What Examples of Security Theater Have You Encountered?

swillden writes "Everyone who pays any attention at all to security, both computer security and 'meatspace' security, has heard the phrase Security Theater. For years I've paid close attention to security setups that I come in contact with, and tried to evaluate their real effectiveness vs their theatrical aspects. In the process I've found many examples of pure theater, but even more cases where the security was really a cover for another motive." swillden would like to know what you've encountered along these lines; read on for the rest of his question below.

swillden continues: "Recently, a neighbor uncovered a good example. He and his wife attended a local semi-pro baseball game where security guards were checking all bags for weapons. Since his wife carries a small pistol in her purse, they were concerned that there would be a problem. They decided to try anyway, and see if her concealed weapon permit satisfied the policy. The guard looked at her gun, said nothing and passed them in, then stopped the man behind them because he had beer and snacks in his bag. Park rules prohibit outside food. It's clear what the 'security' check was really about: improving park food vending revenues.

So, what examples of pure security theater have you noticed? Even more interesting, what examples of security-as-excuse have you seen?"

Nom nom nom

[Applekid]

The guard looked at her gun, said nothing and passed them in, then stopped the man behind them because he had beer and snacks in his bag. Park rules prohibit outside food. It's clear what the 'security' check was really about: improving park food vending revenues.

Heh heh, the fools. The gun's cartridge was loaded with small pretzels and Tootsie Rolls.

Disneyland

[Eco-Mono]

My adviser back at University, Rich Maddox, used to tell a story from his youth, when he was dating a girl who (apparently for religious reasons? I don't remember exactly) always carried a large knife in her purse. So anyway, they were going to Disneyland with a couple of friends, and as they went through the entry turnstile they stopped Rich and asked to check his backpack for weapons and so forth. And they found a pocket knife there, and told him he couldn't bring it into the park because it was dangerous. That's when Rich called over to his girlfriend who was already inside, and said "Honey, do you still have that knife with you?" And she pulled it out of her purse and said "Yeah, why do you ask?"

Wireless Security

[Toreo asesino]

I had a boss that named the wireless network "Virus". On asking him about this, he explained "it's to scare off hackers - they won't connect if they think they'll get a virus". Ah, ok.

It's probably worth pointing out he wasn't aware you could "secure" a wireless point with a basic WPA key at least - it was completely open, anyone could walk right in, assuming they beat the fear of the "virus" that was.

Re:Disneyland

[eldavojohn]

P.S. When Rich tells the story he always implies that it was because the guys running the turnstile were too busy looking at his girlfriend's boobs to look in her purse. Take that however you want.

Her boobs were shaped like knives?

Re:I've been a part of the theatre.

[Anonymous Coward]

Tear the can in half ... and you will now have 2 very sharp jagged pieces of metal

and wet trousers.

Re:The Iraq theater

[Anonymous Coward]

I just feel safer knowing we're killing innocent people in the Middle East every day. This will remind them not to underestimate the power of the dark side and dare to

Shortly after 9/11

[hudsonhawk]

...while I was temping for a company in Chicago, I was asked to deliver a box of candy to a client in the Sears Tower. While entering, I went though the giant, heightened security setup - x-rays and all - and got held up because I had a box cutter in my backback.

They held it up triumphantly and shouted at me, "Just what do you expect to do with this?!"

I wanted to ask them them the same question back. Just what did they expect I'd do with that? In a building that had security guards with guns? Was I going to hijack the building and crash it into a plane?

Re:Wireless Security

[Anonymous Coward]

I had a boss that named the wireless network "Virus". On asking him about this, he explained "it's to scare off hackers - they won't connect if they think they'll get a virus". Ah, ok.

I named two network printers I didn't want people using "Broken" and "Dot_Matrix" (before there were access lists)

Password Policy

[Aram Fingal]

I was working with a particular system where the vendor added a strict password security policy. They require a mixture of uppercase and lowercase letters as well as at least one digit or special character. Later on, I discovered, by accident, that the password is not case sensitive when you actually go to login. It turns out that the routine for setting the password enforces stronger passwords than the underlying system can actually support. The vendor, of course, claimed that they would be upgrading their underlying password encryption algorithm very soon.

