How To Deal With Internet Bullies?

creyes123 writes "I run a free website with an online model airplane design calculator. The number of registered users has quickly climbed and I've gotten many compliments. Out of nowhere, a fellow shows up and proceeds to bad mouth the calculator in a posting in one of my forums. After I politely point out that he's mistaken and should have looked at the documentation before posting, he changes the subject and bad mouths a different 'flaw.' The cycle repeats a few more times, with no apparent end in sight. I want to encourage folks to share their opinions, but constructive criticism was clearly not his goal. I feel that the whole episode was just a massive time waster for me. What did I do to deserve this? Could I have handled this better?"

John Gabriel's Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory

[skrolle2]

http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19/ [penny-arcade.com]

Yes, some people are mean on the internet, that's what IP-bans are for. No, you can't talk them into being nice, you slap an IP-ban on them, delete their posts, and forget about them.

bully?

[nomadic]

I don't know, I've had to deal with people like that but never anyone that violent or aggressive...I mean criticizing a calculator? Why hasn't someone locked him up already?

Re:Elimination

[megaditto]

Redirect his browser to an illegal porn site (with an IP-specific refresh tag), then call the FBI. BAM!

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[Narpak]

I totally disagree with what you just said; further more I would like to add that you smell.

I believe the following covers it:

[The Ancients]

...nicely [mothership.co.nz](~50KB jpg).

I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

--George Bernard Shaw

Re:John Gabriel's Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory

[Anonymous Coward]

Shut up, shitcock!

(Attention moderators: it's a joke. I've seen several people get modded down when the mods didn't get it.)

Re:down

[The Ancients]

Hence troll problem fixed!

A bit of a weird way to go about it, but each to their own...

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[Anonymous Coward]

Thanks for your feedback. I'll keep it in mind as I plan future improvements.

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[Tumbleweed]

I totally disagree with what you just said; further more I would like to add that you smell.

Well your father was a hamster!

Here's one to try

[Anonymous Coward]

1) Go on No Mutants Allowed forums
2) Say why Fallout 3 looks enjoyable to you
3) Enjoy the frothing nerd rage

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[COMON$]

Ya, and your mother smelled of ELDERBERRIES!

Re:Why not just say ...

[COMON$]

Ya you see that bear over there, poke it with that stick and it will go away.

How about that beehive, kick it, them bees wont get ya.

All in all, I think it is fun to toy with the anger mongers...fun for me, AND I get to let off my own steam ;)

Re:Forum Rules

[Yvan256]

If you are an asshole, you will get banned.
[...]
Yes, I am an asshole.

So.... how long did it take before you banned yourself?

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[eclectro]

Look, smell is not the issue here. Please stay on-topic. You need to get a haircut.

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[Narpak]

I fart in your general direction.

XKCD guy is that you?

[brunes69]

Just let him be... keep arguing and soon you will be like this guy

http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/myl/llog/duty_calls.png [upenn.edu]

easy solution

[Anonymous Coward]

Just post his information and IP address on /.

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[metlin]

That's just from doing your Mom. =)

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[ILuvRamen]

Really? That's the best you can come up with? You wanna talk and reason with these people and be polite? Okay I run a forum and here's how this shit goes down there. Someone posts shit, I ban their account and then IP ban them from the server's control panel. Then I google their username that they registered with and find them on other sites and send them hate PMs or post rude shit in topics they started. Then I look up their e-mail address in the memberlist and sign them up for every spam list I know of (like coupons.com and a bunch of dating sites). That's how I handle jerks like him! I don't mess around. I ruin their entire internet life! I HAVE NO TOLERANCE FOR JACKASSES!

Re:Is he right ?

[Dolohov]

Judging from his first few comments, he's not really right -- he's taking a tool designed for planes using electric motors, trying to make it work for planes using internal combustion engines, then complaining that it won't work, and thus sucks. He also admits that he didn't read the tutorials, expecting them to be worthless. It's like answering an ad for a used car, driving it into the water, then complaining that it was a really crappy boat.

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[hazem]

I was thinking, why not give them their own little sandbox, where only users marked as 'troll' could see posts by other trolls?

Isn't that essentially what CraigsList is now?

Where's TWITTER

[Anonymous Coward]

If you run the forum, the best solution is to ban him, and ban him with every new account he makes.

I wonder what TWITTER'S feelings are about this matter. He's strangely quiet about it, the little psychopath.

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[budgenator]

In my experience banning the troll only agitates it.
I was thinking, why not give them their own little sandbox, where only users marked as 'troll' could see posts by other trolls?

I Browse slashdot at -1 you insensitive clod

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[dabooda]

Thanks Dr Phil!

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[Draped Crusader]

Great! You recognised the film and you know the next line! You want a fucking medal for that? A fucking parrot can do that.

Well... this parrot is no more!
Where's my fucking medal

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[The Redster!]

Moral of the thread: The best way to deal with internet bullies is to turn around, and go back to banging your coconuts together.

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[__aabgfe356]

How appropriate. You fight like a cow.

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[the_bard17]

A fucking parrot can do that.

