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How Do I Make My Netbook More Manly? 993

Posted by ScuttleMonkey
from the transforming-cute-into-manly dept.
basementman writes "I recently purchased a 10 inch white MSI wind. As you can see it's a small computer and it's good for what I use it for. I get a lot of comments from women saying it is 'cute' or 'adorable.' Not the good kind of cute that will get me the attention I want though, the kind of cute that says they think I have a different presence than I actually want to portray. So how can I make my netbook more manly, or at least have some witty line to respond to the their comments?" Hopefully basementman didn't get a netbook with the hopes of it getting him some action, but what cool mods (or witty one-liners) have others used to salvage their dignity from hardware that is "a good size"?
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How Do I Make My Netbook More Manly?

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  • Stickers... (Score:5, Funny)

    by PhotoJim (813785) <jim@photoj[ ]ca ['im.' in gap]> on Monday March 30, 2009 @05:33PM (#27393803) Homepage
    Heavy metal stickers. Lots of them!
  • by thesolo (131008) * <slap@fighttheriaa.org> on Monday March 30, 2009 @05:34PM (#27393807) Homepage
    Maybe, just maybe, someone calling a small laptop "cute" is not a reflection on your sexual identity or masculinity. And maybe you should take it as a compliment, because that's likely how it's intended!

    This is like asking how to make a small, fluffy puppy look intimidating. Anything you do to it will only serve to make it more comical, particularly to the opposite sex. Stop being so insecure and enjoy your freaking laptop! If someone says its cute, just say, "Yeah, it is, thanks!"





    Oh, and if you really need a line, next time someone says its cute, respond with, "Yeah, it's a 10-incher, just like my cock." Problem solved!
    • by 0100010001010011 (652467) on Monday March 30, 2009 @05:38PM (#27393901)

      Women are coming up to you, in public, and complimenting your laptop and you're pissed because the language they're using is cute and adorable? Were you raised in a barn?

      And the 'attention you want' is ANY. Just because you lack the social skills to turn a 'wow that laptop is cute' into a 'hey would you like to have dinner' doesn't mean some Metallica Stickers are going to fix it.

      I was with my Dad and his dog and my Girlfriend at a rugby tournament this weekend. Every single woman that walked pass came up and started petting the dog. I told my girlfriend next year she wasn't invited and I was just going to bring the dog.

    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      No no no, you want to take that small fluffy animal, and nail it to your Netbook. Job done. /brushes off manly hands.

    • by Weaps (642924) on Monday March 30, 2009 @05:57PM (#27394295)
      "Yes, it is very, very cute isn't it. Wanna fuck?"
    • by DingerX (847589) on Monday March 30, 2009 @06:03PM (#27394393) Journal
      Years ago, I was waiting in the rain at the staff parking lot for the college newspapers to arrive so I could earn my work-study $4.25/hour delivering them around campus. The college president came out, made some snide remark about our dedication, then got in his red corvette. Our editor, a tall Texan woman, muttered "nice car", and as he drove off, yelled "Sorry about your penis!"

      Shiny cars were last generation's penis-compensation trip. This generation, they're laptops. Let's face it: we carry them around with us everywhere, we always insist on using our own, we're proud of its power or versatility, and we carry it with us into the bathroom. It's a penis.

      Most women with braincells are going to recognize that, and infer every other corollary. Guys with big laptops with more power than they ever use are likely compensating for something else. If a guy can come up with something "cute", maybe he knows he can deliver.

      Of course, big, powerful and macho will impress the boys down at the server farm. Come to think of it, the big marketing whole right now is the lack of laptop commercials along the lines of pickup trucks: big burly men, toiling on the server farm. Country music blasts as foreman-looking nerd with glistening muscles and big hands drops a big-ass render project onto his Dell XPS, drops the sucks -- still running -- into his shoulder bag, and walks out the door into the sweet light of sunset.
      • by Belial6 (794905) on Monday March 30, 2009 @06:30PM (#27394845)
        Women complaining about men with expensive cars is like women claiming they want a sensitive guy. They will make the claims all day long, and spend the night banging the guy with the expensive car. Men with expensive cars are saying the one thing that attracts women who will have sex with them. They are saying "I am willing to spend lots of money to get laid". Underestimating how well letting women know that they can get goods and services from a man while allowing them to maintain the idea that they are not prostitutes would be to deny thousands of years worth of male female courting.
        • by iYk6 (1425255) on Monday March 30, 2009 @07:44PM (#27395729)

          You said what I was going to say better than I would have said it. It is surprising how many people don't understand male female courting.

