Cubicle Security For Laptops, Electronics?

kamikasee writes "I recently found out that I'm going to be moved from an office to a cubicle. The cubicle area is not very secure, and I'm worried about things wandering off. My boss has offered to buy some equipment to help me secure things, but so far I haven't found anything that fits my requirements. Google and Amazon searches are overwhelmed by lockable key cabinets and larger pieces of furniture. Here are some of the requirements: The main issue with traditional solutions (e.g. locking things in a drawer) is convenience. I use a laptop with a second LCD monitor. There's also an external keyboard and mouse and a USB hard drive. I leave my laptop on at night so I can remote-desktop into it, so I'm not really happy about putting it in a drawer (no ventilation), plus I don't like the idea of having to 'unharness' everything every time I want to put it away. I don't trust cable locks. Besides, cable locks won't help me secure my the USB drive and other electronics that might wander off. The solution I imagine is a lockable, ventilated metal box that would sit under the monitor and house most of the electronics. If it was big enough, I could stick my laptop into it at night (while leaving it running) and feel confident that it would still be there in the morning. I'd be open to other types of solutions. Surely someone else must have dealt with this problem."

2 words

[Plazmid]

2 words: Mini fridge. Provides ample cooling and looks like something you would have in a typical office. People don't tend to look in a mini fridge for a laptop or data. As long as no one knows that you keep your stuff in it your safe. Maybe put a couple of drinks in there, to hide your laptop or even a secret compartment.

Easy!

[rindeee]

I recommend Nessman-esque masking tape walls and door. Simply enforce pretend knocking and 'lock' it at night. Problem solved.

Re:2 words

[Hao Wu]

What do you hide the fridge in?

I didn't bother to count how many words...

[explosivejared]

... Laser based thief destruction system. If there is anything you learn from being an American, and I am proudly one, it is that you can't overspend on defense. You gotta make all those thieving morons out there realize that they are dealing with death here.

Also, to back up the laser grid, I'd go with some more conventional systems, eg an automated machine gun turret and an anti-personnel mine field.

Working in a crack house

[BadAnalogyGuy]

While the pay is pretty shitty and the working conditions are deplorable, the smoke breaks really make the job worthwhile.

My workplace is so honest...

[raehl]

Somebody who left the company left a beer in the fridge.

6 years ago.

It's still there.

Either that, or someone who does not normally drink has stashed the beer there in the event they do have to leave the company...

Lateral thinking...

[lelitsch]

Maybe you should consider switching jobs to a company that isn't populated by thieves or situated in a crack alley?

Re:2 words

[Kinky Bass Junk]

I would have thought a mini-fridge would have attracted more theft...

Perfect solution

[jollyreaper]

Get crappier stuff nobody will steal, problem solved.

High voltage

[www.sorehands.com]

Get an old 24 inch CRT monitor and wire the flyback into an anti-static mat and chair in your cubical. Anyone entering your cubical will get the message that they are not welcome.

Get a Dog

[steelseth]

I would suggest either a Rodweiler or a Doberman.

Re:2 words

[pete-classic]

Isn't it obvious? A normal-sized 'fridge.

-Peter

Downgraded to a cubicle, eh?

[Anonymous Coward]

Just wait until they come after your red stapler. Then you'll show 'em.

Re:Simple solution

[Eadwacer]

I understand some companies already make boxes with motherboards and hard drives in them and everything, and they sit on your desk like a big tower, and they're not portable so hardly anyone ever steals them. You could see if your notebook maker has a section that sells specialty items like that...

Re:Simple solution

[BadAnalogyGuy]

It sounds expensive. A special box just for computer parts?

Hi, I just got demoted...

[rueger]

... from a real office into a cube, and now I'm all pissed off 'cause when I was higher up the food chain I crapped on all of the cube dwellers. Now I'm gonna be one of them and frankly it doesn't look good.

If I had half a brain I'd have treated these folks with respect, or at least would now be trying to make a few friends, but frankly I am just so superior that I can't be bothered. I'm sure that they all resent me -- excuse me -- are envious of me -- and that they are just lying in wait to steal my stuff (OK, it's the company's stuff, but hey it's got MY porn on it, so that's like it's mine) and probably spit on my keyboard and give some horrible cube dweller disease.

