What Are the Best Valentine's Day Stunts? 470
Posted
by
ScuttleMonkey
from the romance-is-not-using-high-grade-chloroform dept.
from the romance-is-not-using-high-grade-chloroform dept.
With the oh-so-dreaded Hallmark holiday on the horizon we are flooded with tips and tricks (mostly designed to sell us things our mates cannot live without) of how to please/capture/sedate the ones we care for. One writer even suggests ways to capture the interest of a geeky girl. That said, what are some of the crazier romantically inspired, geeky V-day stunts or activities that you or someone you know has executed to terrible success or failure?
Talking to a girl (Score:5, Funny)
I know. It's out there, but, contrary to my expectations, she didn't totally humiliate me in front of everyone in the cafeteria.
Always works for me... (Score:5, Funny)
Chloroform soaked rags always get me the ladies.
Re-enacting the martyrdom of St. Valentine (Score:4, Funny)
Now we just have to determine which method he was martyred by.
Re:Get her pregnant (Score:1, Funny)
Press Z or R Twice (Score:5, Funny)
DO A BARREL ROLL!!!
Re:Get her pregnant (Score:5, Funny)
Lets see how romantic she thinks giving birth is.
Re:Surprise. (Score:5, Funny)
I have noticed that my wife tends to really like surprises.
Like jumping out of the closet with a mask made of beef jerky and a butchers knife with a pigs heart stuck on the end? You could write 'I HEART U' with some of the pig blood drippings for that extra pizazz. That would be pretty surprising.
(See, it's the pigs heart that ties it all together.)
Linus Torvalds' romantic story (Score:3, Funny)
Linus and his wife Tove, who is a six-time Finnish national karate champion, met back in 1993 when Linus was teaching a course. He asked the students to send him an e-mail as a test and Tove sent him an e-mail asking for a date (and threatening to break his geeky body worse than his boot loader, should he refuse). And people wonder why Linus has an aversion to mobile phones! Sorry, this was supposed to be a romantic story... Umm, Linus fell... in love with Tove's roundhouse kick.
Re:Get her pregnant (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Always works for me... (Score:2, Funny)
Sedate? (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Keep it simple (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Talking to a girl (Score:5, Funny)
Re:None whatsoever (Score:5, Funny)
what might be seen as romantic vs. what might be seen as lame or generic, ... , "Ask Slashdot" isn't really a good place for an answer.
You think?!
Easy (Score:5, Funny)
I cut off my ear and shipped it in a shoebox to a girl I like.
Haven't heard back from her yet.
Re:Talking to a girl (Score:5, Funny)
Or... (Score:5, Funny)
Or for impressing a geeky girl once could try to execute an injection attack. Just make sure you use a Trojan or you might spawn unwanted child processes.
Re:Get her pregnant (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Easy (Score:5, Funny)
Haven't heard back from her yet.
[American Sign Language]That's because you cut your ear off![/American Sign Language]
Re:Re-enacting the martyrdom of St. Valentine (Score:1, Funny)
Death by snoo-snoo!
(obviously)
Re:None whatsoever (Score:5, Funny)
According to my friend's wife, the ironing board he gave her when they were first married is the worst Valentine's Day gift ever.
Re:While talking to her is probably the best stunt (Score:3, Funny)
If she's into Soduku, make her a VD Day soduku card.
Or better yet, buy some condoms, so you can keep it as regular "V-Day".
Re:finger (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Easy (Score:5, Funny)
NinjaGram (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Always works for me... (Score:2, Funny)
It makes for a great pickup line!
"Excuse me, miss, does this smell like chloroform to you?"
Works on me every time, anyway.
Re:Dumbest Valentine ads (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Stunts? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Romance isn't dead! (Score:5, Funny)
And that's the way you do it...
Re:None whatsoever (Score:2, Funny)
So a new vacuum cleaner is probably not a good idea either.
Re:NinjaGram (Score:5, Funny)
and besides who wants to argue with ninjas?
Uh........ pirates?
Re:I think I did OK for my geek girl (Score:4, Funny)
I sent my geek girl a box of comic books, calligraphy and knitting supplies and a Supergirl camisole.
She lives a thousand miles away so we don't get to see each other very often, but I know she'll at least be happy with her box of geek goodies.
What a coincedence! My girlfriend just got box of comic books, calligraphy, knitting supplies, and a Supergirl camisole in the mail from a "friend". Wait a minute...
Re:Get her pregnant (Score:5, Funny)
I got my Girlfriend pregnant, too.
My wife did not find this romantic - well, back to the Appalachian Trail, I suppose.
Re:Get her pregnant (Score:5, Funny)
Send her a push notification on her iPhone after each contraction.
She'll love you forever.
Re:this was a fun game in junior high (Score:5, Funny)
I think you'll find this works better if step 2 is "add 3 months"...
Re:this was a fun game in junior high (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Surprise. (Score:5, Funny)
You can't beat surprise anal.
Re:Or... (Score:5, Funny)
Or for impressing a geeky girl once could try to execute an injection attack. Just make sure you use a Trojan or you might spawn unwanted child processes.
Maybe she would prefer a man-in-the-middle...?