          And the expensive car = small penis thing is so obviously a myth, it is shocking that anybody actually believes it. A better way to tell how big a man's penis is by judging the size of his hands and feet.

        • by mellon (7048) on Monday March 30, 2009 @08:22PM (#27396129) Homepage

          They'll spend all night banging him if he's a good lay and they enjoy being with him, or if they're insecure and appreciate his attention.

          People make decisions for all kinds of stupid reasons. You got an expensive car because you thought it'd get you banged all night, after all. How'd that work out for you?

          Seriously, just live your life. Do something meaningful with it - something that you find satisfying. If you find that you have a tight smile when you try to smile back at a women who's smiling at you, figure out why, and do something about it. If you have trouble conversing, practice. Don't expect to get lucky with your practice partners - they're going to be Just Friends. Deal with it.

          It's true that there are women who will never look twice at you unless you have a fast car. That's okay. There are also women who will never look twice at you if you aren't doing anything meaningful with your life. They're a lot more fun to spend your life with.

        • by bnenning (58349) on Monday March 30, 2009 @08:34PM (#27396231)

          Men with expensive cars are saying the one thing that attracts women who will have sex with them. They are saying "I am willing to spend lots of money to get laid".

          I'd say it's more that wealth is a proxy for high social status, which is what women have evolved to select for. (So their offspring will have more resources and be more likely to achieve high status themselves). Height [uwire.com] is also important for the same reason. "Pick-up artists" don't use displays of wealth to get women; they're just able to project signals of high status very effectively.

          Corollary: rich but socially inept geeks won't do much better than their non-rich counterparts.

        • by QuasiEvil (74356) on Monday March 30, 2009 @11:13PM (#27397415)

          Women complaining about men with expensive cars is like women claiming they want a sensitive guy. They will make the claims all day long, and spend the night banging the guy with the expensive car.

          Having been divorced for about four years now (I'm 34 - nice 30th birthday present from my ex), I can say it's absolutely true. I've always been the nice guy, but I've had to learn to be an ass with flashy toys.

          Women are always claiming, "I want a nice guy who takes care of me and treats me well," and then go home with the biggest douche-bag at the end of the night. I guarantee, if you're nice to her and actually do the things that make her happy, she'll put you firmly in the friend zone. You have little to no chance of ever getting in more than a friendship-type relationship, and a corresponding chance of getting laid.

          I unfortunately made this mistake with a very wonderful female friend of mine about a year after the divorce, and in a matter of hours, forever shut down any possibility of something more. I'm still kicking myself as she's just incredible - smart, successful, incredibly hot. Particularly kicking myself lately, as I'm helping her through another horrible breakup. (The guy was the typical macho asshole type, and she finally figured out after three years of living with him that he was a cheating, lying, drunk, lazy, immature drug-addict leech. See? Honestly he was just too stupid to keep stringing her along correctly.)

          So I say this, fellow geeks, don't follow your instincts to be nice. Be a dick. Flaunt your cash. It's what she's really attracted to, despite the fact she doesn't even realize it herself. Don't call, don't be overly helpful, don't listen attentively (or don't look like you are). Talk about yourself. Dismiss her problems. Hit on other women when you're out with her. Seriously, it's the dumbest fucking thing you've ever seen, but soon enough she'll be hooked.

          Yes, I have a late model sportscar that I bought after the divorce as a present to myself. Yes, I learned to dress better than usual when going out. But until I learned to completely blow chicks off and not be the nice guy that comes to the rescue, neither of those got me anywhere. Learn those last to - really, really, do.

