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Advice for a Dad-To-Be? 381

Posted by Cliff from the ah-fatherhood dept.
chrysrobyn asks: "Huzzah! After a few years of trying, my wife is pregnant (due 5 November). I've read about fellow Slashdot readers who are some new and experienced parents. I've certainly read about lots of people getting engaged and married. I'd like to ask for advice on the matter from people in my demographic. What do you wish you had known before child #1 was born? I'm not asking 'how does a geek raise a child?' or 'how do I overclock the activity sets?', but I don't personally know many two income families who are in this position. We sometimes work long hours, and that will either come to an end or we'll put in lots of effort to work around that. What do I do? What do I expect? Are there any products to stay away from? I'm going to be a dad!" Congratulations, on your new family member, chrysrobyn!
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Advice for a Dad-To-Be? More

Advice for a Dad-To-Be?

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  • 1. Food goes in the noisy end.
    2. Diapers go on the stinky end.
    3. NEVER EVER get those ends mixed up.

  • Save the PC (Score:4, Funny)

    by Lemmeoutada Collecti ( 588075 ) <obereonNO@SPAMgmail.com> on Friday April 04, 2003 @01:15PM (#5661861) Homepage Journal
    Never ever leave an unlocked keyboard. Even Linux crashes before the mighty baby! No matter how safe PC parts seem, don't leave them laying around. Experiments in edibility are a baby specialty. Sleep whenever you get a chance. You won't get many. Being a geek, caffiene is already your friend, it will become moreso. And most important: remember your wife! She is the one going through the pain and labour that makes upgrading an old VAX server to run Linux look like a walk in the park!

    • Re:Save the PC (Score:2, Funny)

      by Anonymous Coward
      She is the one going through the pain and labour that makes upgrading an old VAX server to run Linux look like a walk in the park!

      Wait ... you mean that being pregnant is even more fun?
    • Not just PC's. Phones, answerphones, baby monitors, power outlet sockets, etc etc.

      My 2.5 YO phoned a client's voicemail today. I had locked my phone but he can power it off, then on, then the lock is off. Also, someone in our house regularly changes the OGM on the answerphone - I wonder who?

      Baby monitors have been plugged into the wrong transfomers - bzzzt! (One of my kids put the feed from the transformer into their mouth once - they didn't do that again!)

      Radio alarm-clocks have been retuned or reset, l

  • Google (Score:5, Funny)

    by Kalak ( 260968 ) on Friday April 04, 2003 @01:18PM (#5661893) Homepage Journal
    I'm sick of these Ask /.s that can be solved with a simple Google search! If you can't figure out raising kids with a quick Google search, I don't know how you can call yourself a geek!

    Seriously though, keep your sense of humor and perspective on the whole experience. If you have the humor of a kid, then you can understand a lot of what makes them tick, and can see things from their point of view. If you work on this, then you can see the world through your kids eyes. This not only helps your personal enjoyment of living, but help you see how to deal with those arguments/fights/frustrations as well. If you can see it in your kids perspective, then you'll be better able to troubleshoot or debug the situation.

    For reference, I've got a 5 year old boy and a 4 year old girl (with apraxia [apraxia-kids.org]). Congrats and have fun!

    • Re:Google for kids (Score:4, Informative)

      by mattsucks ( 541950 ) on Friday April 04, 2003 @01:36PM (#5662062) Homepage
      I tried the Google search, but thanks to some A-lists tech blogs all I got was 30 links about how raising goats will lead to peace, universal love, harmony amongst nations, free (as in beer) music ...
      If I'd tried this 42 days ago I would have discovered the meaning of life....

      Another example of Googlewashing ... when oh when will something be done ????
    • you mean you got a boy up to level 5 with apraxia!
      Man y0 must be l33t!

    • ...can't figure out raising kids...

      Naturally the questioner was confused.

      And for a very good reason; here on Slashdot there have been many references to kids or, rather, full-grown goats.

  • Congradulations!!!!!! (Score:4, Insightful)

    by bac()n ( 658534 ) on Friday April 04, 2003 @01:20PM (#5661920)
    Buy legos. Looottttsss of legos. =)

    • Re:Congradulations!!!!!! (Score:4, Funny)

      by Rick the Red ( 307103 ) <Rick.The.Red@nOsPaM.gmail.com> on Friday April 04, 2003 @02:32PM (#5662596) Journal
      Absolutely! Having a kid is the best excuse you'll ever have for buying all the toys you never got when you were a kid.

      Also, read [epinions.com] these [epinions.com] books [epinions.com] , NOW!

      • less sanitised books (Score:3, Informative)

        by Sad Loser ( 625938 )

        Being a good parent is very difficult. It is much easier to start off with good habits and enforce them, rather than duck them and try to sort them out later.

        Sleep is absolutely critical- both yours and theirs.

        If you can't get sleep right, you get an over-tired irritable child which develops a whole lot of other problems e.g. behavioural problems. People always say to us "aren't you lucky, your children sleep really well". It's not luck. We worked hard at it, it was difficult, but it was well worth it
    • Buy legos. Looottttsss of legos. =)

      Just remember to always turn the light on when you get up in the night. Lego's really, really hurt when you step on them with bare feet.

  • Three pieces of advice... (Score:5, Informative)

    by burnsy ( 563104 ) on Friday April 04, 2003 @01:21PM (#5661922)

    1) Do not tell anyone you are pregnant until 12-15 weeks. Miscarriages are quite common and you will feel horrible if it doesn't work out.

    2) Do not tell your friends/family the sex or the name of the baby until he/she is born. If you tell everyone these details upfront, there is much less suprise and interest when the sepcial day finally comes. I have had 2 sets of friends who were told the wrong sex (it is never exact unless you have genetic testing) and boy were they red faced (and stuck with the wrong clothing and no name).

    3) Buy a PVR or a TiVo if you ever want to watch TV again. PVR's are a new parents best friends.

    • I totally agree with 3. It only gets worse as they get older. Tivo also works wonderfully now with my 15 month old for taping Clifford the Big Red Dog and Caillou and Teletubbies.

      • The worst part about them as they get older is that you're always soooooo close to getting them on schedule, but they still make you miss the first few minutes of every show. Babies you expect to interfere, but by the time they're 3 you have this (ill-conceived) notion they should be structured enough to get to bed on time.

        On a related note: just revisiting this gem this week... if you happen to leave your VCR near the floor with a toddler around, make sure you tell them not to stick their fingers inside.
      • YES!! Tivo or any other PVR is totally necessary if you like to watch tv.. Ther baby doesnt care if your show is on.. she wants attention.. Let tivo tape verything and watch it when you get time. I also use my tivo to record sesame street for the baby. When she gets cranky she can be amused easily by watching a big bird:)

        Mike
    • I vouch for #3 also. If it weren't for my TiVo, we probably would never be able to watch anything. Generally, you won't be able to watch TV while the baby is awake, because it will demand too much attention. Our daughter likes to shriek while the TV. Press pause, she stops shrieking. Press play, she starts again.