Re:I've been a part of the theatre.

[Anarke_Incarnate]

OK, solution. Ask for TWO cans of soda. Drink the first one and then tear the second one in half. Try to pour as much of the flowing liquid into the now empty first can.......no wait.. Ask for THREE cans......crap....

Re:Completely off-topic...

[ericrost]

You must be new here.

Re:Shortly after 9/11

[maxume]

You also had a box. You should have pointed at it.

Re:Nom nom nom

[pipatron]

I think I speak for everyone here at the slashdot community when I say:

Shut the fuck up.

Re:Shortly after 9/11

[Anonymous Coward]

And what exactly would you do with a box cutter? Open boxes? Hah! Likely story...

Joint account

[Anonymous Coward]

I was trying to transfer some funds out of a joint bank account. I used the phone based system (and answered the usual security questions). Then the person told me that for the transfer to be allowed, both people on the joint account needed to sign-off on the transfer.

The other person wasn't available... so I just said "Ok, hold on I'll get him." Then waited a few seconds and said "Hi. Yes, I'm he. Yes I confirm the transfer."

They transferred the money. No authentication, no double-checks. Just some voice on a phone (I didn't even bother faking a different-sounding voice) saying that it was ok.

Re:Nom nom nom

[Anonymous Coward]

Sure, you may get the idea of what they are talking about, however to those who actually know better, it is not funny because they are using technical terms in an incorrect way that detracts from their intention.

I have never in my life, sir, encountered a person who more needed a good toke than you. Chill, yo.

Re:Nom nom nom

[Anonymous Coward]

I think I speak for everyone here at the slashdot

Please don't attempt to speak for me.

Re:Shortly after 9/11

[areusche]

I didn't know one could fly buildings :-p

The blinking red light

[Anonymous Coward]

in 2002 I bought a ford focus zx3, complete with a blinking red light on the dash, which the dealer refered to as an "anti-theft device."

Re:Shortly after 9/11

[OglinTatas]

Glad to see you back from Gitmo, man. We missed you.

Re:On the web side of things

[dave562]

Of course a customer that paid for what you describe probably didn't have their AD working right either...

There are a surprising number of completely borked AD implementations out there. I don't know how people manage to do it. They must try using ADSIEdit as word processor or something.

Re:Firearms and security

[Anonymous Coward]

And maybe everyone in France will consider me trolling, but...

I would immediately freak out and run away!

Re:Nom nom nom

[Anonymous Coward]

This isn't digg or reddit - behave yourself.
Some guidelines:
1. Never describe anything as "epic", especially if followed by the word win or loss.
2. Use decent grammar, punctuation, and spelling.
3. Conceal all enthusiasm under a smug nerdiness.

Re:Nom nom nom

[Anonymous Coward]

They were individually wrapped in little pieces of plastic wrap, dumbass. Don't make him pull out his gat, slap in a full cartridge and cap your ass with a tootsie roll.

Re:Nom nom nom

[fishizzle]

Those would be some very small pretzels if they fit into the cartridge(s) [wikipedia.org]. Filling the magazine [wikipedia.org] would offer more room, and would probably be sufficient enough to conceal it from the security personnel. ;-)

Today at The Daily WTF

[adavies42]

Coincidentally, http://thedailywtf.com/Articles/Overdue-Retirement.aspx [thedailywtf.com].

Re:Disneyland

[Anonymous Coward]

That would make a great web authentication system. If you have big boobs click here to bypass all security.

Re:Oh Sure

[ChaosDiscord]

And since they're a group of them, desperate enough to mangle or kill you, they certainly all have weapons. And given the situation, the weapons in question are certainly assault rifles. And they're not stupid, just desperate, so they'll rely on strength in numbers, attacking by the hundreds. At this point, having arranged a group of hundreds of heavily armed men, they pretty much have to murder you. This is why I feel much safer keeping a loaded M1 Abrams in my bedroom.

Re:3 oz Liquid Restrictions

[fred fleenblat]

Are you *sure* it wasn't the sunblock that made him pale?

Re:Nom nom nom

[Anonymous Coward]

I was called a humorless dick for making the very same comments about 40 minutes ago.