So I'm taking preemptive action by bitching and moaning about how everyone else here is dishonest. That way maybe they'll be scared to mess with my stuff, cause everybody knows that I'm on to them.

Mod me down please

[Hojima]

I know I deserve it when I say: a Chuck Norris cut-out is all you need to deter anyone.

Re:2 words

[MrShaggy]

Does your fridge run Linux??

Re:I didn't bother to count how many words...

[Plazmid]

Yeah, but those features are only available to Black Mesa employees.

Re:2 words

[Plazmid]

It will soon...

Re:Easy!

[gooman]

A co-worker and I built a "Les Nessman office wall and door" to our work area which was a big open room.
We got a lot laughs and comments from visitors. Most would knock on our pretend door.

Our Korean boss did not understand the humor at all.
Since he refused to use our indicated door, one day we bought a pre-hung door and set it up.
Mind you there were no walls, just this door-frame and door to our office in the middle of the big room.

He didn't say a word, but the following Monday the door and the tape on the floor was gone.
There was also a memo about no more personal items of any kind to be brought into work.

Spoil sport

Re:I didn't bother to count how many words...

[Hal_Porter]

There will be legal problems if you trap a human thief though. Even if you file down the sides of the bear trap and a leave a stash of twinkies nearby so they don't starve over a long weekend. And land mines are right out. Trust me, I speak from experience.

Easy...

[Repton]

Get the laptop case laser-engraved with goatse. Who's gonna steal it then?

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:Got Cubicle Cops?

[Anonymous Coward]

No I wouldn't.

Easy solution

[Anonymous Coward]

My boss has offered to buy some equipment to help me secure things, but so far I haven't found anything that fits my requirements.

A door and a ceiling would fit the requirements. Ask for those.

Re:My workplace is so honest...

[ceoyoyo]

With a clause like that you just HAVE to arrange a fight for 5:01.

Re:Simple solution

[JonathanR]

Almost like a garage for your car.

Why would I bring my own laptop?

[holygoat]

You try working on Windows all day. I'd far rather bring my own Mac to work.

Re:No kidding!

[Anonymous Coward]

My guess is that the submitter works in a high school or a prison.

... or Australia, which is a mixture of both ;)

Re:My workplace is so honest...

[grnbrg]

You DO NOT talk about Fight Club!

Re:Perfect solution

[jamesh]

Get crappier stuff nobody will steal, problem solved.

Or an extension to your solution - get crappier stuff, take the logos off it, and stick it on your stuff. Once your HP branded laptop has 'Apple' written all over it nobody will touch it.

...

Ouch ouch the flames are burning me!!!

Tuff Shed

[pavon]

If this is the case it is natural that no solution is going to work.

Oh, I think there is a solution that will work, he just needs to get a lockable container that is a little bigger. Something that can't be stolen, and will hold all his equipment without inconveineince. Something that will make him feel more at home again. That's right, he needs to get a Tuff Shed. Just plop it right down in the middle of the cubefarm. Sure he won't have any lighting, but he's a programmer dog-gone-it; the glow of his monitor is all the light he needs. And when the boss asks what the hell this monstrosity is doing in his building, he'll just mumble something about a stapler. So they might move him down to the basement. A true hacker is only truly at home when in the basement. See, there is a solution. You just need to think out of the cube - and into the shed. Tuff Shed.

Re:serious no sarcasm answer

[Thanshin]

It can lock the screen, play a sound file (I picked the extremely annoying high-pitched beep) when it is jiggled ever so slightly (adjustable sensitivity), take a pic of who/whatever's in front of it and ftp it to a server of your choosing and a few other options.

But can it explode like a Dell?

Re:Don't Have stealable stuff

[Fred_A]

Why do you have a laptop if you don't take it with you?

Quite. Easy solution : don't use a laptop, find a DEC PDP 10 on eBay. Nobody will steal that. And if somebody somehow does, you'll notice immediately when it's disconnected by the way the whole city block's lights suddenly brighten.