      Also, make sure your wife breast feeds for a year.

    • You might as well get started now. Dora, Little Bill, Clifford the big red dog, Blues Clues, etc. are the ones to steer the kid toward. Unfortunately Mr. Rogers died recently, but he is still in reruns and he was/is one of the better ones. Try your best to stay clear of Barney, however he does for some reason have a soothing affect on children, but please for your own sanity save him as an absolute last resort.

      Your most frequented resturant in the near future will be McDonald's. Forget anything where
      • Oh yea, bring on the lego sets (the space tyco sets too) and the linkin logs, and the erector sets. I loved my first lego set with motors, I was in heaven! :)
      • Seriously, children are great and it gives you a chance to play with all the new TOYS!!! Gi-Joe, Barbie, Legos, Erector sets, etc.

        Some of us just skip the kid and go right for the toys...

        --trb

      • Re:Three pieces of advice... (Score:5, Interesting)

        by belroth ( 103586 ) on Friday April 04, 2003 @02:47PM (#5662748)
        My son is three and a half and we've been to McDonalds once, for me when my blood sugar was low. We made a decision to give our son real food - he still likes chocolate but he also likes (not tolerates, likes) green vegetables, fruit etc.
        We stopped eating 'ready meals' and almost all our food is now home prepared - if you give your child what you eat you don't have to prepare 'kiddy meals'. When we eat out he either has some of ours or we order a proper starter for him (usually both). Only in France have we ever bothered with meals aimed at children because in that restaurant it was a small adult portion. He still likes (and gets) chocolate and crisps but most of his diet is real food.

        I agree about the TV except - teletubbies (I hate it, he loved it but has now grown out of it) and Bear In The Big Blue House. If you can get them Thomas The Tank Engine and Bob The Builder are good - Bob The Builder is an excellent role model for small kids.
        When your child is newborn to about 1 year remember to watch TV with teletext subtitles (closed caption?) to keep you sane with the crying.

        My final tip - spent time with your child s/he will soon grow and you shouldn't miss any more than you can help. Cut out the late nights - fulfill your work obligations but be at home as much as you can. You should have a better relationship with both your wife and child. They may change as they get older but children would rather have your time than the toys you work overtime to buy.

        Oh and a final tip - listen with your eyes when your child talks, don't watch TV or read when being told something which is important to her/him.

        • Good for you. I hope I do as well. 99.9999% of parents just shovel crap in their kid's face, and will do ANYTHING to just get the kid to shut up. That's how we end up with so many stupid, spoiled, worthless people in society ...

          ooops, I ranted.

    • As a follow to number 1, grok the fullness of the fact that you've a 33 percent chance, simply by being pregnant, of miscarrying, and a miscarriage is generally a *good thing,* as there was a wrongness. You can always try again in a month or two.

    • Nahh - what else are you going to do at 2AM while you are waiting for the bottle to warm up?

      Seriously -
      1) You will not get much sleep the first few weeks/months - this too will pass...but it takes awhile.
      2) Every kid is different!
      3) Babies are sacks of potatos till maybe 4 months old.
      4) The first time they actually smile or chuckle will absolutely melt your heart(even a geek)
      5) Once you bring the baby home - the first likely problem is feeding them. Mom may not have her milk come in for upto 5 days after t

  • things to consider... (Score:5, Informative)

    by StillDocked ( 471133 ) <(stilldoc) (at) (nycap.rr.com)> on Friday April 04, 2003 @01:22PM (#5661931) Homepage
    gratz, first of all...

    My partner and I had our first child 7 months ago, and it has been wonderful, we, like you are yours, both worked long hours and made a choice, luckily, my employer has allowed me a flexible schedule (nights and weekendss for a couple of years) so that I can stay home with our child. If the possibilty of one of you staying home does not exist, and you do not have a trusted friend or family member to look after your child, and thereby witness a ton of firsts, you need to start looking now for a day care provider. Pimp friends and family for recommendations, check with the local child and family services organization regarding the recommendations, and then do two visits, on announced, and then one not announced, so you get a feel of the places.

    Secondly, baby monitors can wreck havoc upon wifi systems, even if they aren't in the same frequency range. Don't ask me how, I have stopped trying to figure it out. We only use the monitor when it is necessary.

    If you are working while watching your child, be prepared to work in 15 minute spurts, and choose tasks that you can leave undone and go back to. Your child may be wonderful in this regard, mine is happily playing away in his exer-saucer while I am doing this, however, some children need constant attention and interaction.

    Learn to take time for yourself, and learn to give your wife time as well. Your little bundle of joy will be just that, but he/she will also be exhausting, physically and mentally. In a good way, not in an up-all night because someone forgot to process a batch job corectly way...

    Buy a car seat that is set up to be "staged" meaning that it has settings for newborns, babies and toddlers, it will cost more in the short run, but in the long run, it will save you having to buy three car seats. Same with the travel system.
    Also, buy a wipes warmer. It sounds odd, but your child will be much happier having himself cleaned with a nice warm towelette as opposed to a cold one.

    Most importantly, enjoy. This is a wonderful time, an excellent time, and so full of amazing activies.

    It is a great excuse to get new hardware, digital cameras, photo printers and such.

    Good luck and congratulations.
    • I have to laugh out loud when I see the wipe warmer on the list of "must-haves."

      We regard it as one of the signs of an "uber-mom." Right up there with Eddie Bauer stroller, the $75 patagonia fleece jumper that will be outgrown in 2 months, and yoga for infants. (Don't get me wrong, we put our kids in play groups, but not $20/hour ones.)

      Also, as far as the point about car seats, I would NOT recommend getting one that fits 3 stages. The goal is not to but the least amount of gear, the goal is to protect yo
    • > baby monitors can wreck havoc upon wifi systems, even if they
      > aren't in the same frequency range. Don't ask me how...

      Noisy harmonics. This stuff qualifies for the low bar at
      the FCC because it's low power.

      > I have stopped trying to figure it out. We only use the monitor
      > when it is necessary.

      That's good, because otherwise you'll end up with a baby like
      an insane Rhesus monkey from some 1980's psychology experiment,
      or one of those North Korean triplets.

  • Sacrifice (Score:3, Insightful)

    by esorense ( 199722 ) on Friday April 04, 2003 @01:23PM (#5661936)
    If you want a kid. I think you should also want to raise that kid and either one of you should, if financially possible, make the carreer sacfice and stay home with the kid and raise it. It makes no sense to me the people that seem to want to work more than raise their children.
    • This is a good point. My wife stays at home, and I work. She wouldn't be able to make enough money to cover the cost of child care, her wardrobe, commuting, etc...

      I know a lot of people can't afford to do this, but most of us in the geek community are making a decent enough salary to raise a family on. We've had to make some sacrifices for her to stay home (Like living in an apartment instead of buying a home, tight budget, etc...), but we still have enough money to enjoy life, and most importantly, our s

  • Sleep when they sleep! (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Cuchullain ( 25146 ) on Friday April 04, 2003 @01:24PM (#5661945) Homepage
    You will be exhausted at first. Don't try to be goal oriented and work while the kid sleeps... Sleep when they do, it is more important than a perfect house, or whatever you are hacking on.

