He *was* way off... it was the bytes getting stuck, not the bits!

...and we have an error code we give our unfortunate *special* callers. We tell them they are experiencing an i-d-10-t issue but they should give it time and it might clear itself up.

The one they won't give you unless you cough up $25.95+tax.

As a former tech i've had to make up some pretty lame ones for people who were too dim or uninterested enough to comprehend the real explanation.

That my website was down because a link was posted on some news website, causing millions of geeks to load the page and overload the server. What a crock of shit!

I had a shipment of bad IDE hard drives. I was instructed by the Dell support dude that Dell recommends SCSI for "servers". Upon asking why, I was informed that it "had something to do with data harmonics".

I call to complain that my service was flaky. Several times an hour the cable modem would just go out for 30 seconds then return. I call them and the guy says "well the problem isn't on our end it must be your network". I respond "Why do you say that?". He says "Well because your cable modem has been online and operational for the past 3 days with no disconnections". I say "Oh really? That's interesting... because its power has been unplugged for the past 20 minutes..."

I've had some doozies of experiences at a couple CompUSA.

One time the guy tried to explain to me that I would need about $50+ more hardware than necessary to fix what I suspected to be a buggy RAM problem.

On another occasion, I was with a friend, checking out a couple hot-swap IDE cages for a development server I was building and a CompUSA dorkus walks buy and says "They're really overrated, and you probably don't need them, unless you're building a server (guy leaves)"

I didn't know what to say, he didn't help, he just offered a stupid opinion and left. So I left too.

"The problem must be on your end... everything here is working."

Yeah... sure.

That ranks right up there with their classic first question "do you have a firewall?" Answer "yes," and that IMMEDIATELY becomes the problem (despite the fact that it's been running for months with no change in configuration).

Just FYI: I find that confronting them with a few ethereal packet dumps usually gets you to the second tier at least.

I was having a major problem with my DSL connection last summer.
I had a connection. I had an IP. However, nothing would go through the modem.
I even tried 3 different PCS and a Mac running Jaguar, directly to the modem, and still couldn't get anything through. And yet, I had a working, connected (if not logged in) modem.
So I called their support. Three techs I went through. They kept saying it was my problem, because they could ping my modem.
So I got to a second level guy. Chatted with him a while, told him what I'd done, what the first level guys had me redo.
He tells me he'll have the network guys check into it.
A day passes. Two. I call back.
Oh, it'll be a week before the problem's resolved.

A week. And four days.
I call back. I give my case number.

Drumroll.

I wasn't using an Earthlink-supported modem.

*blink* WTF? Excuse me? You guys SENT me this damn thing in the first place, and it worked fine til 11 days ago, and now it works again after I turned it off for two days.

Never did find out the real reason for it...

When I was a teenager I had a Sinclair Spectrum computer that loaded games off casettes. One game I bought wouldn't load properly and I was told by the salesman "Probably the Pixels on your type of TV are modulating incorrectly with the computer causing the loading error".

At a computer repair place I was working at a few years back, I recall one of the techs there explaining to a customer that the reason his power supply had stopped working was that the "flux capacitor" had blown.
Mind you this tech wasn't an idiot (or an ID ten T), he just wanted to get rid of the customer :)

One time I called Redhat for tech support in getting a RH to run on a laptop. I was told, "LCD's don't have scan rates and frequency settings like CRT's do."

I almost went through the phone to choke the bastard.

-k

At one big corporation I worked at, they rolled out a security patch and it caused my Windows machine to start acting up, so I called the IT support (we were encouraged not to fix problems ourselves), and the guy on the phone took control of my desktop remotely from his end, so I could see what he was doing. He got the Task Manager up, paused a few seconds, and then said "That's really odd, there's a process taking up 99% of your processor time". He tried to kill the process, but it wouldn't go away, and he repeatedly tried to kill it about five times.

He didn't seem to realise that the "Idle" entry isn't actually a process...

When I did phone support as a student worker, I had to tell someone that their email was unavailable because the server sprung a leak and it was out of water.
Unfortunately this was true as we were still running a water cooled IBM Mainframe.

The clients seemed to accept it without question but I'd have to image they though we were yanking them.

At least, not in the place I work. The problem is lack of training, but the people I work with have a full knowledge of all materials in which they were trained. Admittidly, the level of training is subpar; but the workers are only expected - and allowed - to perform a limited number of fixes. Lack of knowledge about bits vs. bytes is embarassing, but knowledge of the 8:1 ratio is not required for the work that is performed.

At issue is the level of training provided.

All this is not to say that don't find the horror stories, from a tech's and customer's point of view, funny. Speaking for myself, half the people I speak to assume I can see their monitor and the other half think you can't open Outlook Express without connecting to the internet, despite the big 'work offline' button in front of them...

Not sure if I can blame the tech support guy for this one, but it was funny.

A friend of mine had satellite internet working for months, and one day it started cutting out on him. The signal strength would show EXCELLENT->BAD->ZERO->EXCELLENT. It'd keep repeating in this cycle so fast, it couldn't even initialize the connection. So it was basically worthless.

After installing all their updates, rebooting 10 times, rebooting the satellite modem 10 times, etc. the tech support guy told me 1) I must not've done what he'd been saying and 2) I have to uninstall everything and start over. If you don't have the CDs we'll have to mail them to you.

Enough of that crap, there was no way I was messing with that software anymore. I already fought with that thing for hours. Time to climb up on the hot roof and look at the dish.

