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Work Unhappy or Move On? 85

Posted by Cliff from the what-do-you-want-out-of-your-life dept.
dunnowhat2type asks: "I grew up around a big city (suburbs of NY) and went to college in a relatively different area (upstate NY). After graduating last May, I took a job in the area where I went to college. I started in July, and was given a relocation package contingent on me staying for a year. Since August, I haven't been happy with the area I have been living in and have actively been pursuing employment back in the city. What am I better off doing: Is it better to be miserable with money, work experience, and health insurance; or going home and being happy, but unemployed?"
In January, the program I was working on got cancelled and my manager didn't want to commit me to something long-term, with the knowledge that I didn't plan on staying more than six months. He made me a time-based offer (probably expiring soon) that he'd take every effort to get the relocation payback waived if I were to resign, find an internal transfer, or another job. I had a couple of interviews a month ago, but nothing else has happened, and this uncertainty (with the pressure of having to make this decision) has made the last two weeks really hellish."
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Work Unhappy or Move On? More

Work Unhappy or Move On?

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  • ...You don't want to have to pay 'em back for the relocation expenses.

    • Re:At least stick it out to the year mark... (Score:4, Interesting)

      by thegrassyknowl ( 762218 ) on Saturday March 17, 2007 @03:49AM (#18383867)
      If the job isn't what you signed the contract for (ie the position dried up and they moved you into another position) the contract is null and void. You are within your rights to quit and not have to pay them back (yes, I consulted a lawyer about something very similar a while ago). I'd go and get a lawyer and pay the money for a consultation. A lot give you the first 30 mins free anyway.

      If you're unhappy, it's causing you undue stress. You don't need that. IF you stick it out you'll become bitter and that will show up at other interviews. If the job is so bad and it causes you too much stress you might even wind up sick. You don't want that either. Get out and find something more enjoyable. Work shouldn't have to be a chore. If it's not fun you're in the wrong job.

    • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

      by WgT2 ( 591074 )

      ...You don't want to have to pay 'em back for the relocation expenses.

      ...and be unemployed with less than a year of experience AND less than a year at one job.

      You wouldn't happen to have a trust fund would you? Because if you're seriously considering bailing because of being unhappy for 12 months, you're strenth is weak. But, if you'll just hang in there, and remember what makes you unhappy about this job... or its location, you're less likely to make a later choice that puts you in the same position

      • When I was younger, I had a time span were I couldn't find a job. One of the local plants closed down and the areas was flodded with unemployed people with a job record ten times as good as I could have had.

        I have even had my five years experience in driving a truck over the road for the same employer play an important factor in getting hired to repiar computers at one job. Work experience is more then what have you done. It is proving you have the ability to stick though it when times are tuff as well as e

        • Re: (Score:2)

          by WgT2 ( 591074 )

          Spot on.

        • You happiness now means nothing compared to your happiness in the future.

          I wasted years believing that philosophy. There's always more "future" to sacrifice for. Work on making now happy, and the future will fall into place.
    • ...and remember:

      "Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes unhappiness a whole lot easier"

  • stick it out for the year (Score:1, Interesting)

    by Anonymous Coward
    Practically every job sucks, you might as well get used to struggling through the sucky times here, or else, when you finally do get your dream job, and it gets a little rough, you might not be prepared for what it takes to slog through that -- in some ways, running into obstacles in your dream job can be even more stressful.

    The trick to dealing with a job that sucks is to put in just enough effort that, when you leave, you'll be happy with the reference that you get from them. If you need something to do i
    • I dunno what you're talking about "practically every job sucks." I'm ridiculously happy with my job, as are a lot of other people out there. I think it's a 50/50 split between jobs sucking and not.

  • my take (Score:5, Insightful)

    by lawpoop ( 604919 ) on Saturday March 17, 2007 @03:01AM (#18383717) Homepage Journal
    It's easier to find a job when you have one. There is some kind of psychology that happens when you are interviewed -- if you have a job, it looks like you are successful and worth having at a company. If you have no job, it looks like you are a loser. Not saying that either is true, but that's the basic idea someone gets when you are in an interview. You can convince them otherwise during the interview process, but why not start things off on the right foot?

