How Do I Make My Netbook More Manly? 993
basementman writes "I recently purchased a 10 inch white MSI wind. As you can see it's a small computer and it's good for what I use it for. I get a lot of comments from women saying it is 'cute' or 'adorable.' Not the good kind of cute that will get me the attention I want though, the kind of cute that says they think I have a different presence than I actually want to portray. So how can I make my netbook more manly, or at least have some witty line to respond to the their comments?" Hopefully basementman didn't get a netbook with the hopes of it getting him some action, but what cool mods (or witty one-liners) have others used to salvage their dignity from hardware that is "a good size"?
Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
Ummm... (Score:5, Funny)
Add a dongle?
Type-R sticker (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
I was going to suggest stickers as well, but of nude women.
This should do it... (Score:5, Funny)
Scooty Puff, Sr: The Doom-Bringer
http://pnwriders.com/image.php?u=1155&dateline=1231816052 [pnwriders.com]
Here's how (Score:5, Funny)
Run Linux on it, not windows.
Maybe... (Score:1, Funny)
Maybe they are saying it because they look at YOU and think you are gay. Then, in hopes of making a new shopping companion, their eyes wander frantically for something to strike up a conversation about and they see your manly netbook, and they call it cute out of courtesy. Maybe...
Re:Stickers... (Score:2, Funny)
Everything looks faster with a racing stripe! May be something in a nice plaid or hot pink.
Flames, you need speed strips. (Score:5, Funny)
And some neon light trim for the edges.
Hydrolics, press a button and the laptop starts trying to hump the your desk.
Replace the fan with a smaller diameter one with higher RPM, get the jet engine noise when it kicks in.
Bling, use a solid gold chain to keep it closed.
Don't shave, wear a mussed up t-shirt. And add scorch marks to the plastic exterior.
Re:Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
Stickers are for wimps, real men get truck nutz for their netbooks.
http://www.truck-nuts.com/ [truck-nuts.com]
Nope (Score:5, Funny)
Some suggestions: (Score:5, Funny)
* Cover it with metal spikes and skulls.
* Tie it to the front grill of a Hummer.
* Convert it into an ammo clip for an Uzi.
* Build a beer helmet around it and wear it on your head
* Program it to make fart noises every time your finger is pulled. With a name like "wind", you could even pretend it came that way from the factory.
* Put an Oakland Raiders logo on it.
* Tie it to the back of a pit bull with a chain collar.
* Put it down your pants for some "natural male enhancement".
* Tie it to your stomach (under your shirt), and tell woman to punch it so they can feel how hard your "abs" are.
* Keep it open and playing a heavy metal video nonstop at full volume. Make sure there are plenty of half naked women being objectified in it.
* Tell the girls you have a small notebook because you have no reason to compensate for anything else.
Really, the possibilities are endless.
It should be obvious... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Speed stripes (Score:4, Funny)
Stencil a Pink Teddybear on it (Score:5, Funny)
From the Badass Manly Anime Reviewer:
Re:Here's how (Score:4, Funny)
Linux? What a girl, you want BSD on there.
Re:You can't. (Score:3, Funny)
Your list of netbook features reminds me of the machine Paul Atreides used for combat training.
Even if your netbook is lacking in manly stature, mentioning the above reference will tell her what kind of guy you really are.
Re:Exactly, women love cute and adoreable. (Score:5, Funny)
I told my girlfriend next year she wasn't invited and I was just going to bring the dog.
So how long was it before you regained consciousness?
Re:Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
Heavy metal stickers. Lots of them!
Some Judas Priest stickers will show them you're not gay!
Re:Obligatory Serious Answer Stickers... (Score:2, Funny)
Here are some stickers to apply:
Flipper
Bambi
Willy (Free Willy)
An Aboriginal
Creech
Gollum
Creature from the Black Lagoon
Tell the women these were your animal forms in past life times. Tell her you're a sexual expert in all fathoms, climes, caves, and skies. Now that you are human, you're entitled to make all sorts of squirmy noises in bed but that she should not be unduly alarmed. If she's not impressed, add more animal signs...
Re:Exactly, women love cute and adoreable. (Score:5, Funny)
Dear lord, yes I said it 100% seriously. Because in all my relationships a good sense of humor sucks. If I could date a vulcan I would.
Re:Obligatory Serious Answer (Score:5, Funny)
Re:OMG!!! PONEIS!!! (Score:3, Funny)
Liking Unicorns doesn't make me gay, does it?
