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Funny Things You've Seen on Resumes? 361

Posted by Cliff from the selling-oneself-on-paper dept.
noackjr asks: "Everyone wants a great job, but writing a quality resume requires creativity and a fair bit of work (we won't go into actually having the proper skills, qualifications, or experiences -- let's not cloud the issue). Alternatively, sprucing up your resume with a few choice pieces of quasi-truth might set you apart from other 'qualified' candidates (the HR person will never figure it out, right?). A friend from college included knowledge of 'C, C+, and C++' on his resume. He had worked in C and C++ and just figured there had to be a C+ as well (too bad he didn't list C+-). He ended up getting a $50,000+/yr job with a major US tech firm using that resume. Anyone else come across funny/pathetic attempts to improve a resume?"
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Funny Things You've Seen on Resumes? More

Funny Things You've Seen on Resumes?

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  • Additional Accomplishments (Score:5, Funny)

    by Strange Ranger ( 454494 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @05:33PM (#7672946)
    First Post on slashdot.org

  • Mind boggling what people get away with (Score:3, Funny)

    by fm6 ( 162816 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @05:35PM (#7672979) Homepage Journal
    Saw a resume once with a lot of bogus stuff on it. Not only had the guy listed degrees from schools he never attended, he misspelled the names of the schools. Didn't stop him from getting hired at the height of the dotcom bubble.

  • Programming languages (Score:5, Insightful)

    by GuyMannDude ( 574364 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @05:36PM (#7672983) Journal

    I grow weary of seeing lots of young 20-something applicants fresh out of school who claim they have excellent coding skills and then proceed to list about ten different languages including HTML. First, HTML is not a programming language. Secondly, it takes years to learn how to program WELL in a complex language like C++. You may know the basic syntax for ten different languages, but that doesn't mean you're an expert programmer in all. And I'd argue that if you think listing tons of languages makes you look impressive, I would argue you're not much of a programmer at all (unless you've been working for decades).

    Another applicant wrote in his cover letter than his goal was to get a Nobel prize. We are a defense contractor. They don't give out Nobel prizes for "Most Novel New Method to Kill People". Besides, this guy had a GPA of less than 3.5. Better get cracking if you want that Nobel prize, pal.

    GMD

    • Re:Programming languages (Score:4, Insightful)

      by rot26 ( 240034 ) * on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @05:51PM (#7673211) Homepage Journal
      First, HTML is not a programming language

      No, but it's a meta-language, and they usually don't include a space to include the meta-languages you are proficient in. It's easier (arguably safer) to just throw "HTML" in with C, C++, etc, and take a chance on having a nit-picker down you for it, rather than take the chance of it being a keyword some HR drone is looking for and not finding.

      • No, but it's a meta-language, and they usually don't include a space to include the meta-languages you are proficient in.

        I'm talking about resumes so there are no "spaces" to fill out.

        It's easier (arguably safer) to just throw "HTML" in with C, C++, etc, and take a chance on having a nit-picker down you for it...

        I'd be really wary of hiring a program who displays this kind of "what I wrote wasn't exact but you know what I mean" attitude. IMHO the best programs ARE nit-pickers. I'd be much more impr

    • Re:Programming languages (Score:5, Funny)

      by secolactico ( 519805 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @05:54PM (#7673254) Journal
      Besides, this guy had a GPA of less than 3.5. Better get cracking if you want that Nobel prize, pal.

      I dunno... there's always the Peace one. What was Mother Teresa's GPA anyway?

    • Re:Programming languages (Score:4, Insightful)

      by meta-monkey ( 321000 ) * on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @05:54PM (#7673256) Journal
      I know a few languages really, really well. I'd say C, C++, PHP, perl I know backwards and forwards. However, I'm also familiar with many, many more, like Java, Objective C, SQL, python, JavaScript, several assemly languages, etc. I list them all on my resume, but the best ones first. Now, do I know Java anywhere near as well as I know C++? No! But if I got hired for a job where I needed to do extensive Java programming, I'm pretty sure I could ramp up awfully fast. So why not list Java programming as one of my credentials? I agree with you on the HTML thing, though :)

      The Nobel Prize? Eh, if I ran the committee, you guys would have a chance. You make big guns, and the fact that we have those big guns makes our enemies too afraid to attack us, making the world a safer place. I hereby nominate you, GuyMannDude, for a Nobel Peace Prize! (or should that be "Nobel Piece Prize?")
      • I'd say C, C++, PHP, perl I know backwards and forwards.