    Also, you will have to figure out how to fit work into your life from this point on. You're a long way from retirement. I don't recommend voluntarily leaving employment for non-employment. Have your next thing lined up -- go back to school, travel and do some soul-searching, take on a new job, do something other than just 'moving back home'.

    Oh, and you can never go home. You won't be happy if you go back home ( especially if you're not working ). Everything has changed -- including you. You're not a child anymore, and you have to start learning how to take care of yourself. It's tough, but the more you tough it out, the quicker you will find your niche.

    • Re:my take (Score:5, Interesting)

      by Frumious Wombat ( 845680 ) on Saturday March 17, 2007 @09:40AM (#18385337)
      Having what would once have been called a melancholic personality, and been through variations on your theme, a few thoughts:

      Firstly, living in Upstate, half your problem at the moment may be simply that it's dark and cold this time of year. You need, seriously, to make an effort to get out and meet people, or at least be somewhere where people are having lives and demonstrating some kind of energy. If you're near where you went to college, and it's full of people from the City, then spending some time on the local coffee-house/gallery/bar scene isn't all bad, as long as you don't spend too much time with depressing and defeated locals. Don't be afraid of seeing a doctor, and checking into antidepressants either, if you're having motivational problems. Don't make your situation worse by letting a depressing gig depress you to the point you can't function, making the whole scene worse. There's a lot to be said for Upstate, including that while you can get to the City fairly easily, housing is cheap, and if you start a business, there are tax-favored zones and lots of available facilities at reasonable rates. Drag a couple more City-dwellers in on it, and you may get something rolling.

      OTOH, it's time to start planning your next move. Moving is hard, staying put it easy, but some times it's time to go. Look for a new gig, plan your own business, become a contractor for a year (a former boss of mine, high in the University IT world, did that once for a couple years between director-level jobs at a pair of major private U's.) Whatever you do, unemployment is not cool, unless you really have a goal of becoming a downwardly-mobile slacker, ending up in a Van Down by the River. (and if you went to school where I suspect you did, the whole blasted county is going to flood when this snow melts anyway) Moving back in with your parents isn't either. I know people do it, but the only way to do it now is if you have a job, and you need a temporary crash spot that's within commuting distance of your job. The job had better be worth it, too. Partly you want to keep the habit of working, and partly you need to keep up public appearances that you're not a useless drain on society. Sharks are right; keep moving or else.

      Finally, if you really can't make yourself find the good side of where you live, and you really need to live in the City, then go. I had a job for years that was a decent job in theory, but my coworkers and the commute were ruining my physical and mental health. Now I'm freezing in the dark of Upstate, but haven't been this contented in a decade. I'm an obligate East-coaster, and therefore can drive anywhere that I care about (City, Philly, Jersey Shore), in 3-5 hours, and still have access to the museums of Rochester/Syracuse, the Great Lakes, and the mountains. I spent too many years hating where I lived, and trying to convince myself that the job compensated. If you have this problem, then give it a real try, but admit that you may be, at least at this stage of your life, too acclimated to your own small piece of turf to be happy elsewhere. Make sure it's that, and not just post-graduation, "oh my god I've got to act like an adult now", but if it is, don't deny it.

      Good luck.

  • Life is short. (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Puff of Logic ( 895805 ) on Saturday March 17, 2007 @03:03AM (#18383723)
    Choose happiness. If you can get that waiver, and if you're cool with living simply for a bit, you can probably get by until you find a new job. Of course, that's contingent on your financial situation, since I don't know if you've fallen into the trap that so many people have: accruing enough debt that any loss of income is catastrophic. If you're fortunate enough to be able to pare down your living expenses to an absolute minimum, definitely choose happiness. Fall back, consider your options, and then move on with a clear mind and firm intent.