The problem: About 500 bees nesting in the thing. Apparently it was cool...that or they were just getting high on the radiation, I'm not sure which.
The solution: 3 large cans of Raid [killsbugsdead.com].

I called the tech support guy back and he didn't believe me...

I ordered cable Internet from Charter a few years ago. The good thing was that they had someone out there in less than a week. The bad thing was everything else.

At the same time, we switched from satellite to cable TV. Just in case Charter had problems, I told them NOT to remove the satellite dish. At some point during the install, he decided to use the coax coming off the dish-- which he pulled out of the wall, leaving a hole in my garage's wall. Furthermore, he hit the dish-- hard-- and dented it, rendering it worthless.

I wasn't home at the time, and I knew he'd need to access my computer, so I set up an administrator account on Windows for him. (Hey, It was 2001, I hadn't switched to Linux yet.) I left this note for him, exactly these words: "username: Charterguy; no password." It's probably a good thing that he couldn't figure out what "no password" meant, seeing as he would have ruined my computer if he got onto it. (Of course, he left without running any cables or installing the modem, because he couldn't log on to my computer.)

And, just to add insult to injury, that night, when I went to sleep, I could swear that I was hearing voices! Turns out, he left his radio in my attic. (And those radios last for days on a charge if you only listen on them without transmitting.) I never did find it, so for the next three days, I slept to the sound of field calls.

Mod Interesting, I need karma.

I once had to call into the 'lovely' folks at Logitech to deal with issues regarding a wireless keyboard and mouse package. At the time the keyboard and mouse would randomly loose their connection to the base station. So after doing some standard troubleshooting myself and checking every concievable thing, I bit the bullet and called them. The guy on the line was not only rude but I questioned whether he had attended his science classes back in grade 10. Call it manufacturer denial, but he tried to insist that the colour of my mouse pad would somehow 'suck' the RF signals into its deep black hole of 'mousepaddery' before they got to the base station less then a foot away. The word 'wow' came to mind, but for all the wrong reasons. I know dark colours can attract certain waves better then others but come on!

Let me preface this by saying that I think Apple, generally, makes quality products, and I own 3 Macs and am happy with them. However, I had once purchased an iBook 900mhz G3, only to find that it often wouldn't wake from sleep when I opened the lid (yes, it was still on), leaving a cold restart as the only means of recovering. When talking to the Apple tech support person, I told him this; I also told them that I had an iBook 700mhz that never exhibited these symtpoms, even though it was running the same version of OSX, the same software, etc.

His responses were professional, until the point where he mentioned that the 900mhz model was 30% faster than the 700mhz model, and that could possibly justify the increase in the number of time I needed to restart. I then asked if, given two machines, one being twice as fast as the other, but crashing twice as often, these machines were equally usable. At that point he backed from his earlier statement :-)

Regards,

John

I've found if two companies are involved with something, it's always the other company that is to blame. If there were dropped packets or slowness between machines we had at Level 3 and machines we had at Globalcenter, the fault would always be the other one from whoever's tech support I was asking. Same with carriers and network providers, Verizon blamed the ISP, the ISP always blamed Verizon.

One time I was working with an application server called NetDynamics running on a Solaris machine when NetDynamics tech support said "It's a problem with Solaris, it's a Sun problem". I yelled at him "Sun bought you last year, you ARE Sun!!!" He stammered and said "Yaa, that's true...but it is a problem with Solaris". Ugh.

The stupidest tech support answer I've ever run into was during the height of the virus/worm scares in February.

My cable modem connection had stopped work. Given my ISPs track record, this was unremarkable, but after it continued for 2 days, I decided to call the tech support number. After supplying my ID number, the support person told me that my connection was intentionally shut off because I was broadcasting a widely-circulated Windows virus. I promptly informed the tech support person that I did not use the Windows operating system on any of my computers, and that I could not possibly have the virus I was accused of having.

The support rep immediately told me that I had the virus, and that they would not turn my connection back on until I jumped through their anti-virus hoops. I argued for almost 10 minutes with this neophyte that I could not use their Windows anti-virus on my Linux systems, and that even if I could, it would not do a damn bit of good. Did it matter? Of course not.

Finally, in order to get my connection back on, I agreed to perform their anti-virus tricks "to the best of my ability", and install Windows just so I could "remove the virus" from my system. The rep actually thought this was an excellent resolution to the problem, but for some reason didn't believe I would actually do it (could have been my vehement renouncements against the entirety of Microsoft's products). After another 5 minutes of cajoling, I convinced her to turn my connection back on so I could get the anti-virus tools, and access Windows Update.

I was, however, given a stern warning that if I was found to persist in operating with this virus, I would have my account revoked, and my services cancelled. I submissively agreed, and thanked the rep for her time and patience. I haven't heard anything since, and I never did actually install Windows or use the anti-virus crap.

What do you expect for minimum wage, a script, and a bunch of college kids majoring in business?

The problem is simple: you have a fixed budget which is universally too little to hire a lot of good people. You have a fixed (or increasing) call volume. So, what to do?

Well, in most places today they construct scripts and then hire peons to read them. They figure that most people will be deterred by this. They spend their nut on a theoretical third level person or people who are going to take care of the insurmountable issues. The rest of the people are there to obstruct the majority of people from the people who actually have a shot at fixing problems.