        Does anyone aside from Larry really know Perl completely?
        • I'd say C, C++, PHP, perl I know backwards and forwards.
          Does anyone aside from Larry really know Perl completely?

          You misunderstand. He's saying that he knows C, C++, PHP, perl, ++C, and lrep.
      • I'd say C, C++, PHP, perl I know backwards and forwards.
        I know PHP backwards and forwards, its the same both ways, I just had to learn it forwards.
      • Nonono... Trust me. You don't know perl backwards... Simply because perl doesn't allow such thing. In Perl, instructions are run sequentially, going forward only.

        If you really want to impress, you must say you know Befunge [mines.edu] backwards. In case you don't know, Befunge is a languge that allows the program counter to move not only forwards and backwards but also sideways. You can see some sample programs here [mtv3.fi].

    • Re:Programming languages (Score:5, Insightful)

      by Johnny Mnemonic ( 176043 ) <mdinsmore&gmail,com> on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @05:59PM (#7673345) Homepage Journal

      Free hint: they list all the languages that they have heard about, because recruiters search keywords on the web-based job boards. The goal of a resume is not to prove your skills--the goal of a resume is to get to talk to a recruiter. The interview (or three) is the place to demonstrate your skills.

      Anybody who keeps to a strictly modest resume simply hasn''t looked for work in the last three years--getting the recruiter to recognize that you're actually an ideal candidate for a position that they know nothing about is more than half the battle.

      • Re:Programming languages (Score:5, Interesting)

        by ConceptJunkie ( 24823 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @10:59PM (#7676455) Homepage Journal
        Absolutely true.

        A resume isn't a resume any more, it's a list of keywords for some recruiter to search on. He doesn't know what the words means, he's just looking for matches. ...and I say this as a foolishly steadfast person who refuses to put anything on his resume that he can't back up 100%. If I say I can do, then, dammit, I can do it.

        It's not your father's job market out there. Employees are commodities, on about the same level as office furniture, except the office furniture gets to stick around longer. You are not a person with a unique set of skills, but rather a list of keywords that may or may not have any bearing on your skill set, or even worse, the intangible benefits of a well-rounded education.

        What employers seem to want today is an idiot savant. Someone with superior skill in whatever particular item they are interested in (or think they are interested in), and they don't give a damn about anything else.

        I know from experience that "thinking out of the box" may be an overused and supposedly virtuous cliche term, but most managers wouldn't know how to do it and would be frightened or angry if their employees actually did.

        I just survived 5 months at a place where, based on my resume and interview (I'm a Windows C++ programmer with 16 years professional programming experience), they couldn't hire me fast enough, but insisted I work like an entry-level person. If an entry-level programmer couldn't walk in on what I was doing at any time and immediately understand it, they didn't want to see it. I probably pee'd a few people off when I suggested that the 4-programmer team I was on could easily be replaced by one programmer and a couple of QA people at about half the cost, and then explained how. But of course, this is government work, you aren't paid the most for getting the job done quickly, you are paid the most for billing the most hours before the deadline.

        Sorry, but I'm just a bit cynical about it all these days.

    • Re:Programming languages (Score:5, Informative)

      by the Man in Black ( 102634 ) <jasonrashaadNO@SPAMgmail.com> on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @06:00PM (#7673370) Homepage
      They don't give out Nobel prizes for "Most Novel New Method to Kill People".

      Actually... [216.239.37.104]

      I count 16 Nobel Prize winners highlighted. Sure they didn't EXACTLY win for what their discoveries were used for, but still.

    • Re:Programming languages (Score:3, Interesting)

      by Anonymous Coward
      Someone I know very well listed the specialized language used by the tech company they applied to on their CV even though they only had passing knowledge of it. Upon being granted an offer they immediately asked for a start date months/weeks in the future (can't remember exact time span). They spent this entire time building credible expertise in the language.