    I've met too many damned people (and I mean that in the Dante's Inferno sense) who are trapped in a horrific cycle of misery due to their job, living arrangements, or debt. Too many are either unable to change their lives, or are too scared to take the leap and make a change. Ultimately, I think it comes down to what's more important to you: security and stability that may be stifling and unfulfilling, or the uncertain pursuit of happiness and self-actualisation. Oddly enough, I think the entire nation is struggling with that same decision right now! Of course, the two aren't mutually exclusive, but I'd advise you to choose happiness over stability any day of the week.
  • If you seriously consider "being happy but unemployed" -- by all means, please be! You do not have too much time until such a choice is no longer an option, seriosuly!

    Paul B.

    P.S. Upstate NY is not too bad though, if you were posting from some middle of nowhere I might've given a less cynical advice! :)

  • Listen to your manager (Score:2, Informative)

    by Anonymous Coward
    From your post it sounds like you have been asked to resign.

    Your manager doesn't want you to commit you to anything because he knows you are not staying longer than 6 months. He also offered to waive your penalty if you would just quit. It sounds like you have been shown the door. If you are unhappy your work performance is probably slipping as well. Take the hint before your manager becomes more forceful.

    Unemployment sucks a lot though. Find a job so you can land softly rather than in a cardboard box.

  • Go Home (Score:1, Troll)

    by Seumas ( 6865 )
    I'm sure life will be much more enjoyable without good money, a career and healthcare. Why, some of the happiest people I know are either bums living in the overhang entrances to muffin shops or slackers still living with mom and dad into their 20s.

    Women love a man who is happy and can't provide and there's nothing like paying your expenses with happiness. Why, just the other day I paid my $150 electricity bill with three smiles and traded a hearty handshake for a four star dinner and a pepsi.

  • Why would you CHOOSE to be miserable? (Score:3, Insightful)

    by Anonymous Coward on Saturday March 17, 2007 @03:39AM (#18383845)
    First of all, you're at a time in your life when you have plenty of options. And you're also in a time in your life when you'll start to develop habits and beliefs that will guide you in the future.

    One recommendation is to drop any limiting beliefs. It's never either/or. You can be happy, AND have money, AND gain experience. You can even be unemployed at the same time (or well, self-employed). Once you start to truly believe this, opportunities will appear like magic. If you don't believe me, then stop reading.

    Don't think of your situation as "hellish". Think of it as the most amazing opportunity to move forward you've ever had in your life up this point. Don't just do a "couple" interviews, do one as often as you can. Interview to be a burger flipper at McDonalds, whatever, just get on your feet and talk to people.

    Another recommendation above was to just "do something". That's generally good advice as well. Don't just "go home".

    One thing the world doesn't need is more of those boring, depressing people who have no lives outside of work, yet WHINE about their jobs and bosses so that that don't feel all alone in their little dark hole they CHOSE to bury themselves in. So don't be one of those guys. They don't die happy.

    You can earn money in many ways. You can buy your own health insurance. You can gain experience on your own. The only thing you can't do "on your own" is learn about office politics, ass-kissing, backstabbing, being on the wrong end of sexual harrassment lawsuit, having your ideas "owned" by your company, and all the fun stuff that having a "normal" job gets you.

    Of course you are free to disagree, but it worked for me.

    • Interview to be a burger flipper at McDonalds
      Quit his corporate job he's unhappy with to work at a fast food joint? I'm getting deja-vu here. Whilst lusting after your teenage daughter's friend and smoking marajuana? Oh, and BTW watch out for your neighbour; he may get the wrong end of the stick regarding your friendship with his son.

  • New York City without a job? (Score:4, Funny)

    by eric76 ( 679787 ) on Saturday March 17, 2007 @03:45AM (#18383857)
    New York City without a job?

    That doesn't sound so bad. After all, how much can it cost to live there?

    Find a $50 / month apartment (probably have to settle for a single bedroom at that price) across the street from Central Park and have a great time.
    • I hope your being sarcastic about the $50/month. Try $1000 for an 8'x8' one bedroom. I went to school in Rochester, so I know what your dealing with. I'm now working in the city, living in Hoboken across the river which is much cheaper than living in the city. I love it. Nothing can compare to the experience to work in the city. But you need that "New York attitude" to really be successful here. All of the offers I was given in the city were substantially more than anything I got in Rochester. Botto

      • Re: (Score:2)

        by eric76 ( 679787 )
        Not sarcastic, just interjecting a bit of humor.

