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Amusing Job Titles for Business Cards? 64

Posted by Cliff from the creative-naming dept.
pastie asks: "I need to get some business cards printed, and want to put something more interesting/fitting as my role than just `developer' or `programmer'. So, what have the readers of Ask Slashdot seen/put on business cards which they thought was good/bad/cheesy?" We did these with our Slashdot business cards, and I saw several others with interesting titles at both LWCE's last year. Anyone care to share some interesting job titles they've seen on business cards?
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Amusing Job Titles for Business Cards? More

Amusing Job Titles for Business Cards?

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  • Re:Business cards at defunct startup (Score:1)

    by Anonymous Coward
    Pooh-Bah [m-w.com] or Poo-Bah

  • Chief Scientist (Score:1)

    by Anonymous Coward
    It seems that anyone who gets his own company gives himself the title of Chief Scientist [google.com].
  • The OMRLP stood in the recent elections in the UK - and many of their members had 'interesting' ministerial positions... [virgin.net](you will have to scroll down a bit)
    Keeper of the Wedding Shenanigans Home Page
  • I always use, "Guy in Charge".

    Of course I'm the only person in my 'company' so I do everything.
  • My former title "Manager of Technical Operations" seemed like doubletalk to me, particularly when my workforce is mostly routers and servers.

    I'm now "Chief Geek" at API Digital Communications. It's more accurate in the spirit of my job, and it amuses customers and prospects.
  • You can always go the ego booster route. My business cards say, "distributor of justice". One of my coworker's says, "supream leader". My roommate has a couple sets, "angry villager #3", "master of the universe"

    ---
  • Any of these would be amusing on the line after your name.

    Red Shirt
    Slave
    Galley Rower
    Cassanova
    Emperor
    Captain
    Admiral
    Supreme Commander
    Xenu
    Cmdr. Taco
    All your base
    Goatse Cx
    First Post
    Karma Whore
    Slacker
    Illuminati #3
    President of the United States of America
    I'm the King of the WORLD!
    Natalie Portman's Doormat
  • A guy I know who works for SGI has a cool one, Tools Hooligan. I think he has a few more good ones, but he's not on IRC at the moment.
  • Being one of the first employees in the company (CEO, COO, then little me), I had to fill a lot of roles for a couple of months until we ramped up staff. For that time, my job title was "Grand Poopa"... The biggest problem this caused was the heated debate over how to spell the second word...

    Glutious
  • When I was in the QA dept. for a gaming company, we all had our business cards made with the title "Professional Moaner - I get paid to bitch!"
  • At one point in my life I used to go to Science Fiction conventions as Elric of Melnibone. I bleached my hair, had red contacts, the whole ball of wax. So, as a lark I had a business card made. The logo was the chaos symbol and the words were:

    Elric of Melnibone
    Sorcerer/Warrior
    Maidens destroyed, Friends Betrayed
    1-800-GO-CHAOS
  • I've always wanted to be the Chief Rocket Scientist.

  • More (Score:1)

    by SEWilco ( 27983 )
    There's an article at TechWeb [techweb.com], but the server is down at the moment.

    • Queen of (insert subject here)
    • Cruise Director
    • Editrix
    • Webtyrant
    • Webmistress
    • Master of Information
    • Maesto of Design
    • Turnaround Titan
  • I'd mod your post up to Score:5, Funny just for the link you posted. Oh my god it's so funny!

  • Doug Burbidge
    Laser guns designed, programmed,
    built, maintained, operated.
    Torches juggled.
    Damsels rescued.

    But now, in addition to laser tag gear, I'm doing some electronic scoring gear for fencing (the sport, not the stuff that keeps cows in); so I may have to change the first few words to "Electronic sport weaponry and peripherals designed..."

    My other business card says:

    Doug Burbidge
    Super Genius

    , which is of course a Wile E. Coyote reference.