Yet you're still going on about it.....

You might find this picture instructive [kairosnews.org].

Re:Oh Sure

[UESMark]

Two things: Firstly wooden assailants are very dangerous and resistant to gunshot wounds. Your best bet against this sort of wood-be assailant is a flamethrower or an ax.

Secondly, saying that you shouldn't have a gun because you are more likely to commit suicide than be killed by an intruder implies that either people randomly commit suicide for no reason or that people choose to have home invasions. They are not really the same sort of thing so the statistics aren't really a helpful metric.

That said, if you are a person with suicidal tendencies you should keep neither firearms nor flamethrowers (which confusingly are not generally considered firearms) around the house. Axes however are very difficult to commit suicide with, and as such should be kept in the event you run into any would-be wood-be assailants.

Re:Nom nom nom

[fishizzle]

My bad. Your post had already been modded down into the nether regions. Sorry for that.

Although I was weary that slashdotters would care to be educated on any technology that isn't Linux-based, I found the mental image of a person in a ballpark pulling the bullet off a casing to retrieve the miniature pretzels contained within even more humorous than what the initial poster had probably intended, so I took a chance to share this. Hopefully the mod-Gods will be gentle.

Re:My fave

[lymond01]

Actually that ordinary looking trash bin is in fact a titanium-bonded, lead-lined, virtually indestructible tube leading down three levels to a large containment chamber wherein lies a pool of counter-reactive liquid created by top NASA scientists to nullify the catalysts for dynamic release in most explosive chemicals.

Ok, no it's not.

Re:Nom nom nom

[setagllib]

In that case, it's kind of like this: http://xkcd.com/386/ [xkcd.com]

It's funny because it's true.

Re:Disneyland

[WRX Gav]

So you set a booby trap for them ....

Re:Nom nom nom

[PitaBred]

Ur post? Epic fale. I know because I run Linux.

Re:Can't get shot by beer and snacks

[trb]

I believe the word you're looking for is "snackurity."

Raised Tile Computer Floors

[DeanFox]

I had a contract at a high security government site. At one location an MP actually had a M16 pointed at me while I worked but that's a different story. At this location the computer room was raised and had a ramp leading to a secure door. Not having the proper card to get in I always needed an escort for access. The problem was no one was ever around when I needed in.

One day after waiting 45 minutes for my escort I had an idea. I lifted one of the tiles in front of the door, slipped under and came up the other side of the raised floor. Another 45 minutes and my escort finely arrived beside himself I was already in the room. He lectured me about Top Secret this and Top Secret that, the ramifications and had to know how I got in... So I told him. They installed a barrier under the floor.

The next time it happened I looked up and saw a tile ceiling. The lecture worked because I didn't go over but I was tempted.

-[d]-

Sikh?

[BorgCopyeditor]

Nah. A Fremen.

Re:Can't get shot by beer and snacks

[lgw]

He might live in California, where the second amendment is a distant memory, something about arming bears (there's a bear on the flag, right?).

Re:FAA pilot on the do not fly list.

[ShinmaWa]

I've always thought the way the TSA treats pilots was a bit.. odd. A couple years ago, a TSA agent was giving a pilot a hard time over a small jeweler's screwdriver in an eyeglass repair kit.

The pilot said to him, "Well, you can confiscate this if you want, but -- and I don't mean to alarm you -- I have a fire axe in the cockpit."

Re:The blinking red light

[Maximalist]

I insist on the the most effective automotive anti-theft device ever invented or marketed: the stick shift.

Who needs a flashing red light when there is a third pedal and gear shift that scare the crap out of 90% of potential drivers of my car?

Improvised weapon...

[Media_Scumbag]

Some 3 weeks after 9/11, I was flying from PHX to SJO and had my toenail clipper confiscated by airport security.

As I walked to the gate and sat in the waiting area, I spied a very-cute young blonde. I sat next to her and noticed that she was knitting.

I asked what she was making, and in the process of telling me, she explained that the needles she was using were 16" long and made of stainless steel.

I was so struck with the absurdity of the situation that I became flustered, and unable to secure her phone number.

