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United States Government Politics

What Would You Do As President? 1455

Posted by ScuttleMonkey
from the its-got-what-plants-crave dept.
With the elections continually in the news there is constant discourse on what each candidate has done or will do. However, rarely do people get the chance to say what they would do. Here is your chance, you have been elected President of the US (god help us all), what items go to the head of the class and how would you handle them?
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What Would You Do As President?

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  • Resign (Score:5, Funny)

    by CrazyJim1 (809850) on Monday January 14, 2008 @03:02PM (#22037898) Journal
    And let someone who knows what they're doing operate.
  • by Anonymous Coward on Monday January 14, 2008 @03:04PM (#22037954)
    And there's a quote from Office Space rattling around my head as to what I'd do. I'm going to take the high road and not post it but that's what coming to mind.
  • by 192939495969798999 (58312) <info.devinmoore@com> on Monday January 14, 2008 @03:04PM (#22037972) Homepage Journal
    0) get in a time machine because you have to be at least 35 years old to be president.
  • by Crash McBang (551190) on Monday January 14, 2008 @03:04PM (#22037974)
    ... any time I was in doubt as to what to do, President McBang would post the question to Slashdot and use the top-moderated answer for guidance.

    Oh, and I'd ask Cmdr Taco what he thought as well.
  • by PrescriptionWarning (932687) on Monday January 14, 2008 @03:05PM (#22037994)
    If I was president,
    I'd get elected on Friday, assassinated on Saturday,
    and buried on Sunday.

    If I was president...
    If I was president

    An old man told me, instead of spending billions on the war,
    we can use some of that money, in the ghetto.
    I know some so poor, they use the spring as the shower,
    when screaming "fight the power".
    That's when the vulture devoured

    [chorus]
    If I was president,
    I'd get elected on Friday, assasinated on Saturday,
    and buried on Sunday.

    If I was president...
    If I was president...
    If I was president...
    If I was president

    But the radio won't play this.
    They call this rebel music.
    How can you refuse it, children of moses?

    [chorus]
    If I was president,
    I'd get elected on Friday, assassinated on Saturday,
    and buried on Sunday.

    If I was president...
    If i was president

    Tell the children the truth, the truth.
    Christopher Columbus didn't discover America.
    Tell them the truth.
    The truth
    YEAH! Tell them about Marcus Garvey.
    The truth YEAH! The truth.
    Tell them about Martin Luther King.
    Tell them the truth.
    The Truth.
    Tell them about JFK

    If I was President
    [chorus]
    If I was president,
    I'd get elected on Friday, assassinated on Saturday,
    and buried on Sunday.

    If I was president...
    If I was president
  • VETO! (Score:5, Funny)

    by mooingyak (720677) on Monday January 14, 2008 @03:05PM (#22038002)
    Veto everything. With exceptions for bills that repeal earlier laws.
  • for one... (Score:1, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Monday January 14, 2008 @03:06PM (#22038032)
    overturn 2001-2008
  • by Platupous (316849) on Monday January 14, 2008 @03:09PM (#22038134)
    The first thing I would do is eliminate the Private Federal Reserve and start a government owned and operated Central Bank. The idiocy that is our current system, does not support sustainability and virtually guarantees a boom bust cycle, a debt bound working middle class and a large percentage of people in poverty.

    This is all because of the international Banking Cartel and this can all be fixed with a Government controlled central bank.
  • by Sciros (986030) on Monday January 14, 2008 @03:10PM (#22038160) Journal
    Interns.
  • Two words (Score:5, Funny)

    by ProppaT (557551) on Monday January 14, 2008 @03:12PM (#22038204) Homepage
    Your mom
  • by spun (1352) <loverevolutionary AT yahoo DOT com> on Monday January 14, 2008 @03:13PM (#22038212) Journal
    Absolute number one thing, first day on the job: get a blowjob from a cuter intern than Monica, then post pics of it on MySpace. You know, just to get that out of the way.
  • That's easy (Score:5, Funny)

    by 0xdeadbeef (28836) on Monday January 14, 2008 @03:24PM (#22038542) Homepage Journal
    Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!
  • by Anonymous Coward on Monday January 14, 2008 @03:28PM (#22038656)
    It must be nice to be 16
  • by mathletics (1033070) on Monday January 14, 2008 @03:30PM (#22038704)
    Two interns at the same time?
  • by LibertineR (591918) on Monday January 14, 2008 @03:40PM (#22038968)
    I'm not kidding. Anything you want less of in America, you should just tax it. Nothing works better.