Re:Note to /. readers... (Score:5, Funny)
Though a well thought-out stunt may work on a rare occasion, they are much more likely to backfire than a traditional gift. Have flowers and chocolate on hand just in case.
You either need a Redundant Array of Inexpensive Gifts, or a Redundant Array of Inexpensive Girlfriends.
it's simple, really... (Score:1, Funny)
1. lift lid
2. pee
3. replace lid
4. ???
5. profit!
that would mean a 15 month gestation (Score:3, Funny)
or a 3 month gestation
either way, alien, you've just outed yourself
Re:Keep it simple (Score:4, Funny)
Yeah, but then she'll just demand another one.
welcome to slashdot (Score:5, Funny)
where people argue about quantum thermodynamics but fail at basic math ;-P
Re:Or... (Score:5, Funny)
That's especially good as a part of a comprehensive penetration testing scenario...
Re:Get her pregnant (Score:5, Funny)
Re:They Mentioned treasure hunt on the list (Score:3, Funny)
and they all gave me guff the next time they saw me, saying it made them look bad.
I think it's just against Dude-Union regulations.
What about evil things to do for V-Day? (Score:4, Funny)
What I'm hoping for is an offer from an organization I've had several interviews with. If I get the offer, I think I might give my current boss a nice card containing a Poem-of-Resignation.
Another idea that isn't quite ready for prime-time is sending lingerie and perfume to a thieving bastard I know in prison. It's not quite ready for prime-time because although he's been caught, he hasn't been to trial/convicted yet.
A card saying "I'd divorce you all over again" containing a coupon for STD screening for my ex-wife would be pretty funny (I caught her cheating).
Valentine Day Humor (Score:4, Funny)
She told him in no uncertain terms that tomorrow morning she expected a gift in the driveway that goes from zero to 200 in less than ten seconds - AND IT BETTER BE THERE.
Next morning the husband leaves early. Later the wife awakes and looks out the window to spot a small gift-wrapped box in the driveway. So she puts on a robe and brings the box in the house to open it.
And inside is a brand new bathroom scale.
Re:Talking to a girl (Score:3, Funny)
Re:None whatsoever (Score:5, Funny)
Re:welcome to slashdot (Score:4, Funny)
where people argue about quantum thermodynamics but fail at basic math ;-P
More accurately, welcome to Slashdot where people argue about quantum thermodynamics but have no idea how babby is formed — or how long it takes. ;-)
Re:Talking to a girl (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Surprise. (Score:1, Funny)
you missed the "surprising her with an outing just for her .
You mean like, "Guess what, honey? I'm gay!"
Re:None whatsoever (Score:4, Funny)
That, and I'll watch the kids do the laundry and cooking, and let her have some time to herself - Hummmm
Who's Robert? (Score:2, Funny)
We approached the table where my fiancee and her friends were sitting, and then broke into our rendition of "Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree With Anyone Else But Me." At the conclusion of the song, our director announced "To [my fiancee's first name], from Robert," at which time I made myself look shocked and loudly proclaimed, " Who's Robert?!?! ".
When the look of panic set in on her face and she started insisting that she didn't know any Robert, I ended the gag and said, "I know. That was from me." I'm not sure if she really wanted to kill me over the next few minutes, but she was laughing about it shortly thereafter. To this day, 17 years later, she loves telling that story to friends old and new, and we all laugh and laugh and laugh.
~Robert
Remember 4-digit years! (Score:5, Funny)
Make sure you use Y2KY jelly. It allows you to fit four digits into your date instead of two.
Beta Virginis (Score:3, Funny)
Show her the star whose distance in light years is approximately equal to her age. The photons reaching our eyes left that star the year she was born.
My wife's age is closest to the star Beta Virginis. I can see it now "So you're saying you want me to be a born again virgin???? *slams door*" Thanks a bunch dude!
Re:None whatsoever (Score:4, Funny)
"Romantic Comedies are popular in large part because they try and reflect what women dream of happening"
So is Twilight. But I'm not sticking my cock in the freezer and then covering it with glitter for anybody.
Re:Get her pregnant (Score:1, Funny)
I didn't realize giving birth is a stack operation until I thought about the impregnation (push) portion of pregnancy followed by the delivery (pop). You guys/girls just earned an annual renewal your geek card.
Re:They Mentioned treasure hunt on the list (Score:3, Funny)
This was my goal for every Valentines day. Don't worry about what she thinks, think about the story she will tell.
On February 13th, around 11:30 at night back in my college days, I got 3 rolls of ribbon and tied a bow around as many trees as I could between her dorm and her classes. I put a note under her door saying "Every time you see a bow, remember how much I love you". Cheesy, I know. But, she was the talk of the college campus. Word got around that I tied the bows for her, and she felt like the most popular girl in school. That made her feel like a million bucks. Total cost? $15.
It may be cheesy but it made this girl go "aaawwww". AND read it to her husband! (hint hint)
Re:Talking to a girl (Score:4, Funny)
{man;look;for;cat;nice;gawk;find;whois;init;sed;talk;date;grep;touch;finger; flex;unzip;head;tail;mount;workbone;fsck;yes;gasp;fsck;more;yes;yes; eject;umount;makeclean;zip;sort;done;cu;split;exit:xargs!!}