      I wonder how often this happens. I was surprised to learn the company didn't ask specific questions to test knowledge of the language, but I guess y

    • Re:Programming languages (Score:2, Insightful)

      by Anonymous Coward
      You are doing a disservice your orginization by automatically writing off all 20-somethings as lacking excelent coding skills. Just because you were out playing football and drinking beer in your late teens and weren't working on commercial software products to pay your way through college doesn't mean all 20-somethings don't have years of experience and the ability to write and even design highly complex projects with high quality levels. In fact, some of the best software engineers I know are in their mid

      • Usually I don't respond to obvious trolls like this but people are modding him up for some reason.

        You are doing a disservice your orginization by automatically writing off all 20-somethings as lacking excelent coding skills. Just because you were out playing football and drinking beer in your late teens and weren't working on commercial software products to pay your way through college doesn't mean all 20-somethings don't have years of experience and the ability to write and even design highly complex pro

    • Re:Programming languages (Score:5, Insightful)

      by Tom7 ( 102298 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @06:12PM (#7673537) Homepage Journal
      You may know the basic syntax for ten different languages, but that doesn't mean you're an expert programmer in all.

      On the other hand, if you have a good general education in programming with a lot of hacking experience in a few languages, then you sure won't find it very difficult to pick up C#, even if you only have passing familiarity with its syntax.
    • So you're saying anyone with a GPA of less than 3.5 can't get a good job and has no skills? Better tell that to the employers I have had for the last 5 years, some of which while I was in school... instead of memorizing test questions, I was busy learning how to program at my job to help get me through my over priced education.

    • Re:Programming languages (Score:5, Insightful)

      by foonf ( 447461 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @06:26PM (#7673711) Homepage
      They don't give out Nobel prizes for "Most Novel New Method to Kill People"

      You do know how Alfred Nobel [lucidcafe.com] made his fortune, right?
    • > They don't give out Nobel prizes for "Most
      > Novel New Method to Kill People".

      Irony intended, I'm sure, but you do know what Alfred Nobel was famous for, right [britannica.com]?
    • I grow weary of seeing lots of young 20-something applicants fresh out of school who claim they have excellent coding skills and then proceed to list about ten different languages including HTML. First, HTML is not a programming language. Secondly, it takes years to learn how to program WELL in a complex language like C++. You may know the basic syntax for ten different languages, but that doesn't mean you're an expert programmer in all. And I'd argue that if you think listing tons of languages makes yo

    • Re:Programming languages (Score:5, Insightful)

      by cperciva ( 102828 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @07:50PM (#7674775) Homepage
      Secondly, it takes years to learn how to program WELL in a complex language like C++.

      No. It takes years to learn how to program well. Once you know how to program well, picking up a new language shouldn't take more than a few weeks, except in the most baroque cases (INTERCAL, BrainF***, etc).
      • BrainFuck is really easy to learn.. It only has 8 symbols and no real syntax. Doing anything useful in it is just a pain in the ass.

      • Re:Programming languages (Score:3, Interesting)

        by Zarf ( 5735 )
        It takes years to learn how to program well.

        I would also say that it takes time to learn a technology or tool used in programming. It takes time to learn the tools/programming techniques associated with Unix, Databases, and Networking. I think employers should look for people with a basic toolset that fills most of their needs and not worry if the person doesn't know their programming language of choice... or the precise toolset they have... but the problem is in the measure of skill.

        How do you prove

  • Well... (Score:4, Insightful)

    by Violet Null ( 452694 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @05:36PM (#7672988)
    We all know that the HR people put the impossible into their resumes (5 years of Java back in '96, anyone)?

    And we also all know that HR does keyword searches on resumes, throwing out any that don't have the keyword.

    So why would't turnabout be fair play?

  • Time travel... (Score:5, Funny)

    by eyeball ( 17206 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @05:36PM (#7672989) Journal
    5 Years experience administrating Windows 2000 server.

  • Self Appraisal Goal List (Score:5, Funny)

    by SmoothOne ( 216906 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @05:37PM (#7672993) Homepage
    Not exactly a resume, but during our evaluations every year we have to fill out a form, which amoung other things asks us to list our goals for the year. In an attempt to see if my manager actually reads these things, I listed one of my goals as "world domination". Needless to say this went unnoticed for three years. When he finally did recognize it and questioned me on it, I replied that I didn't like to set my goals too low.

