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What's the Worst Movie You've Ever Seen? 1675

Posted by Cliff
from the trash-of-the-box-office dept.
prostoalex asks: "A recent Ask Yahoo! article talks about the worst movies ever made and points out this IMDB list of the bottom rankings. The Ask Yahoo! article names Manos The Hands of Fate the worst one, but apparently the IMDB table changed since then to include The Wild World of Batwoman at the top of the list. What would you consider the worst movie ever made? Perhaps anything listed here would also make the list?"
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What's the Worst Movie You've Ever Seen?

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  • by Anonymous Coward on Saturday August 14, 2004 @12:51PM (#9968087)
    Goatse.cx: The Movie - Tagline: Opening Soon Near You
  • MST3K Anything (Score:5, Informative)

    by Meostro (788797) * on Saturday August 14, 2004 @12:52PM (#9968095) Homepage Journal
    Pretty much anything featured on MST3K [mst3kinfo.com] could be considered for the "worst... movie... ever..."
    • Re:MST3K Anything (Score:3, Informative)

      by skurk (78980) *
      If you haven't seen it yet, try Hobgoblins [imdb.com] from MST3K.

      It's the worst possible combination of awful acting, terrible plot and the ridicilous 1980's fashion and music. (BT [66.90.75.92])

      For those of you who haven't seen MST3K, here's how it works: One guy and two robots are forced to watch crappy movies, and during the whole film you see their silhouettes [mrgan.com] and hear them throw hilarious remarks about the awful movie.

      Invite a couple of friends, have a few beers, and you'll have a killer evening with MST3K!

      In the not to
    • Re:MST3K Anything (Score:3, Insightful)

      by nicnak (727633)
      The MST movies are consistanly among the worst. Including gems such as

      Manos: the hands of fate. (Master will be angry)
      Hobgoblins (Never store pupets in the film vault)
      The wild world of Batwoman (interesting subplot about a horseshooe)
      Future War (it's not in the future and there is no war but I'm not complaining)
      Puma man (Pumas don't seem to fly, just sort of fall out of buildings)
      Giant Spider invasion (alien spiders are incased inside of dimond geods)
      Eegah (Ahhhhh, Arch hall Jr. "My dune buggy's tires are
  • by Anonymous Coward on Saturday August 14, 2004 @12:52PM (#9968101)
    The very worst movie of all time
  • by Jorkapp (684095) <.moc.liamtoh. .ta. .ppakroj.> on Saturday August 14, 2004 @12:53PM (#9968110)
    Gigli.
  • Almost any SNL movie (Score:5, Informative)

    by UnCivil Liberty (786163) * on Saturday August 14, 2004 @12:54PM (#9968119)
    Almost any of the SNL movies minus Wayne's World, Blues Brothers, and Office Space (started as a short animated SNL skit).

    It's Pat
    The Ladies Man
    A Night At The Roxbury
    Superstar
    Stuart Saves His Family
    Mr. Bill's Real Life Adventures
    Coneheads
    Blues Brothers 2000

    Now a Sprockets movie... that would have kicked ass...
    • Stuart Saves His Family

      This was actually a pretty good movie, but it was more serious than people who saw it expected it to be. Al Franken is heavy into the world of recovering substance abusers, and he was using this movie to work out some of his own problems. Some people like that notion of art as self-revelation, and others don't. But that doesn't make it a bad movie.
    • by ajs (35943) <ajs AT ajs DOT com> on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:59PM (#9968819) Homepage Journal
      You list Coneheads and Blues Brothers 2000.... while neither of those captured the box office, both had positive qualities. Sit through Manos and tell me that the cinematography in Coneheads was worse. Tell me the costuming in BB2000 was worse. Tell me that either movie had worse acting (relative to each other, not to the skits and/or movies).

      Personally, I liked Coneheads, but just objectively there are FAR worse movies out there. BB2000 I have only seen trailers for, but the trailers alone run circles around Monster-A-Go-Go or Plan 9.