I've never worked that kind of desk. I actually know what i'm doing and if I don't, I find out fast. I hire people who are either tabula rasa, whom I can turn into something decent, or who have worked in service industries (I don't hire other people's help desk people, in other words). I prefer ex-military people. They are used to being treated like mushrooms and still solving problems. I also like to hire bright young women fresh out of college (or even those who didn't finish). Besides the obvious improvement in the surroundings, they tend to be pretty good at first level support if you give them a solid grounding. They're better at settling customers down in many cases. Then, garnish with one or two talented techs to sit in the middle and start spreading knowledge around. No scripts. Keep a team together for 6 months and everyone pretty much rises to the level of the 2nd level people.

The funny thing is that I can't keep employees very well (heh). They leave me and go make more money elsewhere with the skills they gain. Good money, too. I'm glad to see so many of them succeed. At my current job they have budget, and we've had the same team for 2.5 years. That's an all time record for me.

Even in 1994, imagine being told in NYC to hire 6 techs at salaries between $25k and $35k (preferred under 30). Even getting people to show up for that money in Manhattan is a pain in the ass.

As for problem solving skills, you tend to like those who worked in service industries. I personally worked at an appliance store for my parents from when I was 11 on. Me and my brother used to go out on a truck and fix refrigerators, washers, dryers, etc. It wasn't all that dissimilar to fixing up computers - there was a user interface, and a good portion of the time the problem was that the people were using the interface wrong. Say, not knowing how to use the washer timer or overloading the dryer or letting crap melt in the dishwasher and foul things up, or failing to clean the condenser coil at the bottom of the fridge (this is important). The rest of the time it was hardware issues. The hardware was modular and easily replaceable. Sound familiar?

Good support isn't unattainable. The sucky help desks have thrown in the towel though and basically don't care.

"We don't support linux." I've heard that so many times from Road Runner. When I moved to AZ though the DSL guy saw my desktop (Afterstep) looked around a bit for the start menu, then I realized I should probably reset (the modem he gave me to start off with only worked in windows so I had to reset to install it) so I killed X and he saw the prompt "Wow linux, what distro is it?" I told him (debian) and he said "Wow, debian? We're converting all our servers over from Win 2000 to Debian real soon."

I've also had good experiences with tech support, especially on other peoples computers cause I'd be calling for warrenty work. I'd call up say "Hey this computer has a problem starting up, so I swapped out a few things like the PSU, RAM, CPU, and motherboard, the motherboard is probably fried since when I tried a different one it worked, so where could I get a new motherboard since the PC is still under warrenty?" The guy went from ultra depressed (thinking "Oh no, not another problem that will probably require 2 hours to finally get to the conclusion that someone has to look at the computer") to really happy and excited like "Wow thanks for testing out all that stuff, so it's deffinitely the motherboard? Just bring it to such and such store and they'll install a new one for you."

PC tech support seems so much easier to deal with since they seem to know more about how the computer works. I guess it's easier for them since the problem is always on the users end and they have to deal with a lot of different situations. With internet tech support all they know how to deal with is configuring e-mail and setting auto detect IP address in Windows 98 and above. They rarely have to deal with a customer calling up telling them there is a problem on their end and even if the customer described exactly what was wrong, they wouldn't be able to do anything.

Back when Apple released its first widescreen (1600x1024) LCD "Cinema Display", I got one. But I was disappointed that Apple's DVD player software didn't handle it properly. When I played a widescreen DVD, it would have thick black borders around all four sides, as if it was first matted to fit inside a 4:3 area, then it was matted to fit inside a 16:9 area inside that. Not a big problem, just a silly bug, and an annoyance. So I called Apple tech support. "I just want to make sure you know of this problem, that you log it in the Apple bug database to be fixed in the next rev of the DVD software," I said.

"That's not a bug," said the tech support peon. "Here's a tech note which explains why you'll have bars above and below the picture when you play a widescreen movie on your monitor."

I told him, "That tech note only applies to 4:3 displays. I'm on a widescreen display. It should still give me thin black bars on the top and the bottom, but it shouldn't put bars on the sides as well. This is Apple's high-end monitor and I paid good money for it. I want to see this problem logged as a bug."

He gave up and had second-tier tech support call me back.

"First, I want you to reformat your hard drive and reinstall your operating system, then try it again," the second-tier guy told me. I figured, what the heck, I have backups, doing a reinstall will take less time than trying to convince him I don't need to reinstall. So I reinstalled. The problem remained, of course.

"The problem is that the Mac can only show a movie at up to twice its original size," the second-tier guy told me. "Your Cinema Display is bigger than that."

"Listen," I said. I have a sixteen-by-nine movie. I have a display that's 1600x1024 resolution. The movie is playing in a 1280x720 box in the middle of the screen. Now, what's the biggest resolution a 16x9 movie should be able to play on a 1600x1024 screen?"

There was silence on the line.

"I'll give you the answer. 1600x900. Right? That goes from edge to edge and leaves thin black bars at the top and bottom, each exactly sixty-two pixels tall. Not thick black bars around all four sides like I have now. Right?"

More silence, then: "I'll work on this and call you back."

He never called me back.

Earthlink is, by far, the worst tech support bunch I've ever had to deal with.

