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Ask Slashdot: What To Do When the Rapture Comes? 673

Posted by timothy
from the prone-beneath-a-desk-is-best dept.
Okian Warrior writes "Since the rapture is tomorrow (May 21) at 6:00 pm local time (everywhere), I was just wondering: what plans does everyone have? I've got no specific plans for what to do. What will you be doing around 6:00 pm tomorrow?" If you're on the IT staff, you might want to consult this checklist of things to do or not do in the interim.
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Ask Slashdot: What To Do When the Rapture Comes?

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  • by makubesu (1910402) on Friday May 20, 2011 @11:10PM (#36198772)
    I'll probably have to check the internet to see if it actually happened tomorrow night.
  • I'm planning on setting piles of clothes out on the sidewalk. Should be good for a laugh :)

  • At work (Score:5, Funny)

    by Nidi62 (1525137) on Friday May 20, 2011 @11:11PM (#36198788)
    I'll be at work, waiting for my shift to end in 3.5 hours. At that point, I would probably welcome an apocalyptic earthquake.
  • by saleenS281 (859657) on Friday May 20, 2011 @11:11PM (#36198792) Homepage
    I will be killing zombies. With fire. Just brushed up on my cardio and stocked up on twinkies so I think I'm legit.
  • by DWMorse (1816016) on Friday May 20, 2011 @11:11PM (#36198796) Homepage
    You're just trying to get us to admit that we'll be gearing up to loot our local Frys, Best Buys, and other such electronic appliance stores.
  • by t33jster (1239616) on Friday May 20, 2011 @11:12PM (#36198804)
    RTFM. Matthew 24:36.

    Even if the world does happen to end tomorrow, it's not because this kook knew it.
    • by ZaphDingbat (451843) on Friday May 20, 2011 @11:22PM (#36198892)

      Then perhaps you missed the one two verses before that: "I tell you the truth, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened."

      Perhaps even a little of: "I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom." Matthew 16:28.

      Or: "After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever." I Thessalonians 4:17.

      "Dear children, this is the last hour; and as you have heard that the antichrist is coming, even now many antichrists have come. This is how we know it is the last hour." I John 2:18

      "This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none..." I Corinthians 7:29.

      "They said to you, 'In the last times there will be scoffers who will follow their own ungodly desires.' These are the people who divide you, who follow mere natural instincts and do not have the Spirit." Jude 18-19.

      I don't think Harold Camping was the first kook by a looong shot.

      • by jamesh (87723) on Saturday May 21, 2011 @12:07AM (#36199218)

        I don't think Harold Camping was the first kook by a looong shot.

        We can take some comfort in knowing that if he's right, he'll be the last kook.

      • by mellon (7048)

        The implication I've always understood for "[they] shall not taste of death" was that some people present at that sermon would in fact be brought up to heaven without dying first. So either they're still alive, and really bloody old, or they got raptured long ago, and hence aren't our problem anymore. The bit about it being the last hour is that we don't live as long as we think we do, and we will run out of runway sooner than we think, so we'd better gun it and rotate.

      • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

        by Anonymous Coward

        You missed the original question(s).
        They asked him what they thought was one question (with several parts.) They thought these things would happen at the same time.
        He gave an answer with several parts - because these things (didn't/wouldn't) happen at the same time.
        Ever since then, people have let themselves be confused by that.

        The important thing isn't when the world will end for everybody.
        The end of the world for the individual is more significant.
        And more importantly, how did the individual live his/her

      • by astrodoom (1396409) on Saturday May 21, 2011 @03:22AM (#36200112)
        "I tell you the truth, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened."

        You should probably read the section before that. At the beginning of the chapter, Jesus said in reference to the temple that not one stone would be left on another. The disciples then asked him when these things would happen, and he proceeded into a rather lengthy explanation with one "rabbit trail" into the end times to address/correct the idea that Jews thought the end of the world would come when the temple was destroyed. He then wrapped it up by answering their initial question of when the prophecy about the temple would come to pass. The structure of the passage makes a lot of sense when you think of the flow of a conversation. People tend to not really look at the surrounding text when talking about this verse and instead take it out of the context of the conversation, a dangerous practice albeit a common one on both sides.

        FYI, destruction of the temple was around 70 A.D. Within the timing of the current generation prophecy.

        • FYI, destruction of the temple was around 70 A.D. Within the timing of the current generation prophecy.