      When you have a hundred years of movies to draw on, picking recent box office dissapointments is likely to yield useless results on this particular list. Same goes for good movies. You might feel really good about AVP (just an example) and think it's the best thing ever, but looking back 10 years from now, you'll have to admit that it had nothing on dozens of movies from all the way back to the beginning of movie making.
    • by Sevn (12012) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @02:35PM (#9969090) Homepage Journal
      Office Space started as a Mike Judge cartoon about Milton and his stapler on MTV's Liquid Television and had nothing at all to do with SNL.
  • Darkest Knight (Score:4, Interesting)

    by Jacer (574383) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @12:54PM (#9968122) Homepage
    My room mates and I decided to rent it one knight based soley on the Dragons on the box. It turned out to remind me of a student film by some drop out. Every time the hero entered, EVERY time, they played the same fanfare. To top it off, there weren't any dragons, just a portal with a humanoid demon-looking thing trying to step through. Bad as it is, I still recommend everyone try and watch it. Until you see it, your meter for bad, nay all movies isn't properly calibrated. As a side note, they have two sequals of which I intend to watch.
  • BFE (Score:4, Insightful)

    by ignipotentis (461249) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @12:55PM (#9968126)
    This review [jabootu.com] shoud just about cover it. Battlefield Earth is the "worst movie ever."
    • by Anonymous Coward on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:00PM (#9968182)
      Please cease and desist with your criticism of Battlefield Earth. This movie, based on a book by L. Ron Hubbard, is a masterpiece AND a true story. It also stars one of the two best actors of all time John Travolta. (The other actor is Tom Cruise.)

      Thank you,
      Scientology Lawyer #783 - Alien Name: X'narl'anguna
    • by Saint Aardvark (159009) * on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:08PM (#9968289) Homepage Journal
      Oh God, yes. It's terrible.

      But...it is an awful lot of fun to use the lines in everyday conversations. For example: yesterday, someone came up to me and asked if I could tell them how to retrieve a file from backups.

      My reply: "A man animal learning how to retreive a file from backups?!? Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" And then I swished around my dreadlocks, put my six-fingered hands on my hips, stood proudly in my three-foot stilts^Walien boots, threw my head back and laughed some more.

      Hours of entertainment, I tells ya...

  • by Lulu of the Lotus-Ea (3441) <mertz@gnosis.cx> on Saturday August 14, 2004 @12:55PM (#9968129) Homepage
    ...was, of course, "Titanic". Not just the worst *movie* I've seen, but the worst *three hours* of my life. Dental surgery is a lot more fun, for example.

    Then I clicked the link for top gross... :-(.
  • Eyes Wide Shut (Score:3, Interesting)

    by Anonymous Coward on Saturday August 14, 2004 @12:57PM (#9968156)
    Eyes Wide Shut has to be the worst movie I've ever seen. The music was terrible like someone was just trying to annoy you by randomly hitting the high pitch keys of a piano. It had so much nudity and was such a stupid story. It wasn't a porn, it wasn't a movie, it was floating somewhere in the middle that made no sense and wasted everyones time who watched it.

    The movie was so bad I wonder if it contributed to Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman's divorce. It had to as after being in that movie I probably couldn't face anyone I was in the movie with. It was that bad!
    • Re:Eyes Wide Shut (Score:4, Insightful)

      by Anonymous Coward on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:06PM (#9968261)
      Agreed. I was about to post this and found that someone else had a like mind.

      Everything about the movie was terrible, but what's worse is the artsy crowds who pretend to like it for some deeper meaning and the types who act like you're a prude if you don't embrace the sexually adventurous and "open" nature of of the film.

      I mean - what the fuck? It's a shitty movie. Period. Bad acting, bad plot, half-assed film score and just duller than hell. Three's nothing sexy or sexually revolutionary about it. I couldn't help but wonder how much of the movie was changed after Kubrick died.

      And for people who claim that if you don't like the movie, you're just too narrow-minded and simple-minded to appreciate fine art and abstract films, let it be known that I absolutely LOVE Lynch and films like Mulholland Drive and Lost Highway. But they're in a category of their own compared to this piece of shit film.