Ask the members of S.M.U.T.L.U.V. (Strong Men Unafraid To Love Unicorns Visibly).
Re:Obligatory Serious Answer (Score:3, Funny)
No no no, you want to take that small fluffy animal, and nail it to your Netbook. Job done. /brushes off manly hands.
Re:Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
no, no, speed holes are the new rage.
Re:Obligatory Serious Answer (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
Cheaper way: set your desktop to that. A picture of a bare-chested, sweaty Freddy Mercury should clear things up.
My manhood isn't online (Score:5, Funny)
Shiny cars were last generation's penis-compensation trip. This generation, they're laptops. Let's face it: we carry them around with us everywhere, we always insist on using our own, we're proud of its power or versatility, and we carry it with us into the bathroom. It's a penis.
Most women with braincells are going to recognize that, and infer every other corollary. Guys with big laptops with more power than they ever use are likely compensating for something else. If a guy can come up with something "cute", maybe he knows he can deliver.
Of course, big, powerful and macho will impress the boys down at the server farm. Come to think of it, the big marketing whole right now is the lack of laptop commercials along the lines of pickup trucks: big burly men, toiling on the server farm. Country music blasts as foreman-looking nerd with glistening muscles and big hands drops a big-ass render project onto his Dell XPS, drops the sucks -- still running -- into his shoulder bag, and walks out the door into the sweet light of sunset.
Re:Some suggestions: [laptop] (Score:2, Funny)
* Put a 10-inch dongle on it
Re:Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Stickers... (Score:2, Funny)
Uhh, I mean (doh) this image [truck-nuts.com].
Re:Cute = Stupid (Score:3, Funny)
I think tiny netbooks are the equivalent of a tiny piano (+pianist) for the uninitiated: They look stupid.
Hey! Leave my tiny pianist out of this!
Re:Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
Duct tape (Score:4, Funny)
Nothing can make your laptop look cool and tough and tough and cool like some Duct Tape. Yea my laptop is small but I am so tough that I need to put duct tape on it to keep it together. A cat may be cute, But an ally cat with its fur riped off and its ear chewed up isn't
Re:Exactly, women love cute and adoreable. (Score:4, Funny)
What's next, are you gonna tell us your girlfriend is also a Linux geek who can set up an encrypted Debian-based RAID cluster while having sex with you in her very own basement? Riiiight.
Disclaimer: I kid, I kid...
Spoken like Andrew Dice Clay... (Score:2, Funny)
**Takes a drag from cigerette**
Re:Stickers... (Score:4, Funny)
Should probably be hellbent for leather. Put a tight-fitting leather case around the computer.
Also, carry a riding crop. Show her you mean business!
Re:Stickers... (Score:3, Funny)
c) walk around a park with a cute dog.
You use the women you pick up to get you more women?? Evil.
Re:Exactly, women love cute and adoreable. (Score:5, Funny)
Sure, but the best relationships are secure enough that if one partner hints they sometimes think about other people, the other partner says, "Well, let's have her over for drinks".
Or so I've heard.
Or fantasized.
Actually, I read about it in Penthouse Forum.
(offstage shouting)
Yes honey, I forgot, I'm so sorry, I'll go pick up tampons at the store for you -- I'm leaving right now. (That's how relationships actually work, in my experience).
Re:Type-R sticker (Score:5, Funny)
Shouldn't that be R-Type? An R-Type sticker would be awesome, though personally I always preferred Gradius.
Speaking of which, I've never thought of this before but maybe the nonsense word Gradius was really supposed to be Gladius, as in a sword, but suffered from poor Engrish translation just like the FFIV character who was obviously supposed to be named Lydia got translated as Rydia?
Actually now that I think about it, I want a Rydia sticker for my laptop.
Man, caffeine plus every anti-allergy medication you can get OTC and a couple you can't is an interesting combination.
Re:Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
This is a terrible question. The guys "problem" is that women are coming up to him and talking to him? .
Well, maybe he's gay and wants to prove how macho he is so he can attract a nice manly man.
Didn't think about that one now did you?
Re:Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
Seriously. The new key to meeting cute geek chicks is a netbook?
Hey, at least it shows you're not compensating for anything ...
Re:Obligatory Serious Answer (Score:2, Funny)
Oh, and if you really need a line, next time someone says its cute, respond with, "Yeah, it's a 10-incher, just like my cock." Problem solved!
Wow! You've got a 10 inch rooster to match your laptop? Cool!