    Rich people are EXPERT at staying rich. They tax the poor all the time, and because economic education in America sucks, few realize it.

    Next, I would bring back the F-14 Tomcat, just because of the cool-factor, but also because the Hornet cant carry enough gas to do anything bad-ass.

    FORCE every child in America to pass Logic 101, thus ending all public protests, unions, strikes, and Geraldo Rivera.

    To halt Drunk driving, I would remove parking lots from all bars and liquor stores. Walk it off, bitches.

    I would last, institute the "Apple Act" where if a corporation cannot prove what it claims in its advertisements, an F-14 drops a JDAM on their headquarters building.

  • Re:Resign (Score:4, Funny)

    by PinkPanther (42194) on Monday January 14, 2008 @03:44PM (#22039022)

    employ a shadow government that holds all the power, and then operate merely as a figurehead

    Wow, what a concept. Could you imagine the president of the most powerful nation in the world not actually being smart enough for the position?

    ...er...wait a sec....

  • by techpawn (969834) on Monday January 14, 2008 @03:46PM (#22039034) Journal
    "What would you do as King?"

    It's good ta be da King!
  • by tepples (727027) <tepples AT gmail DOT com> on Monday January 14, 2008 @04:05PM (#22039290) Homepage Journal

    I would increase punishments for non native americans who commit crimes.
    At what fraction of "Indian" blood would you draw the line? Or by "native" did you mean a citizen under the Fourteenth Amendment?
  • by pseudorand (603231) on Monday January 14, 2008 @04:06PM (#22039310)
    > I would wonder how I got a few million people to vote for me, despite the fact that I refused to be controlled by special interest groups.

    Wonder, schmunder. Your pondering can be ended with one simple word: diebold.

  • by Dystopian Rebel (714995) * on Monday January 14, 2008 @04:11PM (#22039374) Journal
    "Ask Slashdot"
  • by xSauronx (608805) <xsauronxdamnit@@@gmail...com> on Monday January 14, 2008 @04:18PM (#22039510)
    Not me dude:

    Two chicks at the same time, man.
  • Re:well.. (Score:5, Funny)

    by Linux_ho (205887) on Monday January 14, 2008 @04:22PM (#22039580) Homepage
    call up Ron Paul and ask him what he'd do

    Now that's leadership.
  • by Quiet_Desperation (858215) on Monday January 14, 2008 @04:23PM (#22039586)
    1. Everyone who ever picked on me as a kid would receive all expense paid accommodations in Gitmo.

    2. A Manhatten Project level of effort to develop realistic sexbots.

    3. Presidential Security: Bye-bye Secret Service. Hello Mord'Sith.

    4. New Marine units composed of the Islamic extremists worst nightmare: superbutch lesbians locked into eternal PMS synchronization. Name? The Crimson Tide.

    5. The immediate carpet bombing of Hollywood.

    6. Churches? Tax 'em, and require every claim they make about their deities be backed up by documented proof.

    7. Abortions would be free for all at sidewalk kiosks and in malls. No age limit. No question asked.

    8. Power? Breeder reactors (and other advanced types) that double as desalination plants. More power? Gentetically bred giant superhampsters.

    9. Lawyers who lose frivolous lawsuit would be able to keep their license to practice, but they'd have to fight a lion using nothing but a spork.

    10. Everytime I get something like "Slow down, Cowboy. It has been X minutes since you last posted!" where X is anything greater than 2, a Slashdot editor is waterboarded.
  • Re:well.. (Score:5, Funny)

    by DrXym (126579) on Monday January 14, 2008 @04:40PM (#22039942)
    I think you have as much chance of being president as he does.
  • by nick_davison (217681) on Monday January 14, 2008 @04:47PM (#22040084)
    ...Get impeached.
  • by cmpalmer (234347) * on Monday January 14, 2008 @04:47PM (#22040092) Homepage
    To the tune of "If I Only Had A Brain"...

    I could get myself a blowjob
    Deny it with a snowjob
    Or some story I invent
    F*** the interns that they send me
    then have my wife defend me
    If I was the president...