Where did the topic go, oh, I don't know~

[orangesquid]

Actually+, I think all sentences should be punctuated so as to indicate tone` We could reform the world^ /Everyone knows how beautiful% perl scripts are---why hasn't this spread to the rest of printed# text? It could@ do &wonders for ==human.computer interaction!_ ))Just think: with{everything so clear,$we,could,see+world+`peace]`within&&our$lifetime! \|Misundersta%%ndings %{in*^written)()communi+[cation,"would@become^things&of the past@@

Re:Crossing back into US from Canada...

[hyades1]

Actually, if I had a nasty purpose in mind, you're exactly the kind of person I'd probably want to imitate. And if I wanted to get a really good idea of how the streets around a bank I was planning to rob were laid out, I'd go strutting around dressed like one of those Guardian Angel dildoes.

It's human nature to concentrate on the memorable stuff...whether it's a beret and an attitude, or a van tarted up like a cross between the batmobile and an AWACS jet.

Having said that, I'll agree that a disproportionate number customs guards, no matter who they work for, are assholes. I especially liked the American ones who picked the one cute little Asian girl on our bus to strip-search. Must have been "Feed The Lesbian Guard Day" or something.

Re:2002 Winter Olympics

[[e-mail]]

You should have started running. I knew a group of kids who--back in the day--used to mess with the cops by going into a 7-11 to buy a slurpy, and then as they left would take off running.

Inevitably there'd be a police helicopter in the neighborhood in a few minutes.

Re:Nom nom nom

[Anonymous Coward]

Small snack? Cartridges are what most people who do not know any better call "bullets." The part most call a "clip", which is in fact, a magazine, could hold "some" snacks, but would probably gum up the workings to the point it would have to be taken apart, cleaned and oiled.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call "Intelligence Theater".

Re:Nom nom nom

[Opportunist]

Now imagine a Beowulf cluster of those running in Soviet Russia! That's unpossible!

Re:Oh Sure

[PottedMeat]

This is why I feel much safer keeping a loaded M1 Abrams in my bedroom.

Hmm, at certain times of the month that's what I call my wife too!

Re:The Iraq theater

[Reaperducer]

Learn to leave when you've outstayed your welcome.

Yeah, like the Brits.

America, Turkey, Afghanistan, Iraq, Burma, Egypt, Palestine, Bosnia, Kosovo, Malaysia, Hong Kong, India, Pakistan, Bangladesh... Is there any country on this planet the British haven't gotten their butts kicked out of?

At least the Americans are good and whooped before they quit a war. They don't just run away when the tea runs out.

Re:Nom nom nom

[urcreepyneighbor]

Ur post? Epic fale. I know because I run Linux.

You see?! You see?! This is what happens when you make a Linux distro that's easy to use!

Security theatre works

[kbahey]

Here is Southern Ontario, we have two problems: tigers and elephants. The former eat our pets and can be dangerous to children in backyards. The latter wreaks havoc on our lawns.

I sprinkle pepper on the lawn and have some special rocks that I put in front of the house.

Both these procedures keep tigers and elephants away, and so far, they have been 100% effective ...

Yes, security theatre does work ...

At the White House

[Goonie]

I visited Washington DC in 2003, and went for a wander around the White House boundary fence.
One thing you don't realize when you see it on television is just how big the garden is, and how far away the fence is.

But that's by the by. As I was walking around the boundary fence, I noticed a security guard, armed with what appeared to be a shotgun, hiding behind a bush. What was even stranger, he was attempting to, but failing, to hide from me, armed with what was obviously a digital camera and nothing else.

I continued walking around a bit, looking at him. He continued to edge around the particular shrub; again, trying, and failing, to keep out of my view.

It was so patently absurd that I felt like taking a photo of the scene, but given that the guy was carrying a shotgun and this was the White House, I thought it might be prudent to ask first.

So, I called out to the guy "excuse me, but do you mind if I take a photo"?

The reply comes back "no, don't take one". And he tries even harder, and fails, to hide himself.

This is despite the fact that anybody with a pair of binoculars, or a long lens camera, would have easily spotted the bloke from several hundred yards away. The Secret Service must, of course, know this, and probably had two other armed guards I hadn't spotted watching me.