Re:Hello kitty (Score:5, Funny)
I'd love to see the number of double-takes if you had, say, a biker look, but were carrying around a pink netbook with Hello Kitty stickers. :)
Re:Obligatory Serious Answer (Score:3, Funny)
Oh, and if you really need a line, next time someone says its cute, respond with, "Yeah, it's a 10-incher, just like my cock." Problem solved!
This baby can go for 6 hours without a recharge... just like me!
Re:Stickers... (Score:2, Funny)
While your point is spot on, I would like to point out that actually putting a large sticker "I'm completely insecure" on one's laptop takes (and shows) some confidence.
Then you can talk about how ironic your sticker is while simultaneously projecting supreme confidence.
Just make sure you aren't wearing any ironic shoes or ironic t-shirts.
Too much iron can lead to brain damage.
Re:Stickers... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Here's how (Score:3, Funny)
[Monty Python Skit mode]
Ubuntu? BSD? Feh. Back in my day we had CPM and liked it...
[/Monty Python Skit mode]
Q: just for fun, what is the most primitive or obscure OS you could install on it?
Parser error (Score:5, Funny)
If your that insecure
Parser error, line 1, near "that"
Re:Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
Seems to me that a laptop is a) less painful, b) less maintenance, and c) creates less shit.
I see you've never owned a Sony laptop.
Re:Stickers... (Score:3, Funny)
just draw a penis on your computer and write "I'm completely insecure"
You beat me to it. But I was thinking something more along the lines of "COCK POWER!!!!!"
Re:Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Some suggestions: (Score:5, Funny)
* Tell the girls you have a small notebook because you have no reason to compensate for anything else.
Really, the possibilities are endless.
Depending on the girl, you might get away with saying you love having something small and cute to keep your lap warm. Then again, you might come across as a pedophile.
Re:Exactly, women love cute and adoreable. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Exactly, women love cute and adoreable. (Score:5, Funny)
You dont, by any chance, have Asperger?
Why, yes. I've been keeping him [wikipedia.org] on my mantle. [wikipedia.org]
Re:Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
> putting a large sticker "I'm completely insecure" on one's laptop...
Err.. the windows logo sticker means exactly that.
Re:Obligatory Serious Answer (Score:4, Funny)
A friend of mine is an electrician. He was tired of his yellow or orange extension cables going missing from job sites. What did he do? Started buying purple and pink ones.
Okay, I have to ask: where exactly does your "friend" manage to find a pink extension cable? Homo Depot? Castro Supply Hardware?
Re:I discovered a better one by accident (Score:5, Funny)
I'm compensating. (Score:5, Funny)
"You know how some guys get big SUVs or sports cars to compensate for their sexual inadequacy? I'm doing the same thing, just the other way 'round."
Accessorize. (Score:3, Funny)
You just need a new purse to put it in that will let people know what kind of man you are.
Re:Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
Seems to me that a laptop is a) less painful, b) less maintenance, and c) creates less shit.Where do I buy one of these?
If I had mod points today, you'd get them all.Uber-insightful
/. would a guy ask what to do when a woman talks to him.....
Only on
Re:Exactly, women love cute and adoreable. (Score:5, Funny)
Quick, someone register basementlinuxbabes.com!
We'll be bigger than Bangbus!
Re:"Cute" gets the girls. "Cool" gets the boys. (Score:3, Funny)
Sounds like he did.
Re:My manhood isn't online (Score:5, Funny)
You said what I was going to say better than I would have said it. It is surprising how many people don't understand male female courting.
And the expensive car = small penis thing is so obviously a myth, it is shocking that anybody actually believes it. A better way to tell how big a man's penis is by judging the size of his hands and feet.
Re:Stickers... (Score:2, Funny)
yeah I ran across this on a forum my wife uses. this guy and the pos(t)er should get in touch.
Not-a-Dress [threadbanger.com]
and note his forum name
Re:I'm compensating. (Score:5, Funny)
I'm doing the same thing, just the other way 'round.
So....you're making use of those great e-mail offers to compensate for your small car?
Re:I'm compensating. (Score:5, Funny)
Brilliant !
Re:Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
quite obviously, you use the parrot for kitten bait . . .
hawk
I can sympathise... (Score:5, Funny)
2 years ago I was on a flight watching a movie on my Samsung Q1-ultra. The flight attendant leaned over, look at the UMPC (which was in the general direction of my lap) and said "Wow, that's cute, I've never seen one so small".....