          Except that the gospels, that contain the prophecy in question, where written a couple centuries later... Let me see... I can make a prophecy that civil war will break out on the united states, and the slavers will lose...

      • As an Anonymous Coward pointed out, the problem with understanding this passage is that Jesus is answering two questions posed by the disciples as one. "When will this happen,.." referencing the comment that Jesus had just made about not one stone being left on another (a reference to the Roman sacking of Jerusalem in 70AD). And "...what will be the sign of your coming and the end of the age?" The reason for believing that the part that says no one knows the day or the hour applies to the end is that there
    • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

      by biryokumaru (822262)
      What makes this kook any more kooky than the kook who wrote that trash?
      • by arth1 (260657)

        He has radio?

        Seriously, as long as there is a negative correlation between intelligence and fecundity, there will not be a shortage of kooks and followers.

    • by oztiks (921504)

      I take my mortality advice from http://www.deathclock.com/ [deathclock.com]

      He really should look into that site before making any rash judgments it tell ya!

    • by timeOday (582209)
      You can always find a loophole. That verse just says nobody knew the day and hour a couple thousand years ago. Who's to say it hasn't been determined or revealed since?
    • by gandhi_2 (1108023) on Saturday May 21, 2011 @12:23AM (#36199326) Homepage

      To be fair, most people who are sure that tomorrow ISN'T the rapture have exactly the same amount of evidence behind them as those who think it IS.

      • by nedlohs (1335013) on Saturday May 21, 2011 @03:23AM (#36200118)

        I'm as sure that tomorrow isn't the rapture as I am that the Moon won't sponteneously turn into cheese tomorrow, and that my house won't become a monster and eat the local children tomorrow, and that the sun won't go supernova tomorrow, and that 1+1 will still equal 2 tomorrow.

        Yes I could be wrong on any of those, but if you are going to say I can't be "sure", then the word is meaningless since no one can be sure of anything.

      • Problem of induction aside, all the current evidence suggests such events are physically impossible, so I would say all the evidence suggests that tomorrow isn't the rapture.

    • by the_saint1138 (1353335) on Saturday May 21, 2011 @12:39AM (#36199414)
      Mod parent informative... Even Jesus didn't know when the rapture was to occur. This guy somehow knows better?

      For those who don't want/care to look this up, Matthew 24:36 states (in reference to the rapture) "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father." - NIV translation

      Unrelated note: For some reason, I mis-read the slashdot headline as "What To Do When the Raptors Come?"

      what do you do when the raptors come?
      • by DRMShill (1157993) on Saturday May 21, 2011 @09:02AM (#36201256)
        I remember this verse quite well from Christian school. And the following verses: And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all [these things] must come to pass, but the end is not yet. For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places. All these [are] the beginning of sorrows. These are often quoted as signs of the Apocalypse. The thing is these events have occurred on a regular basis since the dawn of time so they really aren't very good signs. I don't think Jesus and his apostles were that stupid so I can only conclude that this section really should have been written in Sarcastica. I kind of imagine it going like this: Apostle: When will you return. Jesus: None of your God Damn Business. That's when. Apostole: Come on tell us. Please!! Jesus: (rolls eyes and groans, then says in his best Dr. House mocking tone) Okay I'll give you the signs. There will be wars! Men will do anything for sex and money! People in power will screw over their subjects!! Apostole: OK Jesus, I was just asking. You don't need to be an ass about it.
  • The Brain (Score:5, Funny)

    by chill (34294) on Friday May 20, 2011 @11:14PM (#36198818) Journal

    The same thing we do EVERY night, Pinky -- try to take over the world!

  • You still have time to mail me a check. I promise not to bank it until the 23rd :)

    You have nothing to lose!

  • by Anonymous Coward

    I'm going to turn my virus scanner off and just enjoy the shit out of the extra speed.

  • This is the PSAT Rapture tomorrow. The SAT Rapture, according to the (Americas) Mayan Calendar is 2012. There may be some delays and syncronizing tomorrow, but be sure to pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
  • I can't handle the crazy porn you get tricked into already... Hell on earth versions will be horrifying!!

    trust no one

    Lol. See yall in december 2012, worried about the same babble.

  • by shentino (1139071)

    I'm going short on holy water.

  • by hawguy (1600213) on Friday May 20, 2011 @11:23PM (#36198898)

    My HR department vetoed my plan to survey the IT staff to see if they were expecting to be raptured. Some crap about religious discrimination or something.

