Ask Slashdot: What To Do When the Rapture Comes? 673
Okian Warrior writes "Since the rapture is tomorrow (May 21) at 6:00 pm local time (everywhere), I was just wondering: what plans does everyone have? I've got no specific plans for what to do. What will you be doing around 6:00 pm tomorrow?" If you're on the IT staff, you might want to consult this checklist of things to do or not do in the interim.
I live in Vegas so (Score:4, Funny)
Set piles of clothes out (Score:5, Funny)
I'm planning on setting piles of clothes out on the sidewalk. Should be good for a laugh :)
At work (Score:5, Funny)
Killing zombies (Score:5, Funny)
Loaded question! (Score:5, Funny)
Going out on a limb here... (Score:5, Funny)
Even if the world does happen to end tomorrow, it's not because this kook knew it.
The Brain (Score:5, Funny)
The same thing we do EVERY night, Pinky -- try to take over the world!
Re:Set piles of clothes out (Score:5, Funny)
The nasty plan I saw was spare shoes with dry ice in them. Or inflatable... dolls filled with helium let to float into the sky.
Re:How can it be tied to local time zone? (Score:4, Funny)
No sense holding back. (Score:2, Funny)
I'm going to turn my virus scanner off and just enjoy the shit out of the extra speed.
HR gets in the way of planning (Score:5, Funny)
My HR department vetoed my plan to survey the IT staff to see if they were expecting to be raptured. Some crap about religious discrimination or something.
Not that I'm worried, I think we're only going to lose one IT guy to Rapture, and no one wants to hang out with him anyway.
Finding people... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:So if this doesn't happen... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:The Brain (Score:1, Funny)
NARF!
Re:I live in Vegas so (Score:5, Funny)
Last Post!
Its good to know an Atheist (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Im going to be jerking off (Score:3, Funny)
It's the Rapture. I don't know, it just seems like we should do something out of the ordinary for once.
I have bellsprouts planted outside my house (Score:3, Funny)
to shoot peas at any zombies that may approach.
Re:At work (Score:5, Funny)
I'll be at work, waiting for my shift to end in 3.5 hours. At that point, I would probably welcome an apocalyptic earthquake.
I'll be at work and an apocalypse would be just Business As Usual.
Googling "Pre-Rapture Suicide Methods" (Score:5, Funny)
Re:The Brain (Score:1, Funny)
Getting Laid (Score:4, Funny)
Re:How can it be tied to local time zone? (Score:5, Funny)
Time zones are established by man's laws, yet this heavenly event is supposed to follow them. So let me get this straight
Our product follows proper internationalization guidelines. We do also have full Unicode support.
-- If I live on the border of the Eastern and Central time zones, and see my friends floating into the air, and I don't want to go yet (because I want to tweet to everybody about what I saw), I can run a few feet to the east, and God will grant me 60 more minutes on Earth?
Yes. You can actually can get a full day if you're fast. Think of it like a consolation prize.
-- Will God start the Rapture in Venezuela 30 minutes before the rest of South America?
Yes, if there's a Christian Anglo Saxon expat there. Otherwise it'll be skipped like the rest.
-- What about the International Date Line? Will some islands have to wait a full day to be raptured?
Yes.
-- And God respects Daylight Savings Time too?
Unfortunately this feature is not supported on this version.
Y'know, if God is bound to obey the local time set by the local laws of the local humans, what's to stop a government from passing a law turning the clocks ahead one hour precisely one minute after 5:59 PM? No rapture for you, comades!
This will show up as a bug in our issue tracking system and the responsible will be sent to hell manually. Also, additional charges will be billed against your account.
Hope this helps,
Vijay
Heaven Customer Service Representative.
Re:Going out on a limb here... (Score:5, Funny)
I don't think Harold Camping was the first kook by a looong shot.
We can take some comfort in knowing that if he's right, he'll be the last kook.
Kool Aide (Score:3, Funny)
I will be investing a ton in Kool Aide stocks. Should be a killer Monday on the stock market.
Goin' fishin' (Score:5, Funny)
This time, no size limits, and screw the limit.
Re:Finding people... (Score:4, Funny)
Finding People ...who thought the rapture would come, and asking them the obvious question, "Where is your god now?"
Or even better... ask them why they didn't ascend when some of your other Christian friends did.
Re:I live in New Zealand so... (Score:5, Funny)
Ditto - I used the opportunity to rush out and buy packs of ciggies and condoms to stuff into my pockets. I'm guessing both are in short supply in heaven. ^^
Re:jacking off (Score:3, Funny)
Re:I live in Japan so... (Score:5, Funny)
Pfft... Everyone knows God calculates the rapture as a 32-bit unsigned int representing seconds since beginning of epoch UTC. So, sometime before 2038, obviously, but 'local time'? Please.
Re:I live in New Zealand so... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Finding people... (Score:5, Funny)
Finding People ...who thought the rapture would come, and asking them the obvious question, "Where is your god now?"
Or even better... ask them why they didn't ascend when some of your other Christian friends did.
Or even bester, ask them why they're still here and your Hindu friends aren't.
It's really the ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE! (Score:4, Funny)
For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.
Prepare accordingly
Re:I live in New Zealand so... (Score:5, Funny)
UPDATE: I didn't get raptured, but on the plus side - I now have party supplies. Ladies?
Re:I live in New Zealand so... (Score:4, Funny)
Tools and Utilities sounds like a folder for the male gangbangs... just saying.