Re:No kidding!

[alecwood]

Secondly they are in a police station which often houses not only police but also other suspected criminals.

Re:Easy!

[dipstick]

No personal items of any kind is clearly carte blanche for you to go into work the next day entirely naked.

One possible solution.

[Lunarsight]

One suggestion they often make at my office for laptop users who work in cubicles is to take the laptop home with them.

Of course, this depends on your security at home - you have to ask yourself if your home is more secure than your cubicle, and could the laptop possibly get lost in transit?

Another possibility - you could bury landmines near your cubicle to thwart any potential thieves. (You want the sort of landmine that you can deactivate during the day, though - I think you can purchase them on eBay.)

Re:webcam

[CyberKnet]

Aha! I see the thieves were here... and the webcam is still in place!

Stupid thieves.

Now I'll just boot up my trusty laptop to view the video...

@!$!%!!!

Re:No kidding!

[alta]

It's funny you should mention this, I saw this on oddly enough last week.

Lawyer: So you saw the defendant commit the crime?
Officer: No, another officer did.
Lawyer: And do you always trust everything other officers say?
Officer: I trust trust them with my life!
Lawyer:So officer, if you trust them with your life, tell me why you have locks on your lockers.
Officer: You see, our precinct just happens to be in the city courtouse. There are also lawyers in that building.

Re:serious sarcasm answer

[Anonymous Coward]

A MacBook - 2000$

MultiAlarm, which plays an extremely annoying high-pitched sound file - 175.95$

Getting your laptop smashed by a sledgehammer after your friendly co-worker accidently moved it - Priceless!

That's not honesty...

[Anonymous Coward]

That's laziness. We have a strict 'put your name & date' on anything going into the fridge. Most because of an incident involving some moldly cheese attacking one of employees...

Re:Don't Have stealable stuff

[Anonymous Coward]

Posting anon in case the coworker reads this...

At my office we've just moved into a cube farm. Some of us came from cubes, so it's not a big deal. One coworker had her own office; she's been fun to watch.

She's been bitching up a storm about how her cube, the door of which is visible from the pathway between cubes so people walking by can see what she's doing, isn't appropriate.

So far, she tried the following "remedies":

• Screaming at our manager that she doesn't have the room she needs to work
• Moving empty file cabinets to block the entrance to her cube
• Hanging a blanket across the entrance to her cube with a handmade "keep out" sign attached
• extending her lunch break from her traditional two hours to three, saying it takes her longer to get to the gym now

Re:Simple solution

[Minwee]

"Garage"? Hey, fellas, it's the "ga-rage".

Well, ooh la-dee-da, Mr. Frenchman. Around here, we call it a car hole.

Re:My workplace is so honest...

[nospam007]

Somebody who left the company left a beer in the fridge.

6 years ago.

It's still there.

Unfortunately he also left a ground beef sandwich.

Re:No kidding!

[TheMidnight]

Look, son, there's a rare breed of Internet posting: the "cops are criminals" breed. What? They're extremely common in this part of the wild? Well, I guess you learn something new everyday, son.

Re:Don't Have stealable stuff

[captaindomon]

I worked for a big company for a while (Fortune 100, 60,000+ employees). They found out one of the guys I worked with didn't have a pay grade high enough for him to have an office. So they moved him into a cubicle and turned his office into a storage room. Now THAT's insulting.

Re:Don't Have stealable stuff

[captaindomon]

Yeah, but I bet that's one DAMN FINE CUBICLE.

Re:Never dealt with that sort of problem

[fataugie]

Yeah, well not to rain on your parade, but in a past life (15 yrs ago) I worked in a bank. We had someone stealing stuff from the marketing dept. (they had all the good electronics). So security set up survellance cameras and a VCR to tape the criminal.

Say it with me.....what do you think was missing the next day? That's right, not only the electronic bait, but the cameras and the VCR.

Re:No kidding!

[Anonymous Coward]

"Nobody in my office steals, but a co-worker did have a magical iPhone that grew legs one day..."

And that's why you shouldn't jailbreak your iPhone, boys and... wait, this is Slashdot, isn't it?