    Not that I'm worried, I think we're only going to lose one IT guy to Rapture, and no one wants to hang out with him anyway.

  • by bky1701 (979071) on Friday May 20, 2011 @11:24PM (#36198904) Homepage
    ...who thought the rapture would come, and asking them the obvious question, "Where is your god now?"
    • by jamesh (87723) on Saturday May 21, 2011 @12:32AM (#36199386)

      Finding People ...who thought the rapture would come, and asking them the obvious question, "Where is your god now?"

      Or even better... ask them why they didn't ascend when some of your other Christian friends did.

      • by Black Parrot (19622) on Saturday May 21, 2011 @01:20AM (#36199642)

        Finding People ...who thought the rapture would come, and asking them the obvious question, "Where is your god now?"

        Or even better... ask them why they didn't ascend when some of your other Christian friends did.

        Or even bester, ask them why they're still here and your Hindu friends aren't.

    • by JackDW (904211)
      If you are Christian and you expect to be raptured, you have already committed a major sin, namely pride. If you find any Christians who actually think they're good enough to deserve priority entry to Heaven, you could always point out that just entertaining that particular belief probably excludes them.
  • by g_adams27 (581237) on Friday May 20, 2011 @11:27PM (#36198930)

    Visiting and/or updating rapturefail.org [rapturefail.org], and hoping that Harold Camping's followers take to heart the open letter [rapturefail.org] on that site:

    Many of you will be tempted to go back to the scriptures in search of new clues for a new date. Let me plead with you to consider instead the importance of solid, basic, principles of reading and interpreting the Bible and stop looking for hidden or secret “truths.” In particular, let me encourage you always to be suspect of any major emphases in any person’s teachings that are founded on allegorical teachings. In particular, be very careful around those who push numerological interpretations. Numerology has some basis in truth, but it is highly subjective and should be approached very humbly, very cautiously, and definitely with a “less-is-more” attitude. The Bible is not a puzzle to be unraveled or a set of hidden numerical clues. What God says He says openly. Live in the clear passages of the Bible and be very suspect of those who claim to have discovered major truths in some of the more obscure portions.

    • by jesseck (942036)
      You know, somewhere in the Bible it says that we won't know when the Rapture happens... so I welcome these predictions. It theoretically prolongs our time on Earth.
  • by hedgemage (934558) on Friday May 20, 2011 @11:28PM (#36198936)
    I am a follower of "that Jesus guy" and while I am very skeptical of the prediction, I made sure to ask an atheist friend of mine to feed my cat after I ascend. I mean, it would be pretty dickish of me to leave my cat to starve, wouldn't it? After all, it will only be for 6 months until the complete end of the world.
  • 6 pm local time is when we've scheduled to end our maintenance time at work tomorrow, replacing the core switch. Huh. I guess it's not going to go so well.

    Sorry, everyone. If I'd have known that my work network was in actuality running a virtual instance of the known universe, I wouldn't have ignored all those Kerberos errors. Although in retrospect, a half-ass, thrown together Active Directory environment does explain a lot about the world we live in.

  • Not withstanding the lack of internal support for such a foolish thing as the rapture from within the insular and circular reasoning of biblical scriptures, nor the aburd levels of improbability that such a thing is even remotely possible--- coupled with the infinite capacity for human stupidity-- I have decided that tomorrow I will stay home, do laundry, and get my house ready for a friend of mine who intends to come visit me over Memorial Day week.

    By evening time, If I havent been hoover vaccuum cleanered

  • At 6pm local Saturday, my wife and I will be hoisting a glass (or six [ or ten]) with many others in celebration of a friend and next-door neighbor who died in February. I doubt very much the Rapture will haul me off to an encounter with said departed (he was rather a rascal as well as an atheist, and as I understand it the Rapture is a tramway to Heaven, which is unlikely to be my friend's abode in the mythical afterlife...) but I'll play along until sunset, at which time I'll look about for evidence of th

  • by Greyfox (87712) on Friday May 20, 2011 @11:41PM (#36199006) Homepage Journal
    Over and over, trying to get it on trends. That'd be good for a laugh.
  • by mustPushCart (1871520) on Friday May 20, 2011 @11:42PM (#36199022)

    I am obviously going to build my jetpack. It should give me enough altitude incase you know i dont get caught up in the clouds myself (and looking at my pron collection its not likely). So I am going to jetpack up and grab on to one of those bible thumpers legs (hopefully it'll have a skirt on it which would be a great inflight movie) and totally get into like... heaven or whatever.

