What Are the Best Valentine's Day Stunts?

With the oh-so-dreaded Hallmark holiday on the horizon we are flooded with tips and tricks (mostly designed to sell us things our mates cannot live without) of how to please/capture/sedate the ones we care for. One writer even suggests ways to capture the interest of a geeky girl. That said, what are some of the crazier romantically inspired, geeky V-day stunts or activities that you or someone you know has executed to terrible success or failure?

Talking to a girl

[jayme0227]

I know. It's out there, but, contrary to my expectations, she didn't totally humiliate me in front of everyone in the cafeteria.

Always works for me...

[grub]

Chloroform soaked rags always get me the ladies.

Re-enacting the martyrdom of St. Valentine

[wiredog]

Now we just have to determine which method he was martyred by.

Re:Get her pregnant

[macintard]

I already did that last year for Valentine's Day!

Press Z or R Twice

[Anonymous Coward]

DO A BARREL ROLL!!!

Re:Get her pregnant

[Hatta]

Lets see how romantic she thinks giving birth is.

Re:Surprise.

[Anonymous Coward]

I have noticed that my wife tends to really like surprises.

Like jumping out of the closet with a mask made of beef jerky and a butchers knife with a pigs heart stuck on the end? You could write 'I HEART U' with some of the pig blood drippings for that extra pizazz. That would be pretty surprising.

(See, it's the pigs heart that ties it all together.)

Linus Torvalds' romantic story

[Anonymous Coward]

Linus and his wife Tove, who is a six-time Finnish national karate champion, met back in 1993 when Linus was teaching a course. He asked the students to send him an e-mail as a test and Tove sent him an e-mail asking for a date (and threatening to break his geeky body worse than his boot loader, should he refuse). And people wonder why Linus has an aversion to mobile phones! Sorry, this was supposed to be a romantic story... Umm, Linus fell... in love with Tove's roundhouse kick.

Re:Get her pregnant

[DeadDecoy]

When that happens, might I suggest the perfect date: Dim the lights, snuggle up close and watch the Aliens movie together.

Re:Always works for me...

[mujadaddy]

I like your non-anonymous moxie, there, guy.

Sedate?

[ignavusinfo]

Sedate? IANAL, but that's just got to be asking for trouble, at least north of the M-D line.

Re:Keep it simple

[precariousgray]

Nothing says I love you better than "Here, sweetheart, I killed these for you!"

Re:Talking to a girl

[TrisexualPuppy]

I tell mine "Happy VD!" every year, and every year, I am immediately dumped. I just don't get it!

Re:None whatsoever

[flynt]

what might be seen as romantic vs. what might be seen as lame or generic, ... , "Ask Slashdot" isn't really a good place for an answer.

You think?!

Easy

[tool462]

I cut off my ear and shipped it in a shoebox to a girl I like.

Haven't heard back from her yet.

Re:Talking to a girl

[ColdWetDog]

Maybe she / he / it (????) just figured out your nic.

Or...

[dreamchaser]

Or for impressing a geeky girl once could try to execute an injection attack. Just make sure you use a Trojan or you might spawn unwanted child processes.

Re:Get her pregnant

[Anonymous Coward]

Push!!

Re:Easy

[thewiz]

Haven't heard back from her yet.

[American Sign Language]That's because you cut your ear off![/American Sign Language]

Re:Re-enacting the martyrdom of St. Valentine

[Anonymous Coward]

Death by snoo-snoo!

(obviously)

Re:None whatsoever

[blueturffan]

A migraine would be the worst Valentine's day gift ever.

According to my friend's wife, the ironing board he gave her when they were first married is the worst Valentine's Day gift ever.

Re:While talking to her is probably the best stunt

[schon]

If she's into Soduku, make her a VD Day soduku card.

Or better yet, buy some condoms, so you can keep it as regular "V-Day".

Re:finger

[someguysomewhere]

So you fingered her till she talked to you? Isnt it supposed to be the other way around? Oh i get it you must live in soviet russia.

Re:Easy

[blueturffan]

Maybe she already had one -- or it could have been the wrong size. You never know with women.