    • Re:Self Appraisal Goal List (Score:5, Funny)

      by kurosawdust ( 654754 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @05:44PM (#7673115)
      I did the same thing on the application for enrollment to MIT. Right next to "name", they had a space marked "What do you like to be called?". So feeling mischievous and lamenting the fact that I dont have much of a nicknameable name, I put "Your Highness." Needless to say I didnt think I was going to be accepted in the first place, but I was a tad surprised when I received a bill from them in the mail; I called them up to ask about it and told them that I dont know why I had gotten the bill, since I had already paid the application fee, and they said "We know."

    • Re:Self Appraisal Goal List (Score:5, Interesting)

      by fm6 ( 162816 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @05:49PM (#7673179) Homepage Journal
      That's reminiscent of something Alan Turing did during WW II. He wanted to learn to shoot a rifle, so he joined one of those voluntary rearguard units. Once he'd learned to shoot, he quit. Not usually allowed, but when they came to arrest him, he just pointed to the form he'd signed. Where it said, "Do you agree to server for the duration of the war?" he'd written, "No." Of course you were supposed to write "yes," but nobody ever checked.

      How is that world domination thing going?

  • I once ran off a batch of resumes on an ASR-33 Teletype -- no lowercase, crappy canary-yellow roll-feed newsprint paper, etc.

    One of those resumes got me a decent job...

    • When I was in high school, supposedly someone (friend of a friend thing) got into the local state University by filling out the application form with an orange crayon.

      I actually buy this story since large Universities get a lot of applications and I'm sure the endless forms start blending together.

  • This is the bizarrest thing I have heard of - mind you, I have also seen software misspelt (as 'Soft Ware' and 'SoftWare')

  • Not as dumb as you think... (Score:3, Insightful)

    by lynx_user_abroad ( 323975 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @05:45PM (#7673141) Homepage Journal
    The tactic of including something which obviously isn't right just to get attention is a well proven strategy.

    Here's one to watch for: watch for television advertisements where a product is pictured as reflected in a mirror, but the product name isn't mirror imaged. The eye will be drawn to the product name instinctively as the mind is saying "shouldn't that be backwards?"

    Some people consider a Resume to be a sales tool; an advertisement for themselves; and in keeping with our long-standing tradition of skirting the truth when advertising, consider it more important to get noticed than to be truthful.

    After all, the truthful ones who don't get noticed stand less of a chance at getting the job (or making the sale) than the untruthful ones which make it to the interview.

  • > ...knowledge of 'C, C+, and C++' on his resume.
    > He had worked in C and C++ and just figured
    > there had to be a C+...

    He obviously had not worked with either long enough to understand the humor in the name of "C++".
    • You sure of that? At uni, we referred to the language we did everyday utility programming in as "C+". Basically, C with the function overloading, one-line comments, iostream library, and other useful features from C++, but without any attempt at object-oriented programming.

  • 'Slashdot Editor'. (Score:3, Funny)

    by Mordant ( 138460 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @05:48PM (#7673167)
    That one's good for hours of laughs! ;>

  • Ah, good ol' Welles (Score:5, Funny)

    by Txiasaeia ( 581598 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @05:51PM (#7673212)
    A friend of mine applied for an IT job with "DoubleplusC" as a programming language. Needless to say, after explaining the humour to the interviewers he got the job. (Soulless bastards they turned out to be)

  • On a related note... (Score:5, Funny)

    by Datoyminaytah ( 550912 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @05:54PM (#7673258)
    Once, when I was being interviewed simultaneously by one technical person, and one non-technical person, the non-technical person, reading my resume and finding acronyms and other technical jargon he was unfamiliar with, asked me:

    "So, tell me, did you implement LRF 1.0 in project xyz?"

    I replied that I had not. I told him I was not familiar with LRF, and asked what it was.

    "Little Rubber Feet. It's a bulls**t filter."
    • A few jobs back, I was the longest-employed member of a development group, and as such had to be on all the interviews. Our standard question was "What do you think of VI?" (pronounced "vee eye"). Needless to say, any answers involving Visual InterDev resulted in immediate disqualification...