    Trust me, Sleep is priority one for the first few weeks.

    Cuchullain

  • Childproof now! (Score:3, Informative)

    by Tye_Informer ( 412478 ) on Friday April 04, 2003 @01:25PM (#5661957)
    Speaking from experience... Even though the baby isn't due till November, and probably will be mostly immobile till sometime next February, start preparing and working on stuff now!
    My wife and I did a lot of things to get the baby's room ready but we didn't figure we needed to do the childproofing stuff till the baby was learning to crawl. That's around 4 months at the earliest, but you will spend that first 4 months actively caring for the baby or sleeping. If you aren't feeding the baby, you are changing the baby, if not that you are changing your close because of one of the prior two. If the baby is asleep then you are asleep. Even when you are at work, you are probably sleeping. Next thing you know the new baby is crawling and then it is all you can do to play catch up with all the things the magazines say you should have done by now.

    Next piece of advice, ignore the magazines, you will get enough of the "good parents do this" when your new baby is a teenager.
    • This is only funny because of my house. Liquor cabinet is in the living room ankle high. Living room coffee table is plate glass just high enough to clothes-line a running toddler. Room full of computer equipment for them to hassle, and the drawer with the big knives in the kitchen is also the on the bottom.

      Why don't I just leave my loaded pistols out in plain sight while I am at it, instead of carefully hiding it underneath my pillow. Oh wait ...
    • If you have freinds with kids - in the 18 months to 2 year range (younger can help but most do not move as fast!)

      "Rent them for a Day"

      You will never think of the stuff in your house that is unsafe -- until you watch one of these kids - take it a part.

      A book case with large books at the bottom and the "kid" books at the top. Either bottom boooks are stairs or a chair/box/toys are used.

      A flower pot is turned over. You ask how a child that is 20 pounds can turn over a large 50 pound flower pot. EASY.
  • ...are the worst ;-)

    -psy

  • Thoughts from the dad of a 9month old (Score:5, Informative)

    by dmorin ( 25609 ) <dmorin@@@gmail...com> on Friday April 04, 2003 @01:26PM (#5661962) Homepage Journal
    Our first child, Katherine, was born just about 9 months ago. Here's my thoughts, in no special order:
    • Get her honest opinion on her career versus raising a child. Does she want to go back to work eventually? Fulltime? My wife is a physical therapist who very clearly wants to be a fulltime mom, but not give up on her career. So she works 1 weekend a month.
    • Financially speaking, are you where you need to be if she wants to stop working? Personally I'm dead set against families that just plain can't afford a child but decide to have one anyway. Not a big fan of dropping a 1month old in daycare 5 days a week. People do it, sure. But when we bought our house last year I made it a point to do all the finances on the assumption that there would only be my salary, not hers, so that we have the option of letting her be the mom she wants to be.
    • Insurance. Decide up front whose insurance the baby will be on, since by default the hospital will put the baby on mom's. But since my wife was quitting and thus would not have insurance (well, not as a part timer) then I needed to put them both on mine. The ensuing confusion (since we both had the smae company, just different accounts) lasted months.
    • Babies do not always come on time, so get things ready at least a month ahead of time.
    • Your wife will "nest" whether she acknowledges it or not. That's scientific talk for "Oh my god we have to paint this room pink RIGHT NOW" when she's only 5 months along. Go with it. Buy the furniture. Then realize that most people have the baby sleep in the same room as the parents for the firsts 6 months anyway.
    • If you have any fear of dropping the baby or otherwise not holding her properly, forget it. Instinct kicks in and you'll do just fine.
    • Come labor and delivery, your job is to do what your wife says. If she wants mom and dad there, fine. If she doesn't, then no matter what mom and dad say, take a stand and kick them out. Same with visitors. After the baby is born people will want to come see. If your wife is tired, or breastfeeding, or whatever, by all means scoot the visitors out firmly. She should NOT feel uncomfortable or otherwise upset by anybody, not after what she's just gone through.
    • Recording things is cool. Personally I kept a paper diary of every day of her pregnancy from the day she told me to the birth. Went home, printed and bound it (with newborn pictures) and gave it to her as a present. I have no opinion on the couple who recently broadcast the entire delivery on their weblog. Not a big fan of recording the actual birth.
    • Pack *your* bag for the hospital. They will give your wife most of what she needs (in terms of food and clothing), but not you. You may be there the better part of the week.
    • Speaking of which, discuss the plans for immediately after the baby is born. Will you be by her side 24hrs a day? Because odds are that you want to get the house ready for her (not to mention the impending flood of visitors). Also, you probably have limited paternity leave that you might be better off using up once you get home. My wife's mother was with her every day in the hospital, which gave me a chance to go home, get the mail and newspapers, shower, and make sure that the air conditioning contractor hadn't stolen the jewelry.
    • If somebody suggests sometihng that sounds like a silly idea to you, skip it. One we heard was "Bring scented oils to get rid of the hospital smell, a bathing suit for dad in case mom wants to go in the shower while in labor, and your favorite CDs to listen to." We used none of that. Some people might like it, though -- thus, to them, it doesn't sound silly.
    • Do not research yourself silly, you'll only get an ulcer out of it. The doctors will probably tell you many things that *could* happen, which your brain will hear as "will" happen, and therefore you brace yourself for the worst. If it is something to worry about, they will tell you. Ask. I remember when my wife was a
    • Pack *your* bag for the hospital. They will give your wife most of what she needs (in terms of food and clothing), but not you. You may be there the better part of the week.

      Amen. With our first child we arrived at the hospital at 10 PM and the baby was not born until 4 PM the following day. At one point, the nurse ordered me to go the cafeteria and get something to eat. She was worried that I would faint during the actual delivery due to lack of food.

      When our second child was born, I brought my own g

      • I had a box of Wheat Thins. Silly us arrived at the hospital at noon, having skipped lunch. I asked the nurse if Kerry, who was starving (and now on IV drugs) could have some crackers, she said "Are you nuts? Do you want the anesthesiologist to yell at all of us?"

    • Re:Thoughts from the dad of a 9month old (Score:4, Insightful)

      by bellings ( 137948 ) on Friday April 04, 2003 @01:42PM (#5662131)
      My only bit of advice to add to this -- the dad can be the stay-at-home too.

      I'm assuming that it's become more and more common to be in a relationship where the woman makes more money, has better insurance, and has a stronger work identity than the man does. In those cases, daddy might put the carreer on hold, cutting back to a few hours a week, while mommy continues to work 60 hour weeks.

      Good luck.
      • Actually, I'm not sure what "long hours" means, now that I think of it. Is it 50 hours? 70? 110? I guess it depends on where you live. Here in Fargo ND, 60 hours a week are considered "long hours", but the expectations aren't that high here.