Tech Support Guy: Ok, now here's what I want you to do. Reach behind the modem, and...
Bugmaster: I've rebooted the modem about ten times already. The DSL light is still off.
TSG: Well, do it once more for me sir, please.
Bugmaster: Fine. Rebooted. DSL light still off.
TSG: Ok, next thing we want to check is if there are any filters on the line...
Bugmaster: *checks to see if any filters have magically sprouted overnight* No.
TSG: In this case, it might be a bad phone cord. What I want you to do is replace the cord. Here's how to do it...
Bugmaster: Fine, fine, it's replaced. DSL light is still off. Incidentally, last time I called you, I had the phone plugged into the cord that I have now replaced -- and I didn't hear any DSL carrier noise. So, now what ?
TSG: Hm. Is the modem connected directly to the computer ?
Bugmaster: Yes.
TSG: What else is connected to the computer ?
Bugmaster: Monitor, keyboard and printer.
TSG: Ok, now what I want you to do is disconnect the printer.
Bugmaster: *temporarily speechless*...What.
TSG: Just follow the printer cord that leads to your computer, and disconnect it.
Bugmaster: Is this step in your script designed specifically to waste my time ?
TSG: Well, sometimes we find that extra devices connected to the computer cause interference, so why don't you...
Bugmaster: No. Let's pretend this didn't work, and go on to the next step.
TSG: But the printer...
Bugmaster: NOW.
TSG: Ok, the next thing I want you to do is check if you have sync at the NID. The NID is a small box on the side of your house where all the phone wires are going to. You'll need a pair of wire strippers.
Bugmaster: You want me to rewire my phonebox.
TSG: Yes.
Bugmaster: *punches in adelphia.com on a dialup connection* Will that finally satisfy you ? To put it more succinctly, is there a point at which Earthlink will actually accept responsibility for their service ?
TSG: Well, you see, we need to check the sync at the NID so that the next step is for you to call the phone company, and arrange for the next step with them. If that doesn't help, we'll escalate your request.
Bugmaster: *clicks "order broadband"* I didn't think so. Tell you what. I am not going to rewire my phonebox at 3am. If there isn't a tech at my house tomorrow, I am cancelling my service. Thanks for your help.

I did International Help Desk for about two years with a large ISP. While I couldn't honestly say all the people in Europe were better techs than the US, with a European tech, I never had to:

1. Explain the concept of time zones. Mail went down in the UK at 10am. EST was 4am, and I call UUNet. The guy goes, "What do these people in the YOOKAY want mail at 4am?" It's 10am there, sir. "But it's so early in the frickin' morning! We always do our maintenance between 4 and 6." Yes, and that's 10 to noon in England. "But it's still dark out there, right?" The supervisor I demanded to speak to later told me she had to explain the concept of time zones with a flashlight and an orange.
2. Confused Sweden and Switzerland. Austria and Australia. "I am am sorry, sir," said the snooty tech to the head of our Australian Division on a conference call, "I show no 'Sydney' in Australia, maybe you meant Salzberg?" His response, "What are you, kid, TWELVE???"
3. One tech said on the conference call, "My boss said to tell the frogs to sip their wine and just wait." On the call? Two techs from Transpac. Merde.

I also got boldfaced lied to, like "Our routers don't keep logs," or "I'll call you right back." Of course, not all was rosy overseas.

1. We have test machines in a 3rd party data center in Frankfurt. The machine tests web cacheing, so the browser cache is measured preceisely. One day, tons of pr0n (which we were NOT testing for) started to show up in our cache, horribly skewing results. Frankfurt says, "Impossible, no one is allowed in that room! It is locked, and all entrances and exits are monitored!" But while using PCAnywhere, we watch some guy surfing pr0n. They still say that's impossible. We threaten to install a webcam. Problem ceases. Later, we find that "Locked and monitored" meant "everyone has a key, and are required to sign in and out on a clipboard hanging by the door if they access the room." Riiight!
2. We had a series of outages in Austria with French GlobalOne that were delayed for days because, and I quote, "The guy with the van is unavailable." You only have one van in the whole fleet? Their answer was a kind of shrug. The French tend to do this a lot. I loved them anyway.
3. Production servers that end up as MP3 server mirrors. Hard to do network testing metrics when half of Canberra and Brisbane are downloading pop music over supposedly restricted bandwidth.
4. The city: Hong Kong. The data center: leaky basement. The server racks: machines stacked atop one another, leaning against wet masonry wall. The servers: Machines that end up missing parts (RAM, hard drives, modems) after going through Chinese customs. The company branch: Out of business in less than two years.
5. Learning that when the Japanese say they understand, moral code forces them to say that whether they actually understand or not; apparently, it would be incredibly rude to say, "I am sorry, sir, I don't understand." This was averted by walking people though everything. This was not averted when things went down. It was like that office was terrified to reporting anything going wrong, even with normal, understandable issues.

But all in all, I loved working International.

I rang Microsoft up to activate some software (I know, I know). I had to go to a human operator, as the system didn't like my serial number. The conversation went like this: Tech Support: Hello, Microsoft Activation Services. I'm afraid I can't activate your product, please call back tomorrow. Me: Why not? I need the software as soon as possibly... Tech Support: Yeah, there's a bit of a problem at our side. Me: What? Tech Support: [embarrassed] All of our computers have crashed, we don't know what's gone wrong, and we can't boot them back up. ...well, at least for once Microsoft were refreshingly honest :)

Earlier this year at work, I needed to run Visio 2003 to make some simple diagrams. (This is at work, not home, so I didn't have a choice of software.) Visio, installed on Win2k SP4, would not run. When I started it up, it would crash immediately, usually without even giving me a message.

Called Microsoft.

After a 45 minute call to setup an account, then a wait to get a callback, then another 45 minute conversation with a very nice Indian gentleman, we fixed the problem.

Microsoft Visio and Microsoft Windows are incompatible. This is a known issue. The fix is to drill down to some obscure registry key and add a 1 to it. Then everything works fine.