      I'm sure I've seen worse films than Eyes Wide Shut - but what makes it the worst is that, unlikely many other films, it was made by a master and was supposed to be some great pinnical of cinema. It had a higher pedestal to fall from than other bad movies. It started out higher than they did and plummetted as low or lower than any of them.

      Oh - and as for the film score, one of the main musical themes was actually a famous piece of music played backwards. I wish I could recall what the original was.
      • Re:Eyes Wide Shut (Score:4, Insightful)

        by MrHanky (141717) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:48PM (#9968723) Homepage Journal
        I happen to be in one of those artsy crowds that like the film, but I didn't like it for its 'deeper meaning'. I liked it for its actual qualities: The cinematic expression and, well, the nudity. It's not Kubrik's best film, but it's also far from being the worst film ever. Try Ecks vs Sever for a crappy film with a budget, or Makaroni Blues [imdb.com] for a film made without much money or talent. The worst films aren't well known, not even well known for being bad. Even Plan 9 From Outer Space has its qualities.
    • by Lisandro (799651) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @02:07PM (#9968894)
      Absolutely. I went to see it with my (now ex) girlfriend because of the rave reviews it was getting all over the media. The only thing that did for us was getting me horny and she sleppy. Bad, bad combination (*cries like a little girl*).
      • by discord5 (798235) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @03:23PM (#9969428)

        I also went to see this with my (now ex) girlfriend on our first date. She picked the movie and I thought to myself: "Kubric isn't that bad". Happily thinking about A Clockwork Orange [imdb.com] (which is a must-see), and 2001 A Space Odyssey [imdb.com] I purchased a ticket.

        10 minutes into the movie I'm staring at Nicole Kidmans nipples, thinking to myself "My God, those things are huge on the big screen" trying to supress a chuckle at the thought. About an hour later Tom Cruise is walking around in a castle with people prancing around naked (amongst other things), and my first thought is "Is this like a subtle hint from her?".

        On our second date she chose again, and this time she chose Cruel Intentions [imdb.com], which contains a scene where one of the main character performs cunnilingus using the alphabet. Again my first thought is "Subtle hint?"

        When we were together for about a year, and went to see or rent several movies, it turned out that each movie she chose always had sex or explicit references to sex in it. She would just pick something at random, and about 10 or 20 minutes into the movie there would be a pair of breasts on the screen.

        I miss that girl...

    • Re:Eyes Wide Shut (Score:5, Insightful)

      by localman (111171) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @03:03PM (#9969270) Homepage
      If you didn't like the movie, fine. All I can say is that it cast a spell over me (and my wife). Somehow the movie felt like watching a dream. I don't know exactly why that was, but it totally sucked me in. Since I can't explain it I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else, but it's an experience I'm very glad I was open to and had the chance to experience.

      I guess you can label me a moron, or a art-house junkie. If we met and had a chat I doubt you'd continue to label me as such. But I just liked the way it made me feel.

      Oh, I had been married for many years when I saw it. And several people I know who did like it were older, or were experienced in traditional long-term relationships. I sometimes wonder if it just plays better to people who are older? There are certainly exceptions to that, but it seems to be correlated.

      Hopefully it's crime wasn't being aimed at an older crowd. There's nothing wrong with that, as there isn't anything wrong with the normal set of films that play only to the young.

      Anyways, just some non-flame thoughts from someone who feels almost the exact opposite way about the film as you.