    • Re:Thoughts from the dad of a 9month old (Score:4, Insightful)

      by Darnit ( 75420 ) on Friday April 04, 2003 @01:51PM (#5662216)
      I'd like to add that you and your wife are the boss. Don't let grandparents tell you what to do. They give advice not demands.

      The doctor is not always right! If you don't feel comfortable with the diagnosis, tell the doctor and if he doesn't acknowledge your worries and help you through them, find a new doctor.

      A pediatrician is not neccessarily better than a family practice for all of you.

      Don't panic when something odd happens. There are a lot of new things you will experience that will scare the shit out of you. If you have friends with children call them, they've probably had the same thing happen. Don't be afraid to call your parents for advice.

      Don't take any crap from daycare providers. They work for you. It is your child, if you think it is dangerous, TELL THEM!

      Be flexible with daycare providers. They have seen many children just like yours. They may have recomendations on when to kick the bottle, pacifier or baby food.
  • You won't sleep. No, really. Don't kid yourself that "the wife will take care of everything". Expect to have to do at least one night feeding with a bottle (or, if you're not going to give the baby a bottle at all, helping the wife by diapering, fetching things, etc).

    Even after the baby's grown a bit, don't assume that you can watch her and work at the same time. It won't work very well.

    Contrary to all the jokes, in-laws are a godsend. If your mother-in-law wants to come over to help, and she's not

  • Get rid of ribbon speakers! (Score:4, Insightful)

    by renehollan ( 138013 ) <[rhollan] [at] [clearwire.net]> on Friday April 04, 2003 @01:30PM (#5662006) Homepage Journal
    Our 18 month old destroyed the ribbons on a pair of Carver loudspeakers (over 15 years old) with his tiny fingers.

    I suppose I should have expected this, but the speakers were safe around his less-curious sister (7 years his elder).

    Once they get mobile, they can and most likely will destroy anything they can out of sheer curiosity.

    While you're locking up valuable/fragile stuff that you don't want broken (the $100 VCR is prolly worth taking a chance with), don't forget general baby/child proofing of the home. There's plenty of sites on advice about this. You won't let the kid out of your sight, of course, but it is better to be safe than (very, very) sorry.

  • Child Care Takes A Lot Of Time (Score:3, Informative)

    by north.coaster ( 136450 ) on Friday April 04, 2003 @01:33PM (#5662036) Homepage

    When my first child was born, the biggest shock to my system was how much time my wife and I had to spend doing child care. Babies are helpless, so you gotta do everything for them. Maybe if I had younger siblings (or wasn't such an idiot) I was have known what to expect, but I was completely caught off guard.

    Forget working on any type of hobby or non-essential home project for at least three months (probably more).

  • congrats (Score:5, Informative)

    by farnsworth ( 558449 ) on Friday April 04, 2003 @01:33PM (#5662042)
    apros pos of slashdot, I would emphatically recommend setting up some sort of photo repository application *now*. and test it. make sure it easy to upload pictures with one hand, because once the baby comes, you'll no longer have the use of both hands. unless you are both orphans or live with your entire family, a lot of people will be *dying* to see pictures, and they will not stop asking you for them. it's very easy to set it up now, and it will well worth it, come november.

    apros pos of parenthood in general:

    1. get sleep now
    2. go see movies now
    3. help your wife with keeping healthy. read about nutrition and excercise, and do it as a team.
    4. have a birth plan
    5. say goodbye to all your friends :)
    6. have a strategy for childcare. you probably wont be able to arrange specifics this far in advance, but you have to start narrowing it down.
    7. if you have any long-term non-family related tasks to do, DO THEM NOW. for example, forget about learning c# in 9 months.
    8. find a parents support group near you. there are millions of things that you will need to do that currently you have no idea how to do. if you're in the SF Bay Area (or don't mind filtering through local info), check out the berkeley parents network [berkeley.edu].
    9. have fun! don't sweat it too much. people have been doing this for a pretty long time with moderate success, and half the parents are in the bottom 50 percentile!

    • Buy a digital camera now. Learn to use it. We bought a CoolPix 2500 the month before the baby got here. 2MP, about $180, images up to 1600x1200, flawless reprints up to about 8x10. Buy 2 additional memory cards for it, too. We have a 128M card, and it holds 273 pictures at 1600x1200, high-quality mode. Drop it to 1280x1024, and it jumps to over 500. You can probably get away with 64M cards for a 2MP camera. Photo Printer. Epson Stylus is nice, but the color cartridge is one cart for all 6 colors.
  • "Get rid of the computer."

  • Priorities (Score:5, Informative)

    by Fished ( 574624 ) <amphigory@gma[ ]com ['il.' in gap]> on Friday April 04, 2003 @01:37PM (#5662069)
    Let me start with my "qualifications": I have four kids, aged one to five. While I cannot claim to know everything, I think I do have some idea what you're in for. As a part-time pastor, I've also seen more than a little bit of what goes wrong in marriages. Here are a few tips:
    1. Remembers why you had kids in the first place. I think a lot of people go into having kids with the vague idea that it will be "fun", and then don't have a good foundation when it turns out to be a lot of work. Having kids isn't fun - it's the creation of a new person. These are not pets, they're people, and for that reason their value cannot be reckoned.
    2. I would strongly recommend that you consider whether having two incomes is worth it. The bottom line is that, when all the accounting is done, it rarely pays to have two incomes. First, decent daycare is expensive - for anything worth having, at least $700-1000/month/child. Second, there are many hidden expenses of working - how often do you eat out because everyone's too tired to cook? How much do work clothes cost? The net effect is that I'm not sure many families make any more money by both working unless they have very special skills (i.e. doctor,lawyer,etc) or have free childcare.
    3. The good news: your kids won't be little forever. Hang in there.
    4. The bad news: your kids won't be little forever. Don't squander the terrible twos sitting in front of the TV or the playstation.
    5. Get your finances in order. Yes, really. The best thing you can do for your kids is have a good marriage (divorce devastates kids, and anyone who says otherwise is deluded.) And the first best thing you can do for your marriage is to have your finances in order. This doesn't mean making a lot of money, it means not spending money you don't have. If you don't have a budget, make one: http://www.snowmintcs.com/ offers some good software to help.
    6. As soon as the baby's old enough, arrange a date-night at least once a month. (Typically, "old enough" is about six weeks.) This follows from the previous: the second best thing you can do for your marriage is to spend time together away from the kids. And don't forget to have fun: this shouldn't be a time to bitch about money.
    7. Following the previous two: if your marriage starts to fall apart, do whatever it takes to stop that. If that means quitting your job and being home, do it -- there's always welfare. Don't wait for the divorce notice to start working on your marriage. (And, oh yes, run like hell from adultery before it happens to you.)
    8. If someone decides to stay home with the kids, the YMCA is your friend. I'm not sure how common this is, but here the YMCA (1) gives membership to anyone, even if they can't pay and (2) has free childcare while you work out. The time away from the kids is important.
    9. One thing worth noting: most of the things kids really need cannot be bought, and most of the things that are really good for them are free. A public playground is good for kids on about sixteen million levels - and that $20 toy will be busted within a week.
    10. This is a team effort: get as much help from the family as you can. But this is your responsility, don't let grandma run your kid's life.
    11. Discipline early and often, and consistently. How you discipline (i.e. spanking or not) is not nearly as important as being consistent. A book called 1-2-3 Magic offers an excellent start on a good pattern of discipline. Also, if you wait until the kids are three or four to start disciplining, you're doomed. Start when they start crawling and they will grow into it.
    12. Most importantly: the goal of child-rearing is not always a happy kid. It's a happy, productive adult. Sometimes, the kid needs to cry today to smile tomorrow.
    Okay, there's more to say but that's all that comes to mind. :) Good luck, and don't forget your priorities: first, your marriage, then your children, then yourself.
    • I'm definitly bookmarking this discussion for future refrence. :)
    • If this wasn't already modded up, I'd say mod this up

