable job really can be. Try working for a company for three years, then being outsourced as if you're a piece of property then shipped around the country away from your family as you're being told "we may have to let you go after this contract."
Stick the year out to fulfill the contract and get what you can out of it.
Keep looking for jobs where you want to live. (a f
Additional information (Score:1)
Try something new outside of work (Score:2)
Get it in writing.... (Score:2)
I know you say it sucks there and all (I've lived in upstate NY state so I know all about it!), but it is MUCH easier to find another job when you already have