        Not long ago, after watching too many movies that take place in New York City over the years, I got curious what housing expenses in New York would be like and so I looked up some realtos on the Internet and looked through their listings.

        After seeing that, it would take an enormous pay increase to induce me to move to New York City.

        I don't know that I could take the crowds there, anyway.

        If I was going to move to the East Coast, I think I'd rather head for Main

    • Re: (Score:1)

      by Mex ( 191941 )
      Well, Friends did it for 10 years!

  • Think Bigger (Score:4, Insightful)

    by Bitmanhome ( 254112 ) <[bitman] [at] [pobox.com]> on Saturday March 17, 2007 @03:51AM (#18383877)
    Wow, those previous answers were great, I'm not sure I can beat them. But here's my add anyway:

    Don't think about "this job" or "this city", think about your life: where do you want to be in 10 years? If you don't know, what about 5 years? If you still don't know, just figure out what you want *next* year. Then determine which of the options before you will get you one step closer to that plan.

    Sometimes the job itself, though sucky, will get you closer. Sometimes the job is useless, but the *money* gets you closer.

    As for the relocation thing, you might see if your company has an ombudsman to help you iron that out.

  • From experience... (Score:3, Interesting)

    by hendersj ( 720767 ) on Saturday March 17, 2007 @03:52AM (#18383879)
    If it were me, I'd quit if I could get reimbursed for the relocation package.

    I've worked a few jobs, and there was one where I ended up being given the option of resigning or them letting me go (this was a fairly complicated situation involving an ineffective direct manager and an unresponsive director over him). I spent 18 months at that company, was hired by the VP, and then the director and manager jobs were backfilled. I even recommended the boss be hired as a technician when he interviewed because he had very good technical skills.

    He was then promoted to manager, and the team, in my estimation (and that of several of my teammates, all of whom I understand have left since then) everything went to hell. The boss would take credit for our work, but was quick to mete out blame when things went wrong. It was the most miserable job I have ever had - working on a team with *no* morale is no fun. The boss even showed up to a going-away party *uninvited* and the departee and the boss (who were friends before the departee was hired) got into it in the resturaunt. It was not pretty.

    This is not to say the people I worked with (other than my immediate boss) were terrible people to work with; I liked them rather a lot, and that's part of the reason I stuck my neck out and said there was a serious problem that needed to be fixed.

    In the end, I opted for 3 months of unemployment as opposed to staying with the company. I was only asked to leave because I made waves about there being a problem - they were always happy with my work (I got good job performance reviews). Mr. Director said basically that he could lose one person or he could lose two people - and he assumed that when I told him I wasn't sure if I'd stay if he got rid of Mr. Boss that I was really saying that I'd leave. I would actually have stayed if Mr. Boss had left - but when it came down to it, it was a huge weight off my shoulders when I walked out of there for the last time, and I've never ever looked back.

    Three months later, I landed a job through a contracting company with a Fortune 50 company. The F50 company bought out the contract before my first day on the job, and I spent 6 years there as a full-time employee. Got almost twice the money of the previous job (a very nice surprise in the offer letter). It was a good job until an opportunity at my current employer came up that I couldn't refuse.

    From my own experience, dreading to get up and go into work is even worse than getting up and realizing that you're not collecting a paycheck. Even with mortgage payments being missed and the mortgage company threatening foreclosure, I'd take that over going back to the hell-hole of a job I worked in any day of the week.

    About the only good thing to come out of the experience was that - as a technical instructor (something I regularly did for a couple years), I had plenty of good examples about how *not* to motivate people and how *not* to approach troubleshooting. There were some *really* bad techniques in use there.

    Just remember this: Experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted. You will walk away with something useful.
  • I had a similar experience. I had a good job, but I didn't enjoy it. I left. I went to gradschool, and havent missed it yet. There's no reason to be miserable.