  • Pathetic in the "I'm such a geek" kinda way... (Score:4, Interesting)

    by ChaseTec ( 447725 ) <chase@osdev.org> on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @05:55PM (#7673282) Homepage
    Usually in the extra skills/info section I like to add a little blurb about how I like to play around with writing Operating Systems. It's one of the few things in todays world that instantly lets people know that I'm really a computer geek and not just a normal person working in IT. It was probably what got me the interview for my current job.

  • 2 funny ones (Score:5, Funny)

    by wowbagger ( 69688 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @06:00PM (#7673364) Homepage Journal
    First funny one: we had a guy list as an accomplishment on his resume (for a DSP software engineer) his marriage to his wife.

    Second funny one: A friend of mine was part of the team interviewing folks where he works. During one inDUHvidual's interview, my friend closed his notebook and put down his pen 5 minutes into the interview. The higher muckitymucks noticed this, and after the interview said to him "OK, you noticed something we didn't - what was it?"

    The inDUHvidual kept talking about how she had worked at "bom-BUH-deer" aerospace here in town. Yes, she was really a good worker at "bom-BUH-deer".

    Bombardier is a Canadian company, and is pronounced according to French rules - "bom-BAR-dee-AY". And they are VERY clear about that to their employees.
  • I just recently interviewed someone based on a impeccable resume. The job basically boiled down to some javascript programming, and he'd been programming javascript for several years. He even knew the industry application we were using in our environment.

    However, about 30 seconds into the interview (right after "Didja have any trouble finding us?") i figured out that he was either an outright liar, or suffered some sort of blunt-head trauma on the way to meet me. Not only didn't he have any idea about anyt

    • Re:Thank god for the interview (Score:5, Funny)

      by paulydavis ( 91113 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @08:10PM (#7674994)
      I had a friend who on his way to the interview got into a car accident. He had a concussion. This was his second interview and had decided to go to it anyway. Needless to say, he didn't get the job. I asked him what the hell he was thinking why didn't he call them and tell them what happened. He said well really I wasn't thinking very well.

  • circa May 2000... (Score:4, Funny)

    by the quick brown fox ( 681969 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @06:04PM (#7673440)

    "Significant experience with Internet navigation."

    That one went up on the company intranet's quote board!

  • Nonexistant institutions (Score:3, Interesting)

    by Lionel Hutts ( 65507 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @06:06PM (#7673455) Journal
    In my field, the canonical example is the degree from Princeton Law School. A Google search turns up several references that are not obviously jokes or fictional -- like this [jeanmonnetprogram.org] or this [cs.com] (though those are not resumes).
  • In a resume writting class, which are great by the way, a girl was upset about using DOS.
    She wanted to use Disk Operating System in case the interviewer didn't know what DOS stood for.
    She was adament about expanding all acronyms. TCP/IP, Perl etc
    What if they don't know?
    What if they think it is something else?
    What if they think she doesn't know what it means?
    The instructor assured her that DOS is good to have experience with but will not be a deal breaker when getting a job.

    I wanted to ask her

  • The circus (Score:4, Funny)

    by HeroicAutobot ( 171588 ) * on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @06:10PM (#7673510) Homepage
    Thankfully I haven't had to update my resume in a while, but I used to include the circus as previous work experience.

    I was actually in the circus at one time, though it never applied to the jobs I was interviewing for. (Not directly anyway.)

    I'm not sure how much it helped in getting my resume noticed, but it was great for interview small-talk. "Were you really in the circus?" was my most common interview question.

  • True but funny stuff on resumes (Score:4, Funny)

    by msuzio ( 3104 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @06:11PM (#7673512) Homepage
    My favorite piece on a resume was an application I got for a junior developer position. We're talking ground-level work for a very small firm...

    This fellow was over here from China on a Visa, and getting a job was obviously key to his continued stay here. He had a decent amount of background in web programming, resume looked good. I finally got to his job history from China itself, and his formal schooling.

    He listed 'Resident Neurosurgeon' as his last job title before coming to America.

    Me: "Umm... is this correct? You worked as a neurosurgeon?"

    Him: "Oh, yes."

    Me: "But... you weren't operating on people, surely? You were training to be a doctor?"

    Him: "Oh no, I operated on patients for two years there. I worked on people's brains."