NinjaGram

[__aawimn3783]

I wanted to find a nice middle ground between lovers who like to send affection to one another on Valentine's Day and cynics who just want to dress in black and stab bitches, so a few years ago I started a charity at Swarthmore College called NinjaGram. It's pretty simple. You pay us $3, which goes to some charity or other, and fill out a card with a cute logo, and then shadowy assassins stalk your target on 14 February and surprise them with the card when they least expect it, screaming "NIIIIINJAGRAM!" Classes and events get interrupted a lot on Valentine's Day, but the administrators and faculty and public safety officers buy and receive as many as the students do, and besides who wants to argue with ninjas? This Valentine's Day, black is the new pink.

Re:Always works for me...

[elysiana]

It makes for a great pickup line!
"Excuse me, miss, does this smell like chloroform to you?"

Works on me every time, anyway.

Re:Dumbest Valentine ads

[diskofish]

Hey baby are you ready? I am going to transfer my hot files in to your USB port. Just open up that port and let me slide my hard drive in.

Re:Stunts?

[llvllatrix]

I hate singles awareness day as well :(

Re:Romance isn't dead!

[FSWKU]

You're going about it all wrong:

1. Cut a hole in the box
2. Put your junk in that box
3. Make her open the box

And that's the way you do it...

Re:None whatsoever

[Darth Sdlavrot]

So a new vacuum cleaner is probably not a good idea either.

Re:NinjaGram

[Dachannien]

and besides who wants to argue with ninjas?

Uh........ pirates?

Re:I think I did OK for my geek girl

[Anonymous Coward]

I sent my geek girl a box of comic books, calligraphy and knitting supplies and a Supergirl camisole.

She lives a thousand miles away so we don't get to see each other very often, but I know she'll at least be happy with her box of geek goodies.

What a coincedence! My girlfriend just got box of comic books, calligraphy, knitting supplies, and a Supergirl camisole in the mail from a "friend". Wait a minute...

Re:Get her pregnant

[Philip K Dickhead]

I got my Girlfriend pregnant, too.

My wife did not find this romantic - well, back to the Appalachian Trail, I suppose.

Re:Get her pregnant

[jo_ham]

Send her a push notification on her iPhone after each contraction.

She'll love you forever.

Re:this was a fun game in junior high

[mother_reincarnated]

I think you'll find this works better if step 2 is "add 3 months"...

Re:this was a fun game in junior high

[rrhal]

... So kids born in early July were the result of an an April fools joke involving contraception that was tampered with?

Re:Surprise.

[Hogwash McFly]

You can't beat surprise anal.

Re:Or...

[Anonymous Coward]

Or for impressing a geeky girl once could try to execute an injection attack. Just make sure you use a Trojan or you might spawn unwanted child processes.

Maybe she would prefer a man-in-the-middle...?

Re:Note to /. readers...

[vlm]

Though a well thought-out stunt may work on a rare occasion, they are much more likely to backfire than a traditional gift. Have flowers and chocolate on hand just in case.

You either need a Redundant Array of Inexpensive Gifts, or a Redundant Array of Inexpensive Girlfriends.

it's simple, really...

[Anonymous Coward]

1. lift lid
2. pee
3. replace lid
4. ???
5. profit!

that would mean a 15 month gestation

[circletimessquare]

or a 3 month gestation

either way, alien, you've just outed yourself

Re:Keep it simple

[exi1ed0ne]

Yeah, but then she'll just demand another one.

welcome to slashdot

[circletimessquare]

where people argue about quantum thermodynamics but fail at basic math ;-P

Re:Or...

[the_olo]

Or for impressing a geeky girl once could try to execute an injection attack. Just make sure you use a Trojan or you might spawn unwanted child processes.

Maybe she would prefer a man-in-the-middle...?

That's especially good as a part of a comprehensive penetration testing scenario...

Re:Get her pregnant

[DogAlmity]

Pop!!

Re:They Mentioned treasure hunt on the list

[Adambomb]

and they all gave me guff the next time they saw me, saying it made them look bad.

I think it's just against Dude-Union regulations.

What about evil things to do for V-Day?

[Crudely_Indecent]

What I'm hoping for is an offer from an organization I've had several interviews with. If I get the offer, I think I might give my current boss a nice card containing a Poem-of-Resignation.

Another idea that isn't quite ready for prime-time is sending lingerie and perfume to a thieving bastard I know in prison. It's not quite ready for prime-time because although he's been caught, he hasn't been to trial/convicted yet.

A card saying "I'd divorce you all over again" containing a coupon for STD screening for my ex-wife would be pretty funny (I caught her cheating).

Valentine Day Humor

[AnalogDiehard]

So this husband forgot Valentine Day and the wife was furious.