Re:Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Exactly, women love cute and adoreable. (Score:5, Funny)
It was a joke. None of it was true. My wife never asks me to pick up tampons.
When I was single, I used to buy tampons at the store all the time, it's a great way to start conversations with women -- they are instantly disarmed by the idea that you are not single.
Then I'd swoop in with the "I'm a high-altitude climber and tampons are the best way to stop a nosebleed at 14,000 feet" and presto! I had a date for the night and was getting laid.
OK, I admit, I never did that, but a friend of mine did.
And even if it got a laugh, it never got him laid.
And actually no one I know has ever tried it, but it was suggested in a book "How to Pick Up Women Even If You are a Scrawny Pimple-faced Teenager" advertised in the back of a comic book.
Re:Stickers... (Score:3, Funny)
Seems to me that a laptop is a) less painful, b) less maintenance, and c) creates less shit.
It depends, is it running Vista?
Re:Stickers... (Score:1, Funny)
No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!
Re:I discovered a better one by accident (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
Er... what?... You know, explorers have established contact with previously undiscovered tribes in the Amazon who already know the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet word for word. Where in the world did you find someone who'd never read it?
Re:Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
But all guys want to talk about is sports and how big their "car" is. I haven't even been able to feign interest in those topics since I was about six. How am I supposed to talk with a girl if I can't even talk to a guy?
Oh, woe is me.
Re:Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
Too much iron can lead to brain damage
You need to switch to wrought irony. It's just like regular irony, but twisted a bit.
Re:Exactly, women love cute and adoreable. (Score:4, Funny)
.. only on Slashdot would the comment, "Vulcans are hot!" get modded insightful.
Re:Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
Tell them you have a four digit Slashdot UID.
Chicks dig that kind of technical superiority and you will get mad amounts of ass.
Re:I discovered a better one by accident (Score:3, Funny)
I got a netbook (Score:4, Funny)
I look like the poster child for heavy metal and testosterone injections. In order to help soften up my image with women I put cute little dino and bug stickers on my netbook. Got them at a crafts store for $2 a book while I was picking up knitting supplies. I look manly, my netbook doesn't need to.
I am often told by women that their first impression of me is that I am tall dark and intimidating. Anything can do to give them an excuse to think otherwise is fine by me.
Re:Type-R sticker (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)
The neatest thing is that the longer you wait, the smaller your UID looks relative to the biggest.
(otoh, "hey baby, my four digits are prime!" doesn't work as well as you might expect)
Re:I'm compensating. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Stickers... (Score:3, Funny)
(though she's switched to macs now).
Oh man, I feel your pain.
Re:Stickers... (Score:2, Funny)
And we're only told now!
Re:Stickers... (Score:4, Funny)
And certainly steer the conversation away from computers, microsoft, digital rights management, politics, etc.
So, D&D is alright? Yes!
Re:Stickers... (Score:3, Funny)
Speaking of Macs... I own a 15.4" MacBook Pro, and at the time I used to carry it with me to classes to type up my notes, surf the net during the boring lessons and so on. Nothing unusual, but a fairly rare sight in Croatia, at least in the humanities.
It got me a fair number of positive comments from girls, and I have no doubt a netbook would have got even more, had they been available at the time.
Anyway, my friend then got a HP 17" desktop-replacement laptop, and we would often sit together. Once, one girl turned to us and commented on our laptops, and I mockingly set myself up with "... but his is bigger." She replied "yeah, but yours is a Mac." In Croatian, "Mac" sounds very very close to "soft", as in opposite of "hard".
Served me right.
Re:Hello kitty (Score:4, Funny)
like this one? [tinypic.com]
Re:Stickers... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:I discovered a better one by accident (Score:1, Funny)
So you walked in and yelled "Who is the owner of a young wet pussy"?
Re:Stickers... (Score:3, Funny)
You're right, y'know. I've been married twice and the second one is up the duff with twins!
Two Words (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Stickers... (Score:2, Funny)
I can confirm that this is true.
Re:I'm compensating. (Score:3, Funny)
Agreed. You seem like a massive cock.
Re:Hello kitty (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Some suggestions: (Score:2, Funny)
one time, i was flirting with this broad and I said "I like your shoes" and she goes "I like your face" - it was awesome
Re:Stickers... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Stickers... (Score:3, Funny)
Oh, I can't tell you how many times that's gotten me laid.
Re:Stickers... (Score:3, Funny)
You have NO IDEA how true this is....
DG