      Cheers.
  • by pbf (98406) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @12:58PM (#9968159)
    The Bush/Gore election in 2000...
  • Highlander 2 (Score:5, Insightful)

    by jumpingfred (244629) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @12:59PM (#9968167)
    Highlander 2 should be there it was exceptionally bad.
  • Arthur (Score:3, Informative)

    by cyberkahn (398201) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:00PM (#9968188) Homepage
    The worst move ever. Overall the movie reminded me of a medieval Scary Movie; however, the sad thing was it wasn't supposed to be. It was a bunch of pop culture integrated with the story of Arthur. The Saxons looked like the Barbarians in the Capital One Commercials. You know, "What's in your wallet?" Arthur's speech was a cross between William Wallace's in Braveheart and Henry the V's St. Crispin Day speech. The fight scenes were obviously choreographed. The acting was stereotypical British acting that reminded me of Eddie Izzard's commentary of stacking matches. I expected the Saxon kind to ask if Arthur had a flag. To sum it up it was the biggest waste of my money ever.
  • by Bendy Chief (633679) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:01PM (#9968195) Homepage Journal
    By far, the worst movie ever. [imdb.com]

    It lacks in every category imaginable: overdone, boring, drawn out fights, CG that makes "Hercules: The Legendary Journeys" look good, pointless character cameos, and the worst performance in the history of film by Brian Thompson as Shao Khan.

    "Foolish... [searches for line he forgot mid-sentence] child! [Looks back at production crew, checking if they're going to cut or not] You sorely test my patience!"

    or

    "The Earth was created in six days! So tooooo, shall it be destroooooyed!!"

  • MST3K (Score:3, Interesting)

    by AndyBusch (160585) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:01PM (#9968199)
    I've always had a slightly hard time swallowing having MST3K bashed movies on the list. Odds are, very few people have seen Manos outside of that context, and it changes the experience of the film. Sure, it's bad, but it wouldn't have enough votes to be found bad without someone digging it up to show people.
  • by Tsar (536185) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:03PM (#9968220) Homepage Journal
    ...The only thing worse than The Life of David Gale ever to make it out of the editing room. All these movies beg the questions: At what point do they first realize it and say "It's too late to go back now?" Is it ever really too late? And if not, what's the most expensive movie ever made that didn't get distributed because it was Just That Bad?
    • by tverbeek (457094) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @05:11PM (#9970173) Homepage
      All these movies beg the questions: At what point do they first realize it and say "It's too late to go back now?" Is it ever really too late?

      It's never too late to stop a movie in production (or post-production) before it's released. There are complete (down to the copyright and union seal in the credits), distribution-ready films that have never been released, even direct to video. I'm sure the are better examples, but I know that before Blade broke the jinx, Marvel produced an embarrassing string of superhero movies that were so bad that some of them are known today only through bootlegs. (The Fantastic Four film is legendary in its baditude.) Knockaround Guys probably would have sat on a shelf forever, except that Vin Diesel became a "star" with Fast & Furious and XXX after it was made, suddenly giving it some box-office potential. And TV networks are notorious for cancelling new series that may already have several months' episodes in the can, and never airing them (instead broadcasting more advertiser-friendly fare).

  • Ask Yahoo? (Score:5, Funny)

    by wan-fu (746576) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:03PM (#9968228)
    Have we finally come to the point where we must Ask Slashdot to Ask Yahoo?
  • by jlp2097 (223651) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:03PM (#9968230) Homepage Journal
    Have a look at the IMDB bottom 100 [imdb.com] and search for "police".
  • Signs (Score:5, Insightful)

    by MarkPNeyer (729607) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:03PM (#9968231)

    I'm sorry, but M Night Shyamalan's movies are full of just absurd plot holes. You mean to tell me that you've got a race of creatures that are capable of traveling through space, but they can't figure out how to break through a door? That those same aliens apparently lack any sort of telescopic device that would show them the Earth being covered in water ? How the hell do you miss that ? That a life form that reacts violently with water is cabale of surviving in an oxygen based atmosphere that is heavily saturated with water vapor? That when faced with an army of invading aliens, you would choose to lock yourself in your basement rather than heading towards a military base?

