How Do I Manage Seasoned Programmers? 551
An anonymous reader writes "I have a technology background and worked as a programmer for a few years before slipping over to the dark side. I am now on the business side and have been given responsibility for a small team of Java programmers. While the technology aspect of what my team works on doesn't scare me, I need ideas to make sure the team stays motivated while reporting to me, a business-oriented guy. Perhaps I should mention I am in my early 30s while the majority of the team constitute an older, wiser generation. What advice should I follow to avoid turning into yet another Bill Lumbergh?"
Um, duh (Score:5, Funny)
Seasoned Programmers? (Score:5, Funny)
Salt / Pepper / Oregeno?
TFA doesn't really help.
Key Point # 1 (Score:2, Funny)
Flip every 5 minutes (Score:5, Funny)
You don't want to touch them too often or they get tough and dried out.
Oh wait, that's hamburgers. Nevermind.
Everything you need to know is on the simpsons (Score:5, Funny)
"Are you working?"
"yes"
"Can you work harder?"
"good"
If they get tired buy them hammocks.
It helps if your wearing a Tom Landrey hat.
Re:Key Point # 1 (Score:5, Funny)
Yeah, watch some documentaries about pack animals or life in prison. That should give you some ideas for ways to communicate that you are the Alpha Male.
easy answer (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Key Point # 1 (Score:5, Funny)
The manager should come off as being "cool" and sympathetic to the programmers. The managers should let the programmers know that, since he is familiar with programming, he has a genuine interest(and is also paying attention to ensure that the programmers are doing their job right) into what exactly is going on as opposed to just walking around with a clipboard pretending to do work and pontificating about deadlines.
Interact with the programmers and ask them questions so that you appear to care and humor them by letting them be the master, you the learner, and that will quickly dispel any "We're seasoned pros, why should we listen to that pipsqueak?"-type attitudes. Stress that you are "one of the boys" and poke fun at yourself with PHB jokes while demonstrating that you're obviously not a PHB.
Re:Key Point # 1 (Score:5, Funny)
You have a good point. However, you still should get modded +1 douche for using the word "irregardless".
Re:Key Point # 1 (Score:5, Funny)
Absolutely! Piss in the corner of their cubicles or offices. Hit on their wives/girlfriends when they come around. Make their property yours. Let those guys know who's boss!
Hmmm ... (Score:4, Funny)
First thing you need to do is establish yourself as the alpha geek. Walk into the room and fire the first one to make eye contact. Then expound for two hours on how crappy Java is and how all you really need is a copy of Ruby on Rails and a Red Bull to be able to cover everything they do.
The next day, show up with a box of Dilbert comics and pass them out, demand each team member identify five 'wrong thoughts' express by Dilbert and his coworkers and indicate how they actually should have acted in regards to their PHB. Emphasize that the PHB a highly paid executive and deserves their attention and respect. Dilbert's job is to make his bosses' ideas successful, not to mock him.
The next day, first the second person who makes eye contact with you. Encourage your team to ridicule them as they make the walk of shame from your office to the exit.
The day after that, ask them to participate in a team building session where everyone is armed with a nerf weapon and is allowed to act out their aggression. Bring your own baseball bat.
The day after that mention that you expect the team to put in manditory overtime. You forgot to mention to them that they have a milestone deadline coming up tomorrow and you are still working with marketing to finialize the specs.
On the day after that, enjoy the peace and quiet you've earned yourself. You'll need it as you now no longer have a team to worry about.
Re:Beer (Score:5, Funny)
You know actually, I'd love to know what the correct response is when a programmer does this. I generally just run away.
glower at them in the hallway (Score:4, Funny)
focus on a pointless statement in an offhand conversation, and keep repeating it over and over, getting louder all the time, the whole week, with a huge grin on your face, like its a hilarious joke
ask them to come in your office and sit down, ask them to close the door in a very soft whisper, and then stand up, displaying an obvious erection in your pants
in the company restroom, stand next to them while they are urinating, even if there are ten open urinals, and make sure to pee a little on their shoes, making emotionless blank eye contact while doing so
sit silently in a meeting for the longest time, with a slightly pained expression, then excuse yourself, and, outside of the room but within earshot/ plain view, starting crying loudly and hysterically like a wounded child
in no time you will be deriving the respect and affection you deserve
Re:Seasoned Programmers? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Specs (Score:5, Funny)
A proper functional spec does describe the problem.
Or so I'm told, I've never actually seen one.
Re:Key Point # 1 (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Key Point # 1 (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Oh for crying out loud (Score:5, Funny)
Up a waterfall, with a rolled up tissue.
Re:Everything you need to know is on the simpsons (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Very Simple (Score:1, Funny)
If the baby is truly ugly, KNIFE it, don't adapt to crap.
Well..LibertineR is off MY babysitter list.
Re:Seasoned Programmers? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Simple really (Score:2, Funny)
Oh this should be good... I like comparison posts...
> Really, if you've ever had kids, you already have all the skills you need to manage engineers. Set clear expectations and priorities. Make sure they play nice with each other.
Good point... Yes programmers and kids both need to play nice together.
> Give them a shiny new toy when they've been good.
Yes! Kids like toys and programmers like toys/electronics.
>Good managers filter out the pressure and bullshit and only on passes on information that gives the programmers a good idea of what their goals and priorities should be. Bad managers just pass on the shitting on they get from their managers along to their underlings, sometimes even amplifying it.
Wait.. what Kindergarten is this? I thought the managers were teachers and there were kindergarten students... and who is shitting on them?
Please everyone, do not shit on kindergarten teachers or students!
Re:Key Point # 1 (Score:5, Funny)
I'm pretty sure they throw you in jail for doing unto others what I would have them do unto me without their permission.
Re:Or you could make things easy on yourself... (Score:5, Funny)
"Agile is not a silver bullet, and its gurus never claimed it to be"
Gurus never claim that their way is a silver bullet, they just claim it will bring down a werewolf or vampire with a single shot.
Re:Um, duh (Score:3, Funny)
Two words: business hammocks.
There's four places:
There's the Hammock Hut, that's on third.
There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on third too.
You got Put-Your-Butt-There - that's on third.
Swing Low, Sweet Chariot...
Matter of fact, they're all in the same complex; it's the hammock complex on third.
Oh, the hammock district.
That's right.
Re:Seasoned Programmers? (Score:5, Funny)
lipstick!
Re:Difficult (Score:3, Funny)
Remeber, coders are just tools that convert caffeine and alcohol into source code...
Re:Don't be a douche (Score:3, Funny)
How Do I Manage Seasoned Programmers?
My favorite solution is to set them on fire and launch them out a window.
the trebuchet (http://www.trebuchet.com/)on the roof gains you extra points.
Launch the most vocal two and the rest fall in line quite quickly.
(funny how that works)
Re:Seasoned Programmers? (Score:2, Funny)
Whatever the case, just remember that you're there to serve programmers...
Re:Seasoned Programmers? (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Be a friend first. Informal meetings, free food (Score:3, Funny)
One-on-one meetings in a comfortable and somewhat informal manner. Make it regular (twice a week or so?) and find some way to give them advanced notice indirectly, like doing it at the same time every week or passing by their office/cubes a few minutes before jumping in to ask for the informal report. If you startle them, leave and come back in a few minutes (really!). Their desks should be oriented in a manner that makes it hard to sneak up on them; if that's not the case, buy a mirror [google.com] for their monitor.
Wait, is this still about the glowing red ass thing ?
Re:Key Point # 1 (Score:1, Funny)
You have a good point. However, you still should get modded +1 douche for using the word "irregardless".
You mean ...non-word...