For the life of me, I still don't understand what this guy was trying to achieve hiding behind the shrubbery. Look, everybody expects there to be guards in the White House gardens, some of whom you'll see, some of whom you won't unless you try something insanely stupid. But this whole hide-and-seek routine made absolutely no sense at all.

visa application

[BeaverCleaver]

Applying for a work visa in the USA requires male applicants between 16 and 40 to fill out a supplemental form that asks for details of prior military experience (either as a combatant or a civilian), and any nuclear, biological or chemical weapons experience. There are too many problems with this retarded fucking system to count, here are a couple to get you started:

1. This is the 21st fucking century. What, are women incapable of understanding all that nucular stuff? Females aren't a threat?

2. Anyone over 40 is not even worth questioning?

3. Even if you are part of the tiny demographic that are even questioned, does Immigration think undesirables are going to tell the fucking truth on the application form?

Re:The blinking red light

[cansado]

I have a Ford Focus. My anti-theft device? I have a Ford Focus.

Re:Can't get shot by beer and snacks

[julesh]

Please note that it is VERY difficult to conceal a 4-foot long rifle in the front pocket of a hooded sweatshirt. And walking around on the street with one is likely to get you very odd looks, if not phone calls to and visits from the police.

Or you could just come to England, where simply wearing the hooded sweatshirt is likely to get the same reaction.

Re:The blinking red light

[nospam007]

...and a huge sigh in the front window saying "THIS CAR HAS NO RADIO AND NO BRAKES"

Re:The Iraq theater

[Anonymous Coward]

If that's insight, I'm a fucking tower crane.

Re:The Iraq theater

[dirtyangus]

That's the best one of all! Hahaha! We created insurgents. I like your line of thinking...stick your head in the sand and they just don't exist. It disappoints me that so many Americans swallow that.

Re:Nom nom nom

[weierstrass]

This post tells you all you need to know about people who know the correct names for parts of guns.

Re:The blinking red light

[The Warlock]

I save the "no brakes" thing as a surprise.

Re:The Iraq theater

[bcattwoo]

Lol, so true. My aunt and uncle lived in Maine for twenty years and were still considered outsiders. Of course, as Long Island natives they would probably be viewed warily anywhere.

Re:The blinking red light

[sm62704]

If you seriously think that a car alarm would deter anyone from stealing or damaging your car then you are not being 'devalued', you are deluded

That's not the purpose of the blinking light. The blinking light lowers my car insurance! Mine only comes on when the car is locked.

There's a reason cities are starting to ban car alarms - they are just annoying and serve little to no useful purpose whatsoever.

I hadn't heard that cities are banning alarms, what cities? My alarm is built into the car, it activates when the doors are locked. The only way to not activate the alarm is to not lock the car! If they should pass such a law in my city how could I possibly comply?

I bought the car used, and it had no owner's manual. Last winter I hit the "panic" button by mistake and had no idea how to shut it off. A cop cruised by in less than two minutes, HE know how to shut it off! Now I know too.

But the lesson I got there is the alarms DO serve a purpose. Had someone been stealing the car, they would have gotten caught.

A friend has a "protected by XXX Security company" sign in his yard. He doesn't really have a home alarm, he stole the sign!

Re:The blinking red light

[neurovish]

I have a "no bears" sign in my yard. Haven't had a single problem with bears hanging around my house since.

Re:The Iraq theater

[Anonymous Coward]

Cool! It's not every day you get to see construction equipment posting on Slashdot.

Re:The blinking red light

[Heian-794]

Who would steal a focus?

An Internet Explorer-equipped dashboard?

Re:The blinking red light

[sjames]

A friend of mine was almost a victim of auto theft. He found it pulled half out of it's space with the driver's side door opened. However, it seems that the would be thief didn't know how many times to pump the gas and the exact ratio of gas and clutch required to avoid stalling the engine (a truly tiny window in that car).

Or perhaps he noticed the smoke detector light for the engine compartment and the lanyard that operated the fire extinguisher so you didn't have to stop to handle the occasional fire.

I guess they didn't get far enough to notice the missing tooth in the steering pinion.