    Even if you just look at the movie for its message, it's still retarded. You're supposed to come out of that thing thinking like 'oh there was someone looking out for them all along' - of course there was someone looking out for them -it's a movie! It wasn't 'god' that killed Gibson's wife and then set all that stuff up so that the aliens would die - it was M. Night Shyamalan, who wrote the script for the film. Of course it all worked out just right. Gah!
  • Batman & Robin (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Xpilot (117961) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:06PM (#9968259) Homepage
    Batman & Robin [imdb.com] has to be the absolute worst movie ever. Sure there are similarly campy, idiotic movies out there, but the amount of money wasted in making this horrible movie makes it a bigger insult.

    Tim Burton's Batman movies were cool. Joel Schumacher just totally ruined the franchise. When I saw Batman whip out his "Bat Credit Card" in the middle of some crazy rave party with dancing gorillas, that was the moment when it was clear that Batman had clearly jumped the shark.

  • by bigdavex (155746) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:07PM (#9968279)
    Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity [amazon.com] is the worst movie ever.
    It has all the plot and character development of pornography plus all the sex and nudity of the 700 Club.
  • by dknight (202308) <damen@knigBOYSENhtspeed.com minus berry> on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:09PM (#9968309) Homepage Journal
    Let me start out saying that I am a Jackie Chan nut, and I DO own this DVD. Having said that... The subtitles are misspelled, make no sense, and frequently have words that are obviously made up. Parts of women randomly turn into food... and there's a song and dance number by a pair of chinese guys in black leather/spandex biker outfits... Jackie Chan even dresses up as various street fighter characters(including chun li) and fights at one point. Aside from some impressive fight scenes, this is in my opinion the worst movie of all time... Even worse than Manos.
  • by dustman (34626) <dleary@@@ttlc...net> on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:11PM (#9968341)
    There are really bad movies, I've seen some of them on MST3K, etc...

    But, you can look at almost all film student projects, etc, and say, god that's horrible.

    A different measure, is, "what's the worst movie you've ever paid to see".

    "The 13th Warrior", and "John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars" are the worst movies I have ever paid money to watch.

  • badmovies.org (Score:4, Informative)

    by mongolian (768610) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:17PM (#9968413)
    Badmovies.org has quite a good list. Of which 'elves' appears to be my favorite
  • So many choices! (Score:3, Insightful)

    by payndz (589033) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:18PM (#9968430)
    Being a former film critic, I've seen a *lot* of bad films - sometimes even seeking them out on purpose just so that I can gain a new appreciation for the rare actual *good* films, as opposed to merely okay, that I saw.

    Anyway, here's a (partial) list of some of the horrors I've witnessed, and these don't even include anything from MST3K! (Although if it were ever to come back, they would be eminently suitable for MSTing...)

    The Cat In The Hat
    Torque
    Fire Down Below (Harry Dean Stanton, no! What *were* you thinking?)
    Batman & Robin (obvious, I know)
    Double Team
    Evilspeak
    Saturn 3
    Practical Magic
    Vampire In Brooklyn
    Wing Commander
    Gigli
    Highlander 2
    Rollerball (the remake - Jesus, this was from the man who made Die Hard and Predator! What the fuck has he been smoking for the past 15 years?)
    Jaws: The Revenge
    The Master Of Disguise
    Ballistic: Ecks Vs Sever
    Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle

    Pearl Harbor
    Ugh. Just thinking of the films on that list makes me want to go and watch North By Northwest or Aliens or The Shining, just to cleanse my brain!

  • It IS Manos (Score:5, Informative)

    by chrispl (189217) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:22PM (#9968468) Homepage
    As a huge fan of bad movies I have seen Manos about 15 times. It is the worst made movie in every way. Nothing went right. It is like a train wreck, so horrible you CANT look away. It was financed, written, directed and starred a fertiliser salesman. 'Nuff said.
  • That depends (Score:3, Insightful)

    by Temsi (452609) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:29PM (#9968528) Journal
    Are you talking about worst "bad" movie or worst "good" movie, because there are two categories here.

    The "bad" category is simply that, bad. It's the movies everyone loves to hate, such as Plan 9 From Outer Space, Battlefield Earth, The Postman, Glen or Glenda, Glitter, Gigli etc.