      One other thing about both parents (I'll say Mom for short) working. Sometimes the "Mom" has a career of her own, and wants to work so not to loose that. It's a BIG decision. I'll disagree that good child care costs 700-1000/month - I WISH it cost that, try $1600-$2000/month/child! It really doesn't pay, but it can save your sanity

      My wife took the first 3-4 months off, and after that went back to work, but not for the cash, but because she is the ty
  • In no particular order:

    ** You will not sleep. Not like you're used to. You might get one good night after 8 months. Eventually this will go away.

    ** Music works wonders. For my daughter, it was the Doors. Keep experimenting.

    ** Consider the Ocean Wonders Aquarium (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0 0 005YVRN/qid=1049477770/sr=10-1/ref=sr_10_/002-6279 546-3886455?v=glance&s=baby&st=toys), you'll be glad you did.

    ** Get on your hands and knees and crawl around and look at your ho
    • RE:
      Realize you'll never look at life the same way again

      As my ex boss (who is a /. reader) said to me just before my first was born "The second they put your child in your arms, the whole world changes"

      You rapidly understand about the "Lioness defending her cubs" - Oh yeah, you'll feel that way too, and if you have a girl, you will REALLY understand those jokes about "rules for dating my daughter"
      • I do have a girl.
        Any boy coming to the house will see my shotgun and shovel by the door under a sign that says, "I know how to use both. Have fun."
        Having said that, I think my girl is going to learn how to take care of herself.
  • Our baby was colicky. You can't believe how bad this is. He screams like he's being tortured all night and there's nothing you can do.

    All the medical sites say there's no cure except to wait it out. Our pediatrician concurred, though we tried all sorts of things.

    Finally, I found a suggestion on the Net that worked.

    REMEMBER IT. TELL YOUR FRIENDS:

    Baby Zantac (or any equivalent medication). Our baby had acid reflux and it was burning him, causing terrible pain. Few doctors seem to consider this, but at the
  • After a few years of trying.... You're a geek so I must assume you consume coffee (or other sources of caffine) galore. Next time, cut it out of your system. Ditch the tighty whities and put some boxers on. Yeah, I know there are many other reasons conception can be difficult, but those are just two pieces of advice for the rest of the the readers here.

  • Pregnancy. (Score:3, Informative)

    by fava ( 513118 ) on Friday April 04, 2003 @01:46PM (#5662162)
    NEVER repeat NEVER argue with a pregnant woman.

    The hormonal changes during pregnancy are 7 times the hormonal changes that cause PMS, so even if you win you will loose.

  • Step One: Lighten Up (Score:5, Funny)

    by gmhowell ( 26755 ) <gmhowell@gmail.com> on Friday April 04, 2003 @01:46PM (#5662166) Homepage Journal
    Step One: lighten up. You're the dad, and you're married. You won't get to do the fun stuff unless they let you. 'They' is your wife, her friends, her sister(s), your sister(s), your mother, your mother in law, etc. All of this is good, as if you start to smell poop, you run for another room. Doesn't matter which room, as long as the kid isn't there. Another good hint is to look at her sister, your mother, etc. and say "Oh, isn't it cute when Junior does this?" then run to the other room. Their ability to let a kid sit around in a poopy diaper is much less than yours. Trust me.

    While naked kids running around are kinda funny in a Lord of the Flies way, they will piss on things even more indiscriminantly than a vile cat. You have been warned.

    Read my journal, and look at my friends list. I've written plenty on the subject. Go to www.marotti.com and look for my 'geek dad' writings. Honestly, I've already covered most of the basics on the subject.

    What else... Learn to work the repeat function on your DVD player. The kid's favorite Disney flick plus A->B repeat equals hours of peace and quiet.

    Newborns and infants don't do much. Oh, it'll be interesting as hell for you, but they really don't do anything. Eat, crap, sleep, repeat. If you're lucky (there's two types of luck;) you'll get a screamer. That would be my sister and her husband as infants.

    Cut back on the work. My father is a physician. Did and does work 60+ hour weeks. Mother used to run his office, and did the same. I had more toys and other shit growing up than probably 99% of the people out there. Didn't make me any happier than spending time with the folks.

    Enjoy the sex while you can. It IS going to change. But I'm sure you can get plenty of advice on masturbation from almost anyone on /.

  • Silly that this all I have to add off the bat, but there are plenty of other bits of advice already...

    We brought a string of soft pastel-y x-mas lights to the hospital room. We strung them up and kept them on pretty much 24-7. (I was able to stay in the room in a convertible couch while my wife recovered.)

    This had a number of benefits. First of all, the room had only 2 states: 8 flourescent lights on, or pitch darkness. The /baby/ doesn't wake you up nearly as much as the staff. A nurse will walk in every
  • That I'm in the wrong business. I shoul've gotten into diaper recycling. That's where the big money should be, at least if my experience is even slightly close to the average.

    Of course you'll have to deal witht the Evil Cloth Diaper Keiretsu, but that just makes things interesting.

  • I am not yet a parent, but hope to be soon, and we're actively trying. This is a subject very dear to me.

    A lot of personality is laid down very early (first few years,) be it nature or nurture. This is what kind of person your child is, and how your child relates to other people. If you're actually bright creative geeks, raise your own kids if you can.