  • Guru

    Web Monkey - Baring any trademark [webmonkey.com] restrictions
    Web Guru
    Classified
    Slacker
    Code Monkey
    Code Poet - Dont forget the t-shirt [thinkgeek.com] if you use this one
    Web Tamer
    Undefined
    Uber Geek - Again the t-shirt [thinkgeek.com] here.
    Caffine Addict - t-shirt [thinkgeek.com]
    H4x0r
    Script Kiddie

    There are endless possibilities with these, as I am sure you have scene. Use a little creativity (If you feel you don't have any, find someone with a copy of PhotoShop or Illustrator on their machine and ask them) and see what works for you.

  • I've been angling for QA Overlord for my past couple job titles. No luck yet. One of the developers I work with is tried to be voted Dictator for Life, as well.
  • "Systems Monkey" I worked under the "Chief Fireeater"(a.k.a Systems Manager)

    /*
    *Not a Sermon, Just a Thought
    */
  • I think the best I've seen is what my dad has on his cards. One says Slave Master, the other says Slave.

    PS This only real works if you are self-Employed.


    --------------
    "Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie." - Dennis Miller
  • John Doe
    Clone #1

    John Doe
    Clone #2

    John Doe
    Clone #3

    have several of these printed up...
    then print up a bunch with random numbers.. hex
    binary.

    God of Binaries

    Computer Witch Doctor

    Child

    Ugly Bag of Water
    (from star trek)

    Failed Sience Experiment #8347

    Computer Totin', Bug shootin' Cowboy.
    (follow up with a "Howdy y'all")

    Bugwrestler

    Codeboy (like cowboy)

    !$&!&(@#.. [error no carrier]

    EOF

    Destroyer of cheap hard drives

    Computer Savior of the Damned

    computer mechanic

    Yes.. that damned Monkey-wrench

    Expert toast maker - I toast NICs

    Wire Stripper
    (for those that run wire)

    Spiderman
    (for those that run wire)

    Monitor Monitor

    Poison tester #91497914987149879814987249814298912

    Digital Wallpaper Hanger

    Digital interior decorator

    Spagettii machine
    (for network admin)

    Stable boy
    (for unix/linux ppl)

    Painter of Blue Screens
    (for windows dorks)

    log flusher
    (could work for admins as well as janitors)
    man im ROTFLMAO after thinking up that one..

    I better stop before i wake everyone else up laughing.
  • "Card carrying Asshole"
  • Dang... the cards my company provides don't allow variable interpretation. :-(
  • Venue Operations Manager, Information Technology

    VOMIT, for short
  • dilbert fan? :) if i recall correctly dilbert did something like this - and the big boss never realized the joke :)
  • One from Microsoft's documentation:

    Technical Evangelist (love that one)

    One of my friends has Network Defender

    Or perhaps Security Integrifier

  • I've worked with one person and worked for another one who had business cards that said that they were a just-plain "guru". I also notice that the Mozilla guys call themselves "lizard wranglers"
  • is a redneck bar in the south. My dad's business cards read:

    " Connections - Rt. 5 East
    SERVICES RENDERED
    Labotamies * Mixed Drinks * Hair Cuts
    Liquor Distilled * Brain Serguries * Auto Repair
    Tooth Extractions * Child Births * Dictations
    Civil Wars Started * Executions * Space Travel
    Dogs Trained and Women Tamed
    Willy D. Shrader, Owner - Operator - Bar Tender"

    And of course all typographical errors are actually part of the card, and knowing dad, I can't say whether they were intentional or not.
  • My best friend is the 'Supreme Commander of the Order of the Atomic Squid'. Yes, the people at my school are VERY weird. 'Course, I'm 'Tsarina of All Things Not McDonalds', so maybe I shouldn't talk.

  • I have noticed a trend at consulting firms where one guy or girl always seams to get stuck with the real pain-in-the-ass clients.

    I always thought of them as the "Whipping-Boy".

