What To Do With 78 USB Drives Next Christmas? 381
ArfBrookwood writes "Every year, I write a Christmas Letter and send it to about 50 people, and every year, it's different. One year it was just the word blah blah blah over and over with keywords, one year I made papercraft wallets with full color cards and money in them, another year I created a Christmas Letter writing contest that instructed the recipients to create our Christmas Letter for us and we awarded prizes to winners, last year, I took a fake retro photo of my family, Inkscaped/GIMPed in a chemistry set and some wall art, printed it onto CD covers, and burned retro Christmas songs onto digital vinyl and sent everyone in the family what looked like a miniature Christmas album. Last week, I came into the possession of 78 2GB USB drives. I have already taken the time to wipe them clean and reflash the memory so they are blank slates." Now, Arf's looking for suggestions for how to best use all these drives; read on for more.
"My first inclination was to remove the USB drives from their careful packaging and plastic enclosures, dump them into a slurry of glue and rock dust, sandpaper the USB port to make it look ancient, and then make some videos or include some oddly formatted numbered/whatever text files to make them look like they cam from some dystopian wasteland fallout-3 type future and then package them in envelopes that looked like they were from some central futuristic government post office. The idea would be that in the future, incidents that happened this year would have had a profound affect on the future. I never tell anyone what the Christmas Letter will look like, and I have only one rule — I have to outdo whatever I did the last year."
Send them to me. (Score:5, Funny)
The world's best christmas cards? (Score:5, Funny)
Easy (Score:5, Funny)
Rick Roll on every one.
Targets! (Score:5, Funny)
They are just the right size to make excellent 200-yard rifle targets.
Or you could build an array out of them or something productive.
Shooting at them with a .308 would be more fun though.
cloverfield style christmas video. (Score:5, Funny)
At the end of the video, show your dead bodies, laying in christmas sweaters on the ground with bits of fire all around and superimpose the text "Merry Christmas 2009!"
Re:Targets! (Score:2, Funny)
Since when are 2 GB Flash drives considered small enough to shoot at? Mine is still 512MBs
Planning in advance (Score:5, Funny)
Viruses! (Score:5, Funny)
Teach them all a lesson about attaching strange USB drives to their machines: fill the drives with viruses!
Christmas. Bah humbug.
Re:Targets! (Score:5, Funny)
Kill yourself (Score:5, Funny)
Put the USB drives in an industrial shredder then eat them all. Die from heavy metal poisoning and internal hemmoraging. Then have someone send pictures of the experience to all these people who you send Christmas cards to, saying "Sorry for being such a gigantic, insecure shitlord and sending you gimmicky Christmas shit every year for no damn reason. As a token of the sincerity of my apology, here are pictures of me killing myself by ingesting metal scraps. It was extremely painful. I hope you will remember me in death as the attention-whoring sycophant I am, and tell your children about the dangers of mercury poisoning. God bless."
Re:Viruses! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Holy Fucking Gay (Score:2, Funny)
And a Merry Christmas to you too!
Re:Put a (Score:5, Funny)
RAID (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Targets! (Score:5, Funny)
I used to hit womprats in my T-16, and they aren't much bigger than 512MB!
Re:Fill Them With Random Data (Score:2, Funny)
Oh GOD, the horror!
And send them to a police department too (one that specialises in tech), that will sure give them a reason to scratch their heads.
OH WHAT COULD IT BE?! But you should genuinely put some really hard file in it, so that after 10 years or so trying to crack it, make it one thing and one thing only: the extremely over-used Rick-roll, which by then will have become a cult.
Praise be to Rick.
Spread holiday cheer (Score:5, Funny)
Fill all of them with porn and the recipe for free beer [freebeer.org].
One word: keylogger (Score:3, Funny)
And wait for the $$$ to roll in.
I jest, of course (but it would work a treat).
Re:Targets! (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Send them to me. (Score:5, Funny)
the ???? stands for porn. Which makes me wonder why anyone bothers with the first two items, but that's another topic.
Re:Easy (Score:5, Funny)
Rick Roll on every one.
Winner winner chicken dinner!
For extra points, do a "12 days of Christmas" thing with 6 people (or get 6 more and do it to 7 people). Send them variants on rickroll every day themed to the song. Each day after the first, the card should swear it's not a rickroll. But, of course, it is.
"...on the 11th day of christmas, this crazy guy gave to me, 11 pipers piping NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP!..."
Can you imagine a Rickroll on bagpipes? That would be one awesome 11th day of Christmas. And then, for the grand finale, a 20-minute rickroll drum solo on the 12th day.
You might have no friends left, but damn. Funny.
Re:Targets! (Score:5, Funny)
Send them to people you hate... (Score:2, Funny)
...filled with pirated movies and music, then place 78 anonymous calls to the RIAA and MPAA.
Re:Targets! (Score:3, Funny)
[insert 640k joke here]
Re:Targets! (Score:5, Funny)
I hit womprats in my TI-99/4A, which had only 32K.
Those were wumpus, not womprats.
goatse (Score:5, Funny)
Re:cloverfield style christmas video. (Score:4, Funny)
At-the-end of death mail outs don't usually contain the actual scene of the death, unless it was the actual lawyer who did it. And even they are smart enough not to send out incriminating evidence.
Great idea though.
Re:Easy (Score:3, Funny)
push them all up your ass. Take a movie of yourself pulling them out, and put the movie on the sticks and give them out as christmass presents.
Re:Targets! (Score:4, Funny)
Whatever. They were good practice for hitting Gungans later.
Re:Targets! (Score:5, Funny)
Meesa think yousa have muy more funsa shootinin da oosa bee drives.
Isn't it obvious? (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Targets! (Score:3, Funny)
I hit womprats in my TI-36 SOLAR which had only 1 memory and 2 operand registers...But I could only hit womprats during the day...
Re:Isn't it obvious? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Two Words: (Score:5, Funny)
"Last Christmas" by Wham
Last christmas
you rooted my box
and the very next day
't was spamming away
This year
I give you a stick
A botnet for someone special
Re:Install your favorite minimalist distro.. (Score:3, Funny)
Puppy? Tinyme would probably be easier..
Why the hell would you give a linux distribution a name that could easily be confused with Windows ME!
Just reading that name gives me horrific flashbacks of the worst operating system ever created.
(Of course, if you hate your friends/relatives, I've just given you a deviously evil plan. Create an elaborate autorun.inf script that replaces their operating system with WinME)
Re:Easy (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Use some Social Engineering (Score:3, Funny)
I had a girlfriend who did that to me.
Dude, when your girlfriend tells you "do not touch that" she really means "NO".
-dZ.
Re:Viruses! (Score:3, Funny)
Don't put a "Property of:" sticker on them then.
Re:Targets! (Score:3, Funny)