    We won't be a 2 income family. Childcare is so expensive that the second salary means a lot less, especially compared to actually knowing and raising our ow

  • Congratulations! (Score:5, Informative)

    by Mandomania ( 151423 ) <mondo@mando.org> on Friday April 04, 2003 @02:05PM (#5662347) Homepage
    My wife and I had a son just over two years ago. Here's our two bits:
    • Prepare for sleepless nights. This was the one thing that caught us completely by surprise. People always joked that we'd never sleep, but I thought, "Hey, I've worked crunch time. I've put in 100 hr. weeks. This baby won't be so bad." Ha! That little monster kept us awake for a year. Just FYI. If you don't have a coffee maker, get one now.
    • You can NEVER have too many diapers. Believe me, there's nothing worse than making a 3am run to the store to pick up diapers for a 6 mo. old. NOTHING. Oh, and pick up a Diaper Genie (it's one of those diaper pail things with the sealable bags). It won't block all of the odor, but it helps. A LOT. And get a wipe warmer (I think someone might have already mentioned it).
    • Teething's a bitch. Unfortunately, beyond keeping those little teething rings nearby, there's not much you can do. Kids sometimes get feverish when they're teething, so before you panic and think your kid has malaria, check the gums. She's probably teething.
    • Speaking of malaria, kids get sick. This is the worst part of being a parent, IMHO. You will NEVER feel more helpless in your entire life than when you're holding your sick kid, and they look up at you with those "I-feel-like-shit-why-won't-you-do-something!" eyes. Again, not much you can do here other than take the kid in to the pediatrician, give them the medicine, and suck it up. They get sick all the time (especially if they're in day care), but it's just a fact of life. And it doesn't get any easier :-(.
    • Enjoy this time. Each phase of childhood has it's own joys, but the first 6-9 months are really special. Everything's new, and everything she does will be "The First". The First Smile. The First Laugh. The First Crap. The First Projectile Vomit. You get the drift. Savor these moments, because like college basketball, they're over far too soon. Once she's mobile (crawling or walking), it's all over.


    This should get you started :-). Of course, if you have any questions or just wanna bawl like a little girl, I'd be happy to help (or ridicule). Email's above.

    I wonder if there's a Geek Fathers club...

    --
    Mando

  • Baby emotions (Score:5, Interesting)

    by GCP ( 122438 ) on Friday April 04, 2003 @02:12PM (#5662411)
    I was quite surprised by the sophistication of my child's emotions. (My child is probably typical in this respect.)

    When he was about 6 months old, he was trying to do something. His attempts were pretty silly, because of his inexperience with the world, and I laughed at him. Not a big laugh, just a chuckle.

    When I did, he suddenly got a look on his face that was absolutely clear. He was obviously very offended. Then it quickly changed to embarrassment and he stopped trying to do what he had been working on and refused to try again.

    I was really shocked. I had no idea that a 6-month-old baby could understand that he was being laughed at (not with), nor that he was capable of having his pride hurt.

    I assumed babies were simpler, with very simple emotional responses to physical needs and wants. I never imagined that I could hurt a baby's pride.

    I guarantee it never happened again. Since then, I've been very careful to treat him with a lot more respect.

    I should also say that he resembles me a lot and I can pick up his emotions easily because I recognize my own reactions. I never realized how difficult it is to be a baby or small child. They have LOTS of fears and frustrations. The worst for him appears to be a frustration at the lack of control he has over his own life. If I want something, I can just take it, and he knows that. If he wants something, he has to ask, and more often than not the answer is a "No" for which he has little appeal. (It's often something dangerous that I can't compromise on.) That lack of control is very stressful to him, which is something I hadn't anticipated.

    Take their emotions seriously. Imagine yourself in their position and have some empathy for how tough it would be. It seems to be approximately as tough for them as it would be for you in the same situation, which would be pretty tough if you think about it, so try not to automatically say "no" just for your own convenience. Think about how you would like to be treated if you were trapped in their situation, and treat them accordingly.

    • Excellent comment, wish I had moderator points today. We've been trying, but no luck yet. You had some very interesting thoughts that I hadn't even considered.

      Jason

    • Re:Baby emotions (Score:5, Insightful)

      by belroth ( 103586 ) on Friday April 04, 2003 @03:30PM (#5663115)
      Once the childs comprehension starts picking up (5/6 months) whenever possible explain the reasons for prohibitions etc. They won't understand to start with but they will gradually start to pick things up and it will train you to treat them as intelligent. Not going overboard, the explanations are simple to start with but it's a principle of communication you are establishing.
  • My wife gave birth last thanksgiving morning, so my daughter is now ~4 mos old.

    When she first got preganant, she didn't want to go to an OB/GYN, but instead go to a birth center and be with midwives. I thought it a bit granola at first, but went to the open house to see what they had.

    The place was across the street from the hospital, and they commented on how they can get a mother from the birth center to the delivery room/OR of the hospital in 3 minutes in case there's a problem (like an emergency C-sec
    • they can get a mother from the birth center to the delivery room/OR of the hospital in 3 minutes in case there's a problem (like an emergency C-section).

      Try holding your breath for 3 minutes.

      Try it, then see how long it takes your psuedo-medical team has to get the doctor up to speed as to what's happening, what's been done, and to figure out what to do next.

      60 seconds without oxygen is enough to cause brain damage in a newborn. An accomplished OB/GYN can do a c-section in 10 seconds if necessary.

      Don't

  • Sign Language (Score:3, Interesting)

    by Darnit ( 75420 ) on Friday April 04, 2003 @02:21PM (#5662497)
    The most important thing I can say that won't help you right now is teach the child sign language. Learn some basic sign language (eat, drink, sleep, ouch). Start at around 6 months. By 9 months they will be able to tell you when they are hungry. This is wonderful and simplifies your life.

    My son is 15 months old and knows eat, shoes, on, and "more" as in more food in sign language. We started him at 12 months. He can only say momma, dadda, hot, look, shoes with his voice, the sign language helps other things. Using sign language and voice he vocally says "shoes" while signing "on". My sister in law is trying to teach him "shiznit" and I'm trying to teach him to say "drunken flirt". In sign we are working on bath, dog, drink, mom, dad, thank you, and milk.

    I recommend the book Sign with Your Baby by Joseph Garcia.

    ISBN Number: 0963622927 for searching

    Amazon.com link [amazon.com] Hopefully this one works.

    For all of our shower gifts to our friends and family we get this book. It is so worth it.

  • You mention that you are both working long hours. Do a detailed analysis of your post-child finances and compare that with your wants/needs. You may find that having one of you stay home is quite viable.

    I remember watching a show where they had a couple where both parents worked - I think one even had two jobs. They got on that treadmill and didn't think they could stop and still cover their expenses.

    When an expert reviewed the situation they found that she could quit. The IRS was taking a huge chunk of t

  • A few more tips to add. (Score:3, Interesting)

    by cornice ( 9801 ) on Friday April 04, 2003 @02:43PM (#5662701)
    1 - Learn about pregnancy and child birth. If you are a geek and truly like knowing how things work then this will blow you away. My wife and I took one of the natural child birth classes. She did deliver naturally but that doesn't really matter so much. What was best about it was that we were very well educated and always knew what was happening and what to expect next. This is not the norm. Most couples that I spoke to were completely ignorant and completely scared about child birth.

    2 - Kids like a routine. Think about it. Everything that a young child experiences is new. Their little minds are searching for patterns. Sometime a little routine can go a long way.