And somehow Linux is the OS with the reputation for obscure configuration and software conflicts. Go figure.

In early 2001, after building my mom a computer from scratch, I received her old Gateway 233Mhz system to do with as I pleased. The first thing I did was flash the BIOS. When the system failed to POST after that, the next thing I did was contact Gateway support.

Thus began an odyssey that I hope never to repeat with any company, and certainly will never repeat with Gateway. They're never getting another dime out of me or my family for as long as I'm alive.

Below is why. The first two logs detail a chat session between Gateway and myself, conducted using a particularly nasty piece of customer service software called eGain. You can see how it made the live person on the other end of the chat session sound like a robot.

After that follows a series of e-mail correspondence. This log has been edited both to cover my tracks a bit, and to get around the slashdot filters, as the characters per line ratio of the post is otherwise too low.

Chat Session 1

Question: I updated my BIOS and the system boots, displays gateway logo, but does not POST.

A Chat Agent will be with you shortly.

Wendell: Hello Fahr, welcome to the Gateway Chat Support Service. I am Wendell here to help you with your issue.

Fahr Vergnugen: Hi. Have a system here that's not terribly happy.

Wendell: Can you please tell me the exact problem you are facing with your Computer?

Fahr Vergnugen: Need S/N?

Wendell: Fahr, please provide me your Serial number.

Fahr Vergnugen: Okay, older PII-233Mhz / LX chipset board. tried to slap in a newer celeron, it didn't take, decided to update the bios.

Wendell: Okay , Fahr.

Fahr Vergnugen: sure 0009589521

Wendell: Thanks , Fahr.

Wendell: Can you please tell me the problem you are facing with your System?

Fahr Vergnugen: grabbed BIOS 4A4LL0X0.15A.0023.P18 from the gateway support site (was running P11) and flashed the board.

Wendell: When this issue happens is there an error message? If so, could you please tell me the exact error message?

Fahr Vergnugen: now, the system fires up, displays a gateway logo, and a small progress bar in the top left fills from grey to white, and the system acts like it's going to POST normally, but it never happens.

Fahr Vergnugen: the bar takes between 3 and 4 minutes to reach 100%.

Wendell: When this issue happens is there an error message? If so, could you please tell me the exact error message?

Fahr Vergnugen: and from there it just sits. If I hit TAB to view system messages, it acts normally, but again, no POST. Nothing happens.

Fahr Vergnugen: no error message. Just doesn't beep and post.

Fahr Vergnugen: I think it's probably pretty shafted, but I thought I'd check with you guys.

Wendell: Fahr, please hold on while I search for your resolution.

Fahr Vergnugen: np, holdin' on.

Wendell: Thank you for waiting. Please review the following information, which I think will help you.

Wendell: [Item sent - Astro and Profile 2 - Computer stops responding after power-on self-test (POST)] http://www.gateway.com/support/techdocs/astro/trsh oot/1106.shtml

Wendell: Did you get the page , Fahr?

Fahr Vergnugen: yep, but no help I can tell already, since it assumes I can get to Windows, which is not the case.

Wendell: I realize your time is valuable, please wait one minute while I research this further.

Fahr Vergnugen: np

Wendell: Fahr, I apologize for the delay, I am now going to send you some information that should help you. Thanks for your patience

Fahr Vergnugen: e-mailing it?

Wendell: [Item sent - Troubleshooting] http://www.gateway.com/support/techdocs/trshoot/de sktop/db320191.shtml

Wendell: Fahr, did you receive the page?

Fahr Vergnugen: got it. wow this is a catch-all document. I'll run it down and see what I get.

Fahr Vergnugen: be back in 1/2-hour if this doesn't work, thank you.

Wendell: Fahr, I realize the information I have sent to you is lengthy. What you might want to do is try out the solution I have forwarded to you. If need be, you can always connect back to one of us for further options or research.

Wendell: You will also receive this page today via e-mail.

Wendell: Fahr, for your convenience and future reference, you will receive a detailed transcript of our chat session and all page links provided today via e-mail. Thank you for using the Gateway Chat Center. Our chat session will now be closed. For your future reference, your event # for this issue is: 49391332.

[Wendell - user has closed this session]

Chat Session 2

Question: re: issue event #49391332.
A Chat Agent will be with you shortly.

Alex: Hello Fahr, welcome to the Gateway Chat Support Service. I am Alex here to help you with your issue. Please wait a moment while I search for your customer information.

Alex: I am having difficulty finding your customer information. Could you please repeat your client id and/or serial #?

Fahr Vergnugen: sure. Serial #:0009589521

Alex: Fahr, does your system still face lock ups?

Fahr Vergnugen: well, the last guy I talked to didn't really listen. The system boots normally (I've currently got everything unplugged from the mainboard but video, kb, mouse)

Fahr Vergnugen: it goes through the motions, but when it comes time to complete POST and beep and fire up the OS, it just doesn't do anything. no post beep. Displays the GW logo, will show boot messages if I hit tab, and will act like it's going to boot to BIOS properties if I hit F1, but it never goes to BIOS properties or boots the OS. The grey bar at the top left eventually goes to white, but it just stays there and it takes about 5 minutes to hit 100%

Fahr Vergnugen: but still. No POST. I've let it sit for 20 minutes, never happens.

Alex: Have you tried all the steps mentioned under that page which was sent to you by our previous technical guy.

Fahr Vergnugen: yep I unplugged all cards except video, unplugged drive cables, tried a new power outlet, took out all the DIMM's and put in a spare I have around the house. Everything else really depends on the machine POST'ing, which it won't do.