  • I didn't worry about switching drives for backups this weekend, and won't troubleshoot some SIP trunks. What's the point- the backups won't survive the disaster and no one will be able to come to work Monday.
  • by NicknamesAreStupid (1040118) on Friday May 20, 2011 @11:54PM (#36199134)
    I am going to guarantee that at least one person will be in rapture tomorrow.
  • by houghi (78078) on Saturday May 21, 2011 @12:07AM (#36199216)

    I will print out a copy of the following and carry it around with me:
    http://groups.google.com/group/net.religion/msg/30925fd2c9a20cbd?pli=1 [google.com]

    A long read, but well worth it.

    I will probably sign it with my own blood, just to be sure.

  • Kool Aide (Score:3, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Saturday May 21, 2011 @12:17AM (#36199296)

    I will be investing a ton in Kool Aide stocks. Should be a killer Monday on the stock market.

  • by chebucto (992517) on Saturday May 21, 2011 @12:18AM (#36199304) Homepage

    This time, no size limits, and screw the limit.

  • So, any one who gets crossed off the hit list becomes known as a "true believer" afterwards...

    I wouldn't be surprised to find out years later that all the disappeared folk were the outspoken freedom advocates that had actually just been permanently silenced by a coordinated global conspiracy...Perfect opportunity for a cover up, just sayin'.

    Hey, that's more believable than a Super Sky Zombie, coming back after thousands of years to take his followers to a magical utopia, where he'll finally marry them all, then subjugate them in service to his father for 1000 years of constant worship...

    You know -- If the aliens arrive tomorrow and abscond with a shit load of gullible "volunteers" as their "chosen people", I'll be skipping the ride to eternal slavery camp, no matter how hellish they promise to make our world afterwards. -- Life Free or Die is what I believe in.

    P.S. Didn't they make a movie about this already [imdb.com]? IIRC: the aliens finally arrived at their destination, Earth. Their purpose: To retrieve the long lost secrets of the most flavorful food in the universe. All the Hispanics were abducted, mind-reamed to discover their collective recipes for Authentic Mexican Cuisine, then returned, unharmed. The world wept without knowing why -- There was a great disturbance in the force due to the psionic-emotive resonances of the aliens, who all joyously celebrated after finally having achieved their holy quest.

  • by PixieDust (971386) on Saturday May 21, 2011 @02:01AM (#36199818)
    1st Thessalonians 4:16

    For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.

    Prepare accordingly

  • According to The Origins of our Modern Calendar" [faeriefaith.net], in 1582 10 days were dropped from the calendar to account for a centuries-long accumulation of a rounding error in calculating the length of a year (Caesar calculated a year to be 365.25 days long, but it's actually 365.2422 days.) Ever since then, we've been adjusting one day every 4 years, but that has it's own rounding problems too, resulting in 1 day of error every 3,000 years.

  • by Theovon (109752) on Saturday May 21, 2011 @03:54PM (#36203730)

    So, it comes to pass that it is "about" 6PM in the timezone where Harold Camping is, and nothing happens to him. What will Harold Camping do?

    Things he's likely to do:
    (a) Figure he got his calculations wrong and start over on his math.
    (b) Worry a little that perhaps he wasn't as Christian as he thought he was supposed to be, but then dismiss the idea immediately.
    (c) More steadfastly ignore all naysayers, insisting that his beliefs are sound and that there WILL be a rapture.
    (d) Shove his head further into the sand.

    Rational things he ought to do but won't:
    (a) Take seriously the idea that he wasn't as Christian as he was supposed to be.
    (b) Take seriously the idea that the Rapture was a mythological idea to begin with and isn't going to happen.

    Things he's probably not smart enough to do, right or wrong:
    (a) Reinterpret the Rapture in a more philosophical light, suggesting that the rapture did indeed happen; it just doesn't LOOK like it did to the untrained eye. In fact, all raptured people have been transformed in some way and are now "in heaven", which happens to be a parallel dimension to Earth, and raptured people are straddling that dimensional boundary.
    (b) Reinterpret his entire belief system and consider that perhaps he was taking certain Christian scriptures or traditions too seriously.
    (c) Take seriously the works of scholars that have suggested that Revelations describes events that already happened before the book was written.

    What else will Harold Camping do?

Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.

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