    3 - Get sleep when you can. I made the mistake of taking on an extra programming project thinking it would be good since I could do it from home. As a result I worked when our baby slept. I never slept. Sleep deprivation can ruin the great experience of having a baby. Some sleep deprivation is unavoidable but don't let your gaming, programming, surfing habits get in the way of some quality sleep. Oh yea, don't be fooled into thinking you can get much of anything done while your baby is awake. It doesn't work. Focus on the baby or focus on work. You will be much happier and effective that way.

    4 - Exercise. I can't tell you how much it helps to get out and clear your head. Having kids requires a lot of energy. Exercise goes a long way towards cultivating this energy.

    5 - Know that your life will change. Your priorities will change. Some of this will be difficult if you aren't ready for it. If you are a busy person already then you will give something up - maybe a lot. Accept it and move on. It's so worth it but you may not always feel that way.

    6 - Someone before me mentioned the importance of maintaining your marriage. I can't stress this enough. You and your wife have to make time for each other and work hard at appreciating each other. It's all too easy to get totally focused on the baby and forget everything else. You need each other. The baby especially needs you both. Find out what makes your spouse feel happy, loved, romantic, etc. and do it often. You have to work at it - both of you. I have seen way too many friends split up lately because the stress of kids made them loose focus of what is truly important.

  • Don't Boil the Baby (Score:3, Informative)

    by Chelloveck ( 14643 ) on Friday April 04, 2003 @02:45PM (#5662727)

    Check out The Story About the Baby [ironycentral.com]. The first year of a child's life, as seen by her dysfunctional geek of a father. Not only is it a great introduction for what to expect, it's hilarious as well. Should be at the top of any geek parent's reading list.

  • 1. Get lots of sleep now..
    2. Pampers are a waste of money.. go with luvs
    3. Walmart has a very nice baby section much
    cheaper then babiesrus.
    4. Do those last minute extreme things you always
    wanted to do.. Like skydive. After the baby is
    born your SO will freak if you do them.
    5. Dont bother starting any big household
    projects.. once the baby is born you wont have
    time to finish any of them. I stripped wall
    paper off my stairs about a month before the
    baby came.. 4 months later I am just
    • Find a way to work from home, especially during the first year or two. Even if you have to quit or cut back to some part-time contracts.
    • Don't let your wife eat peanuts or other allergenic foods while pregnant or even while breastfeeding, especially if there is a history of food allergies.
    • Breastfeed. You'll have a healthier kid (go ahead and start the flamewars, but I believe it). Plus, daddy doesn't have to get up in the middle of the night to feed the kid.
    • 75% of the crap you'll buy or get as gifts i

  • Buy your wife a gliding rocker (Score:4, Informative)

    by SoCalChris ( 573049 ) on Friday April 04, 2003 @02:52PM (#5662801) Journal
    Buy her a nice glifing rocker chair for those nigths she will be up feeding the baby. Also, get her some sort of a Tivo type thing for when she is up feeding him in the middle of the night and there is nothing on tv.

    If you make a comment to Huggies on their website (Good or bad comment), they will send you a coupon for a free pack of diapers. Also, you will start getting tons of crap in your mail. Look through it, there ar some good coupons in there. We were getting a free coupon each month for Carnation formula from a magazine we had gotten signed up for.

    Finally, formula smells bad. For the first several months of their life, your baby's formula will smell worse than their crap. Trust me on this one. The faintest whiff of formula just turns my stomache now.

    Most of all, just have fun! Enjoy your baby the first few days when all he does is sleep (It won't last long!). Make sure your wife gets plenty of rest, she'll need it the first several months.

    Enjoy your baby!

    Chris - Father of a 9 month old boy

    • Read about the benefits of breastfeeding [health.org]. Print it out and give it to your wife and have a serious talk about it. It's hard for us guys to believe, but those breasts weren't put there for us.

      There are many non-trivial benefits to breastfeeding. Unless the mother is physically unable to nurse, the ONLY benefit to formula feeding is convenience.
  • I just had my second yesterday. I am trying to remember what life was like before the first, and I can't remember all the ways I had to change to adapt.

    This sounds pretty basic, but it is more important than you think. Take time to be with your wife. She is going to go through an emotional roller-coaster ride and she needs you around to support her. If you can, go to the doctor visits with you and try to be as familiar with what she is going through as you can.

    Also, after the baby is born, you have to com
  • For years, everyone seems to have thought that flexible means how late can I come in, and how late can I stay

    My wife and I went the other way, she goes in "later" (she gets to work at 9:00), and I go in early, and leave early - I'm in at work before 7:30am, so I get home first. We did it this way because I'm the cook in the family

    BTW Congrats - it's a trip
  • Not being a parent, but having talked with many friends who are parents, I will give you the sage advice that I have found was unanimously agreed upon:

    Take every bit of advice about raising children you ever read in books and completely forget it.

    God forbid you neglect and abuse them, but the "parent method" books don't seem to work for a lot of parents (scheduling feedings around the mom?!) because kids aren't necessarily wired the way shrinks want them to be raised.

    Don't ever let somebody convinc

  • Congrats on the pending offspring!

    Firstly, you and your wife must decide in advance the following: 1) Natural birth or with pain killers (drugs, epidural, etc.); 2) To snip or not snip if it's a boy (we opted to not circumsize, as it's not required) and don't let your doctor give you shit either way; 3) To snip her or not (the episiotomy). Getting these medical questions settled beforehand will ease the stress during the thick of things.

    Go out and buy yourself a copy of The Complete Tightwad Gazette.

  • If you and your wife are both working outside of the home,
    or too engaged with work to parent effectively, you should
    hire a full-time nanny. The nanny should be a long-term
    position, lasting at least through first grade, not a revolving
    door job. The nanny will be your child's actual parent.
    You will be a roommate.
  • One more thing... You need to baby proof your computer!

    You won't need to do this before they are crawling, but you should so you don't have to worry about it later.

    Make sure all of the cables behind/under your desk are out of baby's reach or secured. Little boys in particular are fascinated by cables, and they will pull on them and chew on them. You don't want our infant pulling the power cable out of the back of your computer and then chewing on it.

    If your computer is somewhere that your baby can g
  • First, start learning basic sign language now.

    Then, sign while you speak to the child. The child's primary block to communication is learning how to make the sounds.

    The child won't be able to do the signs precisely, but you'll have communication earlier and it won't slow down the vocalization.

    (My uncle had success with this method.)
  • I'm in the same two-income long-hours first-child-on-the-way (July 8th) boat as you are.

    She's going to cut back, and I'm going to telecommute the days she works, and we'll figure out the rest from there. :)

  • For the sake of those of us who don't like children and have had the good sense to remain childless, I'd like to suggest a largish cage, a shock collar and a cattle prod.

    Some little brat pissed on my shoe yesterday in Borders... and his brood mar... mother (carrying an infant and pregnant - showing, again) stood right next to me PRAISING HIM FOR PULLING DOWN HIS PANTS IN PUBLIC. Bitch didn't even apologize. To anyone.

    Not that I'm bitter.

    OK, now I'm going to make a more rational statement: Stay involved i

  • RUN! (Score:2)

    by MacGod ( 320762 )
    Oh dear god, run like hell!