Alex: Kindly wait while I search for the resolution.

Fahr Vergnugen: not a problem. I did flash the BIOS with a file obtained from this site. If the BIOS flash didn't take correctly, normally the board wouldn't boot at all. That's what is so ODD about this.

Alex: Fahr, I realize your time is valuable, please wait one minute while I research this further.

Fahr Vergnugen: no worries, reading /.

Alex: I apologize for not being able to help you with this issue. I would like to direct you to our Technical Service Department who will address your issue and get back to you within 24 hours or less via e-mail.

Fahr Vergnugen: mmmm. 'bout what I figured. Any action required on my part?

Alex: They will contact you via e-mail.

Fahr Vergnugen: all right well, thanks for checking.

Alex: Thanks for your valuable time.

Alex: Fahr, for your convenience and future reference, you will receive a detailed transcript of our chat session and all page links provided today via e-mail. Thank you for using the Gateway Chat Center. Our chat session will now be closed.

[Alex - user has closed this session]
E-mail 1: (to me from Gateway)

Hello Fahr,

Thank you for your e-mail. As I understand it, you are having problems with your computer not completing POST. It looks like you have performed just about all of the troubleshooting steps, but I have a few more questions.

1. Will the computer boot to your startup disk?
2. Are there any CD's in the CD-ROM drive?
3. What happens when the hard drive is not connected to the computer?

Thank you.

Aleister, Online Client Support Team: Gateway

E-mail 2: (from me to Gateway)

Hi, Thanks for the quick reply.

Short version:

I had the computer running bios P11. I went and flashed it up to P18. It now goes through the first part of POST just fine, but refuses to beep, complete POST, and then move on. Disk I/O isn't an issue because it never gets to the stage where it does anything other than autodetect what's on the IDE channels. I've currently got the system with all ribbon cables unplugged, and it won't even get to a "no boot device" message.

Looks like a bad BIOS flash. Anything else I can do? Is this system still under warranty, or is it a doorstop?

--Fahr

E-mail 3: (to me from Gateway)

Hello Fahr,
Thank you for your e-mail. I understand that you are having problems with the system not booting ever since you flashed the BIOS. Unfortunately, Gateway does not compensate for damage incurred from the use of our computers or components. All our computers are shipped fully tested and ready for use. After it has been shipped, Gateway is still responsible for the service, troubleshooting, or replacement of either the computer or component that has failed. I sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.

I apologize for any inconvenience, however we are unable to offer support for this type of issue. You may be able to find this type of information in the documentation that was included with your system. A good starting point is to use the Help menus that are included with most applications. For answers to questions with any Microsoft products, their Web site contains valuable information and has a large number of tutorial documents available to the general public. Please go to the following address to search for information on Microsoft products:

http://support.microsoft.com/support/search

You can also find useful information that may answer your inquiry about your Gateway products in the Technical Documents on the Gateway Web site. Please visit the Knowledge Library at this address:

http://www.gateway.com/support/index.shtml

Here you can browse through other Technical Documents, FAQ's, or Documentation available from Gateway.

Another option is our fee based support line where a Gateway technician will help you troubleshoot the issue. There are two numbers that you can contact:

(800) 229-1103
Thank you for choosing Gateway.

This number should be used for one significant issue. It is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. This number has a charge of $1.95 per minute.

(900) 555-4695

This number is for multiple issues. It is also available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. This number has a charge of $1.95 per minute.

All calls taken will receive an incident number, which can be referenced if you call back into the Software Support line. If you originally called the 800 number you will need to call that same number to resolve the original issue.

For questions regarding billing issues with the Fee Based Tutorial Support Line, please call (719) 884-7032.

Another option is the training classes offered by some of our Country Stores. Details on whether classes are available as well as charges and schedules can be found at http://gateway.com/about/country/index.shtml

Gateway's free technical support is for assisting you with the hardware and software as it was shipped to you from Gateway. We are also unable to assist with any issues that occur with products that did not ship with your computer or were not purchased directly from Gateway. We recommend that you contact the vendor of the third party product for further instruction.

Thank you.

Webster, Online Client Support Team: Gateway

E-mail 4: (from me to Gateway)

WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT a minute here.

I take a system shipped FROM gateway.
I look up the correct BIOS on your website.
I download this BIOS.
I execute the BIOS upgrade.

Now my system (which displays a big Gateway logo at boot) won't POST. How exactly is this related to software that did not ship with my system, or was not provided by Gateway? This has nothing to do with software. There's no software in the equation. You have to have disk I/O to use software.

If you're not going to support me b/c I screwed up a BIOS update, then TELL ME THAT, and kindly give me the e-mail of (and carbon copy this e-mail to) the head of your department. Don't feed me a line about using non-gateway software and fee-based support. I hosed my mainboard. That sucks. I want to know what's in that BIOS file that killed the mainboard, what happened, and maybe how to help others avoid this problem if there's something with the Binary posted on your site and not my copy of it.

In short, I'm trying to be proactive here.

You, on the other hand, seem to be more interested in keeping your Open Call Log at a minimum. If you don't know how to help me, escalate the issue. If you don't want to help me, say so and carbon copy your boss. If I'm in violation of your support contract, then point me to the exact paragraph of the contract which I have violated. But don't tell me that I've loaded the wrong software, because no software (outside a gateway supplied BIOS flash) was loaded.

I look forward to your response.