    That said, you've kind of screwed yourself by telling people that you're looking to leave. You should have stayed a year. It looks a bit odd when you leave in less than a year, but whatever.

  • I just got fired (Score:1, Interesting)

    by Anonymous Coward
    I just got fired and I am really excited about finding another job. Sure, I'd rather be one of those 'I have a job but I'm looking for a change' dillitants but it just didn't work out that way. As a developer, my next salary is almost certain to be higher than my last one, especially since I chose "happiness" over looking for a higher salary last time.

    Now I'm unemployed, broke, and excited. I figure I have about 1.5 months before I have to tell my parents that I'm broke and unemployed. If the job market i
  • I have been unemployed for more than a year some while ago, and I've never felt more miserable and useless than during that time. I guess it depends on your personality to some extent, but I don't know that many people who are proud of their unemployed status. So I don't think you will be better off at home. In fact you can choose between having money + being unhappy or being poor + being unhappy. Nothing forbids you to send your C.V. to other companies closer to home in the meanwhile, though.

    Good luck.

    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      by Scoth ( 879800 )
      I think this point can't be stressed enough. I was layed off from a job I was miserable at some years ago, and for the first month or two I was in the "excited" mode. Then my savings started looking a bit thin and every day I was unemployed was another reminder of unjobbiness. My parents bought me groceries a couple times (which I appreciated, but didn't make me feel much better about myself) but they weren't really in a financial position to do much. So, the next couple months after that were far worse tha
  • Go back to where you will be happy.

    I'm just about done with my degree and I'm heading home as soon as school gets out. My situation is like yours although I'm leaving the "big city" (Dayton, OH) to go back to my country roots (Willard, OH -- pop. 7000).
  • If you can be un-employed on your own dime, then fine.

    But if you need the parents then it's a no-no, even if they want you back. You are now an adult, look the word up.

    Also, if you leave a job you usually aren't eligible for unemployment only welfare. I wouldn't give you welfare if you left a reasonable gig.

    In short, stop whining and suck it up. You ain't happy, big deal.

    • Re: (Score:1)

      by MahGu ( 1076169 )
      After six solid months leave. Don't worry about the money. Look for two jobs every day, first a career replacement and then a "joe" job just in case.I went to grad school in upstate NY and the job market was awful. It is as easy to pack up and move to somewhere new as it is to watch your resources dwindle away in an area with a poor job market while you fruitlessly search. Since you are posting to Slashdot I assume you are some sort of "techy" and would recommend Boston. It is just as tough to find a career

  • Priority (Score:4, Insightful)

    by nuggz ( 69912 ) on Saturday March 17, 2007 @09:30AM (#18385279) Homepage
    Well I have priorities.

    1 Eat. (and other necessities)
    2 Be happy.
    3 lots of money.

    Once I can take care of the basics I worry about being happy.
    Next priority is to make sure I'm happy with my general situation.
    After that I go for more experience and money and stuff.

    Long term unhappiness is a drag on your health, and is very expensive. When I'm bummed out I spend lots more on stuff, when I'm happy I can get by on less.
  • We have similar backgrounds, I grew up on LI, went to a state school upstate, I worked up there briefly and then went back to LI and worked in the city (and have continued to do so ever since).

    You don't say why specifically you are unhappy being upstate- Is it because you miss your friends/family? You find the area too small and boring? You find everyone around you to be too close minded and conservative? etc... The reason why I mention this, is because you may be surprised that NYC is no cakewalk either. Y
  • Few things make you as appealing as *having* a job while you are looking for one. As a hiring manager, I know I prefer to take someone who is currently working than someone who is unemployed. I'll ask about the gap. (I also don't attach a stigma to layoffs - those happen often at the business unit level) I'll also consider it a warning flag if you 'quit' your job without having another lined up. To me, something really ugly happened... Not quiting should give you a better starting salary at the next gi
    • I'd agree. While it may be harder to interview for a new job, he is better off. I've often thought that if people quit a job without having a new job, then they will have no problem quiting each time they do not like thier job.

