Amusing Job Titles for Business Cards? 64
pastie asks: "I need to get some business cards printed, and want to put something more interesting/fitting as my role than just `developer' or `programmer'. So, what have the readers of Ask Slashdot seen/put on business cards which they thought was good/bad/cheesy?" We did these with our Slashdot business cards, and I saw several others with interesting titles at both LWCE's last year. Anyone care to share some interesting job titles they've seen on business cards?
Re:Business cards at defunct startup (Score:1)
Chief Scientist (Score:1)
Official Monster Raving Loony Party (Score:1)
Keeper of the Wedding Shenanigans Home Page
Kinda mundane (Score:1)
Of course I'm the only person in my 'company' so I do everything.
Accurate AND amusing to customers (Score:1)
I'm now "Chief Geek" at API Digital Communications. It's more accurate in the spirit of my job, and it amuses customers and prospects.
Ego boosters (Score:1)
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Suggestions (Score:1)
Red Shirt
Slave
Galley Rower
Cassanova
Emperor
Captain
Admiral
Supreme Commander
Xenu
Cmdr. Taco
All your base
Goatse Cx
First Post
Karma Whore
Slacker
Illuminati #3
President of the United States of America
I'm the King of the WORLD!
Natalie Portman's Doormat
Tools Hooligan (Score:1)
Business cards at defunct startup (Score:1)
Glutious
Re:My personal favorite (Score:1)
Personal (Score:1)
Elric of Melnibone
Sorcerer/Warrior
Maidens destroyed, Friends Betrayed
1-800-GO-CHAOS
My favorite (Score:1)
More (Score:1)
Re:How 'bout these... (Score:1)
My card: (Score:1)
Laser guns designed, programmed,
built, maintained, operated.
Torches juggled.
Damsels rescued.
But now, in addition to laser tag gear, I'm doing some electronic scoring gear for fencing (the sport, not the stuff that keeps cows in); so I may have to change the first few words to "Electronic sport weaponry and peripherals designed..."
My other business card says:
Doug Burbidge
Super Genius
, which is of course a Wile E. Coyote reference.
Titles (Score:1)
There are endless possibilities with these, as I am sure you have scene. Use a little creativity (If you feel you don't have any, find someone with a copy of PhotoShop or Illustrator on their machine and ask them) and see what works for you.
My hopeful job title (Score:1)
My title. (Score:1)
*Not a Sermon, Just a Thought
*/
Maybe two will do (Score:1)
PS This only real works if you are self-Employed.
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"Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie." - Dennis Miller
Here's a good one.. (Score:1)
Clone #1
John Doe
Clone #2
John Doe
Clone #3
have several of these printed up...
then print up a bunch with random numbers.. hex
binary.
God of Binaries
Computer Witch Doctor
Child
Ugly Bag of Water
(from star trek)
Failed Sience Experiment #8347
Computer Totin', Bug shootin' Cowboy.
(follow up with a "Howdy y'all")
Bugwrestler
Codeboy (like cowboy)
!$&!&(@#.. [error no carrier]
EOF
Destroyer of cheap hard drives
Computer Savior of the Damned
computer mechanic
Yes.. that damned Monkey-wrench
Expert toast maker - I toast NICs
Wire Stripper
(for those that run wire)
Spiderman
(for those that run wire)
Monitor Monitor
Poison tester #91497914987149879814987249814298912
Digital Wallpaper Hanger
Digital interior decorator
Spagettii machine
(for network admin)
Stable boy
(for unix/linux ppl)
Painter of Blue Screens
(for windows dorks)
log flusher
(could work for admins as well as janitors)
man im ROTFLMAO after thinking up that one..
I better stop before i wake everyone else up laughing.
Best one I saw (Score:1)
Re:How about (Score:1)
A real one for you (Score:1)
VOMIT, for short
Re:Internet Database Integrator Of Technology (Score:1)
I like... (Score:1)
Technical Evangelist (love that one)
One of my friends has Network Defender
Or perhaps Security Integrifier
the job title should be simple (Score:1)
My family business (Score:1)
" Connections - Rt. 5 East
SERVICES RENDERED
Labotamies * Mixed Drinks * Hair Cuts
Liquor Distilled * Brain Serguries * Auto Repair
Tooth Extractions * Child Births * Dictations
Civil Wars Started * Executions * Space Travel
Dogs Trained and Women Tamed
Willy D. Shrader, Owner - Operator - Bar Tender"
And of course all typographical errors are actually part of the card, and knowing dad, I can't say whether they were intentional or not.
Lord of the Crazies (Score:1)
You Know The Guy, AKA - "Whipping-Boy". (Score:1)
I have noticed a trend at consulting firms where one guy or girl always seams to get stuck with the real pain-in-the-ass clients.
I always thought of them as the "Whipping-Boy".
Titles (Score:1)
Could be fun, could backfire (Score:2)
A cynical friend of mine said that companies do this to look cool and with-it, but they also do it to throw off head hunters and make it harder for people to be poached by other companies.
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Re:Business cards at defunct startup (Score:2)
That really should be "Grand and Exalted Poobah", by the way.
Good titles... (Score:2)
I always admired Marty Friedman for his cards [mit.edu]
After that, I've gotten some pretty interesting titles (many pretty serious), but I still think the best one for a SysAdmin person is this:
"Social Engineer"
It so aptly describes what really goes on for most SysAdmins trying to do their job...
(And of course, for those privileged enough to share my first name, "Member of the Erik Conspiracy" is required....)