  • I use "Alpha Geek" on my newsletter articles and "LAN Lord" in the office
  • I worked at a company where we all picked our own job titles. One guy who was as fat and out of shape as me picked "Lord of the Dance". I was "Or An Amazingly Lifelike Simulation".

    A cynical friend of mine said that companies do this to look cool and with-it, but they also do it to throw off head hunters and make it harder for people to be poached by other companies.
    --
  • It's poobah, it's a real word, look it up sometime.

    That really should be "Grand and Exalted Poobah", by the way.

  • I always admired Marty Friedman for his cards [mit.edu]

    After that, I've gotten some pretty interesting titles (many pretty serious), but I still think the best one for a SysAdmin person is this:

    "Social Engineer"

    It so aptly describes what really goes on for most SysAdmins trying to do their job...

    (And of course, for those privileged enough to share my first name, "Member of the Erik Conspiracy" is required....)

    -Erik

  • Back in 1993, a co-worker called across the help desk to me to say he was ordering business cards, and did I want any. I said "yeah," and he relayed my name to the HR person on the phone. He then asked me what I wanted on them. I said, "oh, I don't know, how about Guru Extraordinaire?" I assumed that it'd be screened out.

    When they came in, they actually had that title. Still got 'em. My program manager, though, told me never to give them to any customers. :(

  • I'm a consultant that handles Internet related problems for my clients. Sometimes what I do is technical but sometimes what I do is beuracratic. For instance customers often ask me to register domain names for them, or obtain SSL certificates, or handle licensing agreements all of which require the signing authority of an officer of the company. I noticed a lot of other consultants will do the job "half-way" and leave all the signing for someone in the company who hasn't got a clue as to what their signing. This is how domain bills don't get paid for... an officer of the company authorized the purchase but hasn't got a clue what he just bought and when asked two months later by the billing department, "did you authorized $39 for "netsol 1 year" they 'nope.'

    As a result I started asking my clients to make me a special agent with signing authority on behalf of an officer of the company for technical matters. They love the idea and I LOVE the title.

    Special Agent Winterstorm, at your service.

  • I once had a friend who worked for little company in Herndon VA, now defunct (the company was InterCon, and made some nice networking products for the Mac). My friend's business card gave his title simply as 'Paladin'.
  • Our old testing guru was "Dark Lord of Testing." At his new job it's "Dark Lord of Wireless Gateway Design."

    Our head of development has a sign on his door: "Head Geek."
  • I'm:

    Brian V McGroarty

    Legendary Code Gardener
    Midway Games, LLC

    Software Engineer just didn't do it for me.

  • aka...

    David Millians
    Super Genius

    i keep threatening to get personal business cards made up with this, but haven't yet.

  • Hmm... (Score:2)

    by cr0sh ( 43134 )
    How about "Programmer Extradordinaire of Networks" - PEON for short?

    Worldcom [worldcom.com] - Generation Duh!
  • Don't forget Genuine and Authorized Pope [trip23.com].

    Tom Swiss | the infamous tms | http://www.infamous.net/

  • That's from the movie House II [imdb.com] wherein John Ratzenberger (a.k.a. Cliff Clavin from Cheers) plays an electrician called out to help with the house.

    Great silly movie, well worth renting.

    As a title, it works well with anything:

    Web Monkey/Adventurer
    Pricipal Engineer/Adventurer
    etc.
  • At Apple most people could say what they pleased on their cards, with the manager's approval.

    I held a debugging job, and picked "Cybernetic Entomologist".


    Mike [goingware.com]

  • "Next time, don't use an acronym on my business cards. Use my full title - Director Of Product Enhancements." "I didn't realize that was your title."
  • A friend of mine and I were thinking about incorporating and going into consulting, when be both realized that we'd need somebody to do that business shit. I could do the networking and OS shit, and me buddy could do the hardcore programming shit, but neither one of us would be good at accounting, negotiation, you know, that business shit. Therefore, we fully intend, if we ever do incorporate, to hire somebody with the title "Director of That Business Shit."