  • Ummm... (Score:5, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Monday March 30, 2009 @05:34PM (#27393815)

    Add a dongle?

  • by pak9rabid (1011935) on Monday March 30, 2009 @05:35PM (#27393829)
    Just throw on a Type-R sticker...seems to work for Honda.
    • by Chris Burke (6130) on Monday March 30, 2009 @06:25PM (#27394751) Homepage

      Shouldn't that be R-Type? An R-Type sticker would be awesome, though personally I always preferred Gradius.

      Speaking of which, I've never thought of this before but maybe the nonsense word Gradius was really supposed to be Gladius, as in a sword, but suffered from poor Engrish translation just like the FFIV character who was obviously supposed to be named Lydia got translated as Rydia?

      Actually now that I think about it, I want a Rydia sticker for my laptop.

      Man, caffeine plus every anti-allergy medication you can get OTC and a couple you can't is an interesting combination.

  • Too late now (Score:4, Informative)

    by Koivuniemi (1384543) on Monday March 30, 2009 @05:37PM (#27393875)
    Next time you should buy a small-sized Thinkpad. I bought a used x31 (12") for half the price of a netbook. I'm still finding new stuff on it (like a reading light and a microphone), the performance is comparable to a netbook, and you really can not find a manlier laptop on the planet.
  • by Nutria (679911) on Monday March 30, 2009 @05:37PM (#27393877)

    Scooty Puff, Sr: The Doom-Bringer
    http://pnwriders.com/image.php?u=1155&dateline=1231816052 [pnwriders.com]

  • Here's how (Score:5, Funny)

    by JustNiz (692889) on Monday March 30, 2009 @05:38PM (#27393883)

    Run Linux on it, not windows.

  • Really? (Score:5, Informative)

    by Hatta (162192) on Monday March 30, 2009 @05:38PM (#27393889) Journal

    Not the good kind of cute that will get me the attention I want though, the kind of cute that says they think I have a different presence than I actually want to portray.

    Really? Do the women who compliment your netbook immediately ask if you're gay or something? Are you sure it's not all in your head?

    Either way, the conversation is started. If they suspect you're gay at least that's disarming, and they'll figure it out eventually.

  • by Chyeld (713439) <.moc.liamg. .ta. .dleyhc.> on Monday March 30, 2009 @05:39PM (#27393911)

    And some neon light trim for the edges.

    Hydrolics, press a button and the laptop starts trying to hump the your desk.

    Replace the fan with a smaller diameter one with higher RPM, get the jet engine noise when it kicks in.

    Bling, use a solid gold chain to keep it closed.

    Don't shave, wear a mussed up t-shirt. And add scorch marks to the plastic exterior.

  • Nope (Score:5, Funny)

    by symes (835608) on Monday March 30, 2009 @05:39PM (#27393927) Journal
    Why on earth would you want to make your netbook more manly? You've already lured them in - so pounce! Buy them a skinny mocha chino latte, gaze into their eyes and suggest 10 inches is enough for most people.
  • by eln (21727) on Monday March 30, 2009 @05:40PM (#27393937) Homepage

    * Cover it with metal spikes and skulls.
    * Tie it to the front grill of a Hummer.
    * Convert it into an ammo clip for an Uzi.
    * Build a beer helmet around it and wear it on your head
    * Program it to make fart noises every time your finger is pulled. With a name like "wind", you could even pretend it came that way from the factory.
    * Put an Oakland Raiders logo on it.
    * Tie it to the back of a pit bull with a chain collar.
    * Put it down your pants for some "natural male enhancement".
    * Tie it to your stomach (under your shirt), and tell woman to punch it so they can feel how hard your "abs" are.
    * Keep it open and playing a heavy metal video nonstop at full volume. Make sure there are plenty of half naked women being objectified in it.
    * Tell the girls you have a small notebook because you have no reason to compensate for anything else.

    Really, the possibilities are endless.