    I resisted the urge to make a joke about who did he think he was, some sort of brain surgeon? I later on got a similar opportunity when I hired a Chinese girl who had a PhD in (you guessed it) rocket science. :-)

    (No, I didn't hire the brain surgeon. We found a candidate with more experience and less likeliness to jump ship from us if a job opened up in his true area of expertise)
  • It is becoming more and more common in science to see resumes that list the honors one has been offerred, but for some reason the recipient denied them.

    An example of this is in post-doctoral fellowships, which are generally quite prestigious. A person may only accept one at a time (it isn't considered fair to recieve double income for the same work, and it helps to spread the wealth), so one lists the fellowship accepted, and all the others that one turned down. I've come across several resumes that read

  • On C, C+, C++ (Score:4, Interesting)

    by cybermace5 ( 446439 ) <g.ryan@macetech.com> on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @06:35PM (#7673836) Homepage Journal
    The funny thing about that, is that it possibly did help him get the job. In a big corporation like Motorola, the resumes are scanned and then HR searches for keywords. Your friend managed to get in one extra hit for "C" in the programming section, and quite possibly came out on top of the search.
  • So you get a resume for a candidate - listing about 30-40 buzzwords that they used to get through the HR screening - I really want to get an assessment of what they actually know - so I will ask them to describe 10 or so of the buzzwords that I am familiar with, Buzzword Bingo, any score less than 8 is an automatic disqualification. And if you score a 9, you had better score very well on the true technical questions.

    Then there was the guy who listed an expert network programmer, with skills in Ethernet,

  • Best I've seen (Score:3, Funny)

    by rf0 ( 159958 ) * <rghf@fsck.me.uk> on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @07:36PM (#7674568) Homepage
    MCSE.

    Rus

  • For real (Score:5, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @07:41PM (#7674660)
    I am *NOT* making this up.

    A few years back we were hiring for Java development. One of the lead programmers had a military background so naturally a resume of anohter fellow with a similar military background rose to the top of the pile. After a phone interview by somebody here, the candidate was scheduled for a full day of interviews on site (He was located several states away).

    The big day came and he shows up 3 hours late, dressed like a car mechanic - grease and all. His excuse? "I don't trust airplanes so I had to take the train" (Keep in mind that there are no commuter rails anywhere near our part of the state). Umm okay, well lets get started. One of the first questions I had was about a descrepency on his resume. It stated that he had recieved a BS from Yale, but those same years it also listed him as being active in the military. (served in the Navy off the coast of Libya)

    "Right, well I was wounded in action and took correspondence courses while in the hospital" was his response. I think I was more surprised to hear that he was wounded in action in Libya than the correspondence courses supposedly offered by Yale!

    Anyway, the interview quickly went down hill after the started throwing buzzwords haphazardly around the room. And then came the kicker... during a lull in the conversation, between discussions of his C++ past, he leaned forward and said "You know what? I really can't stand n*ggers. They cause all the problems"

    WTF?? Who says things like that, let alone during an interview! I was so shellshocked that the only thing I could manage to say was "Well... okay..." as I slipped out of the room. The worst part was we still had him scheduled for the rest of the day (another 4 hours)

    (and I'm posting anonymously because he might be reading slashdot. the dude was a Freak!)

    Oh, and he didn't get the job.

  • Cut Paste Editing - No Really Cut and Paste (Score:3, Funny)

    by hobbestcat ( 473268 ) on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @07:44PM (#7674686) Homepage
    Had a guy come in with his resume. He had one. It was worn like tissue that's been in your pocket for a few months. He had taken an Exacto knife and cut out mistakes and changes and he had pasted on little pieces of changes here and there. It was so funny that we passed the guy around to various people to interview just so they could see this limp paper with holes. It looked like a joke from a WWII comedy - "after the censors".

    No. He didn't get the job but I still remember him a decade later.

  • been waiting for this topic (Score:5, Funny)

    by XO ( 250276 ) <blade,eric&gmail,com> on Tuesday December 09, 2003 @08:08PM (#7674968) Homepage Journal
    I collect bad resumes. hehe..