    The "good" category is more complicated, but it's also a lot more fun (or more infuriating). It's the movies that were overhyped. Movies that may have won awards or broken box office records. Still, watching them is practically unbearable to anyone with an IQ over room temperature.
    My list would of course have to include Armageddon, Pearl Harbor (or just every Michael Bay film), Men In Black 2, Godzilla and that overcooked turkey of last year: Cold Mountain.

    So, if I have to pick one from each,
    Battlefield Earth and Cold Mountain.

    BE was awful in every way, and nobody made any excuses for it (well, Travolta did, but what do you expect).
    CM was horrifyingly awful and yet Miramax spent millions buying Renee Zellweger an Oscar (which in reality had more to do with her previous two non-winning nominiations than it did Cold Mountain). It was overdirected, overwritten, overacted (really badly by some), overproduced and just over-everything...

    In any case... those are my choices.
  • by killbill! (154539) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:38PM (#9968617) Homepage
    ... until you have seen a Godfrey Ho ninja movie.
    Godfrey Ho's business plan:
    1/ Take random unknown unfinished Asian kungfu movie
    2/ Add Western actors in ludicrous ninja suits
    3/ Try and connect the two totally disconnected storylines (hilarity ensues)
    4/ ???
    5/ Profit!

    For starters, Ninja Terminator and Ninja Thunderbolt are true classics. Nothing can beat Richard Harrisson using a Garfield-shaped phone or throwing shuriken at crabs in his kitchen, not to mention Jaguar Wong kicking a 4-inch stone 300 yards away at the baddies ;p
    Words aren't enough to describe them. They aren't mere movies: they are a life-redefining experience. Go rent the DVDs and experience them yourself!

    Do not however make fun of ninjas - for they are the one true Real Ultimate Power!
  • by TiMac (621390) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:41PM (#9968655)
    Without a doubt, the worst movie I have ever seen.
  • by Lispy (136512) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @01:57PM (#9968798) Homepage
    Personally I really hated "Dr. T and the women!" [imdb.com]

    Robert Altman made some pretty good movies, but this wasn't it. The "women" are the most annoying of their kind and the whole story feels absolutely pointless. The ending, where Richard Gere gets carried away by a hurricane and dropped in a mexican city where the doctor continues to help the local women is ridiculous to say the least. The acting is ok, but why watch such a terribly long and boring movie when there is absolutely no identifiable storyline?

    I wish the movie would have been "Mr. T. and the women". That could have been a lot more fun. ;-)
  • by FuzzyBad-Mofo (184327) <fuzzybad@gmail.cBALDWINom minus author> on Saturday August 14, 2004 @02:52PM (#9969202)
    This pseudo-intellectual waste of time only makes sense if you subscribe to the philosophy that freewill is a sham, everything is predetermined, etc. It's utter tripe, I want my 113 minutes back.
  • Fark? (Score:3, Funny)

    by Ghettoceleb (546150) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @04:10PM (#9969755)
    When the hell did Slashdot become Fark?
  • by adzoox (615327) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @04:25PM (#9969852) Journal
    We're talking about what you hate personally. It's what you hate that we all hate equally.

    I think the consensus here is definitely on:

    Battlefield Earth

    Most of the movies in the IMDB Bottom 100 are bad movies - on purpose. Some of those movies in the list are B Movies and some never saw nationwide release ... I hardly see how they can even be included.

    A very obvious omission - one that I didn't see by scrolling through all of this quickly and that i couldn't spot on the bottom 100 is:

    Heman: Masters Of The Universe (Live Action)

  • by MSZ (26307) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @04:34PM (#9969911)
    The magnificent works of Ed Wood [imdb.com], where are they? Even his masterpiece [imdb.com] is missing!
  • Orgy of the Dead (Score:4, Informative)

    by cowboy junkie (35926) on Saturday August 14, 2004 @06:32PM (#9970673) Homepage
    I've watched every movie done on MST3K, and they all bow down in terror to Orgy of the Dead [imdb.com].

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