    See this article [theonion.com] for more info.

  • One word: breastfeed (Score:5, Informative)

    by Fished ( 574624 ) <amphigory@gma[ ]com ['il.' in gap]> on Friday April 04, 2003 @03:55PM (#5663290)
    I've already posted here, but one of those many things I'd forgotten came to my attention: don't even think about bottle feeding. No, I'm serious. Don't.

    Here's a few reasons why:

    1. Breast is best. No, really, it is. Even the formula companies, in their advertisements, have to admit that breast feeding is by far the best thing for your kids. Breast-fed babies get sick a lot less (I have twin two-year olds that have only been sick with colds/ear infections twice -- bottle-fed babies seem sick all the time, especially if they are in day care.) There's also conclusive evidence that breast-fed babies are more emotionally stable, and some reason to be that they are on average smarter. Also, there are a few chronic diseases (such as Krohn's disease) that breast-fed children just don't get. These last for a lifetime.
    2. Breast is easiest. Visualize a two AM feeding. Now, at one two-AM feeding, you have to go downstairs, get out the formula, find a bottle, clean a bottle (if your house is like mine), warm a bottle, hold the bottle while the baby eats, burb the baby, clean up where the baby spit up all over you because bottle-fed babies puke more, and finally, an hour later, go back to bed. Don't forget that the baby is screaming the whole time cause he has colic because you're bottle-feeding. At the other two-AM feeding, you get the baby out their crib, walk her to the bed, where your naked wife sleepily takes the baby in her arms and feeds her. The baby barely wakes up, and the mother barely wakes up, and you are back in bed in less than five minutes. You can then, 15 minutes later, return the baby to the crib if you must, but it's really not a big deal.
    3. You will be denying income to some seriously evil corporations that do things like giving free samples of formula to third-world mothers, then letting the babies starve when the samples run out and the third-world people can't afford more.
    4. Your pediatrician will thank you. (None of your other doctors will care, but your pediatrician will.)
    5. Your wife will tend to lose baby weight much more quickly. Also, Breast-feeding produces a hormone that contracts muscles in the lower abdomen stretched by pregnancy. Short form - yum.
    6. Did I mention that the pregnancy breasts stick around longer? Yum.
    7. Breast milk is tasty, especially warm. yum.
    8. Breast-milk comes in shapely, reusable containers.
    9. Formula is *expensive*.
    If it's so good, why don't more people do it?
    1. In the 20's and 30's, it was stylish not to breast feed. Breast-feeding was considered low-class.
    2. There was some serious hubris starting in the thirties that said that we could out-do nature and that breast milk was better for the baby. This is conclusively disproved.
    3. Silly victorian body modesty.
    4. Grandma bottle-fed, and is libel to be offended if you tell her that what she did wasn't best. People get seriously offended about this. Tell 'em to go to hell.
    5. Did I mention that the formula companies spend a lot on advertising? Seriously, when you go the hospital, even if you're breast-feeding, you will be baraged with promotional junk provided by the formula companies. If you do not have a good pediatrician, you will get it there too.
    6. Formula is free at first. Kind of like cocaine.
    7. Breast-feeding *hurts* for the first week or so. This can't be denied. Trust me: it does get better.
    Anyway, there's my rant. This is based on four children worth of experience, breast and bottle fed.

  • My daughter turned 2 weeks old yesterday (Score:4, Insightful)

    by CDS ( 143158 ) on Friday April 04, 2003 @07:03PM (#5665336)
    Congrats!! I know exactly how you're feeling right now - my daughter was born 2 weeks ago :) :) :)

    Since I'm new at this "father thing" as well, I am only qualified to give advice on pregnancy and the 1st couple weeks of life...

    PREGNANCY:
    1) Backrubs are good. Backrubs are VERY good. For valentines day, I got my wife a one-hour "pregnancy massage" at a local spa (focusing on all the typical sore spots a pregnant woman has). Get her one of these. Cost is no object. Schedule it for approximately a month before the baby is due. She'll need it by then.

    2) Understanding and patience is good. your wife's body will be undergoing massive changes - physical, chemical, and emotional. These changes will NOT be understood (by either of you) and can be frightening and even embarrassing. Go with the flow. Be there for her. She needs you more than ever before.

    3) Get her things. "How about a glass of ice water, honey?" Be proactive - anticipate her needs. It will be appreciated.

    4) Have everything ready in advance. Get the room painted. They have "starter kits" with all sorts of things in them that you wouldn't have thought of. Buy a couple packs of diapers. Make sure the room has a good nightlight - you'll be stumbling into there at 3am on a daily basis.

    5) There is an online magazine (with accompanying deadtree mag) called ePregnancy. http://www.epregnancy.com/ -- Sign up for the weekly email. It's very good at explaining exactly what is happening week to week. The weekly emails are tailored to the correct week of pregnancy. My wife really looked forward to reading about what is happening to her each week.

    6) Get the carseat a few weeks in advance. Take a carseat class BEFORE buying the seat. Once you buy it, PUT IT IN THE CAR and make sure you understand how it works. Do NOT wait until your child is born. oh, and SEND IN THE REGISTRATION CARD for the carseat. I cannot stress that enough. I know, it gets you put on another junkmail list. But it also gets you put on the carseat recall list. You do NOT want to be using an unsafe seat. TAKE THE CARSEAT CLASS. Over 80% of people using carseats are using them incorrectly.

    DELIVERY
    1) Take a prenatal class. Make sure they do a tour of the delivery unit. Make sure you know where to go IN ADVANCE - the Big Day arrives and you'll be too panicked to have to search for the right entrance to the hospital.

    1) Be there for her. Be patient and understanding with her. She's SCARED AS HELL at this point. She's heard all sorts of horror stories about pain. Comfort her. Do what she asks :)

    2) Epidurals are a godsend. We live in the 21st century. Modern medicine is a GOOD thing. Don't be afraid to take advantage of it.

    3) Bring a sandwich. You'll be in the delivery room for a while. Your wife will need you there. Make sure it's not a stinky sandwich (I threatened to bring tunafish...)

    4) Bring CDs of soft, soothing music (ie Enya). It helps during the contractions. We found a nice CD of Dolphin music at walmart for $4 or so - it's got ocean sounds, soft piano music, etc. Worked great.

    5) If your wife is planning on natural delivery (ie no drugs), make sure to have a "focal point" she can concentrate on during the contractions. Also, take your wedding ring off -- she'll break your fingers squeezing your hand against your ring!

    6) Help in the delivery. I held one of my wife's legs and counted while she pushed. Watch during the birth. IT'S AMAZING!! It WILL change your outlook on life.

    7) Don't be surprised by anything that occurs. There is no modesty left during delivery. Just enjoy it. it's a TRUE miracle.

    AFTER YOUR CHILD IS BORN
    1) no visitors while you're in the hospital. Use the time to recover and enjoy your new child. Also use the time in the hospital for education. Those nurses know a LOT. Rely on them.

    2)

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