    Keep in mind. I work in retail. Retail electronics sales. Thank God we do all of our application processing over the Internet now, and no longer accept resumes, except when pasted into the Internet Job Application Form. But now I don't get the utter hilariousness of people seriously thinking they are going to get hired with things like the following (remember. Retail. Electronics.):

    "Objective: Seeking a job in Food Services. ...
    Major: Novell Networking"
    (ok, majored in college in novell networking? and seeking a "fries with that" job? and applying in an electronics store???)

    "Objective: To be an asset to an organization who needs I can fulfill and obtain a position or responsiblity in the sales feeld." (this is exactly how it was typed)

    "I have very good communication skills, multitask oriented, self motivated can get along with various people, I do what im supposed to do when it be done and i'm experienced with dealing with people. I'm willing to travel."

    "Education: I received a diploma from holy Redeemer in which I studied college prep classes on June 4, 2000." (this person didn't go to school very much?)

    "In January 2001 I attended Henry Ford Community college where I studied basic English"

    "responsibilities included help elders with personal care keep them company do thnig around there homes if needed. I did not quit or get fired."

    "In January I will be starting school at NIT and taking computer classes to help me until I go to school for my real Major."

    "Education: Fordson High School. [Enter your major here] GPA: 3.0 [Enter additional school information including honors, campus involvement and other activities here]" (oops, gotta check those default fields!)

    "Responsiblties: Install new, used, and repair tires." (huh?)

    "Objective: To obtain full time employment as a Prep Cook or in a Hotel Banquet Facility where my abilities will be utilized and where there is room for growth and opportunity." (I figure this guy could make us lunch every day.. hmm.. think: retail. sales. We don't need a cook.)

    "Reason for leaving last employer: School stared back!" (I think she meant school started back.. but that still doesn't make sense in any brand of English that I know.. although I know what she meant.. I'd like to see a school that stares back, though. Maybe a good Stephen King novel.)

    "Reason for leaving last employer: Hair cut." (????)

    "Previous employer: Financial Administrator for the Yemen National Government." (ok, what the hell are you doing applying for a Retail Sales job?)

    I've got a hell of a lot more, but these are the ones easily accessible from where I'm sitting right now. Enjoy!

  • Crime... (Score:5, Funny)

    by razablade ( 118107 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @01:07AM (#7677269)
    At my high school job (retail sales), we received an application where the applicant had filled out "Mister Meaner" next to the Have you ever been convicted of a crime? question.

  • Had to blog it (Score:3, Funny)

    by extra88 ( 1003 ) on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @02:36AM (#7677761)
    Considering I'm not in a management position, I have had to interview and review the resumes of way too many people. I continue to be amazed by spelling & grammar errors. I expect them on Slashdot but not in a document which one has had time to craft and upon which one's future may depend. We don't automatically toss those resumes, they're never applying for positions which require strong writing skills, but if they get an interview we ask more questions related to paying attention to details ("rm -rf / tmp/, what's wrong with this?").

    This sentence from a recent cover letter caught my eye and I felt compelled to blog it.

    I am very hard worker and a stickler for details. (Yes, English is their first language but even if it wasn't, that would be no excuse.)

    I still have a big stack of resumes and cover letters for people I've interviewed over the years. I'll review them for do's and don'ts next year when I relocate and have to update my own resume. Maybe I'll compile a list of the funny stuff I find along the way.

  • Unorthodox bits from a job ad (Score:3, Funny)

    by vaxer ( 91962 ) <sylvar@NOSpAm.vaxer.net> on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @12:40PM (#7680828) Homepage
    I was sick of seeing stupidly written job ads, so when it was time to hire a webmaster, I wrote a job ad with phrases like:
    • You will be told different things by different people...
    • Obviously, nobody has four years of experience with HTML 4.01, since the specification came out in 1999... [this was in 2002]
    In short, I wrote the sort of ad I'd want to read, and we found a great webmaster.

  • one that passed my way... (Score:3, Funny)

    by Mr. Slippery ( 47854 ) <tms&infamous,net> on Wednesday December 10, 2003 @03:27PM (#7682457) Homepage

    At a former employer, a very small company, we had one resume for a sysadmin position come in that (in violation of good ethics and probably a law or two) was so funny we passed it around for everyone to see. The guy had listed every single bit of hardware he'd ever touched.

    I mean, he listed a twenty different brands and models of monitors. I think he even listed different keyboard manufacturers.

    IIRC the whole thing was like seven pages long.

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