Yes... but what about a parrot that's probably pining for the fjords?

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[oldhack]

Give this guy a medal - he comes to slashdot and complain about people being "geeky".

LEAVE TWITTER ALONE!!!

[Anonymous Coward]

How DARE anyone out there make fun of twitter after all he's been through!?!

He lost his karma, he went through bad moderation. He had diarrhea.

M$ turned out to be stalking him, liars and cheaters, and now they troll his journal entriez!!

He hasn't posted at +1 in years. His song is called "Give me more sockpuppets" for a reason because all you
people want is MORE MORE MORE!!!

Leave twitter alone PLEASE! Right Now! I MEAN IT!!!

LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!!

(with apologies to that gay guy)

Re:Elimination

[ZDRuX]

The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?" "I'm calling to report my neighbor. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave. The phone rings ~ it's the neighbors house. Hey, Adrian, did the FBI come?" "Yep." "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep." "Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[Malevolyn]

I see what you're saying and I'd like to refer you to this Slashdot article [slashdot.org] on the subject.

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[Anonymous Coward]

Speaking of topic-ing off, my sticky had a raging Jesus so full of the Lord that it FAQed your mom in the Christ til she was filled to the brim with the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[algerath]

I am sorry, disregard my previous post. It should have read "Thanks for your feedback. I'll keep it in mind as I plan future improvements."

Note to self DO NOT FEED TROLLS OR ACs

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[hobbit]

Or 'Hilarious Lizzie', as she is known in these parts.

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[Boronx]

Oh, all high and mighty on your high horse, aren't you eh? Quoting python not good enough for you? Oooh look at me, I'm xkcd, I can turn a bloody brilliant line into a sick joke.

You think you're soooo superior, don't you, with your stick figures prancing about with your fake humanity and your fake romance. And all those pasty inexperience chubby little geeks just eat it right up don't they? They think the sun rises and sets right our of your arse, don't they?

Well let me tell you something. Those pythons worked their fingers to the bone to make a home in this unforgiving world for absurdist satire. They gave up their lives, their families, their careers in science so that you can have a nice laugh in front of the telly.

And this is what you do. You git. You stupid, bloody, heartless git.

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[Anonymous Coward]

Excuse us for having fun, we didn't know you'd prefer us to not enjoy ourselves the way we want to. We'll completely stop being ourselves so you won't have to be ashamed of all of us. How's that sound for ya?

I think you're in the wrong place. Shoo.

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[stewbacca]

Slippery Slope: some guy runs an Internet forum and bans people for "posting shit" and being "jackasses".

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[SCHecklerX]

Wouldn't it be cool if there were some technology out there that allowed people to post to all types of hierarchical 'forums', and to control what posts they see, and even rank them by what they like to read? That would kick ass! They could call it "network news" or something.

Re:I love you.

[jimthehorsegod]

What post are you replying to? I don't see anything

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[somersault]

Excuse me, but how does being almost exactly but not quite as good as average deserve any measure of respect?

Try visiting youtube and reading the comments to see just how respectable the IQ of your average person is. Hell, try reading slashdot for a few minutes.. I'd expect a lot of people here to have >100 IQ, but that doesn't mean the things they often come out with are respectable ;)

Re:Stop Playing Their Game (Ironic Title, That.)

[Norwell Bob]

All opinions are not equal...

Bullshit. By the definition of opinion, all opinions are, in fact, equal. They are subjective, and no one opinion can be said to be better than another.

That's just the worthless sort of opinion I'd expect from a guy who doesn't agree with me.

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[somersault]

I love repetitive humour, you insensitive clod!

*cough*

"How to pay for a spike in bandwidth costs"

[robotngineer]

Now that the site is Slashdotted, one begins to wonder if a single forum bully was the least of his concerns!

Slashdot. Bringing websites to their knees. With baseball bats.

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[StatusWoe]

Especially the Norwegian Blue. Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[Jesus_666]

They think the sun rises and sets right our of your arse, don't they?

The rest of the thread nonwithstanding, the sun does rise and set out of/into Randall's ass. It's very uncomfortable and he has to take a lot of creams and salves.

It's hereditary, as far as I know.

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[Jinky]

"I like parrots" gets a +5 Informative? Awesome:D
I like parrots too. Karma++

Re:Stop Playing Their Game

[InstinctVsLogic]

ok, ok, we'll stop being redundant. just don't throw a chair at him.

Here's how I've dealt this internet bullies

[Matt Perry]

I had this problem on a forum several times in the past. I modified the software to make my service slow or fail at random points for certain user names. I could enter a value between 1 and 10 to indicate how "broken" the system was. The idea was not to ban the user as they would only create a new account. Instead, I made the system more frustrating to use. Sometimes it would be a bit slow serving pages. Other times it would display a page indicating that there was a database error after a post was submitted. You can get creative, but be sure to have the system work most of the time. Eventually the troll will give up when they can't post for an hour or two because of a "500 Internal Server Error" or some other problem.

I can't take credit for the idea though. Philip Greenspun wrote about this about a decade ago in one of his web books.