  • Back in college, a guy I was chatting with at a keg party handed me a business card that said:

    Smile if you want to sleep with me.

    I burst out laughing.

    I'm not going to tell you if it worked as a pick-up or not, but it beats "don't I know you from somewhere", or (as is more common for geeks) nothing at all.

  • 'Master of All Situations' and 'Master of Time, Space, and Dimension.'

    I'll bet you could pick up some great PHB-friendly words here [dilbert.com]. Maybe Proactive Leverager of Global Synergy?

  • It's the easiest way to glorify the mundane. For instance, a high school job as a Customer Service Associate had me bagging groceries. As Assistant Director of Ecology and Conservation I taught nature merit badges at a summer camp.

    Try for words like consultant, independant, or freelance. For instance, I now work as a Freelance Scenic and Lighting Designer and as an Independant Laser Graphics Artist.

    Or, go the route of a former professor, whose cards had a name, number, and "witty, vivacious, fun-loving, and talented"

  • -"All Being, Master of Time, Space, and Dimension" -"Emperor, Western Hemisphere" -"Senior Zamboni Driver" (of course there isn't a rink for 20 miles) My cube neighbor is the "Methane Production Foreman"

  • go the "pimp" way... (Score:3)

    by whydna ( 9312 ) <.whydna. .at. .hotmail.com.> on Friday June 08, 2001 @10:59PM (#164897)
    I saw a guy with a business card that said "Gentleman Extrodanaire"... while I doubt that he was a real "man whore", I imagine that it's a really great way to start a conversation with a chick...

    Screw "programmer"... go the pimp route =)

  • Well... (Score:3)

    by SpaFF ( 18764 ) on Friday June 08, 2001 @10:22PM (#164898) Homepage
    My boss's door placard says "Security Orangutan"

    Of course it does describe him well...

  • FastCompany.Com List (Score:3)

    by SEWilco ( 27983 ) on Saturday June 09, 2001 @05:56AM (#164899) Journal
    Job Titles of the Future [fastcompany.com]

    Notionologist?

  • Internet Database Integrator Of Technology (Score:3)

    by Hew ( 31074 ) on Saturday June 09, 2001 @05:03AM (#164900) Homepage
    Hint: it's the acronym, stupid! :-)

  • Damn stupid card printing software... (Score:3)

    by Stavr0 ( 35032 ) on Monday June 11, 2001 @09:16AM (#164901) Homepage Journal
    J Random Hacker
    Systems Programmer/Anal yst

    J Random Hacker
    Systems Programmer/Anal yst

    J Random Hacker
    Systems Programmer/Anal yst

    ...
    ---

  • Chairman (Score:3)

    by CrayDrygu ( 56003 ) on Saturday June 09, 2001 @12:02AM (#164902)
    I've always been fond of "Chairman of the Bored." And some days, it sure feels accurate.

    --

  • amusing titles i have seen (Score:3)

    by Phork ( 74706 ) on Saturday June 09, 2001 @11:18AM (#164903) Homepage
    for a long time intel had a "minister of algorithms".
    i recently saw "Web Master", but that wasn't a joke, the boss just thought it was supposed to have a space. I also saw "Porn King" recently.
    Some of the funniest ones i have seen were at trade shows things like "code monkey" and "marketing weasle".
    some of the ones i have used include "master of all time & space", "Social Engineer" and "Big Cheese". The social engineer one was the funest to have, once after convincing a marketoid at a booth to give me a t-shirt, he asked me what i social engineer was, i said "I convince people like you to give me things like this" and held up the shirt.

  • How about (Score:3)

    by cperciva ( 102828 ) on Saturday June 09, 2001 @12:40AM (#164904) Homepage
    How about "$NAME, Smart Cookie"?

    I'm sure there are quite a few people for whom that phrase would be both more concise and more accurate than the alternatives.