E-mail 5: (from Gateway to me)

Hello Fahr,

Thank you for your reply. I understand that you are still having troubles with your system after flashing the BIOS. I understand that you flashed the BIOS using the files located on the Gateway.com Web Site. Unfortunately, Gateway does not support clients updating their BIOS at their own free will. BIOS updates are created to resolve certain issues with that motherboard and specific devices. If you are not or were not experiencing these issues, then trying to update the BIOS on your own can cause issues with your motherboard. If a BIOS flash goes wrong, then this can render your motherboard completely useless, even if you try flashing the BIOS again, however, you do have one chance to recover from a failed flash. In order to be walked through these steps, you will need to contact the Gateway Fee Based Support at the numbers that were provided to you earlier. The Gateway Technicians will be able to walk you through the entire process of trying to recovery from a failed BIOS flash.

I hope the above answers all your questions regarding why you were referred to Fee Based Support.

Thank you for choosing Gateway.

Emo, Online Client Support Team: Gateway

E-mail 6: (from me to Gateway)

Hi,
Just so you know, all communication between us has been logged and posted at (GATEWAY SUCKS URL), and any further communication between us will be posted there as well.

Am I guaranteed a fix and zero hold time if I call fee-based support, or am I paying whether my issue is resolved or not? If I'm not guaranteed a fix, then this with-holding of information is obviously a transparent attempt to wring more money from me. If I am guaranteed a fix, then I want to know why this information isn't posted on your web site, beyond simple greed.

I also noticed that the other information I've requested - the e-mail address of your superior - has not been provided, nor have I seen any evidence that this information has been CC:'d and escalated beyond its current level within your organization.

Please advise me as to the answer to these questions.

E-mail 7: (from Gateway to me)

Hello Fahr,

Thank you for your reply. As I understand it, you have questions regarding our Fee-base support. Unfortunately, I cannot guaranty that there will be no hold time, or that your issue will be fixed. In regards to the hold time, billing for the call does not begin until you are talking with a technician.

The reason why I cannot guaranty that our Fee-base support will fix the problem, is because there are instances were failed BIOS flashes have rendered the motherboard unrepairable.

I have made my supervisor aware of this issue.

Thank you.

Aleister, Online Client Support Team: Gateway

E-mail 8: (from me to Gateway)

Hi guys,

I considered long and hard whether to call paid technical support, or whether to just buy a new system board. Based on the almost complete lack of intelligence, training, competence, and dedication to task that Wendell, Alex, Aleister, Webster, and Emo have shown so far, I'm not inclined to believe that simply paying for the attention of a technician is going to result in any more satisfactory "assistance" than I have received thus far.

So, we have a simple mathematical equation.

(time * (what I make in one minute)) + (time * 1.95) = A, the cost of possible solution offered by Gateway paid technical support.*

(1 * cost of a pair of tinsnips) + (1 * cost of Intel i815EEAL mainboard) + (1* cost of a Celeron 600 CPU) = B, the cost of an upgrade.

As it turns out B = (4.95) + (159) + (60), or $223.95.

This means that for A to be economical, I would have to spend less than 90 minutes on the phone talking to your paid support technicians, who still might not be able to offer me a viable solution to my problem, thus necessitating the expenditure of the $223.95 in any case. Since their job is to string me along with an enticingly possible yet just out of reach solution until my bank account is dry, I conclude that taking the upgrade path is infinitely preferable to further communication with the incompetents that staff your organization.

I tell you that my BIOS is not responding, and you ask me if there is a CD in my drive tray. I tell you that my system will not boot, and you advise me to read the Windows Help files. You have shown time and time again that either you are too stupid to understand what is happening, wholly incompetent and untrained, or that you simply do not care about my problem.

I thank you for nothing, and hope sincerely that when you rot on the unemployment line during the coming hard economic times, you think of me while you do so.

--Fahr

*Does not take into account the frustration derived from knowing more about computer systems in my pinky toe than the technician at the other end of the line will ever be able to fathom, while still being at his mercy.

E-mail 9: (from Gateway to me)

Hello Fahr,

Thank you for your e-mail. I see that you are upset with the replies you have received from us in the past and have decided to purchase a new motherboard for your system instead. I apologize for the way that this matter has been handled for you.

I see that the problem originally occurred when you attempted to update the BIOS on your computer.

The BIOS upgrade should not have affected the way your computer starts up overall. However, I see that you have already performed all the basic troubleshooting steps that are normally taken.

I appreciate the fact that you have already attempted these steps.

Your computer is still covered under warranty until April 7th 2001. What I would like to suggest at this time is that we bring the computer in for service. This will allow us to determine if the BIOS flash was at fault or if there was another defect in the motherboard that caused the problem.

The computer maybe brought to a Country store if there is a service center located there.

Please check the following link for the closest Country Store service location. We will need the three closest options to you in your order of preference. This will ensure that we can provide you with the quickest service available.

If there are no Country Stores close to you we will need to have the computer shipped to our Sioux Falls South Dakota service facility.

http://www.gateway.com/about/country/storelocato r. shtml

We will need the following information to proceed with the service request:

Client name:

Company name: (if applicable)
Ship-to address: (no P.O. boxes)
Telephone number: (day and evening and best time to call also no spaces or dashes for example: 6051234567)
Computer Serial number:
Computer Order number:

Country Store choices:

1.
2.
3.

After we have this information we will create a service order. You will be contacted via e-mail for the location where the computer will go for service.

Note: Do not send the monitor, keyboard, speakers, etc. We only need the computer case itself.

Note: The service technicians may need to format your computer's hard drive during service. Please back up any important information to a floppy disk or other media before sending your computer in for service.