      So yes, it is better to be miserable with money than to be unemployed(IMHO). Besides, the posters parents already turned his bedroom into an office (LOL).

      One question I've always gotten in an interview is, "what have you been doing recenetly?" Being unemployeed, because you just

  • Just go in. Work your hours. Do an adequate job. Go home. Make the time not at work as enjoyable as possible. And abuse the company resources looking for another job in the meantime.
  • If you don't like the location, then stop being there. Keep working at your job, and simply move elsewhere and do your work remotely. If you need to hire someone to cover for bits that you do there, then hire someone. If you can't use their money to do it, then use your money to do it and just take home the difference in pay and look for other work to supplement it.

    Don't stop pushing and fixing until you're either fired or promoted. Don't do this in-between grind that wears you down. You're going to go
  • In my experience it is fine to not be satisfied with your current work and be actively seeking another; but it is a mistake to leave a job without something else waiting for you.
  • The deeper issue:
    http://www.whywork.org/ [whywork.org]
    "We actively promote alternatives to the wage slavery mindset and what we call "The Cult of the Job" which automatically equates having a job with making a living."

    And from an essay there by Bob Black:
    http://www.whywork.org/rethinking/whywork/abolitio n.html [whywork.org]
    "Liberals say we should end employment discrimination. I say we should end employment. Conservatives support right-to-work laws. Following Karl Marx's wayward son-in-law

  • Why not work toward happiness?

    If you aren't happy with where you're at, at least figure out where you'd be most happy working. Talk to people - new people. Give yourself a year to figure out where you want to be in 10 or 20 years from now, and work out a plan to get there.

    But just dropping employment probably won't be a good idea. It may very well limit your employment options later on. Besides, not having money will depress you anyway. And even if you aren't happy with your current job, it might

  • Get all your checkups now (Score:1, Informative)

    by Anonymous Coward
    Go to the doctor, optomitrist, dentist and get things taken care of while you have healthcare, i quit a job before doing all that and regretted the bills later on without healthcare :/
  • You already know the answer to this question, otherwise you wouldn't have asked it.

    There is _NO_ amount of compensation that makes it worth doing a job you don't like doing.

    Find something you like and want to do first and foremost. If you do like doing it, then it's pretty likely that you'll end up progressing rapidly and easily - as an enthusiast, you'll learn and grow quickly into the scope of role you're looking for.

    Yes, it's true that some areas aren't as well paid as others, but at the end of the

  • Am I the only one picking out the "just graduated last May" part?

    IMO you don't have enough experience in any workplace to know what a miserable job really can be. Try working for a company for three years, then being outsourced as if you're a piece of property then shipped around the country away from your family as you're being told "we may have to let you go after this contract."

    Stick the year out to fulfill the contract and get what you can out of it.

    Keep looking for jobs where you want to live. (a f

  • If this can help people form a better opinion, I am in the Binghamton area, which is pretty much devoid of engineering jobs aside from Lockheed and BAE (I am working for the former.) It is also the area I went to college in, and I just feel like I am back in college again, which is not a pleasant feeling. When I say I want to move home, I am referring to the area, not the house I grew up in. Though I would be moving back in with my parents, that does not really have a big impact on the way I live my lif
  • It sounds to me like you need to try to separate your home life from your work life, and try to make your home life more fun. If you have money, then try to find a new hobby, and meet people with those same interests. For instance learn to ride a motorcycle, or buy a boat or jet-ski. Join a basketball league or flag football. Just do something, anything to get your mind off work when you are at home. If you can't be happy outside of work, then maybe you should investigate your "employee assistance" benefits
  • Is the offer from your manager an official agreement in writing? Or is it along the lines of "hey if you quit now, I'll see what I can do for you..." From the way the original poster described it, it sounded more like the latter. Call me a cynic, but I would seriously doubt that your manager is going to try very hard to waive the relocation clause.

    I know you say it sucks there and all (I've lived in upstate NY state so I know all about it!), but it is MUCH easier to find another job when you already have

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