    Oh they cant do nothing to me
    unless she says she blew me
    and knows my cock is bent
    I would orally debrief her
    Sit back and smoke some reefer
    If I was the president...
  • Re:Resign (Score:5, Funny)

    by apt142 (574425) on Monday January 14, 2008 @05:01PM (#22040420) Homepage Journal
    Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our politicians learning?
  • Sweet (Score:1, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Monday January 14, 2008 @05:08PM (#22040572)
    You have my vote. I trust that we will see Natalie Portman's wetlands opened for public drilling.
  • by Tumbleweed (3706) * on Monday January 14, 2008 @05:24PM (#22040946)
    ... any time I was in doubt as to what to do, President McBang would post the question to Slashdot and use the top-moderated answer for guidance.

    I'm pretty sure 'Cowboy Neal' won't be the answer to any of the problems facing this country. Or at least, not many of them.
  • Re:VETO! (Score:2, Funny)

    by corbettw (214229) <corbettw AT yahoo DOT com> on Monday January 14, 2008 @06:51PM (#22042554) Journal

    Don't worry, I suspect you wouldn't have long to worry about it anyway, before your impeachment.
    You misspelled "assassination", just so you know.
  • Re:well.. (Score:4, Funny)

    by demonlapin (527802) on Monday January 14, 2008 @07:53PM (#22043582) Homepage Journal
    Sorry, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Using arguendo in a sentence, correctly, is not appropriate to this forum. Take your dirty Latin elsewhere.
  • by hittman007 (206669) on Tuesday January 15, 2008 @12:37PM (#22051422)
    In no particular order here is what I would do:

    1) I would help send forth the powers of capitalism with more tax cuts.
    It seems every time our taxes are cut within a year the economy gets stronger. This strength remains with the economy for years. There also gets to be fewer and fewer among the unemployed, and the wages of the working class person go up. As a side effect this also lets companies put more into research and development and produce better products and sell them for less money.

    2) I would stop payments of federal monies to any educational institution who refused to have our military come and recruit.
    The money given is a privilege not a right. The military organizations are responsible for the defence of this country, and throughout our history have done a great job. Without them we would not enjoy the freedoms that we take for granted. To openly deny them the chance to talk to potential volunteers only hurts our country further.

    3) I would withdraw any monies that we freely give to any country who's leaders openly hate us.
    We are part of the most generous nation and have done more good for others than any in the history of the planet. No nation has ever given away so much to so many other nations that open hate us. This funding should be cut off until suck time that the countries we freely give our money at least hide their hate.
    3a) I would withdraw from the United Nations.
    This organization has accomplished nothing that is worthwhile in recent times. Since the US won the cold war, and even before that it has done little to no good. Virtually all off the members hate us and actively try to drag us down and limit us.

    4) I would invest in education, but not just with money.
    Throwing money at the education problem has yet to fix it or even make it better. I would have standards that are required to be maintained. Students of a certain grade level will be expected to know such and such material, and if enough in a class don't the teacher would be held responsible. This is of utmost importance as every citizen of this country should have an equal opportunity at whatever it is they want to do.

    5) I would shut down the border to stop the flow of people breaking our laws by entering our country without going through the proper channels.
    5a) I would also withhold any federal money to any state or city that openly violates federal law and allows illegal immigrants to stay there.
    5b) I would institute stiff federal fines for any company that hires any illegal immigrant.
    5c) I would seek an amendment to the constitution that would make the children of illegal immigrants not US citizens.
    I am not against immigration, I am against illegal immigration. I am also not a racist (although from the stand that I have taken on this issue many of you will automatically think I am no matter what I say). There have been many problems in regard to these issues, and some say that these people are a necessity in todays world. If it is such a necessity (which I personally don't believe) then come up with a program where we can issue greencards, and do background checks on the people coming in.

    6) I would continue taking the war on terror to the enemy.
    Terrorism is the biggest external threat to our nation today. I would actively oppose it with the use of intelligence, economic pressure, international pressure via our allies, and even military force if need be. I would maintain a military presence in Iraq and Afghanistan until they can handle their own defence. To leave these two theaters of war before they can defend themselves would be asking for terrorist regimes to attack them and attempt to take control again. The people in both countries are better off now than they were before, and we need to fight to let them be better of under their own governments.

    7) I would actively fight to remedy and prevent obvious failures.
    7a) Universal Health Care.
    This has been tried by many other

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