  • by MichaelSmith (789609) on Monday March 30, 2009 @05:41PM (#27393967) Homepage Journal
    ...that a person with a small laptop has no need for compensation.
  • Manly? (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Jangchub (1139089) on Monday March 30, 2009 @05:46PM (#27394077)
    Huxley: "An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex." Being "manly" in the sense I get from the summary is something only troglodytes admire. I would find more pressing things to stress over. And no, I don't have a sense of humor, so bugger off.
  • by Qbertino (265505) on Monday March 30, 2009 @05:47PM (#27394095)

    ... you can put the same on your White Wind. Go to a copyshop that also has those cut-plotters and get a set of decal lettering cut out in black saying "I'm his new Netbook and help him pick up chicks." That should fix both the 'manly' and 'whitty reply' part in one stroke. And it's quite funny aswell.

  • by Bonker (243350) on Monday March 30, 2009 @05:48PM (#27394117)

    From the Badass Manly Anime Reviewer:

    This guy's name is Honey. It's one of those things were like, the guy is so fuckin' badass that he gives himself a really pussy name, so that when people are like "hey pussy, nice pussy name", he fuckin' does a backflip and breaks your neck. They call him a "lolishota". I don't know what that is, but I think it's some kinda martial art like Hokuto Shinkey because this kid's a fuckin' ninja or some shit. Matter of fact? Dude check this shit out. There's this one part where this kid is all like TAAAAAAAAARZAAAAAAAAAN an he totally fuckin' kicks the shit out of some Jin-Roh-lookin' motherfuckers. He's totally harsh.

  • Duct tape (Score:4, Funny)

    by jellomizer (103300) on Monday March 30, 2009 @06:12PM (#27394541)

    Nothing can make your laptop look cool and tough and tough and cool like some Duct Tape. Yea my laptop is small but I am so tough that I need to put duct tape on it to keep it together. A cat may be cute, But an ally cat with its fur riped off and its ear chewed up isn't

  • by Brit_in_the_USA (936704) on Monday March 30, 2009 @08:19PM (#27396095)
    ..with the OP.

    2 years ago I was on a flight watching a movie on my Samsung Q1-ultra. The flight attendant leaned over, look at the UMPC (which was in the general direction of my lap) and said "Wow, that's cute, I've never seen one so small".....
  • Ugh. (Score:5, Insightful)

    by kklein (900361) on Monday March 30, 2009 @08:36PM (#27396269)

    You know what drives me batshit insane? Men who are so ridiculously insecure that any suggestion that they aren't filthy, hair-covered savages breaking trees in half with their teeth sends them into an identity tail spin.

    All your concern about the "image" that your laptop presents is an indication that you really are a weak, unmanly wuss. Use conditioner and lotion, pluck the center out of your monobrow (and clean up around the edges if necessary), wear clothes that fit (baggy may be comfortable, but you look like a tool). All of these "feminine" things will draw much more desired female attention than "My laptop is cute??? What do you mean by that???" ever, ever, ever will.

    Confidence is manly. Get some.

  • by w0mprat (1317953) on Monday March 30, 2009 @09:47PM (#27396855)
    If you have women approaching you to admire your laptop they obviously already don't find you repulsive or unapproachable.

    That's a damn good start by any measure.

    You must also live in a region where having a laptop or a iphone or whatever actually gets you attention, rather being a minimum requirement to not be outright ignored. (hmmm where do you live? what's real estate like there at the momment?)

    Most girls do like geeky guys in actual fact. It's an observation of mine that only certain kinds of adolescent females that don't date geeky types, the kind of woman who is at that age rather concerned about her self image and social success (as we all are, infact it's a big measure of self-worth until we grow up a bit). In the real adult world the nice girls will end up with the geeky guys.
  • by Faux_Pseudo (141152) <Faux.Pseudo@g m a il.com> on Monday March 30, 2009 @11:02PM (#27397355) Homepage

    I look like the poster child for heavy metal and testosterone injections. In order to help soften up my image with women I put cute little dino and bug stickers on my netbook. Got them at a crafts store for $2 a book while I was picking up knitting supplies. I look manly, my netbook doesn't need to.

    I am often told by women that their first impression of me is that I am tall dark and intimidating. Anything can do to give them an excuse to think otherwise is fine by me.

Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes. -- Mickey Mouse

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