  • How 'bout these... (Score:3)

    by CritterNYC ( 190163 ) on Saturday June 09, 2001 @12:06AM (#164905) Homepage
    Code Crafter
    Code Poet
    Electron Magician
    Comput-o-Rooter
    Computer Psychiatrist (or Psychologist, Dr, etc)
    Bug Tamer

    Totally Offtopic: While looking for some creative ones on the web (and coming up emtpy-handed), I found this [twilight3d.com] list of funny names two guys got the folks at the airport to page. Funny stuff.

  • If it's clever and geeky... (Score:3)

    by shumacher ( 199043 ) on Friday June 08, 2001 @10:08PM (#164906)
    If it's clever and geeky you want, it's probably already been put on a t-shirt by Copyleft [copyleft.net] or ThinkGeek [thinkgeek.com].

  • Translated foreign languages are good. (Score:3)

    by human bean ( 222811 ) on Saturday June 09, 2001 @03:18PM (#164907)
    A semi-literal translation of "programmer" into chinese and back to english turns out as "master of dancing lightings".

    Also, the title of the head of the PRC space program roughly translates as "Director of Fire Arrows".

  • At where I work (Score:3)

    by jesseraf ( 230545 ) on Saturday June 09, 2001 @01:58AM (#164908) Homepage
    I am:
    Blowfish Chef
    we also got a:
    Domesticated Bitmonkey
    Master of space and time
    Secret Squirrel
    just some thoughts.
    people make such a big deal about titles, which seems trivial until you start applying for subsequent jobs.

  • oh yeah (Score:4)

    by majcher ( 26219 ) <slashdotNO@SPAMmajcher.com> on Saturday June 09, 2001 @02:01AM (#164909) Homepage
    I've had a couple different ones - Galactic Overlord, Alpha Primate, and so on - but the one that most people that I've worked for recenly know me for (and the one that I've used at the last three or so jobs) is "Gun-Toting Psycho". (Inspired in part by a Red Meat [redmeat.com] comic strip.)

    Well, time goes by, and things happen, and eventually my title and I got a mention in a front-page New York Times story about this very subject. (Can't find a URL right now, but it was about six or seven months ago.) Anyway, the higher-up types at The Company didn't take too kindly to me talking to the press without official sanction, and people were not happy all around.

    I wound up leaving that job shortly thereafter, but I've still got my Gun-Toting Psycho name plate, and a whole stack of business cards...

  • My personal favorite (Score:4)

    by ambclams ( 171322 ) on Saturday June 09, 2001 @12:38AM (#164910) Homepage
    As a unemployed student-type, I've given some thought to getting a few business cards printed up with the following job title:
    O2 / CO2 Conversion Specialist.

    Of course, depending on just how productive your job is, this may or may not be the right title for you...

  • In '93 I went to Germany and flew Northwest/KLM. I figured that, given that it was a very long flight, it'd be worth my time to sign up for a Frequent Flyer program. The woman behind the desk was helpful, but she was so tired I thought she was going to fall asleep on me.

    So I decided to liven things up some, with dialogue I hoped would get a laugh out of her.

    "Name?"

    Robert Hansen, thanks.

    "Middle initial?"

    J.

    "Company?"

    The Society of Evil Geniuses Working Together for a Better Tomorrow.

    "... I'm sorry, sir. That won't fit."

    Okay. "Society of Evil Geniuses" will work.

    "Thank you, sir. Job title?"

    God-Emperor of the Infinite Multiverse. God-Emperor will do, if it won't fit otherwise...

    "It won't. Please wait a minute while we get you entered into our system... there. Have a nice flight, God-Emper..."

    At that moment, about five seconds after she entered me into the database, she realized what happened. She started laughing so hard she collapsed on the floor.

    Today, I still get mail from Northwest/KLM addressed to "God-Emperor Robert Hansen, Society of Evil Geniuses".

    My postman must think I'm some kind of weirdo. :)

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