She told him in no uncertain terms that tomorrow morning she expected a gift in the driveway that goes from zero to 200 in less than ten seconds - AND IT BETTER BE THERE.

Next morning the husband leaves early. Later the wife awakes and looks out the window to spot a small gift-wrapped box in the driveway. So she puts on a robe and brings the box in the house to open it.

And inside is a brand new bathroom scale.

Re:Talking to a girl

[Locke2005]

I though a "trisexual" was someone who tries to have sex, but inevitably fails... Methinks a nick of "ColdWetDog" wouldn't make one too popular with the ladies either -- Remember "Happiness is a warm puppy!"

Re:None whatsoever

[operagost]

No, it sucks.

Re:welcome to slashdot

[Rary]

where people argue about quantum thermodynamics but fail at basic math ;-P

More accurately, welcome to Slashdot where people argue about quantum thermodynamics but have no idea how babby is formed — or how long it takes. ;-)

Re:Talking to a girl

[eln]

On a totally unrelated note, my girlfriend dumped me because I kept explaining obvious jokes over the Internet.

Re:Surprise.

[Anonymous Coward]

you missed the "surprising her with an outing just for her .

You mean like, "Guess what, honey? I'm gay!"

Re:None whatsoever

[snowraver1]

You life would be so much easier without one little comma:

That, and I'll watch the kids do the laundry and cooking, and let her have some time to herself - Hummmm

Who's Robert?

[HikingStick]

I was part of a small singing group (a quartet) back in my early college days. The quartet would do four-part singing Valentines as a fundraiser for the music program. I was engaged at the time, and decided to pull one over on my wife to be. While delivering some of the singing valentines in the campus commons area, we sang one after another after another, while the director just shuffled us from table to table. Sometimes we would ask for the target first and deliver a Valentines note or card from our customer. Other times, we would sing first and had over the card afterwards.

We approached the table where my fiancee and her friends were sitting, and then broke into our rendition of "Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree With Anyone Else But Me." At the conclusion of the song, our director announced "To [my fiancee's first name], from Robert," at which time I made myself look shocked and loudly proclaimed, " Who's Robert?!?! ".

When the look of panic set in on her face and she started insisting that she didn't know any Robert, I ended the gag and said, "I know. That was from me." I'm not sure if she really wanted to kill me over the next few minutes, but she was laughing about it shortly thereafter. To this day, 17 years later, she loves telling that story to friends old and new, and we all laugh and laugh and laugh.

~Robert

Remember 4-digit years!

[infinite9]

Make sure you use Y2KY jelly. It allows you to fit four digits into your date instead of two.

Beta Virginis

[syousef]

Show her the star whose distance in light years is approximately equal to her age. The photons reaching our eyes left that star the year she was born.

My wife's age is closest to the star Beta Virginis. I can see it now "So you're saying you want me to be a born again virgin???? *slams door*" Thanks a bunch dude!

Re:None whatsoever

[Hieronymus Howard]

"Romantic Comedies are popular in large part because they try and reflect what women dream of happening"

So is Twilight. But I'm not sticking my cock in the freezer and then covering it with glitter for anybody.

Re:Get her pregnant

[Anonymous Coward]

I didn't realize giving birth is a stack operation until I thought about the impregnation (push) portion of pregnancy followed by the delivery (pop). You guys/girls just earned an annual renewal your geek card.

Re:They Mentioned treasure hunt on the list

[dptalia]

This was my goal for every Valentines day. Don't worry about what she thinks, think about the story she will tell.

On February 13th, around 11:30 at night back in my college days, I got 3 rolls of ribbon and tied a bow around as many trees as I could between her dorm and her classes. I put a note under her door saying "Every time you see a bow, remember how much I love you". Cheesy, I know. But, she was the talk of the college campus. Word got around that I tied the bows for her, and she felt like the most popular girl in school. That made her feel like a million bucks. Total cost? $15.

It may be cheesy but it made this girl go "aaawwww". AND read it to her husband! (hint hint)

Re:Talking to a girl

[canuck57]

UNIX Sex:

{man;look;for;cat;nice;gawk;find;whois;init;sed;talk;date;grep;touch;finger; flex;unzip;head;tail;mount;workbone;fsck;yes;gasp;fsck;more;yes;yes; eject;umount;makeclean;zip;sort;done;cu;split;exit:xargs!!}