Note: Please include a letter with the computer containing a detailed problem description. This will help our technicians in diagnosing and fixing all problems.

Thank you for choosing Gateway.

Brad H., Online Client Support Team: Gateway

E-mail 10: (from me to Gateway)

Brad,

While I appreciate your efforts, I'm afraid it's a little too late for me to send the system back for repair. Working with the information provided to me from Gateway, (specifically, that my system was outside of warranty and basically irreperable) I decided to replace the mainboard and CPU with newer components.

I don't know which is more satisfying - finally hearing a rational answer from Gateway, or the loud and resonating thump the broken mainboard made after its six story fall down the garbage chute into the dumpster at my apartment building.

It bounced.

Twice.

Further, in order to install the new mainboard, I had to cut a hole in the back of the system, which was apparently designed (through the absence of a standard ATX backplate) specifically to lock out the installation of non-Gateway hardware. I'm happy to report that my attempts to thwart aftermarket lock-in marketing techniques were a complete success, and that the system is now merrily chugging along at twice its original speed as a Counterstrike server. Sign in and frag for a while with me sometime.

while my system may have once been covered under warranty until April 7th 2001, I'm fairly certain that cutting holes in the case with aviator shears and throwing the mainboard away are in firm violation of the repair contract. In any event, after the demonstration of technical ability given me by your company thus far, I would no sooner let a gateway technician near my computer than I would evacuate fluid bodily waste into its power supply.

I thank you for the time and effort, and regret only that you were unable to contact me sooner. I recommend you inspect the BIOS flash file I downloaded from your site, and make sure that there is no problem with it, to ensure that others do not have the same frustrating experience I have gone through these last few days.

Sincerely looking forward to never doing business with your company again,

Fahr Vergnugen

E-mail 11: (from Gateway to me)

Hello Fahr,

Thank you for your e-mail. I am sorry to hear that my reply reached you too late to be of any assistnce for your problem. I have forwarded your concern about the BIOS flash to the appropriate personel for review and correction if needed.

As you are aware, the cutting of the the case you have now voided the warranty for your case, and of course throwing away the motherboard voids the warranty on it as well.

I once again aplogize for all the incorrect information and problems you have had with our technical support department. I can only hope that you will consider my replies when it comes time to purchase a replacment computer.

Thank you.

Brad H., Online Client Support Team: Gateway

E-mail 12: (from me to Gateway)

Brad,

Again, I appreciate your responses. Good to know someone at Gateway actually still has a soul.

I'm also pleased to note the BIOS file will be reviewed. While I realize that it may be something as simple as a bad CRC in the download to me, and nothing in particular wrong with the BIOS itself, it's nice to know that the issue is being looked into.

I wouldn't have made such an issue of this if it weren't for the fact that out of nowhere, Gateway started trying to milk money out of me at the exorbitant usury rate of $1.95 / minute. I didn't want a replacement mainboard unless it was covered by warranty. I just wanted to hear someone say "You're fucked," or the infinitely more preferable "Sure thing, we'll Fedex a replacement out tonight," but either way, it would have been fair. Trying to get $1.95 / minute out of me for the resolution to a problem that we all know is beyond repair is morally abhorrent and reprehensible.

I would also like to note, for the record, that had I not already been under the impression that my warranty was voided by the bad BIOS flash, I would not have taken the decisively warranty voiding steps of modifying my case and disposing of the mainboard.

There's a lesson here. It's very simple. I communicated with six different technicians at your organization, a new one almost every time, all of whom gave me a slightly different story. The left hand didn't know what the right was doing. I hope you guys get your act together.

And as for you, Brad, I truly hope that someday you find an employer from whom you can accept a paycheck without a twinge of conscience.

--Fahr Vergnugen

A few years ago, I was trying to get a part so that I could connect to a router.

The part I was looking for was an RJ45DB9 connector. I had one on me (my personal one), but needed to buy another one (for the business).

The fun started when I went into the store:

Me: Yeah, I'm looking for a DB9-to-RJ45 connector. I don't see them on your shelf, maybe--

SalesTroll: Sir, there's no such thing as that part.

Me: Uh ... no, I need to connect a rollover cable to it. There is such a part. I didn't see it here, but was wonderi--

SalesTroll: That does not exist! I don't know where you got the idea--

Me: *pulls out my hardware - lo and behold, the hardware that "doesn't exist"!

SalesTroll: *confused and shocked expression*

Me: Please grab a manager for me and ask; you may well have one in the back, as you do some networking here.

SalesTroll: *Goes to a manager and mutters something ... manager looks at me and loudly says, that doesn't exist. SalesTroll then pulls out my hardware. Manager looks confused, comes over.*

Manager: Wow, that's weird ... I've never seen anything like this. They must be really rare.

Me: Uh, no, they're used for Cisco devices all the time--

Manager: Oh, those're like Macs, right?

Me: *holding back laughter and murderous thoughts* Uh, no. *I take my hardware back* I'll order online, thanks.

Ah, such fun.

A friend of mine called Dell Tech Support because a new USB 2.0 card he installed was slowing down his computer. He called Dell Tech Support, and the tech person told him to run the Dell Diagnostics software. He got an error saying "Invalid System Clock." The tech person put him on hold for around 20 minutes, and then came back on and said "You couldn't have gotten that error. Do you have another disk to try it again?" He said "Yes", tried it, and got the same error. The tech person came back on, and said "There's no way you could get that error. It's a figment of your computer's imagination."