-Erik
Guru Extraordinaire (Score:2)
When they came in, they actually had that title. Still got 'em. My program manager, though, told me never to give them to any customers. :(
Special Agent (Score:2)
I'm a consultant that handles Internet related problems for my clients. Sometimes what I do is technical but sometimes what I do is beuracratic. For instance customers often ask me to register domain names for them, or obtain SSL certificates, or handle licensing agreements all of which require the signing authority of an officer of the company. I noticed a lot of other consultants will do the job "half-way" and leave all the signing for someone in the company who hasn't got a clue as to what their signing. This is how domain bills don't get paid for... an officer of the company authorized the purchase but hasn't got a clue what he just bought and when asked two months later by the billing department, "did you authorized $39 for "netsol 1 year" they 'nope.'
As a result I started asking my clients to make me a special agent with signing authority on behalf of an officer of the company for technical matters. They love the idea and I LOVE the title.
Special Agent Winterstorm, at your service.
one from a friend (Score:2)
A couple at my work (Score:2)
Our head of development has a sign on his door: "Head Geek."
My title (Score:2)
Software Engineer just didn't do it for me.
well, there's always the wile coyote route... (Score:2)
David Millians
Super Genius
i keep threatening to get personal business cards made up with this, but haven't yet.
Hmm... (Score:2)
Worldcom [worldcom.com] - Generation Duh!
Hail Eris! (Score:2)
Tom Swiss | the infamous tms | http://www.infamous.net/
Electrician/Adventurer (Score:2)
Great silly movie, well worth renting.
As a title, it works well with anything:
Web Monkey/Adventurer
Pricipal Engineer/Adventurer
etc.
My Card at Apple (Score:2)
I held a debugging job, and picked "Cybernetic Entomologist".
Mike [goingware.com]
Re:Internet Database Integrator Of Technology (Score:2)
My plans (Score:2)
Cards as a pick-up tool (Score:2)
Back in college, a guy I was chatting with at a keg party handed me a business card that said:
Smile if you want to sleep with me.
I burst out laughing.
I'm not going to tell you if it worked as a pick-up or not, but it beats "don't I know you from somewhere", or (as is more common for geeks) nothing at all.
A couple (Score:2)
I'll bet you could pick up some great PHB-friendly words here [dilbert.com]. Maybe Proactive Leverager of Global Synergy?
go for keywords (Score:2)
Try for words like consultant, independant, or freelance. For instance, I now work as a Freelance Scenic and Lighting Designer and as an Independant Laser Graphics Artist.
Or, go the route of a former professor, whose cards had a name, number, and "witty, vivacious, fun-loving, and talented"
hmmm lets see... (Score:2)
go the "pimp" way... (Score:3)
Screw "programmer"... go the pimp route =)
Well... (Score:3)
Of course it does describe him well...
FastCompany.Com List (Score:3)
Notionologist?
Internet Database Integrator Of Technology (Score:3)
Damn stupid card printing software... (Score:3)
Systems Programmer/Anal yst
J Random Hacker
Systems Programmer/Anal yst
J Random Hacker
Systems Programmer/Anal yst
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Chairman (Score:3)
--
amusing titles i have seen (Score:3)
i recently saw "Web Master", but that wasn't a joke, the boss just thought it was supposed to have a space. I also saw "Porn King" recently.
Some of the funniest ones i have seen were at trade shows things like "code monkey" and "marketing weasle".
some of the ones i have used include "master of all time & space", "Social Engineer" and "Big Cheese". The social engineer one was the funest to have, once after convincing a marketoid at a booth to give me a t-shirt, he asked me what i social engineer was, i said "I convince people like you to give me things like this" and held up the shirt.
How about (Score:3)
I'm sure there are quite a few people for whom that phrase would be both more concise and more accurate than the alternatives.
How 'bout these... (Score:3)
Code Poet
Electron Magician
Comput-o-Rooter
Computer Psychiatrist (or Psychologist, Dr, etc)
Bug Tamer
Totally Offtopic: While looking for some creative ones on the web (and coming up emtpy-handed), I found this [twilight3d.com] list of funny names two guys got the folks at the airport to page. Funny stuff.
If it's clever and geeky... (Score:3)
Translated foreign languages are good. (Score:3)
Also, the title of the head of the PRC space program roughly translates as "Director of Fire Arrows".
At where I work (Score:3)
Blowfish Chef
we also got a:
Domesticated Bitmonkey
Master of space and time
Secret Squirrel
just some thoughts.
people make such a big deal about titles, which seems trivial until you start applying for subsequent jobs.
oh yeah (Score:4)
Well, time goes by, and things happen, and eventually my title and I got a mention in a front-page New York Times story about this very subject. (Can't find a URL right now, but it was about six or seven months ago.) Anyway, the higher-up types at The Company didn't take too kindly to me talking to the press without official sanction, and people were not happy all around.
I wound up leaving that job shortly thereafter, but I've still got my Gun-Toting Psycho name plate, and a whole stack of business cards...
My personal favorite (Score:4)
O2 / CO2 Conversion Specialist.
Of course, depending on just how productive your job is, this may or may not be the right title for you...
Short answer: Whatever you can get away with. (Score:5)
So I decided to liven things up some, with dialogue I hoped would get a laugh out of her.
"Name?"
Robert Hansen, thanks.
"Middle initial?"
J.
"Company?"
The Society of Evil Geniuses Working Together for a Better Tomorrow.
"... I'm sorry, sir. That won't fit."
Okay. "Society of Evil Geniuses" will work.
"Thank you, sir. Job title?"
God-Emperor of the Infinite Multiverse. God-Emperor will do, if it won't fit otherwise...
"It won't. Please wait a minute while we get you entered into our system... there. Have a nice flight, God-Emper..."
At that moment, about five seconds after she entered me into the database, she realized what happened. She started laughing so hard she collapsed on the floor.
Today, I still get mail from Northwest/KLM addressed to "God-Emperor Robert Hansen, Society of Evil Geniuses".
My postman must think I'm some kind of weirdo.